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The Jehovah Witnesses' are here.
I'm doing the adult thing by hiding.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)I live rural and never get these folks so it was a complete "treat" for me to be in a suburban area and actually have one of the JW's appear!
Now my FIL had completely overdone his Xmas decorations - I mean every cheesy Xmas lawn ornament was out, the trees were strung with lights, front door is festooned with a big Merry Christmas sign, he had a giant Santa and his sleigh on his roof... you know the type right?
So the two women JWs come to the door and ask if I have a moment to talk about salvation. I say hell yes (because I really want this discussion if ya know what I mean, thinking this will be FUN!) but then I go on to say we're Jewish so they should know that right up front. Now I'm thinking the two women will certainly know that I'm joking with them (I mean the house is dressed up like the North Pole!)
They literally reeled back off the front stoop and almost ran away. I couldn't believe it! They didn't even say goodbye. Just scampered. So maybe there's a special place for Jews in the 7th circle of JW hell or something but I always tell folks that maybe that's the magic charm for making them run away.
Anyway I was bummed. I'm not sure I'll get another opportunity like that again!
lunatica
(53,410 posts)That's not very promising...
LOL!
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)I was ready! My one big chance... but they ran away. Now I can never be saved.
freshwest
(53,661 posts)They kept coming around in their Sunday best and looking at everything. I asked why did they come out to nowhere (because it was not even a town there) from the city and it was a long drive.
They said they were inspecting all the 'mansions' they would inherit when the Lord came back. They left out that us heathens would all have to be dead and gone for that to happen. Rather ghoulish, don't you think?
So I gave my strongest twang and said I was a 'fundamentalist southern baptist' and couldn't change religions or I'd go straight to hell.
Then I locked the gate so they wouldn't pester me anymore. Sheesh. Like talking to the dire wolf...
GoCubsGo
(32,086 posts)I didn't answer it, as I saw them coming. Must be Proselytizing Day.
2theleft
(1,136 posts)no matter what they are selling. I politely say, "I'm sorry, I'm Jewish or Catholic, or atheist, or JW, or whatever pops in my head at the moment. It stuns them so bad they say very quickly, "oh, sorry to bother you" and hang up. It's hysterical.
LancetChick
(272 posts)... one insulin syringe sticking out of my stomach and maybe another in my neck, drool liberally coating my lips and chin, and slurred speech occasionally punctuated by the passing of gas. Unfortunately, I live in a liberal hippie neighborhood, which for Jehovah's Witnesses is like garlic to a vampire, and so I have not, alas, been graced with the opportunity to achieve salvation. If I am ever so blessed, though, I promise you I'm ready!
Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)they are dauntless and unrelenting...I know!
pipi_k
(21,020 posts)in another similar thread, but yeah...my son used to do that when he was a teenager back in the 80s.
He wore those hard rock T-shirts...devils and demons and whatever anyway, so it was a quick thing for him to lather his mouth up with toothpaste foam and then answer the door.
He's always been real good at rolling his eyes up into his head too.
We had many hours of amusement over his antics
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)[IMG][/IMG]
after you hang this ^^^ inside.
With this 'tude ~~~> C'mon. You can do it. [URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL] just sayin' [img][/img]
Archae
(46,335 posts)Answered the door in ceremonial robe and with his ceremonial ax.
He yelled "Blood for Odin!"
The JW's I think are still running.
aint_no_life_nowhere
(21,925 posts)that's so funny. Actually either way it's terrifically funny.
Archae
(46,335 posts)If it did happen, I'd give a year's salary to have seen that.
Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)He offered them a bite of his "Jesus meat."
Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)I once made the mistake of opening the door...hadn't had enough coffee yet to know better...they returned on a regular basis after that, drawn like ants to sugar!
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)they possess an indestructible optimism and I can inflict a lot of misery if I so choose.
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]
Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)They'd say a prayer for you! I'm telling you, they are a determined bunch...particularly the women!
Lovely pic btw
Loryn
(944 posts)but these things only work in my mind
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)aint_no_life_nowhere
(21,925 posts)While the music played, I would have also grabbed this book and read from it, the Novus Portem or Nine Gates Of The Kingdom Of Shadows. When the movie The Ninth Gate came out, there was a company offering a leather bound copy of the book described in the movie, in Latin and with the same nine woodcuts. I'm not a Satanist but I really dislike people who come to the door to talk about religion.
TrogL
(32,822 posts)What they're preaching ain't.
When I was a teenager, they came to the door. I was forbidden to open the door to strangers, but nobody said anything about keeping it on the chain lock so it wouldn't open. I spent 20 minutes talking to them through the crack in the door, pointing out their heresies, abominations, errors in translation and inability to actually read the Bible.
Still Blue in PDX
(1,999 posts)She would read from her Bible and I would read from mine and we talked.
I don't think either one of us convinced the other, but it kept me at the top of my game. The problem is that I finally read the Bible enough that I decided that I was really a pagan underneath it all.
BB
LeftofObama
(4,243 posts)came to the door. I answered the door and I swear the first words out of the man's mouth were, "Do you think we'll ever get a handle on this terrorism thing?" WTF does terrorism have to do with the mission they are on? Anyhow, I answered by saying, "Yeah, as soon as we can get all of the republicans out of office." He thanked me and they left. The woman, who I assume was his wife, never said a word the whole time. She just smiled like a Stepford Wife. Later that day I talked to my mom's neighbor who said they were at his door too and sure enough he was asking him about the "terrorism" thing too.
