I just can't sleep. The horror of the day is killing me. I need to let go of this anger.

[NNadir]

It's pretty bad, about as bad as 9/11 and 2016 when this racist thug was "elected."

I can't let this kill me. I need to make it at least to January 20.

I just needed to say this.

[Kali]

1. look

[NNadir]

7. Thank you it helps.

I'm going to try to go to bed.

I was already an insomniac before this/

I've been reading Vokogonov's biography of Stalin. I need to put that aside. His personality was remarkably like Trump's. Usually reading can make me sleep, but not tonight.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

2. Trying to relax too

My anger is white hot right now.

[ZZenith]

3. 13 days 9 hours 11 minutes.

[dhill926]

4. yeah...I hear ya...

better days ahead. In the meantime, this is great TV...

[TomDaisy]

5. I know. How much of our own bile can we eat. I had to take melatonin. Still up.

[Doreen]

6. All I can think of is the movie "Anger Management"

being "coos fraba, coos fraba, coos fraba" said slowly with proper breathing along with it. Supposed to help your anger.

[TexasTowelie]

8. I was in a violent fight with my brother about this today.

He pushed me to the floor while I was in my wheelchair. My leg was trapped between the wheelchair and the doorjam so that I couldn't move. The knee on my left leg was cut and the muscles around my knee were strained. Somehow I have to find a way to get away from him because I can't put up with his denialism and violent nature.

It's going to be a few days before I will want to speak with him again. He may be a veteran, but I certainly don't consider him to be a patriot since he is part of the Trump cult.

[byronius]

9. So sorry to hear this.

[SheltieLover]

10. Omg!

So sorry to hear this! That had to be terrifying to feel so vulnerable with a crazed magat attacking you!

[TexasTowelie]

13. It was sickening listening to him cheer for the coup.

FWIW, he didn't even bother to register to vote after we moved in September 2019 so he really has no right to complain about anything. He has brainwashed by Fox News and all of his right wing friends on Facebook.

Considering that I'm the custodian of login credentials (both personal and professional), I am tempted to change his Facebook password so he is cut off from his friends who were fellow idiots that he attended high school with decades ago. I regret helping him to set up a Facebook account since all it has resulted in are messes not only on political issues, but scams by women who sent him nude photos. One of his buddies didn't know how to adjust their security profiles on Facebook so everyone of his buddies "friends list' were getting scam messages and photos. I probably saved a quarter of the town of Wharton, Texas from receiving the spam invites from the scammers.

[SheltieLover]

15. I wouldn't block him if he's using your computer

He might smash it if he can't access his weirdo friends.

I worked with families & mentally ill kids & teens for years. FB was #1 cause of suicidal ideation & attempts.

I sure hope you have a viable plan to get away from him!

It sounds like an intense situation that a lot of folks are experiencing now. One that is oddly similar to Civil War times, with families & friends being so divided. I guess this is what happens when the losing side will not recognize their defeat, the winning side coddles the losers with concessions, & the losers' animosities fester, transgenerationallyl, for a lot of years.

[TexasTowelie]

20. My brother does not touch my computer.

He has a similar HP laptop and a employer provided laptop. I'm the person that handles the technical issues such as router problems, cables, and scanner/printer problems like changing the ink cartridges. I rate about an 8 or 9 with my computer knowledge while I would say that his knowledge is around a 2.

I've been trying to get away from my brother for years, but issues like the lack of transportation and living in small towns where only a few jobs that align with my expertise limit my potential to escape from this situation.

[SheltieLover]

23. Well, I'm glad you have great computer akills!

And glad he doesn't use your computer!

It's a shame you haven't been able to get free of him yet. I cannot imagine living with a magat. Maybe you could find some work that can be done remotely that would enable you to be free of him?

[TexasTowelie]

29. I've been applying for remote work since the pandemic began. nt

[peacebuzzard]

11. oh no, that's awful. I am so sorry.

that is abuse. so sad to hear this.
is there anything you need? anything? Please take care.

[TexasTowelie]

16. It isn't the first time he has been violent towards me.

If I was in a situation where I wasn't dependent on brother I would try to achieve so level of independence again. We are "The Odd Couple" with nearly no shared interests beyond the cats and an occasional football game.

What I need is a prosthesis so I can walk again, but it runs somewhere between $8K-$15K. I don't want to post any further information about my situation, but I have been through the Social Security process before and have filed a new claim after my foot was amputated. I've also contacted a couple of different state agencies to see if they can assist me so that I can return to the workforce. I'm expecting a response from one of those agencies in the next few weeks.

