I have a rotating cast of squatters and buffoons.
A: Is my landlord. Was supposed to move out when I moved in. Sleeps on the floor. If it were just A and I, we'd be fine. Recently returned to Albania. May not come back.
Sb: Is A's mother. Also a floor-dweller. Speaks no English. Has inappropriate boundaries. Technically, comes to visit from Albania. Usually stays 4-6 months. Is devoutly Muslim and will chastise you in Albanian for hours for buying pork or having sex. Kleptomaniac. Enjoys raw organ meats which she will leave on other people's dishware in the fridge. Wails for no good reason.
St: Reclusive. Deferential. Will talk shit to other roommates behind your back. Insists on buying excessively-stinky sandalwood air-fresheners. St. and I could also get along if it were only St. and I.
L: The bane of my existence. Does not clean up after himself. Leaves every light and appliance he uses on. Owns nothing. Consistently takes and uses other people's stuff and leaves it dirty. Burns dinner nightly in my pans then leaves them for me to clean. Slams doors for no good reason. Is wealthy and entitled. Steals food.
J: L's fiance. She's just like him except she also clutters up the bathroom and kitchen with random lotions, tinctures and absurdities. Fortunately, she lives in NYC and I only have to see her one weekend a month. Pretty sure she uses my toothbrush and loofah. Despite being a Ph.D candidate and having a great job working in humanitarian aid for Africa, is dumb as a stick and somewhat self-centered.
It's like the apartment in L'Auberge Espagnole. Me and 5 foreigners sharing no common language living in a 3BR condo.
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