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phylny

(8,418 posts)
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:43 AM Jan 2021

Who can I talk to who can explain what my father did/went through during the last two

days of his life last weekend?

My brother and I tended to our father as he died and I wanted to find some answers regarding what we saw and heard, and his behaviors over those last two days. I'm going to reach out to the hospice social worker, but who else might be able to explain it to me?

Thanks.

14 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Who can I talk to who can explain what my father did/went through during the last two (Original Post) phylny Jan 2021 OP
I'm sorry for your loss Rorey Jan 2021 #1
Attending physician? 634-5789 Jan 2021 #2
I can tell you this Rorey Jan 2021 #3
I am so sorry for your loss. AllyCat Jan 2021 #4
When my wife died after being in hospital for several weeks... Girard442 Jan 2021 #5
Can you tell us what you saw and heard? Karadeniz Jan 2021 #6
I suggest call an outsider if your hospice worker doesn't know. Tetrachloride Jan 2021 #7
the hospice org i volunteered w had counselors. mopinko Jan 2021 #8
Are these questions of a somewhat spiritual nature? alittlelark Jan 2021 #9
Start with dad's personal physician, or even your own. marble falls Jan 2021 #10
Reach out to Hospice in your area. Big Blue Marble Jan 2021 #11
Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts. phylny Jan 2021 #12
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ a kennedy Jul 2021 #13
my father markie Sep 2021 #14

Rorey

(8,455 posts)
1. I'm sorry for your loss
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:47 AM
Jan 2021

I hope the hospice worker can help.

I'm sure some folks here may also have some input if you want to share what your questions are.

Rorey

(8,455 posts)
3. I can tell you this
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:00 AM
Jan 2021

I had the privilege of being with loved ones four separate times at the end of their lives, and each one was different. I read and read and read and read, looking for answers. What I found is that many of the questions I had didn't have a one-size-fits-all answer.

But questioning is something we naturally do as a means to cope with something so big.

Girard442

(6,146 posts)
5. When my wife died after being in hospital for several weeks...
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:31 AM
Jan 2021

...I created a timeline document of events based on texts and emails and memories. It wasn't so much to try to understand what happened, but to record the experiences so I wouldn't have a moment in the future when I would feel bad that a memory had slipped away and struggle to reconstruct it. I really don't look at much, but knowing it's there is a comfort.

That was ten years ago.

Tetrachloride

(8,064 posts)
7. I suggest call an outsider if your hospice worker doesn't know.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:51 AM
Jan 2021

1. Call an outsider. Your local funeral home may be able to advise on who and also on what questions to ask, or answer some of your questions.
2. Then you are ready to ask the real questions to the real person.

My hospice worker explained a few things and it was as she said. Fortunately, in the case of my mother, there was no mystery of her condition or care.

mopinko

(70,758 posts)
8. the hospice org i volunteered w had counselors.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 10:03 AM
Jan 2021

see if yours did, too. if not, find a social worker who does bereavement counseling.

but i agree w the reply above about creating a timeline. write it all down now.

Big Blue Marble

(5,176 posts)
11. Reach out to Hospice in your area.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 03:16 PM
Jan 2021

They may have grief counselors on staff or will refer you to one in the community.

In my experience, I found it very helpful to have a professional who understands
so many aspects of losing someone you love including their dying process.

I am so sorry for your loss and commend you for caring for your father in last days.

phylny

(8,418 posts)
12. Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts.
Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:50 PM
Jan 2021

My questions are not spiritual, they are about what he physically seemed to go through.

I can describe it in detail, but don't want to upset anyone.

markie

(22,761 posts)
14. my father
Sun Sep 26, 2021, 02:20 PM
Sep 2021

died here at my house and in the last two days the behavior concerned me... if your father had similar behaviors, I can understand wanting to know... it can be upsetting

I have been with a number of family members as they were dying and most didn't experience the same behavior

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