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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe Onion: "I do really enjoy the creeping sadness that exists every day Im around"
https://www.theonion.com/happy-monday-everyone-looking-forward-to-another-week-1819769158
Happy Monday, Everyone! Looking Forward To Another Week Of Infecting Every Aspect Of Your Daily Lives!
Good morning, everyone! What a week weve got coming up. A tremendous week. The fall season is here, were working on huge tax cuts, and theres a lot of optimism having to do with business in our economy. Also, were ending Obamacare. And Im going to get the wall. But beyond all that, what Im looking forward to the most is another seven days of infecting every little aspect of your daily lives.
I will poison every second of quiet reflection that you previously enjoyed. No more sitting calmly with a coffee on a park bench. No more carefree drives with the windows down and the radio up. No more tranquil moments reveling in the splendor of a sunset. Just me festering in your brain, befouling all you hold dear.
The mind is funny like that sometimes. The second youve freed yourself from the burden of having to ponder my ironclad stranglehold on absolutely every facet of American life, there Ill be again, ready to resume the endless cycle of fear, regret, anger, and shame. Go ahead, try and tune me out right now.
They never cover it in the fake media, but I do really enjoy the creeping sadness that exists every day Im around. Its a fantastic feeling. I get true joy knowing that somewhere out there, someone is just looking through their refrigerator, or chatting with their family, or waiting in line to buy groceries, and I suddenly weasel my way into their brain and ratchet up their stress about not only the future of this country, but also the rest of the world. Its a different joy than how I felt as a private citizen, when only a small percentage of people were constantly nauseated by the mere mention of my name.
Happy Monday, Everyone! Looking Forward To Another Week Of Infecting Every Aspect Of Your Daily Lives!
Good morning, everyone! What a week weve got coming up. A tremendous week. The fall season is here, were working on huge tax cuts, and theres a lot of optimism having to do with business in our economy. Also, were ending Obamacare. And Im going to get the wall. But beyond all that, what Im looking forward to the most is another seven days of infecting every little aspect of your daily lives.
I will poison every second of quiet reflection that you previously enjoyed. No more sitting calmly with a coffee on a park bench. No more carefree drives with the windows down and the radio up. No more tranquil moments reveling in the splendor of a sunset. Just me festering in your brain, befouling all you hold dear.
The mind is funny like that sometimes. The second youve freed yourself from the burden of having to ponder my ironclad stranglehold on absolutely every facet of American life, there Ill be again, ready to resume the endless cycle of fear, regret, anger, and shame. Go ahead, try and tune me out right now.
They never cover it in the fake media, but I do really enjoy the creeping sadness that exists every day Im around. Its a fantastic feeling. I get true joy knowing that somewhere out there, someone is just looking through their refrigerator, or chatting with their family, or waiting in line to buy groceries, and I suddenly weasel my way into their brain and ratchet up their stress about not only the future of this country, but also the rest of the world. Its a different joy than how I felt as a private citizen, when only a small percentage of people were constantly nauseated by the mere mention of my name.
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The Onion: "I do really enjoy the creeping sadness that exists every day Im around" (Original Post)
Miles Archer
Oct 2017
OP
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,899 posts)1. The Onion nails it again.
For reals.
Tommy_Carcetti
(43,219 posts)2. Damn, they pretty much summed up my feelings today. nt
ornotna
(10,807 posts)3. Mission accomplished
Once again, The Onion hits that nail.
DetlefK
(16,423 posts)4. Just imagine living in a country...
...where you have the luxury of not caring about politics.
Gothmog
(145,666 posts)5. I love the Onion
Amimnoch
(4,558 posts)6. So much truth in spoof. nt.
dalton99a
(81,636 posts)7. The malignancy is cruel and evil.
Mr.Bill
(24,334 posts)8. Funny,
but no, he hasn't gotten to me yet.
They_Live
(3,241 posts)9. no fake news here
bulls eye.
kentuck
(111,110 posts)10. Good morning, everyone!
mountain grammy
(26,658 posts)11. Embrace the horror..
Love the Onion.
louis c
(8,652 posts)12. It is obviously fake
Look at his vocabulary. It is nearly at a 12th grade level.
The Moron in Chief's vocabulary never extends beyond the 4th grade.