Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
Editorials & Other Articles
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: There seems to be a lot of confusion about benevolent sexism. [View all]Nikia
(11,411 posts)230. All the people who I have seen or heard about crying at work fit one or all of these scenarios
They were inherently emotionally unstable, suffering from depression, anxiety, or other problems.
They received some rather bad news personally or professionally.
They were being treated especially badly, like being given impossible tasks and then heavily insulted when they couldn't complete them.
In all but one of the situations that I witnessed, I have no doubt that the tears were genuine and that if they could have held them back that they would have.
Edit history
Please sign in to view edit histories.
248 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
RecommendedHighlight replies with 5 or more recommendations
There are men who do that? I'm 51 and don't believe I have EVER witnessed that my entire life.
ieoeja
Mar 2013
#14
my head hurts from all the incredibly stupid, and snarky comments on this subject.
niyad
Mar 2013
#4
please notice that I said, "on the subject", not "in this thread" .the remark was about ALL the
niyad
Mar 2013
#171
Does not realizing that it's benevolent sexism make it any less an example of benevolent sexism?
redqueen
Mar 2013
#10
men do hold the door open for other men. My husband and father hold the door open for everybody.
liberal_at_heart
Mar 2013
#18
In one of the other threads I said I hold doors for every/anyone - men, women, children. The
bike man
Mar 2013
#123
I don't believe opening doors is necessarily sexist. I guess it depends on the individual.
liberal_at_heart
Mar 2013
#11
I like to assume someone is just being kind unless they prove otherwise.
liberal_at_heart
Mar 2013
#20
agree, but no one called him a pig. I'd say if you have genuine concerns about office safety and
bettyellen
Mar 2013
#56
I understand that the company is saving money using you as security instead of paying someone.
bettyellen
Mar 2013
#78
hr/finance GIRLS?????? I am assuming that the people who work for this company are over
niyad
Mar 2013
#145
I repeat, girls are female children. this is simply another aspect of the nearly invisible and
niyad
Mar 2013
#231
he doesn't like me driving to store at night because he thinks a mass murderer will kill me while
liberal_at_heart
Mar 2013
#36
you are correct. There are no safe places anymore. I send my kids to school everyday knowing
liberal_at_heart
Mar 2013
#66
Well with my father it is. He doesn't tell other men they shouldn't drive to the store at night.
liberal_at_heart
Mar 2013
#77
I used to work second shift and sometimes had to go to the other building where no one else was
Nikia
Mar 2013
#234
No, you're not sexist, you're just a practical realist and a decent human being.
sabrina 1
Mar 2013
#248
To put it simply, let's learn to respect each other as humans first and foremost
alp227
Mar 2013
#194
This is critical for men today to understand especially in the workplace.
galileoreloaded
Mar 2013
#12
I'm right there with you and would rather absorb the hits than become the antithesis of who I strive
TheKentuckian
Mar 2013
#241
All the people who I have seen or heard about crying at work fit one or all of these scenarios
Nikia
Mar 2013
#230
and I have seen women specifically cry because men abuse them with benevolence which
galileoreloaded
Mar 2013
#240
Nothing says feminist thought quite like "crushing" women in business.
Gravitycollapse
Mar 2013
#209
We demand glass sliding self-opening doors everywhere. Except at our homes - hell no!
freshwest
Mar 2013
#239
Just don't do anything for anyone unless they ask you specifically for help
The2ndWheel
Mar 2013
#37
LOL After reading these threads, I'm ready to start slamming doors...
WorseBeforeBetter
Mar 2013
#54
NO! Instead hold the door for anyone regardless of gender, then you're not sexist.
Lionessa
Mar 2013
#87
Would you consider the phrase "women and children first" to be exemplary of benevolent sexism?
lumberjack_jeff
Mar 2013
#27
doubt you'll get an answer. as that is one of the problems with identity politics.
