Getting ready for the spillover of right-wing rage.

[Baitball Blogger]

Those of us who live in right-wing communities are familiar with it. On a normal day, civilities just means ignoring each other. But when they're mad, they can't help themselves. One of the telling signs that there's spillover occurs when they go out of their way to try to make you feel uncomfortable. I got such a sign today with a golfer on a golfcart who not only drove close to the property line while I was gardening, but just stood his ground until he was satisfied that I was "not up to no good."

This was not an ordinary golfer looking for a lost ball. When he first came into view I was by a trellis by the property line trying to find a good spot for the new clematis that had just been delivered from Park Seed. When I stood up, he saw me and turned the cart around to approach my property line, against the grain of the fairway. I watched him and could clearly see that he was scanning my backyard, as if he were passing judgment. He just hung around, at some point he pretended to look at something on the ground, but there was nothing there. He carried himself with an autocratic air that said that he had the right to be there, doing what he was doing, until he was satisfied.

As a minority, I knew what to do. Retreating into the house would have sent the wrong signal, so I went about my business and grabbed the hose to water the plants that were in pots. It was actually good timing. Some of those plants were wilting. As I stood my ground, I returned the stare. My way of letting him know that I belonged there. I think we gave each other the stink-eye.

He finally left and I noticed that A) He never picked up a golfball from the ground, and B) He picked up the game further down, in the middle of the fairway. In other words, he confirmed my suspicion that he turned the golfcart around to take a better look.

I expect that, as the events unfold on a national level, the seams at the local level will begin to split.

[HoneyBadger]

1. Is this a microaggression?

[Baitball Blogger]

2. See, this is why I love DU.

Yes. Exactly. And you would not believe how long it has taken me to learn how to stand my ground, and not feel like it's my fault for doing something that sets them off.

From wiki: "microaggressions as "brief, everyday exchanges that send denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group membership"

[lunatica]

49. I practice micropassiveaggression to my superiors at work

[Cary]

53. I'm sorry you have to experience this

Thanks for sharing your life experience. I don't know you but from this little slice you made me feel proud of you.

[Baitball Blogger]

54. Gosh, Cary. Thanks.

Means alot.

[Cary]

60. A slice of my own life...

A year or so ago I was trying to cross a street in downtown Chicago. I had a migraine. I don't get headaches, just the aura which means my vision gets messed up and I get a little confused. There was a young black man next to me and I have no idea how I looked at him. I was preparing to ask him to help me across the street so I didn't get killed.

He turned to me and asked me if I had a problem because he was black. I did not have presence of mind to say "no sir, I may having a migraine and can you please help me across the street." I just said "no sir."

I feel badly about that to this day.

[Baitball Blogger]

61. I have had cultural misunderstandings too.

I once made the mistake of saying thank you to a young black man who let me get in line ahead of him, and it must have looked like a conversation to his significant other. Sistah made me feel like a total shit and I even felt the heat from their group.

I felt horrible until I thought to myself. Shit, I'm practically hitting sixty and I got a beautiful, young black woman jealous. Damn, I still got it!

[Cary]

63. Your story just brought that to my mind for some reason

I could understand how the man would have found my behavior confusing or perhaps offensive.

[Baitball Blogger]

64. I know it's hard. Just another example of the different experiences we all have that

makes it difficult to develop good relationships.

Next time, you'll know how to handle it better.

[Cary]

66. Not exactly.

I was having a migraine. I was not thinking right. Nothing I can do about that. I think it's called disconesia.

[Baitball Blogger]

67. Gotcha.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[yallerdawg]

3. In parts of the south...

they call communities built around golf courses 'plantations.'

Tell me we don't have in-your-face racism just about everywhere.

And the jackass in the White House is making it worse!

[yallerdawg]

14. Thanks for visiting!

[LexVegas]

16. You are the racist buffoon. nt

[Judi Lynn]

19. It's been real. n/t

[liberalhistorian]

21. Ooh, ooh, ooh, what

idiocy did I miss, and why do I always miss it, and the chance to stick it to trolls, around here? Lol.

