Coping strategies when your candidate is losing in polls. [View all]

[cosmicone]

As poll after poll after poll shows that one's candidate is losing, it gets to be very frustrating.

Following are some ways in which one can cope with the relentless trauma.

1. Find more on-line polls to vote in. Vote repeatedly. This will not only pass the time but will reassure yourself that your candidate is winning by an overwhelming margin. Don't get discouraged when a corporate shill editorial board doesn't pick your candidate despite winning the online poll by a landslide. Use the opportunity to attack corporations and media.

2. Back at DU, write another OP about how the scientific polls are outdated and old technology. Give various reasons to show why online polls are the most accurate. Feel wonderful that 100+ people have recommended your thread, proving that you simply couldn't be all that wrong. Granted several dozen such threads already exist, but many people tend to forget so another OP can't hurt.

3. Read all the OPs that point to right-wing smears against the candidate who is winning all the scientific polls. Recommend those profusely and write supporting posts.

4. Go to right-wing sites and dig up writings critical of the candidate leading in scientific polls. Once your emotions are feeling the right amount of angst, post those articles with gusto and not be bothered one bit that some readers might be rolling their eyes. World Nut Daily or The Daily Caller are useful to find such information, not to mention the perennial favorite "Fox News." Debate fiercely with any posts that are ridiculing the OP relentlessly. One useful debating point is to claim that it is simply "a discussion of issues" and there is absolutely no intent to smear the opposing candidate. Make sure you keep a straight face while debating.

5. Follow H.A. Goodman and find every sentence of his writing against your opponent. Post those writings as new OPs but make sure you remove all references to Goodman's love of Ron and Rand Paul.

6. Vehemently deny that any of your fellow supporters are actually libertarians or worse, voted for Reagan!

7. Administer another DU poll to reassure yourself that your candidate is actually leading. Then pretend that the whole universe is just a scaled-up version of DU. This works best.

8. Blame the establishment every chance you get. Remember to inform people that your candidate, despite having served in congress for a long time is NOT establishment but is a newcomer.

9. Proudly tout the precious few bills sponsored by your candidate over decades that actually became law as "landmark legislation" that changed the face of America.

10. Reassure yourself that your candidate's problem is simply name recognition and as soon as people hear the name, the polls will reverse. Don't be discouraged when people ask "how can your candidate win the online polls without name recognition?"

11. Blame billionaires and oligarchs for everything from the moment you wake up till you fall asleep. If you slip on ice, remember, that is what billionaires want - not because you were looking at your phone while walking on the sidewalk.

12. Bumper stickers: Have faith that they are an extremely reliable indicator of who will win. Get in your car and drive from say Rapid City, South Dakota to Spokane, Washington. Count the number of bumper stickers for your candidate and then gleefully report them with an OP. This is great for boosting morale.

13. Yard signs: They are almost as important as bumper stickers. Take another drive through suburban streets and count the number of yard signs for your candidate. Make sure you don't injure any pedestrians or bicyclists while doing so. Report the number of lawn signs in GD-P. This also elevates the enthusiasm for your side.

14. Unskew the polls: Consider that 98% of millennials are supporting your candidate. Then assume that the scientific polls are undersampling millennials by 30% .. and voilá, your candidate is suddenly surging. Have a beer or glass of wine after posting that result in GD-P.

15. Parse the polls: There is always a sub-segment in the raw data that is favorable to your candidate. You just have to find it and post a GD-P thread that shows your candidate is winning in the subgroup of say, Virgos and Libras. Or, in another poll, it may show that all 6 feet or taller left-handed people support your candidate by an 8% margin. Your fellow supporters must absolutely know about these facts to keep them going.

16. Start a copycat thread. When any criticism is leveled at your candidate, start another OP - just replace the name of your opponent with the name of your candidate and vice versa. This has a significant feel-good effect. In fact, if one such thread doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy, start three or five such OPs.

More strategies to come as the need for them is sure to keep increasing. Until then, drink plenty of fluids, have well-balanced meals and exercise regularly. This helps keep blood pressure in check.

Don't forget the obligatory bouncies!