This is NOT about the evils of straight, white, men, BUT, it is about the reality of one gay man. [View all]

[Behind the Aegis]

Last edited Sat Feb 22, 2014, 03:57 AM - Edit history (1)

There have been threads in which SWM are feeling "under attack." In some cases, I can understand why, in others, not so much. I hated diversity programs that focused solely on the 'faults' of straight, white, Christian, able-bodied men. When I started doing presentations, I focused on the issues that faced minority cultures and their accomplishments, often in the face of discrimination. I guess one can call it a "tone" issue. So, I hope this post comes across in a positive way or at least let's others see how a minority person sees his place in this country.

This Saturday is my 12th anniversary with my partner. If interested, the traditional gift is silk or linen, and yes, we are accepting gifts. The modern gift is pearl. Yeah. Stick with sending gifts of silk or linen. So, anywho, I went to the Hallmark store today in a mid-sized Oklahoma town (<40K) to get an anniversary card (well, actually I get three or four). To my chagrin, there wasn't a single one oriented toward gay men. Ok, I didn't lose my chagrin, I know I have to look for cards that don't say "wife," or have female pronouns. It is difficult to find cards which are appropriate. Some years, I just buy cards with men and women couples, then pull the picture off or cover it with a picture I find on the internet of two men. This is my reality. Yes, I could drive an hour to Tulsa and find a few cards, but should I have to? Sure, bigger cities are going to have things for GLBT people, but it reminds me, as a gay man, that I have to be in a major city to exist.

This is my reality. This is what it is to be gay in this country. It seems like a little thing, but sometimes, it is the little things that can be the most prominent. Can you imagine going into a card store and not finding a card for your wife (if you are a man), or your husband (if you are a woman)? Can you imagine looking for a gift and the salesperson looks at you funny when you say who your 'spouse' is? Yeah, I can't get married in OK, and something this mundane reminds me once again, I am not a "real" person, a valuable citizen, to a number of people.

Thanks!

(PS. If you are white, have you ever noticed how "white" cards are, unless you are in the "Mahogany" section?" When you look around and you don't see yourself in the merchandise or see yourself in a "reserved" section, it can be a bit sad.)

ETA: I wanted to thank everyone, whom I haven't already thanked, for the well wishes! I am pleased to see so many people understood what I was saying. I had planned to thank everyone, but I didn't expect this many people to respond!!! My partner had the day off, so I was spending it with him, when it wasn't working (apparently his work doesn't understand the concept of "day off!&quot , so I went shopping and still couldn't find a "silk" gift. For real! Satin will have to due. Again, I sincerely thank everyone for the well wishes, and those who added their own personal stories. - BtA