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xchrom

(108,903 posts) Thu Jun 28, 2012, 07:01 AM Jun 2012

Family Meltdown: Why the Nuclear Family Is Not the Model for Women Leaders' Success

http://www.alternet.org/world/156058/family_meltdown%3A_why_the_nuclear_family_is_not_the_model_for_women_leaders%27_success_/

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The cover story of the July/August 2012 edition of the Atlantic magazine relates the struggles of Anne-Marie Slaughter, the former director of policy planning at the State Department in the Obama administration, who decided to leave her high-profile job after walking the tight-rope of balancing her work with raising two sons. Her story sparked a debate on the trials of working mothers across the country.

What was the trap that ensnared Slaughter? Was her ambition thwarted by a combination of rugged individualism and liberal feminism? On her decision to scale back and leave the job, Slaughter writes:

"Women of my generation have clung to the feminist credo we were raised with, even as our ranks have been steadily thinned by unresolvable tensions between family and career, because we are determined not to drop the flag for the next generation. But when many members of the younger generation have stopped listening, on the grounds that glibly repeating 'you can have it all' is simply airbrushing reality, it is time to talk."

I thought of Slaughter and her spouse trying to juggle teenagers, career travel, a marriage, and personal time, and contrasted that with the demands of First Lady Michelle Obama’s position and her reliance on First Grandma Mrs. Robinson, installed in the White House to continue her support of the Obamas and her granddaughters. This kind of reliance has been studied as what researchers call the "grandma-benefit." It reminds me of how many kinds of immigrant American families (similar to my own Chinese-American one) also mesh the needs and talents of every wide-ranging member of the family for mutual support and benefit.

So it was with great sympathy and interest that I read about Slaughter’s time in public service and all this brilliant woman had done to mentor and encourage other women in her field. But what struck me was her poignant exploration of what it meant to substantially pare back her commitments in order to “spend time with one’s family.” Far from the standard sop offered by men who’ve tumbled from power and needed a face-saving excuse, Slaughter really did need to spend time with a son who was saying he couldn’t function and needed her. And she wouldn’t apologize for wanting to be close to him in answering his call.