General Discussion

The DUzy Awards

(120 posts) Sat Jun 16, 2012, 09:47 AM Jun 2012

The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 15th, 2012

[center][h1]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/h1][/center]

Your approximately weekly delivery showcase of the best of DU!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in [font color=#800080]purple text[/font], then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in [font color=#FF0000]red italicized text[/font] that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002794414
[big] Ran across this very smart doggie, carrying a big sign with an important message [/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] targetpractice
[big] 9. Bizarre... Someone Photoshopped the E's. This version is correct... [/big]

Notice that both occurrences of "E" in the original post don't look like other "E's" on the sign. I wonder why any fool would go to the trouble just to make a dog look dumb. Or, perhaps this version was altered to make the pooch seem smarter. ;-P
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Gidney N Cloyd [/font]
[big] 10. I think in yours I see a little Whiteout under the A in the second 'AFFECT.' [/big]
Clearly a correction's been made. My yellow lab tries to gaslight me like this all the time. It's not going to work with this pup, either.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] SaB2012 [/font]
[big] 22. Actually, no. The "correct version" is the photoshopped one. [/big]
I easily confirmed this by merely zooming in on the text and noting that the "A" in the second "affect" is exactly the same (except for some pixelization) as the "A" in the first "as."

As for the "E's," there's actually no rhyme or reason to how they look in the original version with the bad spelling. In "same-sex" they are virtually "C's"" with lines through them, but then in "marriage" and "me," they are squared.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Gidney N Cloyd [/font]
[big] 29. {sigh} Do you expect us to believe a dog knows how to photoshop? [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] tclambert [/font]
[big] 17. My dog is much worse. I asked him, "What's on top of a house?" He said, "Bark." [/big]
"No! What covers a tree?"
He said, "Woof."
"No! What's a wild dog called?"
"Arf."
"No! What's that organization of old people?"
"Roof."
"No! What's the longest side of a right triangle called?"
"Hypotenuse."
"One out of five! You don't get a treat for one out of five. Stupid dog."
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] piratefish08
[big] 28. dogs are horrible spellers. it's embarrassing. [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Remmah2 [/font]
[big] 30. Don't let cats fool you. [/big]
I caught mine using spell check.

GD, 10 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002794414

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by rug
[big] Turtle Divorce: Giant Turtles Divorce After 115 Years Together[/big]
Posted: 06/08/2012 2:40 pm Updated: 06/09/2012 4:57 am

You can't say they didn't try.

After an impressive 115 years together, two giant turtles at an Austrian zoo are refusing to share their cage anymore, the Austrian Times reported Friday.

"We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other anymore," said Helga Happ, director of the Klagenfurt-based zoo, where the turtles -- Bibi, the female and Poldi, the male -- have lived for the last 36 years. Before that, they called Basel Zoo in Switzerland home.

According to the paper, zoo staff realized something was amiss when Bibi bit off a chunk of her partner's shell. When the attacks continued, Poldi was moved to another cage.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/08/turtle-divorce_n_1581463.html?ref=mostpopular

Bibi and Poldi in happier times.

The look on her face says it's over.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Gidney N Cloyd [/font]
[big] 9. They need to bring in a spiritual advisor... [/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] rug [/font]
[big] 10. He looks distraught over this. [/big]
No one likes to see their parents divorce.

The Lounge, 9 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018130539

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by xchrom
[big] 'Sexual depravity' of penguins that Antarctic scientist dared not reveal[/big]
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jun/09/sex-depravity-penguins-scott-antarctic

Two adult Adelie penguins with a chick in Antarctica. The abuse of the young was one of the things which shocked George Levick. Photograph: Steve Bloom Images /Alamy

It was the sight of a young male Adelie penguin attempting to have sex with a dead female that particularly unnerved George Murray Levick, a scientist with the 1910-13 Scott Antarctic Expedition. No such observation had ever been recorded before, as far as he knew, and Levick, a typical Edwardian Englishman, was horrified. Blizzards and freezing cold were one thing. Penguin perversion was another.

