Salon: Can you become addicted to your vibrator? [View all]

[RandySF]

She likens her reliance on the toy to her alcohol addiction; both, she writes, made her life unmanageable. I’m not going to argue that someone continue doing something that makes them feel bad about themselves, but there are disturbing implications in Michaels’ piece.

According to Carlyle Jansen, author of masturbation how-to book Sex Yourself and founder/sex coach at Toronto sex toy store Good For Her, the first thing we need to look at is the definition of addiction. She cited Wikipedia’s: “a state characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences.” Compulsive might mean a woman’s repeatedly late to work cause she’s too busy vibing it up, or wants to stay home rather than go out with friends, á la the rabbit vibe episode of Sex and the City, where Charlotte defends herself, saying, “it’s a vibrator; it’s not like it’s crack.”

Jansen says it’s natural to get used to using a toy, like Michaels did, because “nothing simply human can compare to the RPM of most vibrators.” That doesn’t mean she’s “addicted.” Another possible explanation? “It might be that she’d get frustrated when her fingers didn’t get the same response,” explained Jansen. “When we get frustrated or anxious, our bodies shift into ‘fight or flight’ response and the blood flows out and away from the erectile tissue. Without the blood in the area, it becomes harder to orgasm, which leads to more frustration.” Then again, a woman may simply be wired to like that type of stimulation. “Some of us need glasses to see, others need calculators in order to do math. Some of us need a vibrator to orgasm,” said Jansen.

One of the biggest problems with Michaels’ framing is that vibrators are presumed to be “lesser than,” and therefore, somehow shameful to use on a long-term basis. She pits vibrator use against partnered sex, approvingly quoting Dr. Gilda Carle, who told her, “Use of a vibrator is momentarily satisfying. But it doesn’t answer the need for a partner to hold you, converse with you, commiserate with you, and love you.” Of course a vibrator isn’t going to provide the same sort of emotional support as a human being, but that doesn’t mean the two are at odds—or that they can’t be combined. By judging herself harshly, Michaels inhibits herself from fully enjoying her toy.


http://www.salon.com/2015/09/05/on_becoming_addicted_to_your_vibrator_partner/