Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sean Connery! (August 25, 1930)

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
Bush_Eats_Beef Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-25-05 12:10 PM
Original message
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sean Connery! (August 25, 1930)


http://snltranscripts.jt.org/98/98pjeopardy.phtml

Celebrity Jeopardy

Alex Trebek.....Will Ferrell
Nicholas Cage.....Jimmy Fallon
Calista Flockhart.....Drew Barrymore
Sean Connery.....Darrell Hammond


Alex Trebek: Welcome back to "Celebrity Jeopardy" It's been an exciting first round. That being said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has negative 16,500 dollars.

Sean Connery: Damm you and your daily doubles you brigand! One day it'll be my turn, Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Great. Calista Flockhart, with an amazing negative $58,000. Good job.

Calista Flockhart: < quietly like all of her lines > Thank you.

Alex Trebek: And finally, Nicholas Cage is in the lead with $8.

Nicholas Cage: You got lights, you've got cameras - bitchin' technology!

Alex Trebek: I don't know how anyone could get $8, but better luck to all of you in the next round. It's time for Double Jeopardy. Let's take a look at the board. The categories are.. Potent Potables; The Pen is Mightier.. that category is all about quotes from famous authors, so you'll all probably be more comfortable with our next category..; Shiny Objects; continuing with Opposites; Things you Shouldn't Put in Your Mouth; What Time is It?; and, finally, Months That Start With Feb. Mr. Cage you're in the lead, so let's start with you.

Nicholas Cage: Hmm.. what? Where...

Alex Trebek: Okay, Calista Flockhart, why don't you pick a category?

Calista Flockhart: Um no.. pass.

Alex Trebek: You'll pass. Very smart. Mr. Connery, why don't you pick?

Sean Connery: Ah! Well met! I'll take Months That Start With Feb, Trebek.

Alex Trebek: For how much?

Sean Connery: Suprise me, you filthy bastard!

Alex Trebek: Okay, that's completely unnecessary. Months That Start With Feb for $800. This is the only month that starts with Feb. < Sean Connery buzzes in > Mr. Connery?

Sean Connery: Febtober!

Alex Trebek:No. < Calista Flockhart buzzes in > Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: What is.. Febturday?

Alex Trebek: No.

Sean Connery: She said turd!

Alex Trebek: I hate you! The answer was February. That's the month that starts with Feb. It was last month!

Sean Connery: Aha! A trick question!

Alex Trebek: Yeah, it was a trick question, Mr. Connery. Why don't you pick a category?

Sean Connery: I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.

Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.

Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?

Alex Trebek: It's not a product, Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery: Because I've ordered devices like that before - wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I'll order a dozen.

Alex Trebek: It's not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There's no such thing!

Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait.. are you selling Penis Mightiers?

Alex Trebek: No! No, I'm not.

Sean Connery: Well, you're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Right, right.. say, let's move on to Final Jeopardy, that should be a lot of fun. And the category is: The Federalist Papers. Wait, wait, I'm sorry, that's my bad. That's for regular "Jeopardy", which we'll be taping later today. Your category is: Horsies. All you have to do is tell me "Are Horsies pretty?" < the Final Jeopardy music starts as the celebrities scribble some answers > Yes or no, we'll except either answer. "Are Horsies pretty?". Keep in mind, there's no wrong answer. < music stops, Alex approaches the podiums > Let's see what all of you wrote, starting with you, Mr. Cage, and you wrote.. and you're podium is gone..

Nicholas Cage: I don't know where it went, I'm confused.

Alex Trebek: You lost you podium? I don't see.. you know what - I don't care. Let's move on. Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: < louder than normal > What? What?

Alex Trebek: Settle down, just relax. You wrote.. nothing. And you wagered.. nothing.

Calista Flockhart: < in a whisper > The pen was too heavy.

Alex Trebek: Fair enough. Mr. Connery?

Sean Connery: We meet again.

Alex Trebek: Let's see your answer.. < screen reads "Buck" > Oh, I'm sorry.. that must be you wager. A Buck. And you answer is.. < screen reads "Futter" > Futter. Buck Futter, I don't get it.

Sean Connery: Ohhhh.. I think you do, Trebek. I tThink you do, indeed!

Alex Trebek: Well, thanks for joining us..

Sean Connery: < yelling > Buck Futter!!

Alex Trebek: Fine, whatever. That's it for "Celebrity Jeopardy".. < shaking head > I don't know..

:toast:

:party:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
edbermac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-25-05 12:16 PM
Response to Original message
1. LOL...I just posted on that with Darrell in the back of my mind.
I'll take The Rapists for $500, Alex...
That's Therapists, not The Rapists...

I'll take Anal Bum Cover for $100, Alex...
That's An Album Cover, not Anal Bum Cover...

:rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
youspeakmylanguage Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-25-05 12:32 PM
Response to Original message
2. Suck it, Trebek!
Sean Connery: Uh.. I'll take "Swords" for $400.

Alex Trebek: It's actually not "Swords".. these are words that begin with "S". The answer is: "Popeye is this sort of man". < Reynolds buzzes in > Burt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds: What is.. Popeye?

Alex Trebek: < sighs > No. < Connery buzzes in > Sean Connery. And, remember, these are words that begin with the letter "S", not "Swords".

Sean Connery: < bangs podium, thinking > Saber!

Alex Trebek: No!

Sean Connery: It began with a bloody "S"!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Thu Oct 31st 2024, 05:52 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC