Boomers: Do you want to retire in your present location?

[SheilaT]

8. Let me share this.

Five years ago, when I was in the throes of divorce, I relocated from Overland Park, Kansas, to Santa Fe, New Mexico. 800 miles. Even though I'd been to Santa Fe several times before, I did not know anyone here. It was going to be a total and complete change. A couple of weeks before my move, my sister who lived a half mile from me, expressed her concern. She worried that I didn't know anyone here. She worried because I didn't have a job. Her concern was based in her genuine love of me.

I pointed out that I could make friends anywhere. I could get work anywhere. Honestly, it helped that I'd never had a career, had been out of the workforce for nearly thirty years while raising children. I'd recently become a paralegal and had good basic office skills so I knew I could get a job anywhere.

I will assure you that I miss my sons a lot. When I moved here the younger one was still in college. He graduated (cum laude, I must brag) and initially returned to Kansas while trying to figure out what he wanted to do with himself. A high school friend had move to Portland, OR, suggested son go there and he did. Great decision. But had I remained in Kansas, I would not only have been wallowing in misery, but that wallowing would have made my son feel that he needed to remain there for my sake. My moving made it possible for him to move. And he has a life in Portland that is just great for him.

I understand completely that your circumstances are very different, so my story seems meaningless. But what I want you to take from my story is that circumstances can change, and in the end you must figure out what works best for you. If for you staying where you are is the best choice, then stay. This is a little like the breast vs. bottle debate. No matter if I think breast is best, if you have your reasons to bottle feed, then bottle feed, and do not let any breast is best person make you feel you're inferior. Because you're not. You're doing what's best for you and your baby.

Similarly, if staying to be near your only child and grandchild is best, then that's what you should do. I sincerely hope your spouse understands and supports you. The grandchildren sometime being "too busy" isn't the important part. It's the big picture that's the important part.

What I am hoping most that I convey is that individual decisions are just that: individual decisions. Do what works and is right for you. It's okay that sometimes you'll have second thoughts. Believe me, I spend much more time than I should musing about how things would be different if I'd made a different decision about something or another. There are many decision points for all of us. Make yours, and you'll be just fine.

Love and best wishes,
SheilaT