usedtobedemgurl
usedtobedemgurl's JournalLet Me Set You Straight About Rape
Some of you know me from the writing I did about George Will. I stated how I had not gone to the police because of people who think like him. It constantly takes me aback to see some people's reactions to rape.
I remember discussing the George Will incident with my ex. I told him about how one person chirped up to ask what a girl could have done to prevent a rape and where was her responsibility in it. I stood speechless as my ex told me the girl had a point. The conversation turned to drinking (which the girl had been doing) and I said how consent could not be given if someone has been drinking. My ex countered saying that back in the 80's the only way to get laid was to get someone drunk. My stomach churned as I stood there saying, "You realize you plied me with alcohol the night we first slept together?" It was only then that I realized the first time I had been raped was in my late teens. A fact I had not realized for 20+ years. I did not have all of the facts to know that I was raped. I did not have these facts when I continued sleeping with him years later. I did not have those facts when I got pregnant by him or even when I married him. I did not realize I was living with a rapist when I decided to have a second child with him.
The only thing I knew, until that day, was that my ex had lost his virginity to me that night. I remember he kept filling my glass and telling me to keep up with him. I remember reviving from a blackout long enough to realize I was naked in bed with him and he was cuddling into me saying, "I love you". My reply? "I know". "No, I really love you." "I know." The next day I asked him if we had slept together and he kept dodging the question but finally answered.
Let me set you straight about rape. I don't care who you are - my ex, Brock, or just some joe off the street, if you don't get a no then that is not a yes. AND getting someone to drink a lot, for the sake of taking them to bed, is as bad as using a roofie. You are just finding an alternate way to get past a woman's resistance and it. is. rape. And getting someone to drink or slipping them a roofie is as bad as finding a girl who is drunk and taking advantage of her. It is ALL rape. Notice I did not say it is kind of rape or maybe it is rape. You may think of yourself as a good person but you are a rapist. A rapist is not a good person. They are a predator. They take away your confidence. They invade dark corners of your mind. They make you doubt your ability to judge someone. Mental foundations begin to crumble. They demolish most of what you thought you knew.
But, you say, who wants to stop in the middle of making out to ask if the person wants to go forward? The pragmatist in me wants to say those who do not want to go to jail. The human part of me says someone who cares for other human beings. Someone who wants to make sure the other person is into it as much as they are because that is truly the definition of sexy.
Let me be clear, if you do not get a resoundingly SOBER yes, then it is a no. If someone says "no" or "maybe", it is not an objection to overcome. Move on because if you have to coerce a yes then it is NOT truly a yes. And if they say no but you continue on, and they say nothing, that does not mean the no changed to a yes. That means you are a sexual predator and deserve jail time.
YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW. Do you understand this? Is it clear to you? It is not some harmless fun. You are ruining at least one person's life. We are way past the caveman days where you strike a girl over the head and drag her back to your house. We have laws. You should have a conscience. People are human beings and should be respected. They are not here for your personal enjoyment and to hell with the law. Again, when you do not get a yes, you are breaking the law. You are a criminal. Stop it. Stop breaking the law. Stop using people for your pleasure. We are not objects to satisfy your primal urges.
Yes means yes. No means no. Silence does not make consent.
People Are Being Hurt By Opioid Abuse (one of them is me)
I was in a bad car wreck over twenty years ago. At the time I went to the E.R.. They referred me to a physical therapist. Then I went to a chiropractor and, finally, to a neurologist. No one could do anything for me. I lost faith in the medical community. I could not find anyone who could grant me a pain free day or night.
I had a problem with the Vicodin. It was much too strong for me and so I wound up only being able to take half. That was enough to take the edge off the pain but I would stay up all night until I collapsed from exhaustion. There was simply no other way to get rest that the pain interfered with.
Over the years my pain has ebbed and flowed but it has never gone completely away. The low points are very low for me. I remember when I bent over to take my young child out of the car seat and I froze that way. My husband had to help me into the house. It was everything I could do to make it to the bed. I stayed there for almost a week. I would put off going to the bathroom until the last possible second because it hurt so much to move. Even rolling over in bed left me in tears. I finally decided it was too hard to keep getting in and out of bed and my husband moved a chair from the living room. I sat sleeping up for another four to five days. It was better than the pain I felt rolling over or trying to get in and out of bed.
The last few months I find my pain getting escalating. I am not sure I would say it is back to where it was, originally, but it is certainly bad. I find my quality of life is diminishing. I have canceled plans and my son has even missed a couple of days of school because I felt unable to get out of bed. My life now revolves around my back pain. I have a drawer on top of my dresser so that I do not have to bend down and get my underwear in the morning. I drive a car that has heated seats and even a rear view camera because I never know if I will be able to look over my shoulder. I buy foods already cooked so on really bad days (which is most of them lately, for three weeks I cried, from pain, almost every single day) I can just eat food and not have to worry about going hungry because I am unable to cook. I have disposable plates so I will not hurt my back doing dishes. I just bought outrageously expensive shoelace substitutes to turn my sneakers into slip-ons because sometimes I am in too much pain to undo my sneakers.
