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UndertheOcean Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-14-08 04:59 AM
Original message
Poem I just wrote
From all across the water drop,
Endless minds whisper dreams into my eyes,
share what lies beyond my door,
and touch my horizon with their fingertips,
yet alone I am.


From all across the water drop,
rainbows shimmer with the light,
arc towards our heavy hearts,
stretching, they never break,
yet alone I am.

From all across the water drop,
kisses pluck the rosy cheeks,
plant a seed within my blood,
growing ,it nurtures still,
yet alone I am

From all across the water drop,
souls dance upon my fire,
yet still and forever ,
yet still alone I am.
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-14-08 07:50 AM
Response to Original message
1. not bad
Pretty nicely done. I think "Yet alone I am" is awkward though. If you want to go back and do some editing you might want to rearange that some. All in all you did great. :)
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UndertheOcean Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-14-08 08:01 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. thank you !
Appreciate your comments
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