breaking: republicans to end war on tobacco. Say earlier demonization of cigarettes and chaw were [View all]

[Augiedog]

overreaction to unsubstantiated rumors. That the 4000 chemicals in cigarettes can't possibly be correct, right? I mean look how tiny a cigarette is, where are you going to cram in 4000 chemicals. You would have to dip yer cigarette in a steaming stew of almost every know substance, No? And if you lit something like that it would blow yer head clean off on the first puff. Inhale and detonate.

So republicans are reversing time, so to speak, and are going to give back all the money taken from the big tobacco companies during the Tabacco Wars, plus interest. They say that Mexico will pay for it because, well its Mexico and that's how we roll.

All rules against smoking will be rescinded, light up where ya like dude. Advertising will once again contain doctors advancing the cause of smoking, because that's how they roll.

In furtherance of this legislation, cancer will be declared a fake illness. The only people who get fake illnesses are "those others over there" , and we deport others, damn munchers anyway, ya?

So it's back to smoking on airplanes and the Malboro man.