We will base all our numbers on two assumptions:
Assumption 1: They sell 26 million cups of latte every day in the United States alone.
Assumption 2: They put one teaspoon (5 milliliters) of semen in each cup.
26 million teaspoons of anything equals 130 million milliliters, or roughly 34,500 gallons - which, coincidentally, happens to be the capacity of a standard railroad tank car.
A normal, healthy adult human male will ejaculate 10 ml of semen in a single orgasm. Because we are relying on all that semen to make America's lattes more tasty, let's say said normal, healthy adult human male can do it once a day. We know we need 130 million ml of semen every day, so a little back-of-the-napkin figuring says we need the issue of 13 million guys a day, every day.
According to the Kinsey Report, ten percent of the American population is at least occasionally gay, and the United States' population includes 151 million adult males. Therefore, Reverend Manning would consider 15 million American men to be "sodomites." I assume the problems of sexual dysfunction are as prevalent in the homosexual male as they are in the heterosexual, therefore let us pencil in that it would take 13 million men's ejaculate, every day, to meet the needs of this one customer.
To make a long story short, one of two things is happening here:
First, and least likely: Every gay man in America is jacking off into a railcar every single day, without fail, to allow Starbucks the opportunity to use Rev. Manning's special latte recipe.
or
Second, and almost certain: James David Manning is so full of shit his eyes are brown.
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