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Sun Feb 11, 2018, 04:42 PM

Is adultery always bad?

Intriguing article in today's Boston Globe

https://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/2018/02/11/infidelity-always-bad/LeFIeGi7yoXwSeeqVlnI8H/story.html

Lots to mull over, even for those of us who have had a marriage blown up over a partner's infidelity.

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Response to CTyankee (Original post)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 04:55 PM

1. I've known of a situation or two where long-term adultery actually prevented a bad

marriage from terminating. The husband was a devoted father and didn't want to abandon his children. His wife had reciprocal adultery and her only satisfaction in the marriage was demeaning and humiliating this guy at every opportunity. She threw knives and heavy glass flower vases at him. She screamed at the kids and hit them. He considered leaving her, but the children were too compelling in the equation. He knew he'd never get them if he applied for custody and she'd probably move out of state just to spite him.

The man found a woman who loved him. She wasn't especially interested in marriage although she did have qualms about their relationship. He often told her that she kept him from going crazy in a very dysfunctional marriage.

While this reeks of moral relativism, adultery is like most things: not an absolute lesson in ethics.

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Reply #1)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 05:09 PM

2. We have a friend whose adultery ended a once happy marriage...

His daughters stopped speaking to him or letting him see his grandkids. That was almost 10 years ago and only now are now speaking to him again. The hurt runs deep and runs long.

I think the worst scenario is when the "other woman" is a friend of the wife's. That's a double whammy.

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Response to CTyankee (Reply #2)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 05:16 PM

3. I can understand the sense of betrayal, especially if the kids felt that they had a happy and

intact family and an interloper broke it up.

What the kids don't see if the actual dynamic of the marriage.

A wise friend told me that only two people in the marriage truly know the truth of it.

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Response to CTyankee (Original post)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 05:20 PM

4. it's like saying do these pants make my ass look big

 

honey, it's not the pants

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Response to CTyankee (Original post)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 06:14 PM

5. Always bad for who?

Depends on who, and other factors.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #5)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 06:44 PM

6. That is what they said on an episode of "Sex And The City" too.

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Response to BigmanPigman (Reply #6)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 07:12 PM

8. Hypothetically speaking, looking at the long line years in my rear view mirror...

I would have reacted much differently to adultery when I was a young bride, versus later years.
That is partly because of context of the era involved, which placed more moral condemnation on the wife, versus the husband, playing around.

We can see the context change in our political history, as well. McCain, and Gringrich, and..oh yes, Guiliani, all of whom cheated on more than one wife, and 2 of them did so when the wife in question was very ill.
And yet, unlike the Eisenhower, or even the Nixon years, it did not end their political life.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #8)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 07:34 PM

9. I remember the Eisenhower years and thinking that the scandal was so long ago he might not

have even been capable of a physical affair at his age. But still, the emotional affair was so bad it had to have affected Mamie.

I know we've had adulterers in the White House before....but this is BAD...

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Response to CTyankee (Reply #9)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 09:55 PM

10. i agree...very bad.

The moral things Trump is accused of would have resulted in a shamed resignation and a Congressional backlash.
Now, it's "boys will be boys" and nothing happens.

Still some lines have been upheld..Roy Moore, for one. But his election was still kind of up in the air, until his darling wife did an Archie Bunker on live tv. THAT was the moment he lost voters. Her smug bigotry was replayed all over the place, including Facebook and YouTube.

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Response to CTyankee (Original post)

Sun Feb 11, 2018, 06:54 PM

7. I don't know, let's ask my wife.

On second thought, let's not.

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Response to CTyankee (Original post)

Mon Feb 12, 2018, 08:40 AM

11. Adultery is often (or usually) a symptom of a serious issue in a marrriage that needs to be

resolved through couple's therapy. Yes, I'm sure it is sometimes the result of one partner being a selfish, immoral jerk, but in my estimation that is the exception rather than the rule.

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Response to CTyankee (Original post)

Tue Feb 13, 2018, 10:13 AM

12. I would say no, but why even waste time in an unhappy relationship?

Just get out and save everyone unnecessary trouble.

I don't understand why people go to such great lengths to save broken relationships.

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Response to alarimer (Reply #12)

Tue Feb 13, 2018, 10:29 AM

13. when you have children and want to keep the marriage intact for their sake, that's why.

I know that can be a mistake but that is a strong reason.

Once you are free from a broken marriage and a cheating spouse, you can do amazing things. You can seek another partner. I met my second husband at a Parents Without Partners party. 32 years later we are still together...

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