Ladies you have $5 to build your perfect man

[brettdale]

Link to tweet

[bamagal62]

1. We'll, for me

It’s funny, smart, and faithful. But, why can’t we get all 10?

[Mike Niendorff]

2. Well, that explains everything!

Turns out, women just can't afford me


MDN

[Deuxcents]

3. Guess I'll have to shop somewhere else. None of those are on my list..if I was looking, that is

[Celerity]

6. if none of those attributes are what you would look for, and I make the person the reverse, this is

what you would start out with (before adding in what you are looking for, if you were looking)

1 ugly, perhaps deformed
2 humourless
3 unintelligent, perhaps dumb as a rock
4 bad in bed, and if a man, perhaps endowed with a microphallus (short AF dick)
5 unfaithful, likely a liar
6 poor, likely in debt, perhaps unemployable and/or just flat out lazy AF
7 has at least one child, perhaps has a string of children, and given the rest of the make-up of this person, the child(ren) are perhaps abandoned
8 short
9 bad body, likely overweight (perhaps obese), perhaps has multiple chronic diseases
10 no sense of romance, perhaps self-centred

I cannot think of a combination of other attributes that would overcome that combined trainwreck of a human (whether it's a man or a woman)

[Earth-shine]

4. Someone, anyone, loan me a few bucks.

[True Dough]

5. I could be purchased

for $1.25!

[LuckyCharms]

9. I got a buck three eighty!

[True Dough]

12. I'm going to

pray for a bidding war to take me to at least $1.40.

[LuckyCharms]

13. How about tree fiddy?

[True Dough]

18. Now I'm getting worried

At tree fiddy, there's not likely to be any other takers.

[markie]

7. $2.

smart and funny is all I need...

[LakeArenal]

8. How much for honesty? Off the chart?

[LuckyCharms]

10. Wait a minute now...

Nose hair $5

Earhole hair that looks like gray cotton balls $5

Sucks in gut when attractive person walks by, but it still protrudes $5

Wears only over-sized sweat pants. Wears clean ones for formal occasions $5

Accidently wears different colored socks everyday $5

"I've been trying to get rid of this dang nail fungus since 1987" $5

"That wasn't me, it was the dog" $5

[True Dough]

14. LuckyCharms

PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LuckyCharms]

15. LOL

[Marthe48]

11. I knew I could put my physical heart

in my husband's hands and he would take care of it.

That quality of trust.

And he was smart, funny and romantic

[True Dough]

16. Sorry he's gone, Marthe

No humor lurking here. Genuinely wish you still had your husband with you.

[Marthe48]

19. He is with me every step of the way

I talk to him almost every day. The conversations are one-sided and I win all the arguments!

Thank you for your kind thoughts. He's been gone since 2017. It took awhile, but I'm in a good place most of the time

[LuckyCharms]

17. A good man, Marthe48.

[Marthe48]

20. He sure was

[Mr.Bill]

21. Keep the five bucks.

You'll be ahead in the long run.

[Aristus]

22. Dresses extremely well: $2.50.

Spectacular personal hygiene: $2.50.

I’m also smart. But that’s free.

[highplainsdem]

23. Those are also definite pluses.

[highplainsdem]

24. Let's see...

Last edited Fri May 12, 2023, 11:59 PM - Edit history (1)

The $5 will go for just the first three, but that still isn't ideal.

Need another $2 for good in bed.

Another $3 for faithful. And I would dump him if he wasn't.

Wealth is unimportant. I've gone our with some very wealthy men, and they usually turned out to be boring.

I like kids, usually. Anyone's kids.

Need another dollar for tall, because I am.

"Great body" is something I just assume goes with "good looking."

And I'm not a romantic myself, so I never needed a really romantic partner. I guess I've always thought of "romantic" as something very mannered and self-conscious. Loving, sexy and fun was better. Oh, and he'd better like the same music I like...and he'd better be a liberal.

[Raine]

25. Smart, funny and faithful, wouldn't hurt if he was good looking too but

I ran out of money and the other three are more important anyway. 🤗

[UTUSN]

26. 5 bucks, would do for less - I don't presume to speak for ALL

[Skittles]

27. sense of humor is #1 with me

WTF