[wryter2000]

83. I hate when I miss the stupidity, too

I so love to watch the racists shown the door

[zentrum]

85. Was in the South only once.

Drove through a main street in Myrtle Beach and was horrified to see the number of places with the word "Plantation" in the name. Plantation Restaurant, Plantation Hotel.

They may as well have hung the Confederate Flag and claimed it was "just heritage".

What struck me most was how "normalized" the word was---this constant message to both white and black citizens that this word was not freighted with a horrific and unexamined meaning.

And on top of this is that Myrtle Beach has a national and maybe international visitor base because of the golf course. So the town had no shame at all and expected any visitor to be of the same mindset.

[vlyons]

4. I would have walked up to him and asked

if he needed help, or if he needed something.

[Solly Mack]

5. Me, too. lol

I wouldn't be able to help myself. I'd have to ask.

[Blue_true]

11. That is what I would have done also. nt

[volstork]

26. I would have

hit him with a blast from the hose. Of course, then I would likely have been hauled to jail...

[oldcynic]

48. careful...I've done the hose bit

and got my tires slashed.

[Thor_MN]

28. Asking if he had lost one of his balls would be kind.

it would not necessarily imply offering to help find it.

[sdfernando]

44. I would have framed it with sarcasm....

Do you need help? Have you lost your balls???

[yagotme]

52. That was my immediate thought when I read that...

"Excuse me, can I help you" "You've what? Lost your balls? Har, har, har..."

[Blue_Roses]

56. lol...

I love that, "Excuse me, but have you lost your balls?"

[guillaumeb]

8. The incident would not have happened.

Similar to "driving while black", "walking/standing while black" is also an issue for some bigots.

[Baitball Blogger]

9. Let me put it to you this way,

I would not have gone up to ask him if he needed something. I didn't want to create a situation that could escalate.

But I did need to let him know that I was not intimidated.

[Blue_true]

12. Asking the jackass if he needed help is not escalating. nt

[retrowire]

20. Yeah it is.

Demonstrate a neutral way of "can I help you?" That wouldn't ruffle feathers these days.

[Baitball Blogger]

32. Exactly.

Besides, there is precedent for potential hostility. He was on a strip of golfcourse property behind my property that was severely cut back a few months ago after decades of neglect. The guy who mowed it even trespassed on my property by ten feet and wiped out plants that I had along the border.

The only clues that I was targeted was that the mowing occurred the morning after board member from my Association met illegally, (sans properly noticed meeting); and the unkempt area behind the other neighbor's house was left untouched.

[japple]

37. It's the same reason I was afraid to put an Obama sticker on my car. I live in

a very RED part of Georgia where many people in the community fly that hate flag--the confederate battle flag. I am an elderly white woman, but am still a bit nervous about having my home, my pets, or my chickens attacked.

[Baitball Blogger]

42. I bought Obama shirts that I carefully folded and put away for souvenirs.

That was back in 2008. Today I would wear them, if only they fit! LOL!

[japple]

51. I wish we are all able to "fly our freak flag!!" This coming from an old

hippie who is still alive. I was proud to be a part of the March for Women and Social Justice in Atlanta (along with 63000 others) the day tRump was installed, but I'm sure I couldn't wear the same thing I was wearing back when I was supporting McGovern for Prez. Peace and love to you dear friend!

[Baitball Blogger]

55. .

[Baitball Blogger]

31. Yes it is. You just don't tempt fate.

And the difference in our views is exactly what happens in a divided America. Minorities and women do have different experiences and must navigate by different rules, sometimes, for their own survival.

[TNNurse]

27. You were the reasonable mature adult.

He was a childish punk, no matter his age.

[BigOleDummy]

30. Agreed

I know some of us would want to confront this type of boorish behavior, but you did the right thing. Maybe asked him if he was there to water the plants ...........

[Baitball Blogger]

33. Thank you.

[LOL Lib]

45. You gotta admit it would have been very satisfying to ask him if he had lost his balls.

[LexVegas]

17. Bye...

[randr]

7. Good friends in NYC has their car severely damaged last night

Anti Trump stickers seen as cause by cops, windows smashed.

