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Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 09:30 PM Nov 2023

My mom died today

She was 95 so she lived a long life and she was lucky lived mostly on her own, last 4 years in a senior apt that did meals and cleaning but no medical. She even went to a pumkin patch few weeks ago with my daughter and great grandkids. She told me she was tired last few days felt off but I wasn't super worried as she has pulled through many illnesses.

Her friends noticed she wasn't at lunch so did a check on her, I knew she was eating in apt because I sent her microwave soup.

My first reaction was but I didn't get to say goodbye I am not ready, crazy considering her age but I heard its a common reaction.

My mom use to drive me batty but the last few years all that was gone and healed which I am very glad for.

Live in peace mom forever!

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My mom died today (Original Post) Tree Lady Nov 2023 OP
So very sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you had time niyad Nov 2023 #1
I am so sorry for your mom's passing. May her memories be a blessing to you my friend. debm55 Nov 2023 #2
Peace to you and your mom.💙 sheshe2 Nov 2023 #3
My condolences Chautauquas Nov 2023 #4
Sorry to hear IbogaProject Nov 2023 #5
Yes she was very lucky in that Tree Lady Nov 2023 #75
🕯️ blm Nov 2023 #6
You were lucky to have her in your this long. OAITW r.2.0 Nov 2023 #7
My heart goes out to you. Hope22 Nov 2023 #8
I'm so sorry, Tree Lady. Lefta Dissenter Nov 2023 #9
Sorry for Your Loss. Stuart G Nov 2023 #10
I am so sorry. May her memory be a blessing. SCRUBDASHRUB Nov 2023 #11
Hugs Duncanpup Nov 2023 #12
It is so hard to let our folks go. KarenS Nov 2023 #13
I'm so sorry, Tree Lady. It's a terrible shock to lose someone suddenly, with no chance to say goodbye. highplainsdem Nov 2023 #14
I think she is at peace too Tree Lady Nov 2023 #77
I'm very sorry Diamond_Dog Nov 2023 #15
Sorry for you and your family's loss marked50 Nov 2023 #16
I am so sorry. LoisB Nov 2023 #17
She was very close to my older daughter Tree Lady Nov 2023 #78
Sounds like a lot of love in your family. LoisB Nov 2023 #84
Sorry for your loss SouthernDem4ever Nov 2023 #18
May your cherished memories of her follow you through life. revmclaren Nov 2023 #19
Man, I just went through a box of Kleenex BigmanPigman Nov 2023 #20
I'm sorry for your loss.. Permanut Nov 2023 #21
my Mom also died earlier this year..... bahboo Nov 2023 #22
Sorry for your loss as well Tree Lady Nov 2023 #83
My deepest condolences. I believe a sudden departure is best. sinkingfeeling Nov 2023 #23
I think your definitely right Tree Lady Nov 2023 #85
Condolences Tree Lady gademocrat7 Nov 2023 #24
So sorry for this anguish, Tree Lady... JudyM Nov 2023 #25
OMG so sorry! Saying goodbye, to me, is Laura PourMeADrink Nov 2023 #26
Thanks last time we communicated was Friday Tree Lady Nov 2023 #86
So lucky that she lived so long people Nov 2023 #27
I'm sorry for your loss. Ocelot II Nov 2023 #28
I am so sorry for your loss. May her memory be a blessing. Give yourself time to be. EOM LauraInLA Nov 2023 #29
She seems to have loved well and been well loved. Condolences to you and your family. BoomaofBandM Nov 2023 #30
I'm so sorry. TheBlackAdder Nov 2023 #31
At 95, I'm thinking what a time to have seen and experienced Deuxcents Nov 2023 #32
You were so lucky joe_stampingbull Nov 2023 #33
I'm very sorry for your loss. CottonBear Nov 2023 #34
Peace to you. May you have only fond memories to cherish. Fla Dem Nov 2023 #35
So sorry for your loss. stage left Nov 2023 #36
Deepest condolences to you on your Mom's passing. virgdem Nov 2023 #37
My condolences to you snd your family. Peace be with you. mobeau69 Nov 2023 #38
I am so sorry for your loss. bamagal62 Nov 2023 #39
I'm so sorry cate94 Nov 2023 #40
