Could my neighbors be in federal trouble?

[diabeticman]

My wife and I dealing with the two down stairs from our condo. Right inside the security door which is used for all 4 apatments there is a mat reading Merry Christmas. My Wife would have been fine with Season Greetings or Happy Holidays. My wife has left letters explaining her objections. But those have been rip down and the mat remains.


Today my wife received a package from amazon of stuff she ordered ON the package was written Merry Christmas and Christmas underline. We found the package on the steps to the condo. In order for the mailman to get in the buzzard needs rung or you need a key.


If one of these neighbors wrote this on my wife's package did they deface postal property? Can they be in trouble?

[Orrex]

1. Nuke the site from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

[diabeticman]

2. IF you can't be serious don't respond.

[Orrex]

6. Just want to understand something here

Last edited Sun Oct 8, 2017, 12:03 PM - Edit history (1)

You moved to a condo from the apartment that you lived in for 10 years until it was condemned? That's quite a step up--bravo.

As to your question, unless you can show with some certainty that your neighbor tampered with your mail, then the post office won't do anything about it whether you report them or not. At most, they'll open an incident report, and after 30 days or so it will get filed as "unresolved."


If it's an ongoing issue, then you might be able to lodge a credible complaint, but if you call to complain that you think your neighbor might be engaged in subversive Christmas-wishing, then, if you're lucky, the person at the post office will suppress their laughter until you hang up or walk away from the window. This is especially true now, when they're dealing with literal tons of mail; a complaint such as yours will be somewhere below "sock sale" on their list of priorities.

Hey, I get the underlying sentiment. I'm atheist, and I have no stomach for overbearing displays of proselytizing Christianity, but this fight will get you nowhere.

[quickesst]

155. I got this far...

... and realized there was no need to go further and nothing to add.

"but if you call to complain that you think your neighbor might be engaged in subversive Christmas-wishing, then if you're lucky the person at the post office will suppress their laughter until you hang up or walk away from the window."

Classic!

[pnwmom]

146. Use your common sense. The FEDS have limited resources.

And I can 100% guarantee they would not waste those resources checking your box for fingerprints to see if the neighbors touched it.

[snooper2]

236. I'm being serious, the only objection should be if it was a shitty font

I'm not big into the "old classic" looking type




Now, if it is a 21st century looking mat it should be fine!





This is from an atheist

[msanthrope]

264. Yeah, but all fucking bets are off if they used Comic Sans. There are limits. nt

[Arugula Latte]

410. Hey, I'm kinda font of Comic Sans. It's got my typo informal letters.

[msanthrope]

411. Oh, Helvetica....are you being serif? nt

[Arugula Latte]

413. Well, if I am to be franklin and candida, my original statement was a bit bold.

[Orrex]

414. If they don't trust their mail being delivered by the USPS...

they should try a Courier (new).

[Dr Hobbitstein]

425. Some people just need to get with the Times (New Roman). nt

[pinboy3niner]

431. You're not fooling anyone. We know your type!

[kentauros]

538. .......O?

Don't be negative.

[tblue37]

605. I like Comic Sans for humorous texts. Why does everyone denigrate it?

I suspect it is just bandwagon hopping.

[brush]

634. Oh, you graphic designers and your comments on the Courier.

It's a Helvetica of a thing, enough to make one cursive. Times to get serious about this now and into the Futura.

[TheBlackAdder]

11. Amazon doesn't ship via USPS, does it? Even if they did, it would not be for tampering.

.


We had packages stolen and opened by a neighborhood kid, and the Postal Inspector didn't do anything.

Perhaps if you want to pursue a religious-based defamation claim, but why the forwardness on the floor mat.

Put up something of your own that would piss them off.


.

[Duckhunter935]

14. Amazon does have

Some final delivery done by USPS

[TheBlackAdder]

19. Final segment delivery isn't really the same, as it is a ploy to use USPS services for near free.

.


The packages are still under third-party shipping, even though USPS is the one with the infrastructure to drop off the package for them. You would probably need to contact the sender and they would follow through.

See, FexEx and UPS don't have the infrastructure to perform many final segment deliveries, so they contract with the post office, who makes about 1 penny a package in profit to perform this function. The whole goal for the other carriers is to cripple the USPS so they are not a threat to 1st Class and overnight shipping, by closing many of their regional distribution centers, as the other two build distribution centers right next to the USPS ones.

The whole plan is to Privatize profits and Socialize the expenses of the private carriers.

===

In any event, something like this would not be handled by any of them, unless proof and harm were proven.


.