[Baitball Blogger]

10. I expect these kind of events are going to escalate.

[RKP5637]

76. That's something I've never done, put rage invoking sticker(s) on my car. There are just way too

many RW crazies running around.

[Ligyron]

15. I woulda turned the hose on him.

Not really, but close.

[furtheradu]

18. PEACE to YOU & Yours

I appreciate Your sharing this, I agree with Your perspective, actions, & expectations. Hurts the Spirit.
I recently started a new job, trumper-boss makes it HELL, on a goood day. I walk a fine line, I don't participate in his ugly meanness. It is exhausting being vigilant & civil, not allowing him to bully me.
Last night, I knew I could not take it today, I could not keep the high ground TODAY. First time I ever called in sick with out being REALLY ill. I am gifting MySelf a Mental Health Day. Truly, if I were at work today, I'd have been fired or quit. I can't stand having to 'negotiate' around the guy's mean spirit. It isn't so bad in my community, I can stand up to the ignorance & hate-FULL ness, usually..tho I am seeing an increase in public displays of ugly, & feel I HAVE to stand up against it, specially when it hurts others.
Sorry to go off on a tear, Your story really brings up some raw emotions in me. I am sorry YOU experience these ugly interactions. Bless YOU, for standing Your Ground, with dignity & strength...& the "stink eye"!😒

[Baitball Blogger]

34. I feel your pain.

Last edited Fri Apr 7, 2017, 06:48 PM - Edit history (1)

You did the right think, taking a wellness day.

[ananda]

22. This is so wrong on so many levels.

Why? Because you two couldn't just be yourselves and be neighborly with each other.

And you have had to adjust your thinking and behavior just to deal -- not fair, not right.

I .. really .. hate .. racism.

[Baitball Blogger]

35. So true that these communities require adjustment in thinking.

"Neighbor" is just a geographical term.

[rock]

23. A short but entertaining anecdote!

Thanks. Stay cool.

[byronius]

24. As a large white male raised by a white male monster from Texas --

My trouble is the opposite. If I see it, if I perceive it at all, I start vibrating. It's a dangerous thing. I'm trying to avoid it at all costs, because conservatives in general give me deeply violent feelings, almost as if I'm a reversed carbon copy of my father. I was rescued by teachers and sci-fi writers from being One Of Them, but I have not yet learned to fully control my visceral reaction to being around Orcs.

I know it's a weakness to react that way. I struggle with it. Lately it's been much more difficult. They're so ironically unaware of their betrayal of the American Idea, so dedicated to gleefully celebrating murder and blood and pain and suffering in the name whatever twisted religio-racist fever-dream they live in -- they're the worst of the worst of the worst of humanity, and they've got to go.

You're a better person than I am. That golfer would not have confronted me, because once I start vibrating and my father's eyes come out of me, most people recognize the signs and back off immediately. Once the words start flowing, I get louder and meaner and finally vicious, and it's just not the way to deal with any of this at all.

But what is. What is? When the Orcs are swarming as they are -- fight or flight kicks in.

I'm trying. MLK. MLK.

[Baitball Blogger]

36. When I think about personal confrontations in this county, I always remember

what happened to Trayvon Martin. No justice in life, and even less in death. It helps temper my reaction.

[byronius]

41. Wise words.

And my problem is definitely a product of White Privilege. It's the antimatter version of what Trumpies do.

I'm aware of it, at least.

Damn do I hate those people.

[byronius]

46. Oh, many years of therapy later, I'm much better.

You, however, sound very judgmental and unpleasant. For which there is probably no cure.

[narnian60]

79. +1

[Initech]

25. Their incompetence is blowing up in their stupid faces, and they're not happy.

[radical noodle]

29. Don't know where you are

but I sure wish you lived near me. We have far too many crazy right-wingers around us.

[Baitball Blogger]

39. Agreed. Sure wish there were more people around here

that I could connect with.

