That Incredibly Awkward Moment when People Discover that You are Socialist [View all]

[HiPointDem]

One of the most annoying things about being a socialist in the United States is that people know jack-shit about socialism and yet they constantly feel the urge to confront you with the jack-shit that they know. And I do not mean “jack-shit” as in they are incapable of entering into a debate about the (dis)merits of the ideas of Eduard Bernstein. I mean jack-shit as in they have no fucking clue and, as a substitute for actually reading anything written by a socialist, prefer to fill the gaping holes in their brain about it with whatever the fuck they want.

In America, Obama is a representative of socialism. Yes, a guy who is arguably more conservative than most conservatives in Europe is sounding the death-knell of capitalism. Taxing cigarettes is socialist. Seizing private property to build a strip mall is socialist. Telling adult novelty stores that they cannot sell dildos and porn to elementary school children is socialist. The government doing any-fucking-thing is socialist. The problem is not only with conservative and libertarian nitwits either. Liberals do the same shit. The more sympathetic ones might offer up a few kind words and associate some of our favorite government-provided services with socialism. “Hey, you like the fire department, don’t you? Well, that is totally socialism in practice right there!” Sorry dude, it isn’t...

Thing is, and I think anyone who has been a socialist for some time has realized this, no one in situations like that really want to discuss what you believe, or counter your perspective, or whatever. Unless (maybe) you are doing shots with some PhD students, they don’t know what you believe. Also, the people that will approach you about it are usually not going to be those who want to learn, either. It is going to be the libertarian frat bro, the conservative... the “practical” liberal who thinks he is so “progressive” (I hate that word now) but becomes William F. Buckley when he starts talking to you, the first-generation American who has some sob story about her grandma’s goat being nationalized by “the Communists” or the girl who thinks Ayn Rand wrote books that have any sort of value beyond a convenient replacement for toilet paper in a post-apocalyptic world. I am sure some of you recognize these characters...

And as we well know, they have some really good material. I mean, REALLY good. I mean, come on: “It works on paper, but not in practice.” Dude. Fucking blew my mind!! I totally do not know what to say to that! You are an intellectual GIANT! I certainly cannot respond to that gem, being as solid and well-thought out as it is (that’s what she said… wait… what?). They also tend to bring up the following bullshit:

1) the Soviet Union, the atrocities of Stalin/Mao/whoever...

3) the idea that you are being a hypocrite for buying things. Obviously, socialists are like religious ascetics. You don’t like money and you are not supposed to participate in the capitalist market economy that is imposed on us all, duh!

4) how it is so wrong to “steal” from the awesome, totally cool, super human rich people and give handouts to the moochers (because socialism is really about getting back at the cool kids and you are a jeal jeal hater of successful people),

5) how you suck because you don’t believe in private property, which (OF COURSE!) they take to mean you think everyone should be forced to share their shoes, and so on....

http://my.firedoglake.com/luciusjunius/2012/12/02/that-incredibly-awkward-moment-when-people-discover-that-you-are-socialist/