Pope Benedict XVI Resigning Papacy To Coach Football At Penn State [View all]

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The Vatican announced that Pope Benedict XVI will being leaving Rome and head to Pennsylvania to begin getting ready for next years football season as head coach of the Nittany Lions.

Looking at the recent history of youth sex scandal and abuse coming from the team the 85-year-old Pontiff feels they could use someone far more experienced and better at shifting blame to cover it all up.

In a recent tweet the Pope said, “Joe Paterno tried his best to keep it all under cover, but they could really use a pro.” Then seconds later he tweeted, “They need to just shift coaches from team to team to really keep it under wraps.”

When asked if he understands football well enough to coach Pope Benedict replied, “I’m just a figurehead, everyone else always does the work for me anyway. It’s merely just a shift in job title.”