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History of Feminism
Related: About this forumYou Have No Idea
You have no idea what its like to hear someone say the word: r-a-p-e. How much it actually. physically. hurts. The acid you have to swallow back down. What kind of images it brings to the front of your mind. Images you thought you had pushed so far back theyd fall out. Images that make you realize, in that second, he is burned into your memory. Images that will be there on your birthday, and your holidays, on your wedding day, and every other normal day in between. Images that will never leave.
You have no idea how horrible it is to have to present about sexual assault to rooms full of people. How hard youll try to convince them that they should just be decent and kind. But youll do it. Because youre scared that if you dont, no one else will. And then how will they ever learn?
You have no idea how terrifying it is to think that if someone else had felt as passionately as I do now, back then, I might have had no reason to be writing this essay. That I could be sleeping without these reoccurring nightmares and making love without fear. And that I could be crying for people and things far more pressing than some boy who wouldnt listen when I said no.
You have no idea how much it pains me to remember myself as one of those people who assumed Id never have to worry about it or that it didnt matter. Mostly because I grew up in the same rape culture as you, but also because we dont consider that bad things ever happen to good people.
Youll never know how many times Ive questioned what I could have done differently. If maybe I deserved it or had it coming. You have no idea how many times someone can replay the details of ten minutes in time. Youll never get why I do any of the things I do, or say the things I say. Why Im so dramatic and moody one minute, and lighthearted the next. And youll probably think, at least once, that Im a psychopath.
You have no idea how horrible it is to have to present about sexual assault to rooms full of people. How hard youll try to convince them that they should just be decent and kind. But youll do it. Because youre scared that if you dont, no one else will. And then how will they ever learn?
You have no idea how terrifying it is to think that if someone else had felt as passionately as I do now, back then, I might have had no reason to be writing this essay. That I could be sleeping without these reoccurring nightmares and making love without fear. And that I could be crying for people and things far more pressing than some boy who wouldnt listen when I said no.
You have no idea how much it pains me to remember myself as one of those people who assumed Id never have to worry about it or that it didnt matter. Mostly because I grew up in the same rape culture as you, but also because we dont consider that bad things ever happen to good people.
Youll never know how many times Ive questioned what I could have done differently. If maybe I deserved it or had it coming. You have no idea how many times someone can replay the details of ten minutes in time. Youll never get why I do any of the things I do, or say the things I say. Why Im so dramatic and moody one minute, and lighthearted the next. And youll probably think, at least once, that Im a psychopath.
http://thefeministwire.com/2013/08/you-have-no-idea/
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You Have No Idea (Original Post)
ismnotwasm
Aug 2013
OP
BainsBane
(53,154 posts)1. What else hurts
is when people insist rape isn't a real problem, insisting that is it uncommon and that public education campaigns to combat it amount to "haranguing" men.
ismnotwasm
(42,061 posts)2. Oh yes
And why would a subset of men trivialize and joke about rape? I could come up with a few answers--aside from the obvious---that they simply feel 1) rape is no big deal or 2) they get off on it; if not the actual act of rape, thinking and fantasizing about it. Proto-rapists as it were. Rape enablers for sure.
mopinko
(70,602 posts)4. 3) they are rapists.
ismnotwasm
(42,061 posts)5. Should have added that one
Because once all the bullshit is cleared away that *is* one of the reasons.
BainsBane
(53,154 posts)7. Oh, I saw a recent post
quite recent, where the poster said "silence is consent." I kid you not.
MotherPetrie
(3,145 posts)3. K&R