Worse was to come, however. Levick spent the Antarctic summer of 1911-12 observing the colony of Adelies at Cape Adare, making him the only scientist to this day to have studied an entire breeding cycle there. During that time, he witnessed males having sex with other males and also with dead females, including several that had died the previous year. He also saw them sexually coerce females and chicks and occasionally kill them.

Levick blamed this "astonishing depravity" on "hooligan males" and wrote down his observations in Greek so that only an educated gentleman would understand the horrors he had witnessed. Back in Britain he produced a paper (in English), titled Natural History of the Adelie Penguin. However, the section about the animal's sexual proclivities was deemed to be so shocking it was removed to preserve decency. Levick then used this material as the basis for a separate short paper, Sexual Habits of the Adelie Penguin, which was privately circulated among a handful of experts.

In fact, Levick's observations turned out to be well ahead of their time. Scientists had to wait another 50 years before the remarkable sexual antics of the Adelie were revealed. By this time his pamphlet and its detailed records of Adelie shenanigans had been lost to science .

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Bolo Boffin [/font]
[big] 9. March of the Penguins 2? [/big]
What's Morgan Freeman doing?

Science, 9 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12287290

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by jpbollma
[big] Just Wanted to Give Reminder Of Mitt's Craziness: Kolob[/big]
Perhaps Mitt wants austerity on Earth in order to raise funds for a jobs program on Kolob??

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kolob

According to several LDS writers (such as Cleon Skousen in his book The First 2000 Years), the earth was created near Kolob over a period of 6000 years (six "days" in Kolob time), and then moved to its present position in our solar system. This hypothesis is based on oral comments attributed to Joseph Smith, Jr. The hypothesis is also based on a passage from the Book of Abraham stating that in the Garden of Eden, time was measured "after the Lord's time, which was after the time of Kolob; for as yet the Gods had not appointed to Adam his reckoning". According to the hypothesis, the reason that Earth time was measured in Kolob time was because the earth was physically located near Kolob. As a corollary, some LDS writers argue that at the end times, the earth will be plucked from the solar system and returned to its original orbit near Kolob.

hahaha this really does take the crazy to a whole new level.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] aint_no_life_nowhere [/font]
[big] 1. With my apologies to Mormans [/big]
(because I assume most of them are decent people who don't fire their workers with glee) I can't help it that when I hear that name Kolob that's sacred to Mr. Romney it sounds like something out of D.C. Comics in the 1930s: Kal-El from Krypton - Wil-ard from Kolob.

GD, 10 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002794650

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] applegrove [/font]
[big] The right is so concerned with 'decay in morals' and how this will lead to the end of the empire.[/big]
Isn't it more likely that it is the decay in business morals that will destroy our way of life? (and has already in the last decade).
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] rug [/font]
[big] 1. The Lounge is the perfect place to discuss decaying morals. [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] applegrove
[big] 2. Oh. My bad. [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Kali
[big] 9. hee hee [/big]
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1240108223

The Lounge, 11 Jun 2012, 10:05pm EDT

In an original post by MineralMan
[big] Whose idea was it to put The DU Lounge link between[/big]
GD and Meta? I looked up a few minutes ago and found myself in The Lounge. I had posted several times there. Someone please help!

The DU Lounge is very like the Hotel California - You can check out but you can never leave. At any moment, your mouse may betray you. This must not go on uncorrected! I ask you, ladies and gents...is this right?

M-D, 11 June 2012 8:51pm EDT
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1240108223

[font color=#FF0000]I don’t know who gets what, but the coincidence is funny as hell![/font]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by marmar
[big] Cop dies during 3-way sex; widow wins $3M lawsuit[/big]
from the USA Today, via the Detroit Free Press:

A jury has awarded a Georgia woman $3 million over her husband's heart attack, finding that his doctor should have warned the Atlanta cop against strenuous activity like the three-way sex he was having at the time he died, WXIA-TV reports.

William Martinez, a 31-year-old Atlanta police officer, collapsed and died while he and a male friend were having sex with a woman who was not his wife at an Atlanta airport motel in 2009.