Sincere condolences, with understanding. pazzyanne Nov 2023 #41
Sorry for your loss. Paz. RestoreAmerica2020 Nov 2023 #42
May your mother speak to you in your memories for as long as you need her Hermit-The-Prog Nov 2023 #43
My mom was 95 and half too bday in May Tree Lady Nov 2023 #87
Sounds a lot like mine Hermit-The-Prog Nov 2023 #99
My mom said she was tired too Tree Lady Nov 2023 #105
It's never easy losing your mom. I lost mine when she was 45 Emile Nov 2023 #44
I'm so sorry Tree lady for your loss kimbutgar Nov 2023 #45
I'm so sorry, Tree lady. LuckyCharms Nov 2023 #46
I'm so sorry for your loss Wicked Blue Nov 2023 #47
My condolences and sympathy on your loss, Tree Lady. SalmonChantedEvening Nov 2023 #48
I'm sorry for your loss, Tree Lady. brer cat Nov 2023 #49
I'm so sorry for your loss. area51 Nov 2023 #50
Peace and condolences for your loss. Dulcinea Nov 2023 #51
Condolences... MiHale Nov 2023 #52
I'm so sorry for your loss. badhair77 Nov 2023 #53
My heart goes out to you and your family in your time of loss, Tree Lady. Niagara Nov 2023 #54
Blessings and prayers for peace to you, Tree Lady. keopeli Nov 2023 #55
I'm so very sorry for your loss. DarthDem Nov 2023 #56
My deepest condolence to you and your family. jrthin Nov 2023 #57
Kind condolences, Tree Lady, upon the death of your mother. thatcrowwoman Nov 2023 #58
Thank you Tree Lady Nov 2023 #88
Comforting hugs... radical noodle Nov 2023 #59
Sorry for your loss. Take care JohnSJ Nov 2023 #60
I am sorry for you loss LetMyPeopleVote Nov 2023 #61
Sending you lots of love Goddessartist Nov 2023 #62
May your mom Rest in Peace and May her Memory be a Blessing. iluvtennis Nov 2023 #63
I'm so sorry. You can never have enough time with them. CousinIT Nov 2023 #64
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad at 90 and was not ready either. onecaliberal Nov 2023 #65
I'm so sorry. Elessar Zappa Nov 2023 #66
so sorry, Tree Lady, peacebuzzard Nov 2023 #67
My condolences for your loss. marble falls Nov 2023 #68
I'm so sorry for your loss. Beacool Nov 2023 #69
I feel you, and am so sorry you lost your mom. ancianita Nov 2023 #70
Deepest sympathy malaise Nov 2023 #71
Oh, my condolences! Rather shocking in a way. Been there ('08). Wow she lived a good healthy life. electric_blue68 Nov 2023 #72
Very sorry for your loss JPPaverage Nov 2023 #73
Hope she has a wonderful reunion with many friends who left beforehand. calimary Nov 2023 #74
I am so so sorry. Losing my Mom has been hard for me. irisblue Nov 2023 #76
I'm so sorry, Tree Lady Bayard Nov 2023 #79
Thank you it does Tree Lady Nov 2023 #89
I'm glad to hear that Bayard Nov 2023 #106
The pumpkin patch memory will be one of many blessings lostnfound Nov 2023 #80
Sorry for the loss of your precious mom wendyb-NC Nov 2023 #81
My condolences. Grumpy Old Guy Nov 2023 #82
My condolences on your loss, Tree Lady! Different Drummer Nov 2023 #90
Thank you everyone for the care and support Tree Lady Nov 2023 #91
You have my deepest sympathies for your loss. greatauntoftriplets Nov 2023 #92
I am sorry to hear you've lost your mom. pandr32 Nov 2023 #93
Yes she was blessed that way Tree Lady Nov 2023 #98
So sorry for your loss. may she rest in peace.. mountain grammy Nov 2023 #94
She's still with you. Joinfortmill Nov 2023 #95
Me too that's my wish Tree Lady Nov 2023 #101
❤️ Joinfortmill Nov 2023 #104
I'm so sorry FemDemERA Nov 2023 #96
You have my deepest condolences. Charlie Chapulin Nov 2023 #97
Sorry for your loss :( forgotmylogin Nov 2023 #100
Any age is too young if you loved the person Clash City Rocker Nov 2023 #102
sorry to hear about your loss peasant one Nov 2023 #103
So sorry... Phentex Nov 2023 #107

niyad

(111,021 posts)
1. So very sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you had time
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 09:34 PM
Nov 2023

and healing with her.

