Ten

[H2O Man]

28. Good question.

Fascinating topic -- children. I’m certain not an expert on children, but I definitely like discussing child development, including in their families, and also in the context of the school and community. The one thing that I do know for sure is that even the very best kids will, at times, confuse and even frustrate their parents. I think that’s their job!

What was really impressive about your question was that by mentioning your father, yourself, and your son, it brings up heredity; by mentioning the Catholic Church, environment. And how each of the two impacts a child’s development is a fascinating area of study.

That includes everything from the development of their brains -- which takes much longer, in a most-important part, to mature …..to who they view as role models as they age. Certainly, the way that children and youth communicate today has both similarities and stark differences than when I was a kid. And so I think that it is interesting to ask if more kids are having discomfort when it comes to saying, “I’m sorry.”

I remember a while back, when one of my daughters was rude to one of my friends. My daughter would soon text an apology. Maybe that was just an easier option for her at that time.But maybe its more common among people that age. I wonder if there are differences between groups of teens who live in an urban area, and a rural area?

And I think that DNA is powerful enough that some kids -- but not all -- will have temperaments almost exactly like one parent. So it wouldn’t surprise me that your son reminds you of yourself, or that he acts -- and thinks -- a lot like you.

The father-son dynamics that males experience are always interesting. Erich Fromm wrote that frequently, fathers are prone to liking the good qualities in his son that remind him of himself, and dislike the bad qualities that remind him of himself. I tried hard to keep that in mind when my boys were growing up. It was the hardest when I was tired and grumpy, and noticed that I was repeating things my late father used to say to me! Genetics? Environment? I think they are the same thing.

I think most children and youth do pretty well. It’s a more complex world today -- glad I’m old -- and in some ways harder than it once was. But I think as long as they are relatively good, passing in school, etc, and have people to talk to, they’ll be fine. It is tougher when they experience ego-dystonic thinking, etc, rather than ego-syntonic stuff. If their thinking, feelings, and impulses create problems for them, rather than experiencing some degree of mental harmony, it gets rough. But puberty tends to inflict that on most people, male and female. And that’s where, as individuals, different kids might have very different reasons for not doing things such as saying they are sorry, too.

(I don’t know if this makes any sense. I have competing ideas bouncing around in my head, since reading your post!)