HiPointDem
Mar 2013
#108
i answered. we have had threads on it in our feminist forum. you would be wrong. nt
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#113
no, you didn't answer the question at all. you answered some other question in your own
HiPointDem
Mar 2013
#219
ha ha ha. you are right. i thought i read him asking about the sinking ship scenerio. hmmm... nt
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#221
i think it is ridiculous. there will be women that kick ass and are needed in an emergency.
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#112
that whole womens first thing is fabricated to an extent. i do not remember it,
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#160
it was. i just forgot cause today i simply believe there will be useful capable women shoving men
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#165
It's an individual thing. If someone is not sensitive enough to easily recognize and understand
Zorra
Mar 2013
#232
even though enough folks have explained it to you beyond the holding of the door, this is where you
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#115
it is even more stupid to claim people are putting down others who are being nice.
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#122
Seems like this is a "problem" solved by a simple "Thank you" or "No, thank you".
Tierra_y_Libertad
Mar 2013
#63
I think of that law as being quite deliberately aimed towards actions that are benevolent
lunatica
Mar 2013
#76
thank you redq. i was gonna do this but, walking out the door. seeing the nonthinking replies were
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#102
Holding the door is just one thing. It really says a lot when it's obvious how little people know
redqueen
Mar 2013
#177
Well it is polite if she is busy breast feeding at the olive garden and needs help lighting it (nt)
The Straight Story
Mar 2013
#109
And would you believe there was a time in some restaurants that a server would
snappyturtle
Mar 2013
#127
old here, as well. I can still remember times that the check was automatically placed in front
niyad
Mar 2013
#147
yes. i remember. and i always had a blast picking it up. but then, i recognized the hypocrisy of
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#148
I once went to a restaurant where some menus had the prices, and others did not.
Nye Bevan
Mar 2013
#151
Never saw that but did see both menus withoout pricing....which always meant $$$$$. nt
snappyturtle
Mar 2013
#153
and some women have never participated and uses it to dismiss feminism without thinking thru
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#141
I certainly hope you are not trying to accuse me in some backhanded way of sitting in ignorance.
Raine1967
Mar 2013
#143
i do not know raine. i have yet to see an opinion on sexism. only feminists. and what is not
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#146
I did not say I didn't believe in benevolent sexism. That said, I don't believe in many theories.
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#162
that is all. we had a conversation about it in our forum. discussion. no more or less. and that
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#159
cause guys started a big boob thread to have their kicks talking about womens boobs and in that
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#164
starving and homeless people are not the only problems in this country, or anywhere else in the
niyad
Mar 2013
#172
Then flipping hide the thread if you care so little! Why are you freaking out?
redqueen
Mar 2013
#176
If opening a door for a person can be sexual harassment then this world is lost.
peace13
Mar 2013
#179
This is the kind of stuff we discuss all the time in feminist theory courses.
Gravitycollapse
Mar 2013
#183
This is similar reasoning a republican uses when discussing affirmative action. n/t
egduj
Mar 2013
#175
Maybe every time we bring up a feminist issue that people just love derailing, we should place bets
redqueen
Mar 2013
#188
I was just accused of not helping the homeless for practicing feminist deconstruction.
Gravitycollapse
Mar 2013
#196
i love the deconstruction conversation. i had not heard it that way, but it is exactly
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#198
Even when we discuss something like benevolent sexism we say "possible sexism..."
Gravitycollapse
Mar 2013
#200
agreed. i have never advocated women having the right to physically assault anyone. nt
seabeyond
Mar 2013
#199
I believe it was Marlyn Frye who talked about obsession with male access to everything.
Gravitycollapse
Mar 2013
#205
This is a thread chiefly on the discussion of benevelant sexism against women
Gravitycollapse
Mar 2013
#208
How is benevelant sexism against women related to violence against men?
Gravitycollapse
Mar 2013
#214
Well, rq, you obviously hit dead center of the bullseye with your OP subject line.
Zorra
Mar 2013
#233
It really isn't complicated. And it ties into rape culture, so it is important.
redqueen
Mar 2013
#235