Liberal guilt?

[pat_k]

20. Absolutely. No "rolling over'

Last edited Sun Oct 23, 2016, 06:28 AM - Edit history (1)

NVC is a person to person practice. The people may be in groups, but the interactions and techniques are about interpersonal connection.

But that does not mean it is not useful in bringing about political transformation. Ultimately, all political change starts with personal interactions.

I am just an NVC dabbler, and not great at describing what it is. But I have seen it in action. It can be kind of amazing.

What it is not: It is not about compromise, finding middle ground, or "touchy-feely" niceness.

The approach/process/techniques help us elicit what another person is "really" saying -- getting to the need/feeling behind the words. Needs that may have very little to do with the angry or loathsome words that may be pouring out. It is also a way to get behind our own thoughts and feelings to the underlying needs.

When one experiences really being heard -- having someone "get" the underlying human need behind the anger, frustration, whatever -- something happens. There is a shift. A release of tension that opens up space for listening and caring in return.

NVC provides ways to separate out and express our observations, feelings, needs, and requests in a way that is both completely honest and non-threatening.

Truth, not "making nice."

What people think they want you to do, or want to see happen, sometimes has little relation to their actual needs. When you finally get to what the those needs are, finding mutually satisfactory ways to get the needs met becomes possible.

And we all share the same basic human needs -- that is where connection is found.

Some quotes from Marshall Rosenberg (founder of the center for non-violent communication) that might help give a flavor of it:

“focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging,”

“At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.”

“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”

“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”

“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.”

“To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.”