The jury on Friday found that Dr. Sreenivasulu Gangasani and the Cardiovascular Group were 60% to blame for Martinez's death from atheroschlerotic coronary artery disease, agreeing with the plaintiff that the doctor did not properly diagnose and treat Martinez for high blood pressure, chest pains, shortness of breath and irregular heartbeat. ................(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.freep.com/article/20120612/NEWS07/120612002/Cop-dies-during-3-way-sex-widow-wins-3M-lawsuit?odyssey=obinsite

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] rug [/font]
[big] 3. He was found 40% liable for his own death. That's not fair. [/big]
It should only be 33 1/3%.

[font color=#FF0000]Maybe he just brought a bit more to the bedroom than the other guy?[/font]

GD, 12 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002801246

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by romantico
[big] Noah's Ark. Your Thoughts[/big]
There is a new film being made about Noah's Ark with Russell Crowe playing Noah. Having grown up in a religious conservative household, I never gave the Noah's Ark story much credibility. A big boat with 2 of every kind of animal? I've always had trouble with this story,even as a kid when I believed things that I am embarrassed to admit today as an adult. I remember really getting into this heated argument years ago with a lady I use to work with. She was a very religious woman who acted as if she was there and knew for a fact that the story was one hundred percent accurate.

My problem is, even if it were true people actually thinking the ark is hiding someplace in plain sight. Mt. Ararat in Turkey is believed to be the resting place of the ark. I think the wood after all these years would have rotted. So, the thing is this. I never had an interest in Noah's ark since I was a kid. In my mind I debunked it and just dismissed it. I love a good conspiracy,even the ones I have a hard time believing. This one never really got my attention.Until now.

I'm reading a book by Nick Redfern called The Pyramids and the Pentagon. Its a fun read and it talks about the CIA's interest in Noah's Ark.I'm learning some things I had not heard before and am just curious to hear what some others think about Noah's Ark and the story,the myth, and their thoughts on the subject.

Here is a link to the book:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Pyramids-Pentagon-Governments-Civilizations/dp/1601632061/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339511253&sr=8-1

Here is a link to the movie:

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/its-confirmed-noahs-ark-is-coming-to-the-big-screen-and-guess-whos-playing-the-lead-role/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] NickB79 [/font]
[big] 19. Noah's Ark: An STD-infected, bug-infested, shit-encrusted cruise from Hell [/big]
You've got literally MILLIONS of animals on board this ship, with 90% of them being insects and spiders of some sort crawling all over everything around you, and on you while you sleep.

You've got animals screaming, braying, trumpeting, and shitting EVERYWHERE for weeks and weeks on end, at all hours of the day.

You have to make sure they all get food and water every day for the entire trip.

It's dark and hot and it stinks and there's little ventilation.

You can't kill any of them no matter how often you step in a steaming pile of shit because then you'd be driving a species to extinction and violating God's will.

The ship is swaying and heaving in massive waves, because the entire world is underwater, and Dramamine is still 5,000 years from being invented.

And to top it off, you and every other person on board this ship are carrying MULTIPLE varieties of STD's, because we know they couldn't have all evolved or anything so therefore they must have been brought with on the Ark. That, or there was one unlucky fucker who got to carry every known kind of crotch rot known to man and somehow survived long enough to infect his own family with all of them before he died so they would carry on to this day.

Make a movie of THAT Noah's Ark, and I will be there opening night to see it!
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ptah [/font]
[big] 22. You should write ad copy for Carnival Cruises [/big]

The Lounge, 12 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018132574

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by cynatnite
[big] Could getting single payer be this simple?[/big]
Let’s begin by imagining that Congress and the president decided to adopt a genuinely radical health care plan—the kind in place in most of the industrialized world. They decide on a “single-payer” system, where the government raises revenue with taxes, and pays the doctor, hospital and lab bills for just about everyone.

Put aside the question of whether this is a good idea, or an economically sustainable notion. The question is: would such a law be constitutional?

