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In reply to the discussion: Paul Ryan says his diet and exercise have turned his skeleton to titanium. [View all]randome
(34,845 posts)427. When President Obama says he's the President of ALL Americans...
...it's only when intelligence reports indicate that Paul Ryan has retired for the evening.
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Paul Ryan says his diet and exercise have turned his skeleton to titanium. [View all]
porphyrian
Sep 2012
OP
Paul Ryan can swallow a raw egg whole without breaking it. And poop out a live chicken.
Erose999
Sep 2012
#3
Paul Ryan says he's a commercial airline pilot. A professional...commercial...airline...pilot. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#7
Paul Ryan says he does have butt monkeys, but they're invisible, so you can't watch them. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#29
Paul Ryan can run his fingers across dental floss and it will turn to a 14k Gold chain.
HughBeaumont
Sep 2012
#10
Paul Ryan says he can reverse polar melting by striking a pose and staring at the water. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#40
Paul Ryan says that's how he gave scientists the idea for a space elevator. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#43
Paul Ryan says he predicted you would say that in 1988, but he didn't write it down. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#58
The full text of the Mayan calendar predicting doom in 2012 has been translated.
randome
Sep 2012
#50
Paul Ryan says the Mayans disappeared because they didn't cut enough social programs. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#61
Paul Ryan says he gave them permission to put that scene in Forrest Gump. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#70
Paul Ryan says he held that tank with sheer strength and that China is still mad at us for it. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#71
Paul Ryan says he was Marie Laveau’s voodoo king before Handsome Jack and Ronald Reagan
MrTriumph
Sep 2012
#85
Paul Ryan is a part-time exorcist on the side. He just shows up and then goes home.
randome
Sep 2012
#91
Paul Ryan says he will change the office of Vice President to the Miami Vice President. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#103
AT&T has an entire department dedicated to giving Paul Ryan's cell phone first rate service!
randome
Sep 2012
#104
When Paul Ryan puts an extracted tooth under his pillow, the Tooth Fairy gives him a blow job!
randome
Sep 2012
#110
Paul Ryan says he can drink as much alcohol as he wants and still drive perfectly. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#116
Paul Ryan put his parents in a nursing home. And then put the nursing home on Mount Olympus!
randome
Sep 2012
#117
Paul Ryan can't swim in lakes because his sweat will instantly brine all the ducks.
flvegan
Sep 2012
#119
When Paul Ryan heard the Soviet Union shot a puppy into space, he broke it up!
randome
Sep 2012
#127
Paul Ryan's urine is highly anabolic, on the World Anti-Doping Agency's banned substance list.
flvegan
Sep 2012
#128
Paul Ryan says he will decriminalize marijuana so that he can recriminalize it. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#134
I think he was either very scrawny or overweight when he was a kid and in HS
loyalsister
Sep 2012
#150
Paul Ryan is the result of a one-night stand between Bill Brasky and Chuck Norris.
MjolnirTime
Sep 2012
#152
Paul Ryan says the fifth letter of his name is both silent and invisible. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#158
Time flows in only one direction. Whichever way Paul Ryan happens to be facing!
randome
Sep 2012
#160
Paul Ryan says he's gonna come at you like a spider monkey! Like a spider monkey! n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#162
Paul Ryan is the only thing the Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger gives a shit about.
flvegan
Sep 2012
#167
Paul Ryan cut NASA funding because he can toss their next probe to Mars for free.
LeftyMom
Sep 2012
#182
Paul Ryan's manicurist is a fireman with advanced experience with the Jaws of Life.
flvegan
Sep 2012
#184
Paul Ryan doesn't NEED a keyboard for his iPad. It does what he tells it to do!
randome
Sep 2012
#191
Paul Ryan read the Bible. Jesus lived, blew up Rome and scored with Mary Magdalene.
LeftyMom
Sep 2012
#195
Paul Ryan's mother is the galaxy Andromeda. He doesn't speak about his father.
randome
Sep 2012
#202
Too late. The Discovery Channel is being replaced by The Paul Ryan Channel.
Buns_of_Fire
Sep 2012
#211
Paul Ryan hasn't told George RR Martin who Jon Snow's parents really are yet.
LeftyMom
Sep 2012
#205
The Hubble telescope spontaneously fixed itself when Paul Ryan came in its sights.
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#206
Steve Jobs once requested a favor from Paul Ryan. We all know what happened to him!
randome
Sep 2012
#207
Paul Ryan says he will calm the Middle East by playing a metal ballad solo. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#231
Paul Ryan doesn't need to recycle anything. He just eats it and excretes rainbows!
randome
Sep 2012
#232
Ryan asked me one time if I wanted to join him for a drink. We go off looking
bullwinkle428
Sep 2012
#248
Paul Ryan says he can produce chocolate breast milk for starving babies. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#251
Paul Ryan's coffee is so strong, he drinks it from a cup made of nuclear fuel rods!
randome
Sep 2012
#252
Mars was once teeming with life. But Paul Ryan packed everything up and moved it here instead!
randome
Sep 2012
#257
Paul Ryan says his pet panther uses a litter box filled with human skulls. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#259
Paul Ryan says he leads in the polls in the states of solid, liquid and gas. Plasma is iffy. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#268
Paul Ryan can tug on Superman's cape, he can spit into the wind, he can pull the mask
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#271
Paul Ryan has many leather-bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany
flvegan
Sep 2012
#272
Paul Ryan doesn't believe in Evolution. Nothing led to him and nothing leaves.
randome
Sep 2012
#274
Paul Ryan doesn't need to mow his lawns. He trained the squirrels and rabbits to do that for him.
randome
Sep 2012
#281
Paul Ryan says he'll use nanotechnology to create a smaller government. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#287
Paul Ryan says he can survive for a year on only water and the sorrow of starving children. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#293
When Jesus takes communion, the priest turns the host into Paul Ryan's body.
