Ilsa
Ilsa's JournalAndy Borowitz has been brilliant on Substack, The Borowitz Report
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—A furious Melania Trump attended the Republican National Convention last week only because her husband promised to sign their divorce papers there, the former First Lady confirmed on Monday.
“I have been trying to get him to sign papers for past three years,” she revealed. “I thought, fantastic, I’ll get them signed and hop on next flight to Cote d’Azur.”
To her dismay, what her husband signed in Milwaukee was merely a document accepting the GOP presidential nomination, a subterfuge that sent Mrs. Trump into a rage.
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Harris Challenges Trump to Walk Down a Ramp
JUL 23, 2024
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a feisty kickoff to her presidential campaign, Vice President Kamala Harris on Monday challenged Donald J. Trump to walk down a ramp.
“The American people deserve a president who can walk down a ramp unassisted and without incident,” Harris said. “And so I put this challenge to Donald Trump: I will meet you anytime, anywhere, any ramp.”
Just minutes after Harris threw down the gauntlet, Trump responded with a note from his podiatrist, who asserted that a “Vietnam-era foot condition” would make walking down a ramp “an excruciating ordeal” for the former president.
Doubling down, Trump’s running mate J.D. Vance lambasted Harris’s ramp challenge, calling it “deeply offensive to every American man who, like President Trump, bravely avoided serving his country.”the
"I never thought I'd see a US VP candidate that has a shot
at The Order of Lenin," said Republican strategist Mike Murphy.
Murphy: "He got on Google and found Faust.com and signed up."
Given the SCOTUS' recent decisions, I'd like to hang my
US flag upside-down, but I don't want to be mistaken for a magat.
If Joe Biden sits your house while you are gone,
He might forget to turn off the porch light in the morning, and he may take an unplanned nap on your sofa while watching a baseball game. But, he'll water your plants and feed your dog.
If trump is sitting your house, he'll kill
your dog by throwing him out in the heat or cold without food or water. He'll let the burglars in and negotiate a kickback from your prized possessions being fenced. He'll invite the neighborhood teen girls over to party, telling them a modeling agency is looking for new models, then screw one of them on top of your expensive bedspread or quilt your grandmother made.
This is the difference between the two candidates as described by one of Nicole's guests, embellished a little by me.
Donald likes Old Spice.
Just like my late father, who would be 98 if he was still alive.
The Gentlemen on Netflix is a fun,
dark, Guy Ritchie production with hysterical characters.
A British soldier, Edward, is sent home because his father is dying. His father is a duke, and the title and property are supposed to go to the eldest male heir, an elder brother who is a playboy, bad gambler, and drug addict. But when the duke dies, he leaves the bulk of the estate, snd the title, to Edward, the younger son.
The younger son discovers that his father has been raking in $5 million a year as his cut of a secret cannabis operation on the estate. As he tries to work towards moving the business away from the estate, he becomes more involved in the criminal activities created by the ineptitude or stupidity of others. Hilarity ensues.
There is violence, f-bombs, brief nudity.
I watched first two episodes of Manhunt on AppleTv.
The first season is a dramatization about John Wilkes Booth. Frankly, it left me nervous, even a bit terrified. Booth and his Confederate-loving partners tried to assassinate the senior Cabinet as well as Lincoln and Johnson.
I hope no one feels inspired by this terrorism. Maybe the later episode where they are hanged will give them something to ruminate upon.
True Detective: Night Country Season 4
Anyone care to comment on the ending tonight? Overall, I loved the season. Phenomenal acting.
HBO's Season 4 True Detective: Night Country
Anyone care to comment on the ending tonight? Overall, I loved the season. Phenomenal acting.
I wasn't thrilled to hear that Rachel was doing another
E. Jean Carroll interview, initially. But when Rachel and her guests started talking about the bigger picture, I changed my mind. Trump wants to be a dictator, and this trial and judgment show what he would be like as a dictator, and it is possible to stop him as he is held accountable for breaking the law in defaming EJC.
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