The Onion: Fuck Everything: Nation Reports 'Just Fuck It All To Hell' [View all]
Fuck Everything, Nation Reports
Just Fuck It All To Hell
December 14, 2012
WASHINGTONFollowing the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything. Just fuck it all to hell.
All of it, sources added.
Im sorry, but fuck it, I cant handle thisI just cant handle it anymore, said Deborah McEllis, who added that no, no, no, no, no, this isnt happening, this cant be real. Seriously, what the hell is this? Whats even going on anymore? Why do things like this keep happening?
Continued McEllis, before covering her face with her hands, Why?
Despairing sources confirmed that the gunman, armed with a semiautomatic assault riflea fucking combat rifle, Jesuswalked into a classroom full of goddamned children where his mother was a teacher and, good God, if this is what the world is becoming, then how about we just pack it in and fucking give up, because this is no way to live.
I mean, honestly, all 315 million Americans confirmed.
Well, I suppose we have to try to pick up the pieces and make some sort of sense of this tragedy andyou know what? Fuck it, I cant do this, said Connecticut resident Michael Zaleski, his remarks understandable given the circumstances, because, holy shit, what else can one say? Im sorry, but I cant fucking do this. Can you? Can anyone?
the rest is at:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/