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In reply to the discussion: How do I bring topic up to wife without sounding sexist? [View all]merrily
(45,251 posts)before you were unemployed made a good point. If she was same as now, how did you handle it then? (I do not mean to imply that cleaning is all there is to homemaking.)
If she was very different, then I think you have some threshold issues to deal with, like what is causing the change? Is it depression? Is it resentment? Was she happier working outside the home? If so, would it be possible for her to get a part time job and then you can hire someone to clean. And so on. Don't be fixed on one solution.
If she has never been a good housekeeper, have you discussed it before? What came about then?
I do not recommend pointing out that you managed the home better. I like the idea someone posted above about simple requests, no shaming, no blaming. Also, is there a time, maybe an hour, even a half hour, that you, she and the kids could designate every weekend when you all pitch together and make it a family bonding* activity as well. Maybe even ten minutes an evening, too?
Are there things that could be changed to make picking up easier, either temporarily or permanently? A container where everything in a given room could be dumped? Sure it's not an OCD solution, but maybe better than nothing. Can your kids pitch in? Do they put away their own stuff? And so on. Is china a must in your home, or would paper plates help, at least temporarily.
I bet you could find online a lot of information on all of the above, both on how to approach your wife, how to keep things tidy efficiently, organizing tools, etc.
Also consider family meetings at regular intervals where family members can bring up issues, but do set ground rules. Bet you could find tips for that online, too.
Very best wishes for solutions that work for all of you.
*typed "family bonging activity" the first try. Not recommending that!