"15 Things You Should Give Up in Order To be Happy"???

[frazzled]

15. If you only relate these rules to politics, sure they're stupid

But in the daily grind of one's immediate personal life, I think there's some truth to a few of them.

One thing I've tempered a lot as I've aged is "criticism." No, I don't mean avoiding criticizing political arguments or figures, but easing up on criticizing people I meet or things I encounter. For instance, I used to be much more opinionated about movies or art, eviscerating things I thought were wrongheaded or poorly done. Now I realize that to create anything is difficult and a real accomplishment, and I tend to limit my thoughts to "not my cup of tea" or simply avoid things that are not my style. I don't criticize how other people lead their lives, or raise their children, or spend their money: to each his own has pretty much been my mantra (unless it hurts someone else), and I find myself much happier for not being so judgmental. Who am I to judge others all the time when I am hardly perfect? It makes you feel superior to pass judgment, especially when you are young, but it really does lead to bitterness and a lot of delusion.

Change is good, or at least not to be feared. I have to fight against this one, because often I do resist it. But I've found that making major moves, sometimes unwanted, to different parts of the country a number of times in my life --an enormous burden both physically, emotionally, and financially-- has been invigorating and interesting. There's always something fascinating to find in a new place, and it opens your eyes to different things, offering new perspectives. I remember when we moved to Massachusetts being invited to dinner at the home of a (otherwise extremely interesting and accomplished) couple who had lived many years in our previous state. They spent the whole evening complaining about how awful this or that was in MA compared to the previous state ... and this after having lived there for 12 years! I thought: how miserable they must be not being able to find or accept the positives of some things here, even though their negatives were not totally off the mark. I mean, at least the flora and fauna is gorgeous!

And giving up the past? That one's a no brainer. Of course you shouldn't obsess on it: you can't change it. As you age, this one becomes imperative in so many ways.

These sayings might be trite, but I can't imagine that people who in their personal lives constantly (a) blame others ; (b) complain and criticize ; (c) resist changes in their lives ; (d) give everything a reductive label ; (e) make excuses every time something goes wrong; or (f) obsess over the past are very happy. I'm no Pollyanna, and I can have a biting tongue and get temporarily very angry, but I certainly don't embrace negativity as a pathway to contentment in my life, and find that "chilling out" helps bring more pleasure. I don't think I could have stayed married for nearly 40 years or raised two kids if I hadn't learned to accept things with a bit of grace. I'm a flawed individual, so I have to accept a flawed world and life, even as I work to improve it.