Good Evening viewers, this is Ellen Stephanopolus of Time-Warner-Disney-Comcast-Viacom-Fox World News Service reporting to you from Paraguay at the estate of Madame President Hillary Clinton and President Bill Clinton. Madame President Clinton has just published her 3rd in a series of 5 memoirs, this one titled The Clinton Dynasty: Who Could Have Known! . It is being published on the eve of her daughter Chelsea Clinton's announcement of her agreement to run to be the 50th POTUS.
ES: Madame President, it is so good to see you again. My father sends his regards.
HC: Oh Elliott, please, give my warmest to George. And, you know, just call me Hillary.
ES: Well, Hillary, can you tell us what prompted you to write this book?
HC: Well as you know Chelsea has agreed to be coronated, er, I mean decided to run for POTUS and Bill suggested that I smooth over a few tiny mistakes I may have made those many years ago.
Bill did the same for me before my coron -- , sorry -- before my 2nd presidential campaign and it really just erased any ill will from the people we inconvenienced or slighted or for that matter who were incarcerated or maybe lost their little home.
ES: So you wrote in your book that you were sorry you backed the TPP.
HC: Well, how could anyone have known! I was just at the club and ran into Jamie, Lloyd and Bob. You know, those guys... they are really some of the smartest finance whizzes I know-- serious people you know. We were chatting about those good ol days in my first administration when we'd knock ideas around to the wee hours. I have to tell you, they still think the TPP was a great idea.
But you know, I have thought about it and I am so sorry that milliions of Americans lost their jobs and that the race to the bottom resulted in lower wages, higher prices for medications and loosened regulations on environmental laws. I have evolved on this issue and I'm wiser now and I am sure Chelsea will be too.
ES: You have several chapters on the Keystone Pipeline debacle. Tell us what you regret about
approving the go-ahead for the Keystone Pipeline?
HC: Well I don't think anyone could have predicted that a pipe would burst and those twenty, hmmm, maybe it was 200 or so quaint little mid-western towns would have to be abandoned.
And gosh, you know, no one knew at the time that extracting those tar sands would tilt us into full on, accelerated climate change. So to all the Washingtonians and Manhattanites, and friends on Nantucket and South Hampton who had to move to higher grounds when the ocean moved in -- so sorry -- thank goodness for your 2nd and 3rd homes! I am wiser now and I am sure Chelsea will be too.
ES: You didn't mention the Ogallala aquifer, the US's and once one of the world’s largest underground sources of fresh water. Do you have any regrets that the rupture of the Pipeline those 50+ times -- plus the
acceleration of fracking during your administration-- has now contaminated that water for the forseeable future?
HC: Now really Ellen, no one could ever have predicted this could happen. Sure, back then a few radicals like, what was his name? Oh -
Prof John Stansbury - came a out with some malarkey, but our friends at TransCanda assured us that it was bad science. Anyhow, I am sure we will figure out a way to make those billions of gallons of water potable again. Any day now. Promise. Chelsea has a great relationship with the water purification industry and they are working overtime on solutions.
And thankfully, in the intervening years, our long and close relationship with
Monsanto here in Paraguay has assured Americans a wheat supply for their daily rations of bread.
ES: Oh, ok then. Let's just move along. Please speak to us about your decision to get involved with Syria. Any regrets as we are now in our 15th year there with no end in sight and it is more than 30 years that we have had troops in Afghanistan and Iraq?
HC: You know Ellen, nobody could have known that this area is a tinderbox with ever changing alliances. We understood that we could insert boots on the ground there and be out quickly -- a military surgical strike. Unfortunately that is not quite what happened. So I want to apologize to the American people for this less than stellar judgement and to anyone who was inconvenieced or injured. On the upside, people should note that with continual warfare our friends in the Defense Industry are supplying lots of jobs. I think voters can be assured that I am wiser now and I am sure Chelsea will be too.
ES: Thank you Madame President. We are going to take a quick break and we'll be back with your thoughts on continued Israeli settlements in disputed regions.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/07/25/1405225/-July-25-2032-Hillary-apologizes 
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