Powerball jackpot boosted again to $550M (could be increased again as the drawing nears)

[sofa king]

12. So, less than being hit by lightning...

... but more than being hit by a meteorite.

Allow me to take this opportunity to say how much I dislike the lottery. It lures in the most obsessive-compulsive people and inevitably ruins their finances, has them wasting hours of my time every week, blocking paying customers, getting annoyed at me for not understanding the detailed arcana of their chosen vice, and otherwise gumming up the works of a small store.

Its profit margin is so minimal that I personally am convinced that lottery-runs like these actually depress sales of retail goods. Every week, I see gambling addicts denying candy for their kids so that they can buy another scratch-off or ticket. The store owners make more off of a single pack of gum than they do from five minutes' worth of Pick 4 printouts.

During runs like this, the lotto-loons congregate so thickly that other paying customers simply start to leave their purchases behind and walk out.

And, as a Virginian, I cannot help but note that every goddamned penny of those Powerball receipts was supposed to go directly to the education budget, but they do not, and college tuition rates continue to rise as a result. So it's keeping Virginians stupid, too.

I hate to say this, but I now feel that state-sponsored gambling is bad for our society. I'm not going to try to take it away from you millions of addicts, but I'm watching your fortunes decline with much sadness.