[NoMoreRepugs]

38. When the impeachment process begins or the

Orange Douche resigns it will b a very scary time in this country.

[Baitball Blogger]

40. Yup.

We need to be prepared. I don't think they can help but get nasty.

[NoMoreRepugs]

71. I hv to agree with you. I just hope others here and

across the country come to the same realization.

[spooky3]

47. Sounds as if you had A Close Encounter With White Male Privilege.

Members of other groups would generally never dare to do what he tried to pull.

[Baitball Blogger]

57. That old guy white male autocrat is very common around here.

They bend the rules around here so much to make sure they get the outcome they desire, that bullying is the only way to keep everyone in line. Unfortunately, they have more than a few good ole gals to help them.

[sharedvalues]

74. Created by right wing media: goal to lie to and scare old white men

Because lying to old white men is profitable.

But it also radicalizes old white men. No surprise they are now acting authoritarian.

http://fusion.net/the-long-lucrative-right-wing-grift-is-blowing-up-in-t-1793944216

[Baitball Blogger]

75. Great article.

Certainly right-wing media helps reinforce the image of the autocratic patriarch, but everything in traditional society has fed it since the beginning of time. Specifically, religion, which teaches us to obey the father figure in the household (Honor thy father); and traditional social etiquette, which helps reinforce the behavior of respecting your elders, no matter how off the wall and racist they may appear to us. I have personally seen the latter in operation, where Moderate Republicans have catered to right-wing lunacy because the latter was older, and well financed.

And, how does the father-figure maintain a tight ship? By bullying his subordinates.

Unfortunately, the military chain of command is no help, because men are taught to obey AND they learn that rank has its privileges. When conservative, retired officers take over the leadership roles in a civilian community, they do not transition well. That's my observation. They do not have the skillset or temperament to deal with rules that get in the way of their objectives. But, they do know how to form consensus among like-minded individuals to create the appearance of order in their own image.

[RKP5637]

78. Exactly! Sadly, there's big money to be made in fear and hatred. Alex Jones is one example, and of

course there are many, and they all profit on fear and hatred ... similar to many religious outfits that also profit on fear and hatred.

[oldcynic]

50. Doesn't if feel like your're living in a minefield?

One wrong step and boom. You have immense courage.

[Baitball Blogger]

58. That is how I felt for many, many years.

They have won in many ways. I live on the fringe these days. A separate peace.

[Blue_Roses]

59. How well I know this...

as a female, living in the Deep South, this is all too common. It's like they try to intimidate one into suppression and it usually stems from their own ignorance or their feelings of superiority. I can spot it a mile away and I used to try to avoid it. But, now I just wave and say "Hi, how are you doing? Beautiful weather today...", while plastering a big smile on my face.

[spooky3]

62. And "bless your heart" :-).

Sounds like a good solution!

[Blue_Roses]

68. Yes.

The old standby, "bless your heart",...

[Baitball Blogger]

65. For the most part, I try to remember that we're living in parallel universes.

[Blue_Roses]

69. Yes indeed

[oldcynic]

70. it's not just you...it's everywhere

Neighbor asked for recommendation of someone to cut her bushes. Gave her a name and she asked "is he white?" NOT deep south. California.

[LaydeeBug]

72. Yep. When they go low, DON'T BACK DOWN. These bullies will bully until you stand up

to them...and then they won't.

[sharedvalues]

73. Here's an idea: "Complicit." At anyone wearing pro-president gear. It will make you feel better :)

[still_one]

77. I appreciate your characterization, "on a normal day civilities just means ignoring each other"

because that is so true

[DownriverDem]

80. What we must do - A Rant

I am a white female and more than anything I never want to be taken as a hating repub. I go out of my way to make sure folks know I'm not one of them.

Now if only we had stood together against trump et al last November. I kept saying folks did not know Hillary at all. She ran on the Dem Party Platform with many of Bernie's ideas. If we want to slow the repubs down we must vote in mass in 2018. There is more of us than them. We must stop attacking each other. We must be united. We must focus on defeating repubs. I'm sick of the attacks on Dems. We have a two party system. To not be united means we will fail. The repubs love our infighting.

