"Hey everyone I'm a clown... here's my take on male violence in America"

[demmiblue]

This was on my Twitter feed this morning (retweeted by Felicia Day).

Link to tweet

Hey everyone I'm a clown and I just got back from facepainting at a picnic and here's my take on male violence in America:

It starts young. And it's more than just letting boys play with guns, it's how we shame them for feeling anything that isn't anger.

A 4yo boy asked me to paint a blue butterfly on his face. Then his mom told me "no, he doesn't want that."

"Butterflies are beautiful, he said that's what he wants, shouldn't I paint what he wants?"
"No give him something for boys"

She turns to dad, a big guy in a jersey, and says accusingly,
"Do you want your son to have a butterfly on his face?"
He says "No."

Which, cool, let's bring your husbands masculinity into it too. Because your 4yo kid needs to know that his father would be ashamed too

I really tried you guys, but this woman was so scared of her son wanting a butterfly she made me paint a skull and crossbones on his cheek.

When I finished the skull I said to kiddo
"You want a little blue butterfly too?"
He nods.
Mom interrupts "You didn't ask me."

I say in my kindest fuck you voice
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was for HIM."
"I'm his MOTHER. You need to ask me." She says.

"SORRY." I say and wave good bye to the kid. And I am. I'm sorry that he is not allowed to love something as miraculous and beautiful as a 🦋

I'm sorry that he was shamed for wanting to share in the joy that is the miracle and wonder of nature.

I see this all the time. And I really feel for these boys, because the girls don't get it as bad. Being a tomboy is slightly more normalized

And when girls want skulls or sharks the parents shrug and laugh like "haha she's a kooky kid!" Because maleness and masculinity isn't a sin

But when a boy want to enjoy something for its beauty, they are told it's not for them. Not in this house. Not in this family.

We are teaching them that anger & violence r the only things they are allowed to experience. That to value beauty & elegance is shameful

I know that it was just facepaint, but that's sort of my point. Why in the hell are these parents shaming their boys over FACEPAINT

Honestly don't even get me started on the balloons.

So the next time you are incredulous about how the govt could shut down our national parks, or build the pipeline, or nuke the planet...

Think about what this four year old boy asked for 🦋
And what he got ☠️

[greymattermom]

1. I can't imagine speaking to a child like that.

I would be asking the child to name all the different colors of butterflies he's seen.

[AJT]

2. Well put. Thank you.

[Freedomofspeech]

3. Excellent.

[GeorgeGist]

4. Stupidity is all fun'n games until ...

your son is a cold-blooded murderer.

[BigmanPigman]

5. I taught elementary school kids for over 15 years and did my best

to teach the kids things that their parents often didn't teach them (fairness, respect yourself and others, the Golden Rule, conflict resolution, etc). When they got older and would visit me I was usually proud because I could see in their words and actions that perhaps some of what we practiced in my classroom stuck with them.

[SHRED]

6. This quote came to mind while reading this

[saidsimplesimon]

14. Thanks for all that you do

Shred.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="

" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[SHRED]

15. I don't do much

But thanks!

[llmart]

7. This is where it all needs to start...

Let's be honest here. Do you see many women in that group of Nazi protesters?

I raised my son to be a peace loving person who was kind. I taught him from a very early age that fighting and war are not to be admired. To this day, I can see the wonderful man he turned into. If the fathers aren't going to do it, then the mothers need to step up and teach it to their sons. Unfortunately, there are still many women who defer to the fathers when raising a son. We have a warped sense of what a real man is in this country.

[SHRED]

8. I'm so disgusted with how kids are treated

The images they are forced to live up to.
We perform genital mutilation on boys and then tell them over the next few years to " be a man don't cry".
What do we expect?

[NJCher]

9. one person's POV

expressed via Twitter.

beautifully told.

it will make a difference in someone's life.

This, I tell my classes, is why we need to know how to write. Someday a moment like this could happen to you, and in telling it, others can learn from it.

Thank you, demmiblue, for bringing it to us.


Cher

[AllyCat]

10. I was behind a man and a preschool boy

Walking to the public restrooms. The boy was, I am sure, pre-reading. He started to walk into the women's restroom. The dad growled "Idiot! Don't go in there! That's for women. They'll beat you up". The kid turned to look at me with fear in his face. I said "We won't do that." I was horrified. What kind of person says that to his kid?

[3catwoman3]

27. "They'll beat you up?"

WTF?!

And he called his son an idiot? Seems like the father should be the one bearing that appellation.

[lark]

11. This is truly heartbreaking.

Children should be allowed to love nature and not be pushed into unnatural aggressiveness. This writer says girls are allowed to be themselves, but that's not necessarily true either. Little girls may be given more freedom, maybe, but once they get older, it's game over. Older girls are discouraged from taking math and science all the time, discouraged from being leaders, which is every bit as bad as what happened here.

[flibbitygiblets]

16. Girls are also told to always be "nice", so when men interrupt them, they don't object

...and when they DO object, they're called "shrill" or "hysterical".