The answer, unquestionably, is “yes.” In fact, it would be the simplest law in the world to enact. All the Congress would need to do is to take the Medicare law and strike out the words “over 65.” Why is it constitutional? For the same reason Medicare and Social Security are: the taxing power. Its reach is immense. During World War II, the maximum income tax rate was 91 per cent (it was paid by few, thanks to loopholes, but still). The same Congress that could abolish the estate tax could set just about whatever limit it chose; it could impose a 100 percent tax on estates over, say, $5 million. If it decided that a national sales tax was an answer to huge budget deficits, it could impose one at whatever level it chose.

http://news.yahoo.com/supreme-irony--would-a--single-payer--health-care-plan-be-less-vulnerable-to-the-court-than-the-affordable-health-care-act-.html

Of course, it wouldn't be this easy, but I love the simplicity of the idea.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 3waygeek [/font]
[big] 34. It won't happen, in large part because the Republicans have struck the words "over 65" [/big]
from their IQ requirements for candidates.

GD, 12 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002800319

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by kpete
[big] Feds Sue Larry Craig Over Bathroom Sex Sting Defense Cash[/big]
Source: Talking Points Memo

Federal campaign regulators brought the hammer down on disgraced former Sen. Larry Craig on Monday, accusing him of misusing hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign cash to pay for his legal defense following an arrest in a Minneapolis airport bathroom sex sting.

The Federal Election Commission filed a federal lawsuit against Craig, who now works as a lobbyist in Washington, D.C., asking a judge to order the former lawmaker to pay back his campaign committee more than $200,000 and stop him from raiding the committee for his own personal use.

Craig did not return a message left at his lobbying firm.

The case stems from the Idaho Republican’s embarrassing 2007 arrest by an undercover cop in a Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport bathroom stall. The cop said Craig made sexual advances toward him by tapping his feet under the stall divider.

Read more: http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/06/larry_craig_fec_election_bathroom_sex_sting_airport_defense.php?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TPMmuckraker+%28TPMmuckraker%29

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] rocktivity [/font]
[big]9. Let's spin that oldie but goodie "Tap Three Times With Your Loafer If You Want Me" [/big]

&feature=player_embedded#t=0s

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 66 dmhlt [/font]
[big] 11. Ronald Raygun: "Mr. Craig, tear down this stall." [/big]

LBN, 12 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014142004

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by kentuck
[big] Another day, another struggle against the propaganda...[/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] underpants [/font]
[big] 3. ...okay now let's go to the Fox News weather and find out where Obama is making unicorns cry [/big]

GD, 14 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002807166

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ohiosmith
[big] Update: Motion Denied! Boo Hoo! Floyd Mayweather doesn't like jail....[/big]
LAS VEGAS -- A Las Vegas judge has denied a request from boxer Floyd Mayweather to serve the remainder of his jail sentence from home.

Judge Melissa Saragosa denied Mayweather's request late Wednesday.

Mayweather claimed he was underfed and also unable to train. The judge denied his request, saying chose not to eat the food available and that he could train in his cell.

Mayweather was sent to jail for 90 days starting on June 1 after being arrested for domestic violence.

He was accused of hitting and threatening his ex-girlfriend, stealing her cell phone and threatening two of their children at her home in September 2010. He could have faced 34 years in prison.

Link: http://www.8newsnow.com/story/18782945/breaking-judge-denies-mayweathers-house-arrest-appeal?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+lasvegasnow%2Fiteam+%288+News+NOW+-+I-Team+Reports%29

So Floyd Mayweather Jr. doesn’t like jail. As heavyweight champion Joe Louis said when he was told that an opponent didn’t like to get hit in the body, “Who do?”

With his client just 12 days into a three-month jail sentence on domestic battery at the Clark County Detention Center, Mayweather’s lawyer, Richard Wright, filed an emergency motion on Monday to have the 35-year-old pound-for-pound king finish his sentence under house arrest.

The Las Vegas Review-Journal got a copy of the 35-page motion, which paints Mayweather as a man who is more than just a little homesick. Wright said the boxer’s physical condition is deteriorating with the stress that he’s under while in jail and his boxing career is in jeopardy.

