I would like to tell you an EXCITING STORY, to raise money for Bernie! For tonights deadline.

[retrowire]

So tonight at midnight is the deadline for donations to Bernie to help him in Iowa!

So to help him out, I thought I'd do a little performance here for you today. I thought about comedy, but then I thought, I'm not the best comedic writer. But you know what, maybe if I tell a story. My story isn't political in nature. Probably not in the least bit so perhaps this story can give you a break from the political cloud out there.

So take a seat in the Retrowire Lounge and grab a drink while I tell a tale of my youth, a tale that I think is pretty good. And if you like my story, perhaps you'll consider dropping a dollar in my hat (for Bernie!)?

My hat: https://secure.actblue.com/contribute/page/bullocksforbernie

Ahem.. Here it goes...

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I'm going to tell you the story... Of my first near death experience.

So when I was about 15, I lived in a cul de sac with a group of friends. We all had bikes and were quite adventurous so we liked riding around our city, looking for places of interest. Those places included vacant houses, abandoned buildings, bodies of water, abandoned work sites, etc...

Well one day we went to explore a pond nearby that one of us had spotted while riding in a car, so we set off to find this neato place. It turned out that the pond was behind an abandoned house as well! Double jackpot!

So we did our usual thing, we ditched the bikes and began seeking ways inside the house. It indeed was abandoned. No furniture, barren wood paneled walls and old moldy green carpet. The most interesting thing found was an adult sized UNICYCLE!

We all took turns trying to ride the rusty old thing, but to no avail. I also found an ancient looking keychain that had the oldest looking keys on it. They looked like those old thick metal skeleton keys from the movies. Really cool. I kept 2. I still have one, the other I gave to my wife.

So the house was checked out, now it was time to look at the pond. We went through some trees on the side of the property and came over a small hill to see a pretty ugly looking pond. It was as scummy and swampy as you could imagine. We walked around the pond a bit more, thinking we could build a boat and try riding across it sometime when SUDDENLY....

Down the small hill we had just climbed, we heard the roaring engine and screeching tires of a truck in the driveway of the home we had just toured. Uh oh.

An old looking man hopped out of the drivers seat and after reaching into the bed of the truck he pulled out a mean looking SHOTGUN. He exclaimed into the air, "Who the F$%^ is on my property!?!" And fired the shotgun into the air.

He could not see us because he didn't know where to look and we were behind trees at the time. But we could see him. He was red faced mad, and very obviously intoxicated. We knew better. No way in hell were we about to come out of the woods, run past this man and grab our bikes.

So we exited the woods down the road and walked the street back to the mans property. From a safe distance we approached our bikes... He yelled "What're are you kids doing on my property? Y'all stealing anything?!"

"No sir." I replied. I figured honesty WAS the best policy. "We only wanted to see the pond behind the house, we didn't think anyone lived here."

Now here's the part where I nearly DIE.

All of my friends left their bikes in the front lawn of the property. But not me. My bike was in the backyard. I would have to pass the crazy shotgun wielding man in order to get my bike back.

I continued, "I'm sorry but, my bike is in your back yard. Can I get it?" I know it was my bike and all, but when confronted with a man that likes to shoot guns into the sky, you ask permission for about anything. He replied, "Come on and get it then."

He seemed sincere through his drunken slur. It didn't seem like he was very angry then. So I slowly went for my bike while my friends watched from the road. Remember that I was only a 100 pound, scrawny 15 yr old boy as you read the next line.

As I neared my bike, the man pointed his shotgun at me. I decided to stay calm. As I bent down slowly to pick up my bike, he got closer and kept the gun trained directly on my head. He yelled at me, "Didn't you boys see the 'No Trespassing' sign?!" I avoided eye contact and was silent as I began walking my bike down the driveway to my friends. I knew how to deal with drunks because of my dad.

Once I got to my friends he said to us, "Next time y'all wanna see the pond, just ask!"

We nodded and agreed that we would totally ask next time, (yeah right!) so we got on our bikes and hauled ass back home and NEVER went back to that place again.

If only I could have ridden the unicycle back home. That would have been epic.

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Takes a bow* I hope you've enjoyed the story of my first near death experience! And if you were entertained, or grateful at all for the break from politics... Do consider dropping a few dollars in my hat (for Bernie!).

My Hat: https://secure.actblue.com/contribute/page/bullocksforbernie

[jfern]

1. Just donated

[retrowire]

2. Excellent! Hope you liked the story. nt

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Loved your story.........and I just donated!

[retrowire]

4. Peggy you're my hero!!!

Happy you liked the story, I was beginning to get worried when I had over 100 views and no comments or recs! lol

I was beginning to doubt my storytelling skills. Thank you!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. I"m glad I could help you and Bernie, my dear retrowire!

Never doubt your storytelling skills! You told the story extremely well, and it held my interest the whole way through.

[retrowire]

6. That makes me happy. Thank you. :D nt

[Lazy Daisy]

7. Take a bow

contribution sent

[retrowire]

8. Yes! Thank you! :D

*bows* Happy you enjoyed the story!

[Delmette]

9. Great story!

Donation has been made.

[retrowire]

10. Wow! I knew this was a good idea!

Thanks so much! I've raised near 200 for Bernie just for telling a decent story! Thanks for the help, this is great!

[hopemountain]

11. enjoyed your story, retrowire!

sounds like the type of adventures kids love to read about - you might consider sending it in to an online reading site for young people/readers.

your idea to give a story for a donation is a super idea, too.

i made my final monthly donation pledge yesterday to bernie - in response to their iowa caucus push. it is not a whole lot each month - but it is ongoing to the end of the election. go bernie!

[retrowire]

12. Thanks for enjoying the story!

I'm glad you liked it. I had a very adventurous childhood and I've considered the idea of writing a book about it. There's danger, traumatic events and good times all abound. Pretty well rounded.

But yeah, I'm happy I did this because this idea alone just raised $175 for Bernie! I'm amazed! I'm really happy this idea turned out for the better.

[merrily]

13. Great story, retrowire! Sorry I didn't donate

before the January 29 deadline, but I had already done that via the jpr link to the best of my ability, on top of the monthly donation that goes through the DU link. He did take in $20,000 million in January, though, so you and all the other fundraisers and donors "done good."