[Lars39]

28. TexasTowlie,

have you gotten in touch with the Ombudsman organization for disabled in your state? They may be able to help or direct you to some group who can.
DUers can be very generous if you start a GoFunMe account.

[TexasTowelie]

30. Yes, I've contacted two different state agencies in Texas for assistance.

I was previously a state employee so I'm aware of the resources available.

I've applied for Medicaid when my SNAP benefits renewal came up and when I've applied for Social Security. I also got into contact with the Department of Aging and Disability Services and they are processing another application for Medicaid, but keep in mind that I'm in Texas and we did not expand Medicaid under the ACA.

I know that DUers are generous, but the issue is developing a continuous revenue stream before I think about moving. I don't want to ask for financial assistance and then have to return to the well at a later date. I'm also concerned about privacy issues and that I could jeopardize some aid that I'm currently receiving with a GoFundMe campaign.

I don't want to get into details and I do have my share of excuses such as the mobility issues, the need to use a somewhat limited public transportation system (closes at 7 p.m. and no weekend service), the necessity of having some type of healthcare coverage for medical appointments, and other factors that are very strong disincentives to taking just any job that becomes available. I can easily envision waking up at 5 a.m. and not getting home until 7 p.m. while also having the possibility of getting stranded at a bus stop two miles away from home and not having any ability to go to a grocery store or an ATM. There is certainly a minimum level of salary and benefits to make it worthwhile to deal with the additional stress compared to the current situation.

[Lars39]

31. You're well informed!

I hope something comes through soon for you without compromising your privacy.
I’m a worrier.

[TexasTowelie]

32. I applied for SSDI in 2014 and went through all of the appeals only to be denied.

I had four different psychiatrists evaluate me and recommend disability, but the one psychiatrist that never met me or spoke with me overruled all of their evaluations. If I had one more hospital stay or made a terroristic threat within that one year period then I would have automatically qualified.

[Lars39]

33. That is so frustratingly wrong on many levels.

You shouldn’t be going through all this.

[58Sunliner]

12. If you need help please put up a fund me post.

I'm sorry, no one deserves that.

[TexasTowelie]

17. I've stayed from that because so many GoFuneMe posts on DU have turned into disasters

for the people making requests. While I've shared many of my trials and tribulations on DU, there still is a certain level of privacy that I want to maintain. It really boils down to two people with mental health issues that shouldn't be living together. It is also a symbiotic relationship because neither of us can survive without the other.

[58Sunliner]

25. Understood.

[NNadir]

22. Thank you, but this wasn't about a financial need.

I am extremely fortunate, especially in these times, to have a good job, health insurance and a fairly comfortable life, even if my wife lost her job to the plague.

I'm really grateful for all of that.

It's about grief for my country, given that so many citizens in it reject democracy and worship a pernicious fool, expressing contempt for a more than two century old constitution.

I did manage to get to sleep for about an hour, and now will head out to work.

[58Sunliner]

26. Sorry I was posting to someone else.

[NNadir]

27. No problem. It WAS late at night.

The insomnia, to which I am prone in normal times, was particularly bad. The way it works is that it builds into a panic, as one's judgment becomes impaired by exhaustion, especially when one has a full day ahead.

The appalling events yesterday made it worse.

I'm tired but otherwise fine this morning.

[vercetti2021]

14. Jesus

I think you need to cut him off. I did today with a ton of family that supported the coup.

[TexasTowelie]

18. I'd like to, but it would probably result in having to live in a homeless shelter

and I don't believe that I have the ability to get out of that situation. At least I have a place to sleep, a couple cats, and I'm saving some money.

I do have the upper hand in a few areas and my analytical skills are useful. If I were a vindictive person I could also create massive chaos for my brother, but it also would likely backfire and make the situation worse.

At this point I can only hope that the situation will change in the future and an opportunity will arise that I can get out of this predicament.

[vercetti2021]

19. Jesus goddamn Christ

I'm sorry that you're essentially a hostage

[TexasTowelie]

21. Yes, although I'm describing it as Administrative Assistant on my resume.

If I somehow managed to find a full time job, my brother would retaliate by kicking me out since I wouldn't be available 24/7 to help with the administrative tasks that are a part of his job.

[Harker]

24. You can do it.

Recognizing anger as a destructive force may help you eliminate it or at least minimize it.

My best to you in these difficult times.