I have a problem. I lost faith in the medical system but I also did not have insurance. This means there is no trail showing a doctor that this is a chronic problem. All they have is my word and a lot of drug seekers make up stories. Some, I am sure, would bring tears to people's eyes.
My problems have gotten worse. The things that have been added to my problems are sciatica and facet joint pain. I now have insurance and this diagnosis is what the doctors have said I have after taking an x-ray. I am sure there are more problems and I do have an orthopedic appointment a month from now. The big problem? I am in pain now. There are times this pain is unmanageable. I wonder how I will get my son to school and back. I wonder how I will sleep, eat, cook, etc....
The first doctor I saw gave me Flexeril which made me loopy for over 12 hours. I could not function. She also recommended a chronic pain psychologist. I went to their financial office to see how much those visits would be. They are over $500 a visit. That is not a typo. But after I spent $5,000 my deductible would be met and I would get the rest of the treatments for free. I am a single mom, I can't afford that kind of money but if I ever go into business for myself, I think I now have a career path to follow!!! She also prescribed aquatic therapy. I did not even check to see what their therapy rates were after the psychologist fiasco.
The next doctor took me more seriously. He was the one who said sciatica. (this was after I wrote the first doctor to say how horrible I think the visit went and I was sure I had sciatica at the very least) The orthopedic doctor, who saw my x-rays, said I had facet joint disease. I already knew that as well. That is what kept locking up my back all these years. The only thing I have found to help it is Soma. The first doctor refused and said they were warned about it in medical school. I am not sure what she was warned about but I cannot imagine it could be any worse than your back possibly locking up and you being stuck in bed for a week or two in constant pain.
Full disclosure; I got the Soma on the black market. My friend saw the pain I was in and she let me try one of her Soma. It worked and my back stopped unlocking. She gave me more. This does not mean I am a drug seeker, it means I did not have insurance at the time and could not see a doctor. It means someone looked at me sitting across from them in tears from the pain. They had compassion and wanted to help.
I asked the first doctor for a needle. I am quite phobic of needles. When I was ten I ran into a hospital parking lot, in a gown, to avoid getting blood taken. Red Cross told me not to donate any more because I would sit there and cry during the entire process. I HATE needles! I explained this to the doctor and said I must be in a lot of pain if I am basically begging for one. She said she did not think it would do me any good. I walked away in pain. (taking five or six rest stops because my back and hip were killing me)
The second doctor gave me Soma (thank goodness because my back started locking up last night) and tramadol. I only use the Soma when my back locks up, not for pain. I tried the tramadol and it did nothing. I wrote to the doctor begging and pleading for anything that effects me stronger than an aspirin. He wrote back saying he was not allowed to prescribe strong narcotics. I never even mentioned narcotics. I wrote back asking was there anything, possibly in between an aspirin and strong narcotics? I am awaiting his reply.
I understand why doctors are cautious. I really do get it. I know there is an epidemic. And I know the picture most people have in their heads about a drug addled person trying to get one over on the doctor. The thing is, I lost faith in the system once. The doctors did nothing for me. And then I did not have insurance. I got insurance and now I had hope. They have to be careful but hope, for me, is fading. I am sinking into more and more pain and with that, now, is the onset of depression.
I know the drug addicted folks are being hurt by their addiction but there are people out here who feel like they are hanging onto a cliff with their fingertips and it gets harder and harder. I know because I am one of them.
I am so peeved at my ex and his lack of support....
My father-in-law has stated he will pay 60% of college expenses (books and classes) for all of the grandchildren. My husband has stated he would take up the slack and pay the rest.
My son is going to early college. This means he will take a half day of classes at high school and a half at college. My son told me, yesterday, that he while the classes are free he will need to get textbooks. $$$ UGH! I texted his dad asking if he would buy the books or if I needed to buy them and pass on the receipt to him. He unequivocally told me that was not college and he is doing classes through his school and so it is high school!
My son will have a parking pass for the college, he is taking the classes at the college, he is registering and going to orientation at the college. How on earth is this not college? College textbooks cost a lot and I am already looking at selling my plasma to make ends meet.
Then my husband calls up my son and explains to him that when he moves out and is actually in college, my husband will help out. Oh! And he also says he is more than willing to help me if I need the money. I was going to keep my son out of this because I think that is best. And my husband lied about being willing to help me.
As it turns out, I contacted my father-in-law and he agrees that it is college and the 529 will pay for the textbooks. Thank goodness but my husband's attitude, and including our son who was hurt his father would not help, just burns my britches.
Thank you for letting me vent.
Could you please fill out my son's survery about harrassment in the work place?
It is for women only. He is in high school and doing an AP Sociology course. He put this together himself. It would mean a lot if you would participate. Thanks!
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/9KVVXW6
If You Are Female, Can You Please Participate in My Son's Sociology Project?
It will only take about a minute and a half. I would so appreciate it. He is in high school but taking Sociology as an AP course and he is really trying to get good grades.
Here is the link:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/9KVVXW6
Thank you!
Profile Information
Member since: Sat Feb 13, 2016, 09:27 AMNumber of posts: 1,150