Your DU family is here for you.

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
75. Yes she was very lucky in that
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 02:57 PM
Nov 2023

Wasn't because she ate great, right up to the end she would get sick from eating fatty foods and loved sweets.

I think she lived a long time because she was a very forgiving positive person and no matter what you said she would try to find the good in it.

Lefta Dissenter

(6,609 posts)
9. I'm so sorry, Tree Lady.
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 09:47 PM
Nov 2023

No matter how “ready” you are, you’re never ready. You’ll always be grateful for the time with her, however, as I’m sure she was ever so grateful for you.

All the best, most healing hugs to you.

KarenS

(3,937 posts)
13. It is so hard to let our folks go.
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 09:53 PM
Nov 2023

After my Mom passed, I talked to her all the time. I still miss her and it's been 11 years. She taught me so much.

May you find your peace. ((Hugs))

highplainsdem

(48,492 posts)
14. I'm so sorry, Tree Lady. It's a terrible shock to lose someone suddenly, with no chance to say goodbye.
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 09:54 PM
Nov 2023

But it was a blessing that your mom had so many years in such good health she didn't need a nursing home or a lengthy, painful hospitalization.

I believe she is at peace now, and healthy and young again on the other side. And still able to hear anything you want to say to her. Whether or not it's spoken aloud.



Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
77. I think she is at peace too
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:03 PM
Nov 2023

She told me this past year she didn't want to make it to 100 like I would joke about, said she was ready to go and tired. I think she might have just let herself go.

LoisB

(6,882 posts)
17. I am so sorry.
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:02 PM
Nov 2023

I am glad you had her for so long and you were able to heal any rift. It sounds as if she was living life well right until the end.

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
78. She was very close to my older daughter
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:05 PM
Nov 2023

in her mid 40's and why she lived near her. I was closer to dad than her but loved her also. She wanted to be near grandkids and great grandkids and Julie would bring the whole family to her at least once a month and take her out to eat and park. I think things like that kept her going being with the young ones. I live out of state and came every two months.

BigmanPigman

(51,281 posts)
20. Man, I just went through a box of Kleenex
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:10 PM
Nov 2023

this afternoon when I childhood friend called to say her 94 year old dad died. Every time I hear of a parent or pet dying it brings back the pain of my own dad and dog dying all over again. I am sorry you are going through this. I hate it when it is near holiday time since I don't feel celebratory. Please take care of yourself and listen to your heart, do not try to be "normal". Also, listen and be aware of your dreams. My dad came to visit me and I was so glad.

Permanut

(5,282 posts)
21. I'm sorry for your loss..
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:11 PM
Nov 2023

seems that time does change things; I went through that with my Mother 20 years ago.

bahboo

(16,185 posts)
22. my Mom also died earlier this year.....
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:21 PM
Nov 2023

she was 95 as well. She had a great life up until the last few years, when dementia took its toll. The news came as a shock at first...how can it not. But, we were prepared and in fact, her death was a blessing. It's hard, but we just give thanks we had her for so long....

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
83. Sorry for your loss as well
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:34 PM
Nov 2023

My mom was very lucky had a sharp mind to the end. My cousin played 10 games of words with friends with her right up to the end.

sinkingfeeling

(51,014 posts)
23. My deepest condolences. I believe a sudden departure is best.
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:25 PM
Nov 2023

It was horrible to watch my 96 year old mother suffer the last 3 weeks if her life.

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
85. I think your definitely right
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:35 PM
Nov 2023

My dad who died in 2000 of cancer was in a bunch of pain the last few months, awful to watch.

JudyM

(28,976 posts)
25. So sorry for this anguish, Tree Lady...
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:33 PM
Nov 2023

No warning is so difficult, but the gift that you mended your hearts together will always be the most important salve, I’ll bet.

Wishing you peace.

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
86. Thanks last time we communicated was Friday
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:37 PM
Nov 2023

At the end of our text chat I said I love you mom and she said back I love you too sweetie. Melts my heart she always called me sweetie.

people

(599 posts)
27. So lucky that she lived so long
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:38 PM
Nov 2023

Your mom led such a long life and she got to know you into your maturity. That's so fortunate for both of you. You will miss her for a long time. Take good care of yourself.

