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In reply to the discussion: Adults that spoil kids aggravate me [View all]tpsbmam
(3,927 posts)The characters of people with bratty kids & the characters of people who don't have kids......who knew they were each such narrowly defined personalty & character types! Learn something everyday!
Look, I never had kids and I don't like spending lots of time around kids who are acting in bratty ways. But there are children I thoroughly enjoy -- I have one for whom I babysat for 2+ years and I adore that little girl! Long story, but it was basically a barter -- friend/neighbors needed childcare for their little one (age 2 when this began) and I needed work done around my house -- mowing, handy"man" kinds of things, etc. So I babysat for this little one about 3 days a week for two years, until she had a little sister followed shortly by a little brother. Forget it -- one was my limit! LOL "My" little one is now 9 and, as I tell her regularly, I love her "as big as the sky." And I do! When she was younger and out with me, she'd occasionally act up -- the first time she did it, I gave her a choice -- behave and we'll stay out and have fun or keep doing what she was doing and we'd go home. She only had to keep acting up once -- she quickly learned that I meant what I said and we went home, immediately! Thereafter, her choice was to calm down and enjoy our time out eating or shopping or whatever.
Do I really dislike being around loud children who have few manners and parents who appear oblivious to their obnoxiousness? Yeah, I really do. But to say that kids shouldn't be around adult conversations, etc etc, I couldn't disagree with more. Kids learn from being around adult conversations. My parents were involved in politics and very much involved in the world around us. They marched with MLK, they knew Eisenhower & the Kennedys and so much more. You BET I learned TONS from being around adult conversations!! When I was 5, we watched the Kennedy-Nixon debate on TV. Yep, as a family all gathered around our one black & white tv and watched. My parents were, at the time, registered Republicans (they both later switched to Dem). Being 5, I assumed that meant I was also Republican. So, after the debate I turned to Mom and asked, "If I'm a Republican, can I vote for a Democrat?" She, of course, responded yes and asked me why. "Because I want to vote for Mr. Kennedy. Mr. Nixon sounds mean." But where the hell do you think I learned all of that? How did I even know about Republicans & Democrats at 5-years-old? From listening to adult conversations!!
I like hearing what kids have to say. I like hearing what they're learning in and about the world and what they have to say about it. I'm fascinated about the kinds of things they take away from the adult conversations they hear and how their vision of the world is being shaped. And, frankly, when they learn right-wing bullshit, it gives me an opportunity to challenge that (without belittling or commenting about the adults who've imparted those messages, as they're usually their family members).
And the message to kids that they should shut-up and just be lumps of protoplasm when adults are speaking can be damaging. I came across an example on Christmas Eve. I went to a friend's house and a 14-year-old was there -- son of my friend's new BF. He was the only kid there. He has issues and is a pretty isolated kid -- no friends to speak of, among other things. Every time he tried to add to the conversation, he was shut down by his father. It really began to bother me. He was looking down most of the time and seemed like a really unhappy kid, particularly after he was admonished. I was sitting next to him so I engaged him in conversation -- I asked him about what he likes in school and for fun, etc etc. The kid lit up and had a great conversation with me -- he was engaged, had good eye-contact and was clearly delighted someone took interest in him. When I was leaving, I thanked him for talking to me about his interests and told him I enjoyed it, which I did indeed. He then thanked me and said, "you're a good listener." That surprised me coming from a 14-year-old. It was also striking to me -- I bet he doesn't get much of that.
So, do I agree with kids not listening to adult conversations? No, absolutely not. Yeah, of course there are the inappropriate ones -- no, I don't want them listening to those (e.g., many kinds of sex talk), but a blanket rule? Hell no. Do I want them to be seen but not heard? Nope. No, I don't like it when they're being bratty & obnoxious. But I enjoy their laughter, their squeals as they play -- what a marvelous sound! Damn, I'd be sad never to hear that again. Yeah, I hate it when the kid at the next table in a restaurant is having a tantrum. But when they're not creating bedlam but they're being a little silly & giggly, I love it!
I dunno, SI -- I'm glad I don't feel the same as you. I think my world is richer for it.