And sometimes when men make inappropriate comments (or worse) to girls...they're unprepared to object.

I was at a meeting with (mostly men) the other day, and although we're all roughly equally experienced and qualified, they'd routinely talk over me...except when I agreed with them. Don't even get me started on my other comment.

[Nay]

28. Little girls are only given more 'freedom' because it's always OK for the lesser

being to emulate the greater being (girls can wear pants, but boys better not wear dresses). And yes, when girls get older the shit hits the fan for them.

[Phoenix61]

12. Fun social experiment

Pick a somewhat controversial topic, gay marriage, climate change, Twitler.... Ask 10 men how they feel about the topic. Most will tell you what they think although they may word it as "I feel it's stupid." Stupid isn't an emotion. Keep pushing until you get an emotion as an answer. Males are socialized very early to disconnect from their emotions making it a struggle for them to identify an emotion, its cause, and express it appropriately.

Women tend to go the other way. Ask them what they think and you get an emotion although they may word it as "I think it's sad." Sad is an emotion and a topic doesn't have emotions. Females are socialized very early that nice girls can be smart but it's smarter not to be too smart. Women, especially in tech fields, run into this all the time.

Why does all this matter? It matters because it gives emotions the magical power of altering reality. That feeling a certain way makes something fact, not opinion. The more disconnected you are from your feelings the easier it is for this to occur. Twitler is a great example of this. He feels he won the popular vote and is hell bent to create a reality where that is true.

[ProudLib72]

18. Ok, I'll play along

Gay marriage: I feel sad and annoyed that people have to butt into others' lives when it is none of their business.
Climate change: I feel scared mostly. I'm not sure "anxious" is really an emotion, but I feel anxious contemplating all the major changes that will occur because of climate change. I'm also pissed as hell at our government for ignoring this because it doesn't fit their profit making agenda.
Twitler: I feel complete disgust. I feel massive amounts of anger.

There you go. As I took the quiz I realized that I am programed to respond with anger to a lot of contentious issues. Is that a male thing? I think so. Suppress the other emotions because they are too "feminine". Don't want to look like a pansy, do we? But anger is masculine. I'll tell you something else as well. When I read a post by a woman who feels angry about tRump, I don't put as much stock in it as I do when a male poster expresses his anger. Now is that because women are not supposed to feel anger, or is it because women don't feel anger at the same level as men? Of course I can rationalize and tell you that my experience is gender biased and that I know women can be just as angry as men.

Ok, your experiment has given me something to think about and some things to work on. Thank you!

[neeksgeek]

13. These parents are teaching fear and hatred instead of wonder and beauty.

Hatred is taught.

[raven mad]

17. ...............

[GusBob]

19. The infinatilization of the Modern American male

Another example.

Curry nailed in his essay, it's everywhere

[Warren DeMontague]

20. "infantilization?"... Parents demanding a skull instead of a butterfly on a 4 year old?

i dont think that word means what you think it does.

[GusBob]

21. Yes and they never outgrow it. Read the second paragraph of the essay again

Boys are shamed and are never allowed to grow up on their own terms

The kid driving thru the crowd in his shiny car, and what does mommy think about it? Is he not an adult male?

I am starting to try and understand the word in a larger sense

[Warren DeMontague]

22. I don't read this as infantilization so much as "suck it up and be a man, men love death"

That's the opposite of infantilization, it's the kind of bullshit I grew up with. stupid-assed, crew cut, 1950s Freddie Blassie definitions of what it is to be a "man". Ooooga booga.

For all the neverending get offa mah lawn bleating about how cell phones and internet porn and automatic transmissions have ruined humanity and, specifically, the supposedly special snowflake-ey millennial generation, the fact is that they are more progressive, more tolerant, and in those regards more grown up than any generation in history.

Certainly more than mine, and we aren't so bad either.

[GusBob]

23. Ok, I see it differently

Progressive, tolerant more diverse too, agreed

More grown up? Men and women of the age of that driver went to France ( twice), the Pacific, Korea, Vietnem, Iraq, Afganistan,

For right and wrong reasons. Some of them grew up, some of them died crying for their mommies, true.

Again, larger picture, we have a crybaby as president and the modern American male is why.

I'm bad at expelling myself, sorry. It's a new concept I am trying to wrap my head around

[Warren DeMontague]

24. The crybaby in the WH is, what, 70?

Of course brave generations before fought WWI, WWII, etc etc.

Some of my own friends went to Iraq, the first time.

But what hasn't changed is, old people complaining about "these kids today"- that was true in Socrates' time, as well.

There's nothing wrong with "the modern American male" - both Trump and the jackwit who drove his car into the crowd are symptoms of a reactionary response TO modernity, not the modernity itself.

In my opinion.

[GusBob]

25. Brother, I hear ya

Kids these days! Why, back in my day! I feel worried about the future!

They said that about trains, the automobile,television, Elvis, and the Beatles.

Now it's this old mans turn,

Signed,

Abe Simpson

[Warren DeMontague]

26. Right on.