The Battle of the Blands! . . . Please come CAPTION Trump and Rubio!!!

[skip fox]

Donald ("Food stamps water down the gene pool&quot Trump is saying: "That's okay by me, you pissy Choke-Artist, but I'm going to stick with the issues. . . . And by the way, your Mama says to tell you that your bottle-milk is warm"

Marco ("Horatio Alger was a piker&quot Rubio is saying: "Is that right, Spray-Meister? You wouldn't know an issue if it pissed in your Gerber's fruit snack! . . . Nobody thinks the issues are more important that I do! . . . Nobody! . . . And the next time you're at the Omaha Zoo, you better return the orangutan's ass you wear on your head!"

Donald ("My most important emotional relationship is with my right hand&quot Trump is saying: "Oh, yeah? . . . You better check if that's a puddle at your feet! . . . Uh oh! . . . Do I smell something? . . . I've got issues you haven't even dreamed of yet. . . . Why are you talking like that? . . . Is your mouth getting dry? . . . Don't lose it on national t.v., okay?"

Marco ("My hero is Dan Quayle&quot Rubio is saying: "I'll bet your pockets are full of candy for little kids. . . . I heard you have a secret room on your jet. . . . Your biggest issue is trying to keep that wounded bird on your head. . . .You haven't said a word on trade or the deficit or anything that's important to the American people. . . . Did you know when you open your mouth your face disappears?"


(blah, blah, blah, and into the night!)

[skip fox]

1. The Gag of Two:

Trump is saying: "And on my first day in office I'm going repeal Obamacare."

Rubio is saying: "On my first day in office I'm going to kick out all immigrants."

Trump: "And after that, I'm going to bomb the be-jeezes out of ISIS."

Rubio is saying: "That's nothing, I'm going to publicly execute all abortion doctors."

Trump is saying: Chr*st you're a pathetic whoose! . . . I'm going to repeal the repeal of slavery! and open liberal internment camps"

Rubio is saying: "You call that hard? . . . H*ll, I'm going to re-invade Vietnam and defund all scientific research not related to petroleum!"

(blah, blah, blah)