Ocelot II

(114,563 posts)
28. I'm sorry for your loss.
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 10:41 PM
Nov 2023

It's hard regardless - my dad was 92 and even so it was too soon. Condolences.

Deuxcents

(15,371 posts)
32. At 95, I'm thinking what a time to have seen and experienced
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 11:02 PM
Nov 2023

So many events with you and your family. I hope the celebration of her life brings peace and comfort for you and your family and friends. 💐

CottonBear

(21,596 posts)
34. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Sun Nov 12, 2023, 11:19 PM
Nov 2023

I know it must have been quite a shock.

My dad died unexpectedly, when I was 17.

At first, your mom will seem so far away, but, with time, she’ll draw closer to you. You will always miss her, but you’ll always have her love for you and your love for her in your heart.

Your mom was so lucky to live a long and healthy life.

Take care of yourself and reach out to your friends and your DU friends if you need to talk.

virgdem

(2,112 posts)
37. Deepest condolences to you on your Mom's passing.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 12:36 AM
Nov 2023

May the memories of your Mom bring you peace and comfort.

Hermit-The-Prog

(32,502 posts)
43. May your mother speak to you in your memories for as long as you need her
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:58 AM
Nov 2023

My mother died at 95 and a half. She was ready, which helped me to be ready. I spent much of my life dreading the day, but her attitude and acceptance changed that in her last decade.

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
87. My mom was 95 and half too bday in May
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:39 PM
Nov 2023

She was ready at the end told me she didn't want to be 100 was ready to go, I think she just let herself go.

kimbutgar

(20,593 posts)
45. I'm so sorry Tree lady for your loss
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 07:05 AM
Nov 2023

Sounds like you had a good Mom. But always remember she is with you in your heart and spirit and sometimes when things get tough she’ll remind you she’s still there for you!

thatcrowwoman

(1,228 posts)
58. Kind condolences, Tree Lady, upon the death of your mother.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 10:12 AM
Nov 2023

Be patient and kind and gentle with yourself in your mourning and remembrances.
How wonderful it is that you grew closer these past years.

My mama’s been gone almost 4 years now, and I cried every day the first year. I still cry sometimes, and I reckon I always will. She was a nurse and believed in the healing power of salt water, be it tears, or sweat, or the ocean, or a salted soak in a warm tub. Salt water healing is one of the most important lessons I learned from mama. She comes to me in my dreams, and I still talk to her most days, laughing at something my dog has done, or spotting birds she liked, or making one of her many recipes, or trying something new.

She’s gone, but her love endures. She’s always in my heart. We are lucky daughters that way, you and I.

Sending you love and sweet Shalom, peace be with you.
🕊🩵thatcrowwoman

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
88. Thank you
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:42 PM
Nov 2023

I am spending the day remembering all the good happy things she did for me from drawing and cutting out paper dolls to making special birthday parties with themes.

My dad was more my person than my mom but I loved her too. I know what you mean after my dad died I spent years going to the phone to call him, he was my best friend.

CousinIT

(8,969 posts)
64. I'm so sorry. You can never have enough time with them.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 11:43 AM
Nov 2023

My Mom died at 94, also lived a good, long life but I still miss her EVERY day.

Wishing you much strength and peace at this heartbreaking time.

Rest in Peace Tree Lady's Mom

peacebuzzard

(5,091 posts)
67. so sorry, Tree Lady,
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 12:59 PM
Nov 2023

I think our last goodbyes to moms are so heartbreaking.
I am so sorry for your loss; may you find strength and peace. 💔

Beacool

(30,240 posts)
69. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 01:06 PM
Nov 2023

It doesn't matter how old we are, or the age of our parents, we will always miss them when they're gone.

May your mother be resting in peace.



ancianita

(35,551 posts)
70. I feel you, and am so sorry you lost your mom.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 02:35 PM
Nov 2023

Keep her memory close; it will be comforting at times when you least expect it.

electric_blue68

(14,374 posts)
72. Oh, my condolences! Rather shocking in a way. Been there ('08). Wow she lived a good healthy life.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 02:38 PM
Nov 2023

Glad you helped healed the relationship.

And an extra hug as a fellow tree lover.