Wright called Mayweather’s condition “inhumane.” For his own safety Mayweather is in segregation and spends 23 hours a day confined to his cell in a part of the jail that houses felons. He has access to the recreation area for one hour a day, but can’t use the training facilities. Along with being subjected to the poor prison food, he is getting out of shape.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/more-sports/floyd-mayweather-jr-files-house-arrest-lawyer-richard-wright-calls-jail-conditions-inhumane-article-1.1094689#ixzz1xhIvkRD3

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] HopeHoops [/font]
[big] 14. 23 hours of confinement and bad food? That's called "a job". [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] ohiosmith [/font]
[big] 15. Or in some cases, marriage! [/big]

The Lounge, 13 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018133398

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ohiosmith
[big] Just follow the signs.......[/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] geardaddy [/font]
[big] 1. What if I don't like Sue? [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] ohiosmith [/font]
[big] 2. No refunds! [/big]

The Lounge, 12 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018132842

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Botany [/font]
[big] Romney did not know what a chocolate donut was[/big] http://www.mediaite.com/online/mitt-romney-apparently-doesnt-know-what-a-donut-is/ video

“Garrett, can you see that one of those chocolate…uh…chocolate goodies finds its way to our ride?”

[font color=#FF0000]Lots of winning replies in this thread! Rofl!!![/font]

GD, 12 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002799780

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Bozita
[big] Man shoots himself in the penis in Birmingham[/big]
Man shoots himself in the penis in Birmingham
10:55 AM, June 15, 2012
By Tammy Stables Battaglia
Detroit Free Press Staff Writer

A Southfield man is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the penis as he adjusted his gun, according to police.

The 45-year-old heating and air-conditioning company employee was on a job in Birmingham on Tuesday when the incident took place, Birmingham Police Deputy Chief Mark Clemence said today. He was getting ready to work and was moving the .40-caliber Glock pistol in his pants when it discharged at 11:15 a.m.

"Through and through, if you can believe it," Clemence said. "The situation could have been a lot worse. You think about it -- your femoral artery runs down there. He could have shot it off. It could have been a lot worse. It’s a big bullet; you’re not talking a small bullet."

-snip-

Although he had a permit to carry the gun, he may face charges of reckless discharge of a firearm, Clemence said. The city's prosecutor is expected to review the case, he added.

more...
http://www.freep.com/article/20120615/NEWS03/120615029/Man-shoots-himself-in-the-penis-in-Birmingham?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] marmar [/font]
[big] 9. Brings all-new meaning to "gun nuts" [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] rug [/font]
[big] 24. Glock Shoots Cock [/big]

GD, 15 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002811789

[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Judi Lynn
[big] Colombia's poor won't value free housing: Giuliani .[/big]
Colombia's poor won't value free housing: Giuliani .
Friday, 15 June 2012 15:25 Seth Robbins

Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani indirectly criticized the Colombian president’s plan to give 100,000 houses to the country’s poorest citizens, saying that people do not value objects they obtain free of charge.

Warning that he does not know the full details of Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos’ plan, Giuliani, speaking at a conference in Cartagena Friday, said that “people only value what they earn,” local news media reported.

~snip~
Giuliani said the key to helping poorer families is to offer them work that allows them to earn income for housing, calling handouts “disrespectful," according to Portafolio.co.

“Reward them if they evolve and earn a place in society through effort,” Giuliani said. “And take away the benefits if otherwise.”

More:
http://colombiareports.com/colombia-news/news/24630-colombias-poor-wont-value-free-housing-giuliani.html

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] MiniMe [/font]
[big] 5. That can't possibly be the complete quote, 9-11 is not mentioned once. [/big]

Latin America Group, 15 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/11083508

Thanks to: eppur_se_muova, The Velveteen Ocelot, Mira, eridani, Kali, BillyJack, liberaltrucker, eridani, meow2u3, rocktivity, coalition_unwilling, dixiegrrrrl, and roody!!!

Yay, all caught up!
-Krispos42