What do people get out of being mean?

[Tobin S.]

I swear, some people seem to take pleasure in being mean. I think today was "Be an Asshole Day" at work and I didn't get the memo.

My dad told me there would be assholes everywhere I go when I quit a job one time because I couldn't deal with them. I'm not sure what he meant by that. Maybe he meant that I was cursed and they'd all follow me around.

I know a lot of the stuff that happens where I work wouldn't fly if the workforce was unionized. However, I work with a bunch of conservative dipshits who don't like unions despite the fact that they would benefit greatly from one. They don't see that. There is simply no collective will there to organize.

It's hard to look for another job when you have one working day shift full time. I managed to get off early one day this week and go to the local employment office. Where I live, the only way to apply for some of the good jobs is to go through these employment agencies. I had heard that a good local auto parts manufacturer had some openings and the only way to apply was through the agency. The woman I worked with there was very kind. I filled out the application there and I had brought in my resume. She reworked my resume to make it appealing to the company I was applying for. Then she gave a recommendation to the company concerning me after she spoke with me a bit. I'm really hoping I get on there. It pays very well and it's UAW.

[LiberalElite]

1. Speaking as someone in the workforce +45 years

your dad was right: Assholes are everywhere. He may have meant it just that way, and not that there's something wrong with you. As for mean people - they're just very unhappy and have to take it out on others. I wouldn't be surprised if they enjoy it because it's a kind of release, but ultimately it doesn't help them.

Good luck on the job search. It is difficult to look for another job while employed but the alternative is worse.

[redwitch]

2. Fingers crossed!

I don't get mean people at all.

[magical thyme]

3. There was at least one asshole at every place I have ever worked.

I always thought the saying "misery loves company" meant that miserable people liked to hang out together.

Now I understand that miserable people try to make everybody around them miserable. The happier, more even-keeled you are, the more they set out to ruin it for you.

Tune them out to the best of your ability, and don't let them sabotage you or your equilibrium. Just pretend they are in a different universe. Because, in reality, they are.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. Ah, my dear Tobin...

I think it gives them a sense of purpose and control in their lives. I'm not sure, though.

I'm sorry you had to deal with it today.

And good luck with the auto parts manufacturer!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. People are mean because it gives them a sense of power over someone else.

When I was a kid and I came home complaining that another kid had picked on me, my mom told me I really should feel sorry for that kid, because he/she must be very unhappy and was trying to make him/herself feel better by making somebody else feel worse. I didn't get it at the time but I do now.

[UglyGreed]

6. Good luck with the job

search Try not to let them get to you, even though I don't take my own advice, I hope you try to.

[Kali]

7. keeps other assholes away

it can be a hermit technique. also good for keeping squids in line.

plus, some people just deserve it, don't you think?


edit - in all seriousness, good luck with this new possibility~ YOU don't deserve any kind of asshole behavior aimed at you, that is for sure.

[rurallib]

8. best of luck, Tobin

My experience wasn't good - more assholes than not. I made a good paycheck and so just tried to suffer through it. Actually it was much like high school to me.

[2theleft]

9. Good luck, Tobin!

Mean people are everywhere, but usually pretty easy to ignore if most of who you work with are decent people. I hope you get one with the manufacturer and they treat you kindly...you don't deserve any less than that!

[Joe Shlabotnik]

10. Good luck Tobin,

I know from reading your posts over the years that you are an honest, hardworking and ethical individual. I hope you get rewarded with a good job.

[Generic Brad]

11. Sometimes we are just surrounded by people having a bad day

It goes in waves. I find that overall the vast majority of people have a good heart. But when they have other worries, pressures, relationship or money issues, etc. they may be challenged coping and not be as considerate as they could be.

Sounds like you did come across a person at the employment agency who was helpful. For every a-hole having a bad day, there is a nice person like you encountered.

I wish you the best, Tobin. It's been a while since I checked in with you. I am glad to see you are still pressing forward and constantly working to improve your situation. You are an inspiration to so many of us here.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

12. I was in the UAW. They also have assholes.

But the benefits outweigh the hassles.

And, they have non-assholes, you just have to look harder to find them.

Best of luck.

[Populist_Prole]

13. I've wondered that myself: A lot

A few, over the years, are just nasty rotten SOBs all the way around. Greedy and contemptuous of others outside of their family circles.

The most however, seem to be those with impotent indignation over a slight, real or imagined, just expressing it poorly by barking up the wrong tree. As that misdirected rage does nothing to stop the source of it, said person becomes even more annoyed. The recipient showing irritation themselves further angers the "mean" one.

It has to be said though, when I said "real or imagined" above, that is the real wild card. I've seen examples of this all the time:

Sometimes it's because that person has an unusually low threshold of annoyance ( peevish by nature )

Sometimes it's because, well, they're "spoiled" in a way because they were used to, for whatever reason used to getting their way or the longish end of the stick. They had a more stable/idyllic/prosperous upbringing than most and anything they feel is adverse to them is the work of someone else, and the target of their rage, which expresses itself as them tilting against windmills. Lots of times at work, it's always the same people who get majorly angry over some situation while the rest of us feel we have it just fine, or even never had it so good.

[Kang Colby]

14. They can get out of all kinds of stuff...

volunteer work, chores, occasions with friends and family. Not much other benefit to being mean.

[Wounded Bear]

15. Just to lighten the mood....

Seriously, take care, Tobin! Best of luck!

[Tipperary]

16. I often wonder that, but I think that people who are mean to others

are deeply unhappy themselves.

Good luck with your job hunt. Sending good vibes to you Tobin.

[Tobin S.]

17. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REPLIES

It has made for some interesting reading and I appreciate your insights.

[hedgehog]

18. Some work places aare just toxic - I swear working at one place

ruined my health due to the constant stress.

[Bucky]

19. They get to validate their world view of takers and makers... of winners and losers

Sanctimony is addictive. Dominating another person actually triggers certain chemical responses in the brain (generating dopamine) and pushes the average human mind into other acts to repeat the chemical experience.