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Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:00 PM

Sanders Sends Vegan Thugs to Attack Peace-Loving Nazis observed by Andy Borowitz



CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—Republican front-runner Donald Trump was crying foul on Monday after Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders allegedly dispatched an army of vegan thugs to attack a rally of peace-loving Nazis in Cincinnati.

According to Trump, he had begun to address a group of “orderly and civil Nazis” at a downtown arena when his audience was suddenly set upon by an unruly mob of angry vegans, many menacingly clad in Birkenstocks and sustainable garments.

The Sanders supporters, singing an alarmingly militant version of Simon & Garfunkel’s “America,” marched into the arena and began “intimidating and threatening” the Nazis, Trump said.
“Make no mistake about who is starting the violence at these rallies,” Trump said. “It’s the vegans.”

Carol Foyler, a Nazi from suburban Cincinnati, said that she feared for her life when one of the vegans “ripped a Trump sign” from her hands and “tried to recycle it.”

Harland Dorrinson, a Kentucky Nazi who drove to Ohio to hear Trump speak, said he would never have attended the rally if he had known “there would be troublemaking vegans there.”

“One of them tried to swing an NPR tote bag at my head,” the terrified Nazi said.



www.borowitzreport.com

32 replies, 5393 views

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Arrow 32 replies Author Time Post
Reply Sanders Sends Vegan Thugs to Attack Peace-Loving Nazis observed by Andy Borowitz (Original post)
Mira Mar 2016 OP
arcane1 Mar 2016 #1
Aerows Mar 2016 #9
sarge43 Mar 2016 #14
Aerows Mar 2016 #29
SoapBox Mar 2016 #24
KansDem Mar 2016 #26
nadinbrzezinski Mar 2016 #2
Beartracks Mar 2016 #21
valerief Mar 2016 #3
dem in texas Mar 2016 #4
central scrutinizer Mar 2016 #5
Earth_First Mar 2016 #7
SusanCalvin Mar 2016 #15
Enthusiast Mar 2016 #31
Jenny_92808 Mar 2016 #6
jpak Mar 2016 #8
irisblue Mar 2016 #10
Aerows Mar 2016 #12
KansDem Mar 2016 #27
Dont call me Shirley Mar 2016 #11
SusanCalvin Mar 2016 #17
AlbertCat Mar 2016 #13
chknltl Mar 2016 #16
Beartracks Mar 2016 #23
SusanCalvin Mar 2016 #18
chade Mar 2016 #19
Ivan Kaputski Mar 2016 #20
warrprayer Mar 2016 #22
merrily Mar 2016 #25
beam me up scottie Mar 2016 #28
herding cats Mar 2016 #30
arikara Mar 2016 #32

Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:02 PM

1. “ripped a Trump sign” from her hands and “tried to recycle it.”

 



I love Andy!!!

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Response to arcane1 (Reply #1)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:22 PM

9. I was about to quote the same thing.

 

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Response to Aerows (Reply #9)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 08:05 PM

14. Same here

Poor dear must have been terrified

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Response to sarge43 (Reply #14)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:41 PM

29. I *barely* missed taking out my keyboard.

 

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Response to arcane1 (Reply #1)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:04 PM

24. That was my favorite!

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Response to SoapBox (Reply #24)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:31 PM

26. Mine, too!!

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:03 PM

2. LMAO, this requires an image

 

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Response to nadinbrzezinski (Reply #2)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 09:55 PM

21. Can you please warn before posting such images...

... of raw, naked violence?



============

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:04 PM

3. "many menacingly clad in Birkenstocks and sustainable garments."

“One of them tried to swing an NPR tote bag at my head,” the terrified Nazi said.


I loves me my Andy!!!!

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:06 PM

4. Borowitz is Priceless

Got a good chuckle from this. Andy Borowitz always nails it with his satire.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:13 PM

5. NPR tote bag?

No self respecting Vegan would be caught dead with a Monsanto apologist tote bag

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Response to central scrutinizer (Reply #5)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:16 PM

7. Right... nt

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Response to central scrutinizer (Reply #5)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 08:09 PM

15. ^THIS^

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Response to central scrutinizer (Reply #5)

Tue Mar 15, 2016, 05:40 AM

31. PLUS ONE, a huge bunch!

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:13 PM

6. K & R

 

Hilarious!

[img][/img]

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:17 PM

8. Ummm... you mean punk ass vegan thugs - right?

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:23 PM

10. wave tofu at them vegans! n/t

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Response to irisblue (Reply #10)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:27 PM

12. That tofu wiggling

 

in those little containers...

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Response to irisblue (Reply #10)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:33 PM

27. Make sure it's extra firm tofu!!

Soft tofu is, well, too soft...

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:26 PM

11. Everything is spot on except the NPR tote bag needs to read: a FreeSpeechTV, FSTV, tote bag.

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Response to Dont call me Shirley (Reply #11)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 08:10 PM

17. Yep. nt

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:41 PM

13. “ripped a Trump sign” from her hands and “tried to recycle it.”

 

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 08:09 PM

16. I suppose I could'a smacked someone with my Bernie Bear....

...if he wasn't so darn cute n collectable.



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Response to chknltl (Reply #16)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:03 PM

23. Why does that not say Bearnie? n/t

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 08:13 PM

18. He doesn't seem up-to-date on what's happened to NPR and PBS.



But, otherwise...

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 08:23 PM

19. Freeze, Vegan Police!

[img][/img]

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 08:33 PM

20. "Hands up ...don't boot"

 

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 09:57 PM

22. A thousand recs

And kicks.

There are some here who still don't understand what we are dealing with.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:05 PM

25. The last thing an activist Bernie supporter would be wielding is an

NPR tote bag. It's times like this I miss MannyGoldstein's satire most: He never would have made a mistake like that.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:38 PM

28. Borowitz is a national treasure.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Mar 14, 2016, 10:44 PM

30. I don't care who you are, that's funny!

Unless you're a Trump supporter, and if that's the case...Get off DU!!

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Tue Mar 15, 2016, 03:17 PM

32. That is hilarious!

K&R!

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