[PersonNumber503602]

300. I think that's called SurePost with UPS.

[Captain Zero]

649. UPS too

I had a package from Minnesota coming via UPS, but it passes through Indiana to Ohio, way over next to PA. Then it came from there via USPS.

Probably rode on one of DeJoy's company trucks every mile of the way?
That's the only reason I can imagine.
DeJoy's trucking company makes money from UPS and the USPS?
About 16 days. Not during the holidays.

In the old days, that pkg get from Minnesota to Indianapolis in 3 days, tops. By the post office.
Go figure.

[SouthernLiberal]

109. Yes they do

I have had many packages from Amazon that sent via USPS. And sent all the way, not just USPS final dropoff. USPS is shown on the package tracking, and the tracking number is a USPS number.

[TheBlackAdder]

118. Perhaps that came up as least cost shipping option. But still, no action will result from it.

.



(Note: I don't order from Amazon because they are the Wal*Mart of on-line storefronts... labor, local financial impact, tax dodges, etc.)


This seems to be a feud that was started by them and might have been kicked back.

But, without proof of who wrote the greeting/slight, there is no case--so it's a moot point.
Since there isn't proof, the message intent is nothing more than supposition.



I have a strong feeling that there is a need to be at battle with someone, whether it's BPD (about 12% of the population, primarily women, suffer from it), a prior slight, ethnicity, an odd stare, a loud noise at 10:05PM... whatever reason, and the floor mat is just an excuse to trigger a battle.


.

[rjsquirrel]

512. 12% of the population?

has BPD?

Lol whut!?

[Backseat Driver]

613. How many are paranoid?

And how would I get my bubble pack other than inside those diaper-padded plain white or brown envelopes that Amazon was so discretely putting my kid's vape supplies within?

Nevermind the fact I have Informed Delivery and have regular missing mail of urgent importance reported as such on-line, to the Postmaster, and to Senator Brown's office. The aide said they were already in the process of investigation because there were lots of said complaints. The junk mail gets here just fine.

I'm ready to say I'm being targeted and harassed by virtue of the publication of my voter registration or election mail as a Democrat. (Remember all that tizzy about election fraud?) Paranoid, you bet!

[apcalc]

601. I seem to be always at battle with Republicans.

Am I a sufferer?
😉

[dflprincess]

203. Amazon does use USPS and I also had a package stolen

after the mail carrier just left in front of my apartment door. (My apartment manager saw it there and just kicked herself that she hadn't picked it up for me.)

The local postal inspector took my info but we both knew that, while I had a good idea of who may have taken it, nothing could be proved. Too bad to as the PO told me the contents were worth enough that it would have been a $10K fine.

[left-of-center2012]

611. Yes, Amazon sometimes uses USPS

I buy off Amazon and they often arrive via USPS.

Amazon, and sellers who sell through them, will use the most economical way to ship.
Sometimes packages are shipped via FedEx, UPS, etc to your city,
and then delivered to you by the post office.

[TheBlackAdder]

612. That's called Final Segment Delivery. It's the say Companies Socialize Costs and Privatize Profits

Wow, this is a blast from the past, and a lot developed since then...


FedEX and UPS do not have the vehicles or manpower to perform many final segment deliveries.

What they do is lobby to cripple the USPS so they aren't a competitive threat to their next day services, but keep them viable enough to have the USPS perform the most costly portion of package delivery--that being the distribution center to the home or office. The post office makes one cent per package. That's right, just one cent profit.

The private carriers pocket the savings. Many USPS centers have a FedEx and UPS drop box and perform the receiving and sorting of packages, especially local ones. They will white label the packages, so you won't even know the private carriers never even touched the package and USPS did everything.

So, the private carriers use the quasi-government USPS to save money and stay viable, since neither of them could deliver the packages without huge equipment and labor expenses. They do this just a penny over USPS costs. But, they privatize the the profits that they bilk from their customers.

[Joinfortmill]

632. Amazon uses USPS

When, among other reasons, the other shipping companies screw up and the package doesn't get delivered. Know from personal experience.

[TheBlackAdder]

43. Is that an 'Aliens' reference? nt

[pinboy3niner]

46. ...

[BlueJazz]

124. Damn, I never know what the hell is going on. (I thought it was a joke)

[Orrex]

50. If they interfered with the mail...

then maybe it's an illegal aliens reference.

[TheBlackAdder]

54. Nice :-) nt

[Warren DeMontague]

72. GAME OVER, MAN!!!!

GAME OVER!

[zigby]

89. LOL!

[link:|

[Facility Inspector]

218. Cool story bro

this never happened.

[Orrex]

219. Nonsense.

They totally nuked the site from orbit.