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#300
Paul Ryan invented sausage when he threw a cow through a chain link fence.
Systematic Chaos
Sep 2012
#317
Well then Paul Ryan can give HIMSELF ocular cancer by scanning this entire list.
Systematic Chaos
Sep 2012
#329
At 2 a.m. bartenders tell Paul Ryan that he doesn't have to go home and he CAN stay there.
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#326
"The Guinness Book of World Records" is changing its name to "Paul Ryan's Diary".
Systematic Chaos
Sep 2012
#327
Paul Ryan says he was the first to successfully send a V17 route in the 70's...
Earth_First
Sep 2012
#328
Paul Ryan says the homeless are happy to carry him around the city on his throne. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#343
Paul Ryan says that he mints his own currency legally, but gay marriage devalues it. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#349
Paul Ryan says that when he does push ups, Earth's magnetic poles waver. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#351
Paul Ryan says he has no intention of running for God, but really already is. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#356
Paul Ryan says he has a missle in his back yard, but you can't look at it. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#360
Paul Ryan says that he can make an origami axe and chop firewood with it. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#363
Paul Ryan says he is building a pyramid in Wisconsin to hold his mummified remains when he dies. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#372
Paul Ryan says he can still save his campaign, but thinks better of it. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#379
Paul Ryan uses a silver spoon to eat everything - the one up rMoney's a$$
Tyrs WolfDaemon
Sep 2012
#380
Paul Ryan says he sold Rev. Sharpton the bridge he keeps trying to sell. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#385
Paul Ryan sez he can connect to teh interwebs wif his mindz so he can has all teh knowing.
pnwest
Sep 2012
#386
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, Paul Ryan can hear it anyway.
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#389
Paul Ryan says he wrote the Constitution while building the white house and giving birth to George
SaveAmerica
Sep 2012
#392
Paul Ryan says that when a mosquito bites him, it turns into a butterfly. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#397
Paul Ryan says he doesn't wear underwear, he is swathed in radiant energy generated by exercise. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#398
Paul Ryan doesn't just 'take' a shower. The shower first has to show how much it wants him.
randome
Sep 2012
#404
Paul Ryan says Cheney shot him while hunting, too, but his body metabolized the buckshot. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#405
Paul Ryan says that the global demonstations are really his fans trying to touch him. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#406
Paul Ryan says that during Hands Across America, he closed a gap across three counties. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#409
Paul Ryan says that when he Googles "facials" or "watersports," he never gets porn results. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#410
Paul Ryan says there are no secret videos of him because he can disrupt electronics at will. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#412
Paul Ryan says he raised Atlantis from the sea. It is now called, "Europe." n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#416
Paul Ryan gets every "Wheel of Fortune" question correct, with only 1 letter on the board.
-..__...
Sep 2012
#422
Paul Ryan says Romney has done a good job of damage control, then laughs. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#426
Paul Ryan returned all the SS Money he mooched - He paid it back to himself to be safe n/t
Tsiyu
Sep 2012
#430
Paul Ryan says he wears a disguise to church so that people won't worship him. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#433
Paul Ryan says he is proposing legislation to balance the budget by taxing China. He likes jade. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#436
Paul Ryan says he is close with the Romneys because their ancestors rode dinosaurs together. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#437
Paul Ryan says the 47% figure is actually low, given the attendance at the country club. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#438
Paul Ryan says that there are no disabled people, just some that are extra lazy. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#439
Paul Ryan says he's against cloning because two of him would disrupt the time/space continuum. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#441
Paul Ryan says he would support farmers if the government would just give him a fief. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#447
Paul Ryan says he's a family man; the Bush family, the Cheney family, the Perle family... n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#450
Paul Ryan says that he can get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop in one lick. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#453
Paul Ryan says he doesn't support white supremacists, he just takes their money. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#456
Paul Ryan says that you wouldn't need health care if you would just work out more, fatty. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#460
Paul Ryan says that he supports small businesses, as long as they are owned by large ones. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#461
Paul Ryan says that his economic plans are 100% effective for at least 1% of Americans. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#462
Paul Ryan says when there's a bustle in his hedgerow he doesn't get alarmed.
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#484
Paul Ryan says Charles Atlas is insanely jealous of Paul Ryan's physique.
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#485
...but the Sun did not melt Icarus' wings, Paul Ryan's Objectivist radiance did. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#481
Paul Ryan says he's going to kick the droopy, wrinkly asses of the AARP seniors who just booed him.
Arugula Latte
Sep 2012
#482
Paul Ryan says he is not the second coming of Jesus because he is not so forgiving. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#483
Paul Ryan says he's not an obstuctionist, he's giving legislation the freedom to fail. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#486
Paul Ryan thinks hes the coolest politician that ever came from Janesville,Wisconsin...
undeterred
Sep 2012
#494
Paul Ryan says he did all of Norris' stunts in "Good Guys Wear Black," too. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#502
Paul Ryan says republicans aren't crying, they're cleansing their eyes of Democratic success. n/t
porphyrian
Sep 2012
#507
Paul Ryans says that wasn't a small audience at his speech, it was only those strong enough to be...
porphyrian
Oct 2012
#509
Paul Ryan says he's so good a ninja, you can't even tell he's wearing a ninja suit. n/t
porphyrian
Oct 2012
#510