[Baitball Blogger]

81. +1

It is well over the time to unite. We don't have any more excuses, because our objective is the same.

[yurbud]

88. the problem is one wing of the party wants us to let them lead without question

when they are arguably the reason Democrats keep losing.

[sharedvalues]

89. People didn't know Hillary because Fox and Limbaugh lied about her

And the media focused all discussion of Hillary on her emails.


We need progressive politicians to talk about values.
And we need to fix the for-profit infotainment media so they start to talk about those values and issues.

[IronLionZion]

82. I've lost friends over this election

Many of them refuse to believe the hate crimes on the news and aggression that minorities see every day. There is no doubt that racists have become emboldened and feel very smug about it. Misogynists and other bigots too. So it looks like that golfer wanted to intimidate you and let you know who's in power and who needs to learn their place and stop being so damn uppity.

And some minorities have become racist towards immigrants too, which I found strange. I got spit on as soon as I boarded a bus recently. I was born in America but some people can't handle that inconvenient truth.

Sorry that happened to you. I grew up with it and have come to expect a certain proportion of whites will be racist and some will enjoy their white privileges and some are good people. What bothers me more is when minorities are racist towards each other. it infuriates me so much.

[metalbot]

84. I have no business telling you what to do or how to feel

But when I read this:

"This was not an ordinary golfer looking for a lost ball. When he first came into view I was by a trellis by the property line trying to find a good spot for the new clematis that had just been delivered from Park Seed. When I stood up, he saw me and turned the cart around to approach my property line, against the grain of the fairway. I watched him and could clearly see that he was scanning my backyard, as if he were passing judgment. He just hung around, at some point he pretended to look at something on the ground, but there was nothing there. He carried himself with an autocratic air that said that he had the right to be there, doing what he was doing, until he was satisfied."

You're interpreting a lot from body language here that might not actually be there. Would it be that hard to walk up to him, smile and say "How's it going?" That would be my normal reaction to someone coming up to my property line. If that gets you a vitriolic racist reaction, so be it. Now you know. If it gets you an embarrassed smile and a "Just wondering what you are doing", then you have a pleasant conversation about gardening...

[Baitball Blogger]

86. I don't mean to be offensive, but I don't know how else to explain it.

You know how black fathers have an entirely different set of advice for their sons, than white fathers have with theirs, when they're talking about the police? This is basically the same thing. This is not a place for standard civilities. There has been quite a bit of deception going on between neighbors and that doesn't look like it has changed in twenty years.

You know what many of you are seeing for the first time with Trump? That kind of behavior is standard around here. And, trust is the first thing to go when you have neighbors who have lied to you or have withheld critical information as frequently as I have encountered. There is a backwater community here with a strong resolve, and I predicted a long time ago that this was the direction our country was headed.

In other words, I have nothing to gain in approaching the man because I wouldn't believe anything anyone would tell me around here due to the history of events that I have experienced.

Like I said, this is what America has become and will remain if those of us living on the fracture lines don't share what we know.

[yurbud]

87. that could be disarming. Not everyone has the acting ability to make that work.

[benld74]

90. You did well and I applaud you

I've noticed postings that have gotten BOLD since last year. People I know feel their rite in voicing Obama was weak/evil etc while Donnie is tough and nice.
Can't argue with them, they know they are rite. I let them spew, pick out a point they made, find fact they are wrong and throw it at them.
Rarely do they come back at me and when they do I repeat my process.
They do stop
Can't argue fact

[oldcynic]

91. those people believe in alternative facts

Talking to computer store white millennial employee. Chat veered onto climate change and he informed me it was fake and the scientist who claimed it was real were paid off. Should have asked by whom, but realized there was no point.
I keep saying, conservatives have a different brain structure. Facts mean nothing to them. Confrontation only confirms their worst fears and makes them more determined.
Anybody listen to Wait, Wait today? Studies show conservatives will vote on attractiveness and they think orange vomit is attractive. How to change that perception?