[pinboy3niner]

275. The only thing that survived...

...was the doormat. And one slightly-singed door buzzard.

[Arugula Latte]

426. "Buzzymandias"

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless birdlegs of stone
Stand in the common enterence. Near them on the steps,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled beak and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on a package these words appear:
`My name is Buzzymandias, King of Doors:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level doormats stretch far away."

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

451. LOL! Very nice!

[LiberalEsto]

562. "lone and level doormats "

sheer...poetry,
haunting imagery of ancient mats, sensitive to lovers of scavenger avians...
breathtaking stultiloquence

[Hekate]

573. De Profundis, dude, De Profundis.

[dixiegrrrrl]

607. I missed your contribution, above, the first time around

and think it is so damn good, I am replying 2 years hence from this thread.

[Lifelong Protester]

608. WOW! That is some work!!

[Backseat Driver]

615. Amazing parody! Nice poetic justice!

[Croney]

656. Holy cow

[MohRokTah]

3. Do you have video of the incident?

IF not, nobody is in trouble because you have no evidence to demonstrate who did it.

[Hoyt]

4. Consider yourself very lucky if that is the worst issue yoy have with neighbors.

I doubt if you could get it to stick, and what good would it do?

[GGJohn]

5. Unless you actually witnessed it or have video,

then, no, you have no proof that they did the defacing.

[NutmegYankee]

7. Without hard evidence, there really isn't a case.

Honestly, I would just let the mat thing go. It's too petty to get into neighbor disputes over it.

[bdwker]

452. I agree.

[99th_Monkey]

8. Why do you hate Christmas? n/t

[alcibiades_mystery]

253. No, the WIFE hates Christmas

The character "diabeticman" never engages in action or has an opinion. Those roles are exclusively left to the "my wife" character. The rules of this game are very specific.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

261. Yea, that got old and wore thin for me long ago. I'm left wondering why his wife doesn't just...

...sign up to the DU and let him off the hook speaking on her behalf all the time.

[CreekDog]

339. Maybe she hates commas too, because he sure never uses them

I'm serious.

Even in a message he claimed was from her, no commas.

But then he said he had been transcribing it.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024398194#post22

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4404795

[elleng]

9. Maybe, but 'de minimus' would likely be any 'ruling.'

I'd advise to let it go.

[Snobblevitch]

10. Even if you had video proof of your neighbors

writing on your mail, I doubt the postal authorities would about it other than maybe sending a letter to your neighbors that includes a copy of the federal statute that may have been violated.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

12. Ah, an ongoing Kabuki play

I love it, I really do.

[ret5hd]

35. Exactly right. Andy Kaufman-esque, don't you think?

[Docreed2003]

153. Love me some Andy Kaufman!!

[cherokeeprogressive]

101. Wasn't there something once about hopping across the bedroom floor while wrapped up in sheets?

I seem to remember the police being called in the middle of the night...

[pinboy3niner]

104. Sounds like a clear case of Muslin terrorism

[cherokeeprogressive]

107. Never-ending entertainment... is what you are.

Never-never ending.

In the face of such wit; I have nothing to offer but a sharp salute.

[cwydro]

345. Oh my gosh.

I have to agree.

[Jesus Malverde]

223. Good one.

[Orrex]

224. He was called as a material witness

[pinboy3niner]

231. Despite brutal cross-examination he could not be suede

[Orrex]

232. That was lamé

[pinboy3niner]

233. Pardon me; I must've satin something damn sparkly

[Orrex]

234. Curses! Foiled again!

[pinboy3niner]

238. Far be it from me to knitpick

[Orrex]

241. This whole thread is sew predictable.

[pinboy3niner]

243. Twill be a relief when it's done

[msanthrope]

266. I'm a seersucker for a good pun. nt

[pinboy3niner]

277. I guess you could do worsted than this thread...

But not much.

[msanthrope]

296. We've been crewel to the OP. We should have damasked our mockery better. nt

[pinboy3niner]

299. Weave gone from bad to Worcester

[msanthrope]

303. Lettuce edge back from the wrong side, lest we be accused of being viscose. nt

[Hekate]

304. The whole subthread has me in stitches

[pinboy3niner]

312. We have nothing moire to offer than our purls of wiseassdom

[msanthrope]

314. Kudos to the OP, for his excellent whole cloth tale of the Christmas buzzard. nt

[Hekate]

318. That Christmas buzzard is getting his goose cooked. What kind of gravy goes with that?

I really don't want to think about what kind of stuffing a Christmas buzzard would have.

[pinboy3niner]

327. Advice to OP: DISCRETION IS THE BETTER PART OF VELOUR

[Tipperary]

333. Omg

[marybourg]

356. Can't believe

no one has pointed out that this whole thread is a damn FABRICATION!