LiberalEsto
(22,845 posts)Aristus
(66,382 posts)as if it was a vacuum cleaner or a set of encyclopedias.
I'm not sure whether I'd hide, or open the door to them and request, politely, that they take me off "The List".
RebelOne
(30,947 posts)every few weeks to convert people. Usually when I see them with bibles in hand knocking at my door, I do not give them any chance to say a word. I just say that I am an atheist (which is true) and close the door in their faces. Finally, they have gotten the message and avoid my house.
HarveyDarkey
(9,077 posts)I just tell them I don't believe in Bronze Age mythology. Works with Mormons, Baptists & Jehovah's Witnesses
hunter
(38,317 posts)They booted her out because she couldn't stay out of politics or keep quiet about what God was telling her. She'd had the same sort of problems with the Catholic Church which is how she came to be a Witness, and how we ended up as Quakers. My mom could tell the Quakers what God was telling her and they'd nod their heads respectfully and then move on. That doesn't work with Catholics or Jehovah's Witnesses. They don't like to have their religious processes short-circuited by direct contact with God.
Anyways, I was always one of the odd kids in school who didn't say the Pledge of Allegiance, but that was the least of my skinny "queerbait" kid problems. That's what the bullies called me in middle and high school, "queerbait." Somehow I'd picked up that name in fifth grade, from a school bully who later became the house pet of a very kinky wealthy older woman who probably tied him up and spanked him. I imagine she's paid him off long since and moved on to younger beef, but I don't want to know. I'm not on facebook, and there are things I don't google or talk about with old schoolmates.
Our family has such a history with the Mormons they avoid me. One of my ancestors was a mail order bride from Northern Europe who didn't take to sharing her husband with other wives so she ran off with a surveyor, married him, and they established a wild west homestead. But the Mormons have long memories. They probably still hold our family responsible for whatever money they lost importing her to Salt Lake City.
The Witnesses don't have an institutional memory quite so strong as the Mormons, but as soon as I start telling them my life story Arlo Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant style, they tend to go away. Usually I don't get past the childhood Christmas stories of family religious warfare, complete with blood and broken crockery.
Not once have they made it past my Thanksgiving weekend from Hell. I've said before, my grandmother was insane. She'd been removed from her house by the police and paramedics because she was a danger to herself and others. She also had trouble staying in "assisted living" places, so she was living with my parents. I drove home from college one Thanksgiving, and it was too much. I ate dinner and drove back because it was better to sit in my apartment alone than visit my crazy family. My two apartment mates were away, happily visiting their own families.
So a couple of hours after I got back my girlfriend's girlfriend showed up and she was very very drunk and covered with her own vomit. I thought it would be best to lead her to the bath. It seemed okay at first, but then I began to worry because I hadn't heard any movement, just the water running. I banged on the door, no answer, so I turned the handle hard and broke the lock. She was in the tub naked and unconscious. I couldn't wake her, first by calling her name, then by jostling her a bit. Mind you, this was the first naked woman I'd ever touched. These days you'd call 911, but I didn't want to fuck up her life, and believe me, it would have fucked up her life if her family found out, so I called our girlfriend. I'm not sure what happened after that, but she ended up in the hospital and didn't die, even though she'd decided to commit suicide in my bathtub. The entire story is worse than I've written here, but that's enough.
Later, I was hating my life and decided to go out for a drive and wrecked my car. I was injured (I ended up with some wicked bruises) but I denied help and the Highway Patrol shoved my car out of the road and left me sitting on the curb. After what seemed like a few hours of people passing by and looking at me and the wrecked car, I decided to stand up and walk back to my apartment.
So I was sitting on the sofa looking out the window at the trees, and that's when the Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door...
nolabear
(41,984 posts)Pretty compelling material.
Mr.Bill
(24,300 posts)the Catholic magazine handy and hand it to them when I opened the door.
nolabear
(41,984 posts)Generally Dinah Moe Hum. And just sit there and smile. They seldom made it past "I pulled on her hair, got her legs in the air, and asked if she had any cooties in there."
lastlib
(23,244 posts)nobody can stay in the room five minutes with it!
Yours is good, too!! .
madinmaryland
(64,933 posts)THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!!
frogmarch
(12,154 posts)we get along great. They don't preach at us, and we don't try to persuade them to become atheists. We visit back and forth almost every day, and in the summer we trade garden veggies with each other. We watch each others's houses when one of us is out of town, and water each other's plants and do lawn care for each other. We're very good friends, the four of us.
vanlassie
(5,675 posts)who was a dope smoking high school teacher (back in the early seventies) who went to his door and stood listening to some JWs for a while, all the time whittling on a piece of wood. At some point, he supposedly pulled his dick out of his pants and held his artwork out to compare the two. They left quickly at that point
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)[img][/img]
vanlassie
(5,675 posts)But I THINK this one was true...
I knew the guy and he was well capable of doing it.
mrmpa
(4,033 posts)a housemate of mine invited either Jehovah Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists into the house, where she talked with them for about an hour. What they wanted from a mid-western catholic college attendee was beyond me.
A few days later they were at the front door again. The housemate who had invited them in earliler in the week, was now not wanting to talk to them, and begged me to get rid of them.
I answered the door they asked for my housemate. I looked at them and said, "I'm sorry she's not here she ran off with the Moonies yesterday." They stared at me in shock did a 180 turn & left.