DU, I miss being here [View all]

[Coyote_Bandit]

I should probably begin by saying that my two siblings have predeceased me and that I am an only surviving child - and I have neither a spouse or children. Since June of last year I have been the primary and sole caregiver for both my parents and have filled that role without the ability to take much of any time for myself. Filling this role was something that came about suddenly and unexpectedly when my mother was diagnosed with lymphoma. I had taken a couple of trips with Mom and Dad about a month before she developed symptoms. The first and only symptoms she had were those of advanced systemic disease. Her lymphoma was described as being both aggressive and persistent.

Mom went through chemo treatments and obtained full remission. But shortly thereafter she began to display some neurological symptoms and we learned the disease had spread into her cerebral spinal fluid and brain. Mercifully, she was gone within a month after having an ommaya port put into her brain, doing intrathecal chemo and whole brain radiation. While she experienced some personality changes she did in fact remain remarkably lucid and active until her very last days.

Now I am left to care for my father who has lost the love of his life and become a pitiful little man. He does not eat or sleep well. His slacks are about 6 inches smaller around the waist than they were a year ago. Some days I think my elderly 11 year old renal failure dog eats more than my father. Dad refuses to see his doctor or participate in any kind of grief counseling or support groups. He comes from a medical background and insists that he will not take any kind of medication or anti-depressants during this time. More than once he has stated that he just doesn't find any reason to continue living and wishes that he too would get cancer and die. He's a little hard of hearing, has trouble focusing his attention, is forgetful and has some dementia issues. Even though he mostly lives somewhere off in his own little world, he insists that he is fully capable of living alone and refuses to consider any other alternative including part-time assistance in his own home. He is considered impaired but not legally incompetent therefore my ability to take action to protect him from himself are very limited. At least that is the advice I have received from several sources that work with the elderly in this area. He is quite vulnerable now and could easily be exploited and victimized even though I have taken what measures I can to prevent such a thing from happening to him.

For now my pathetic little life remains in indefinite limbo. I have a home and friends and a wide variety of interests and activities that I enjoy in another state. Or at least I used to. While I do make every effort to spend as much time as possible in my own home, the time away has encouraged me to think that I would like to invest more in the pursuit of some of those activities and interests and less in others. And perhaps pursue some new interests. Maybe even relocate. Not that any of that will happen in the foreseeable future. But I can dream and I can use my imagination to go all kinds of places. It is one of my few pleasures these days. And when this phase of my life passes I will reward myself with some travel.

I say all that to say that I miss being here at DU. I miss having access to so much information posted here. I miss the discussion and interactions here. I miss the attitude and the compassion and care that progressives have for others. I don't see that in the media or in the red state area where I am currently spending most of my time. I do stop by and read as much as I can but find my limitations such that participating in discussion here is very limited.

Just wanted to say that I have missed being here at DU.