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Rant ahead:
Today SUCKS. Almost one year ago I took in an 18 year old fresh out of rehab. I didn't even know her - but I knew her story. She's bright, beautiful, special, and deserved, for the first time in her LIFE someone who truly cared about her and not what they could take from her. Her mother is still married to the man that was convicted of molesting her when she was 13. Her whole family turned against her - treated her like she was less than garbage. She had to live under these conditions every day - in pure torture. Her only possible escape was drugs, and that's when she began using.
My heart broke for her - so I took her in. Took her in and she had nothing. I've made sure she had nice things, I've sacrificed my plans and my life to give her a chance to make hers better. THe money I've spent, the time I've invested .... you can't begin to imagine.
My main expectation was that she take this time, while she's not working and her needs are completely provided for (up to and including me paying her court fines every month)to get her life in order, and to work on her GED. She's been here since last December. She's not even come close to accomplishing any of this.
In return, I get very little (almost none) help around the house. I get very little consideration. Boys and "friends" that she can't count on are always the priority. Then she got a new boyfriend (really good guy, I'm at least happy she's got HIM) and my needs, my feelings, and her responsibilities become even LESS of a priority. Her fucked up family is more of a priority. Somehow I've turned into the bad guy.
She came to me a couple of months ago- nervous and upset about Thanksgiving. She can't go to her family because the child molester will be there, and he takes priority over her. She doesn't want to go to her boyfriend's because she feels uncomfortable and out of place being around all of his family. I told her don't worry - while I had originally planned to go to Austin over the holiday that I didn't think I was going to go - and I'd be there for her. We'd do it together, and we'd make it very special. She was very happy about that. So I told her we needed to think about what we were going to do, plan a menu, etc.
So Thanksgiving draws nearer. I tell her we need to plan a menu. She's never here to discuss it. I tell her I want to figure it out and go shopping together - she's got better things to do. Mostly hanging out with her screwed up family and her boyfriend. I want to clean the house and get things ready, she never shows up or lifts a finger. Last week she was gone THursday night, Friday night and Saturday night. Came home Monday. Took off Monday night (after not doing anything the help around the house ALL DAY while I was at work) to go with her NA "friends" to Seattle. Came home at 1 am. Gone Tuesday night to her family's. Hello? It's TUESDAY - I could use some help planning this "special" dinner we're supposed to do together. Where are you? I'm resentful as hell but decide to go get the special things for the dinner for HER (I'm vegetarian, but planned on having cornish game hens for HER) since she still hasn't shown up. Not back on Wed. when I get out of work. I'm OVER it and not feeling very happy about the holiday at this point - decide I'd better drive the 45 minutes to get stuff *I* can eat for Thanksgiving instead of only having things for her - thereby adding to my resentment. Left a letter explaining my feelings on her bed, figuring I'd give her enough time to read it and think about it before I got back, and maybe we'd be able to reach and understanding. I get back at 8:45 and there's still no sign of her. The more I think about it, the more hurt I am, and the more angry I become. She shows up - slightly after nine. With attitude. I've got one hell of an attitude of my OWN.
She goes in her room and starts reading the letter I left her. She doesn't even read it all the way through - gets to the part where I mention her complete and lack of responsibility in taking care of HER dog (who I also took in a month ago, after her mother threatened to take him to the pound as part of HER mind games) and instead leaving him 100% my problem. Instead of getting the point that yes, she hasn't been doing enough and sometimes you have to NOT do everything you'd RATHER be doing in order to take care of your business she cops a HUGE attitude and calls her (fabulous :eyes:) mother to come get the dog. She got the "FINE, I'll take him to my mom's then you bitch!" attitude (without using words) when what I WANTED was for her to see that yeah, I was right and she needs to help lighten my burden - by being a member of the household, by occasionally not doing whatever-the-fuck she FEELS like doing and ignoring everything else.
Her attitude was TOO MUCH for me at that point, and we got into it. I've never done it before, but I yelled, I screamed, I ranted and raved. And she turned into the instant victim. SHE was the FURIOUS one. SHE'S the abused one. SHE'S being treated inappropriately. She called her mother, packed up as much as she could carry, and she left.
So I'm here, I'm hurt, and I'm angry. With 4 fucking cornish hens I won't eat, the fixings for a banana cream pie I was going to help her make because it's her boyfriend's favorite, and a bunch of other shit I don't know what to do with. And although I'd rather not admit it, I'm resentful as HELL that she's off enjoying herself with people that "care" about her and that she cares so much about - and I'm left here alone to stew. I spent a bunch of money I don't have to try to make this nice for HER - without any input on her part.
I can't take it any more, and I HATE Thanksgiving this year. I hate feeling like a whiner, I hate feeling so angry, and I hate feeling so unappreciated. Happy FUCKING Thanksgiving.
/end rant
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