What I learned from my father's death and funeral--Semi rant.
Last edited Tue Oct 3, 2023, 11:01 PM - Edit history (1)
I still am going through a roller coaster of emotions. My father was not always the best but as he got older he mellowed out . He was an Eagle Scout, two time caption of his High School Basketball PA state championship, President of his Senior class, got a scholarship to Carnegie Institute (now Carnegie Mellon) in engineering. He had to turn it down as he had to go to work for Westinghouse as a draftsman. He lived in the "projects" as a child with an alcoholic, abusive dad. Every payday they would have to walk into town to bring this father back home before he spent his pay. He was also a recipient of the Carnegie Foundation Hero's Award. which is a national award for giving your life or health for the safety of others. He was buried with the medal on. However, having your first child *me" at 22years old, he was so not ready to parent. And society was not ready to do anything about it. Only after he died twice on the Life Flight did his life change. And it did.'
Relatives can be cruel and heartless. My mother and sister and and some relatives made fun of my father about his physical features laughing and carrying on. He was in the casket in the same room. I felt like I wanted to vomit as I watched my dad being ridiculed at the visitation. I walked out and sat on a stone, crying. Yes, he did punch me and drew a gun to my head. But he changed and isn't life about changing. Mother and sister were the high lights. I put a board of pictures together, got the music together, and the Mass, and did the eulogy at graveside. I was told we could leave, as they don't lower the casket in the presence of family anymore. My Mother said I had to stay.. I left. It started with me calling the police to say that he died. They didn't know what to do. DUH. He was dead for 3 hrs,
People do NOT follow procession rules when diving, They cut into the procession, did not stop, and a couple of times our procession was almost involved in an accident. What happened to driving manners?
Finally , I thought the cemetery was further down in the town. It wasn't. It was held where Carpenter filmed the "The Night of the Living Dead" I had posted once that I was an extra in it. Imagine my surprise when we made the left turn.
I will continue to post when I am in the mood. Yesterday. I slept after returning home for about three hours in the afternoon. He always called me his valentine and I slipped a heart with the words "I love you Daddy" under his shirt. I was Daddy's girl--taught me to drive, fish, and play basketball and be the best in school and be very ready to have kids when the time came. And I will miss you. Love , Debbie-daddy's girl and valentine. Thank you for letting me get this off of my chest.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Please take care of yourself as you travel through this difficult time.
Mama shortly after. She was my best friend. I feel completely untethered. It's OK to cry. I do it every day.
Be gentle with yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss. We're here if you need us. We love you.
Stay encouraged. ❤️
Please take care of yourself during this difficult time.
We are here for you. Sending love and well wishes your way.
Like all others before me posting......know we ARE always here for you. 
Last edited Thu Oct 5, 2023, 11:59 AM - Edit history (1)
done crying. Last night I had a horrible dream and was up all night in the visitation room staring at my father. I thought the laughing and ridiculing my dad was uncalled for.Both my Mother and sister did it. I have not called them. They spent the time talking about my sister's
"cancer surgery" --she did not have cancer. and my mother's showing everyone her lost teeth. I had one aunt who came up to me and said I should be ashamed of not helping out more. Well, they have 30 cats and dog that shits and pisses all through the house. When I called for Father's Day, my dad was crying on the phone saying no one came in to wish him a Happy Father's Day. Trying to call afterward resulted in "he's sleeping" I feel bad for that, I should have taken the toxic smell and visited, I couldn't.