JPPaverage

(505 posts)
73. Very sorry for your loss
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 02:43 PM
Nov 2023

It sounds like she lived a great life and raised fine offspring. May she rest in power.

calimary

(80,195 posts)
74. Hope she has a wonderful reunion with many friends who left beforehand.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 02:57 PM
Nov 2023

They’re probably happy she finally was able to join them Upstairs.

May she fly high.

Bayard

(21,586 posts)
79. I'm so sorry, Tree Lady
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:06 PM
Nov 2023

It must bring some peace of mind knowing you healed your differences. Its good that you lived in the same area so you could see her often.

Take care of yourself. Let us know how you're doing.

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
89. Thank you it does
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:48 PM
Nov 2023

I felt it was a honest thing to say because I can't pretend to be something I am not.

My mom was very passive/aggressive and was only this way with me and my brother everyone else thought she was the most kind and loving person which she could be. Twelve years ago my brother got mad at her for constant criticism and stopped visiting or any communication. I was even tempted a few times but told myself I should be patient as we all go through things that make us be the way we are.

The last few years though I stopped getting defensive, stopped trying to prove my point and she completely stopped except a few rare times.

By the end we got along great so I get to not feel guilty and deal with that.

Bayard

(21,586 posts)
106. I'm glad to hear that
Tue Nov 14, 2023, 01:57 AM
Nov 2023

My Mom and I pretty much hated each other before I left home. But then, we became friends, especially the last several years of her life.

Sometimes , when you're a kid, he can be hard to remember your Mom is actually a person.



lostnfound

(16,108 posts)
80. The pumpkin patch memory will be one of many blessings
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:20 PM
Nov 2023

I am sorry for your pain. But I’m glad you had good years recently that were especially peaceful.

Our hearts must expand to absorb the whole of this thing called life. It feels like pain but underneath I think it is something closer to profound gratitude.

There’s nothing wrong with talking to her as if she is still there, by the way. No one can say for sure, I think. Life is endlessly full of layers of surprises and beauty.

Blessings to you and all of your family.

wendyb-NC

(3,213 posts)
81. Sorry for the loss of your precious mom
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:26 PM
Nov 2023

Even when we know that a loved one can't live forever, and they're up in their 90's, it still can hit hard. May you embrace the happy memories, and savor her for the love and wisdom, the ways she was like, that were unique to her, that were reassuring, or memorable.

It's so amazing that she was able to go pick out pumpkins with her granddaughter, and great grandchildren, just a few weeks ago. That's so cool.

May she rest in peace, always.

Different Drummer

(7,446 posts)
90. My condolences on your loss, Tree Lady!
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:53 PM
Nov 2023

It sounds like your mom was a remarkable woman. May she rest in peace!

Tree Lady

(11,308 posts)
91. Thank you everyone for the care and support
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 03:55 PM
Nov 2023

this place is like a family of sorts and has been my safe place for almost 20 yrs in May.

pandr32

(11,352 posts)
93. I am sorry to hear you've lost your mom.
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 04:23 PM
Nov 2023

It is hard. I really don't think there is any way to prepare for such a loss because you can't know how it will affect you ahead of time. It sounds like your mom had her faculties right up until the end. That is a huge blessing. So many of us watched parents slowly lose themselves to some type of dementia. The fact that you shared time with her is wonderful.
May her memories remind you of her love, always.

FemDemERA

(210 posts)
96. I'm so sorry
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 05:40 PM
Nov 2023

Such a loss for you and your family. It sounds like there have been some good family times with her lately and I hope remembering those times will give some heartwarmth to you all as you grieve together.

forgotmylogin

(7,457 posts)
100. Sorry for your loss :(
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 07:28 PM
Nov 2023

It will be difficult and your brain will hit you with all kinds of "I should have done this; I should have said this..." Allow yourself space to grieve and remember good things. My mom passed in September of 2022 and I'm still occasionally staving off thoughts of what I should have done. It will pass. Grief is a slow-melting bitter candy you have to work on gradually so it doesn't choke you when you're not expecting it. All the best to you and your family.

peasant one

(147 posts)
103. sorry to hear about your loss
Mon Nov 13, 2023, 07:51 PM
Nov 2023

Hope you take care of yourself in the coming days and weeks. Let us know how it is going. It is always a hard transition to be suddenly without your mom.

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