[kentauros]

417. I can beat that:

[pinboy3niner]

432. I'm a frayed knot

[rbrnmw]

468. knit picking

even though it is a bit of a yarn

[lastlib]

598. and pinboy can needle with the best of them!

You can't pull the wool over HIS eyes!

I gotta get out of this thread......

[Fla Dem]

248. But the prosecution witness was 3 sheets to the wind so they lost the pillow case. nt

[Orrex]

258. The whole thing was a sham.

[pinboy3niner]

280. Judges don't allow that, duvet?

[Hekate]

305. Can anything at all be selvedged?

[Arugula Latte]

372. I feel like some on this thread are bedskirting around the issue.

[pinboy3niner]

374. For some, it's comforter that way

[Arugula Latte]

376. I guess in the scheme of things it really doesn't mattress that much.

[pinboy3niner]

378. Still, hope springs eternal

[Arugula Latte]

380. That's a nice blanket statement.

[pinboy3niner]

387. The future's not ours to see. What wool be wool be.

[Arugula Latte]

407. True. That thought helps cushion my anxiety.

[pinboy3niner]

434. I'm sure it's a comfort to the OP as he gets pillowried

[LiberalEsto]

564. Sounds like some people are down on the OP

[kentauros]

539. You just -had- to needle 'em on that point, didn't you?

.

[eridani]

566. Muslin? I'd say Linenist or Satinist myself n/t

[lastlib]

599. So now we've turned this whole thing into Satin-worship?

[GummyBearz]

13. I'm gonna go ahead and put my neck out there and

Wish you a merry christmas.

My god, PLEASE do not alert on me for being so obnoxious. I am so bold, some times it gets the better of me

[diabeticman]

17. This is a serious matter and you want make fun

[Codeine]

22. How is it a serious matter?!

Someone wrote on a box. Nothing was damned, tampered with, stolen, or ruined.

Obnoxious? Sure.
Serious? No.

[EL34x4]

25. Actually, it's not a serious matter.

Someone, somewhere wrote "Merry Christmas" on an Amazon package left on your doorstep.

In my neighborhood, people steal Amazon packages left on doorsteps.

[Codeine]

31. In my neighborhood they only steal them

if they haven't been sprayed by a tomcat already.

There's a reason I have everything shipped to work.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

119. Someone stole my neighbor's Christmas tree from Amazon last week.

Who steals a Christmas tree?

[Orrex]

122. Whoever it was, tell them to take a bough

[Arugula Latte]

381. I'm afraid they might branch out into stealing menorahs and such.

[LeftyMom]

130. I found the security camera footage.

[Docreed2003]

156. Well played...well played....

[RayLib]

201. x2

LOL

[Hassin Bin Sober]

198. lol.

[FSogol]

288. DUzy!

[SammyWinstonJack]

360. Ha!

[Contrary1]

412. Someone in Springfield, Missouri, evidently...

My sister-in-law and her husband returned home to find that someone had cut down and removed a small spruce tree growing in their back yard.

[dewsgirl]

629. Someone that doesn't realize there is a Christmas tree in

that box?

[dixiegrrrrl]

181. In my neighborhood, people bring me packages the PO guy left at THEIR door

and leave a cute note with it.

( somebody is gonna have to explain to me what this "Merry Christmas" problem is all about...hopefully before I deck my halls)

[sprinkleeninow]

620. Can that not result in serious injury if halls are decked?

😝

[TheBlackAdder]

27. It's only as serious as you want to make it.

.


Apparently, by starting some issue with your neighbor, you have proven yourself not to be an atheist, but an activist acting as an atheist. A true atheist doesn't give a shit as to who does what, since they view any religion as a sham, not believing in a higher power. If you are not an atheist, why the intollerance with other religions?


So they put out a mat, so it might be against the property management codes, it's not your job to be the police over this matter. If it bothers you, take it to property management for them to follow-up on. Put out something of your own, if you want to 'get back at them' or to 'get them to stop.'


I'll give you a classic example, from a guy at work:

His neighbor built an in-ground pool that changed the runoff so it began to flood their backyard. He went back and forth with them for a year, then finally, in the spring, he mounted several bird feeders and filled them with wildberries. The birds would take the berries, fly into the guys swimming pool to dunk them and drink, then shit all over his concrete and in the pool, wild berry shit that stained everything. Within weeks, the guy came to him complaining and he said he'd take them down when the runoff issue was addressed. Two weeks after that, the guy complied.

That's how you passive-aggressively deal with types that annoy. Leaving notes is confrontational.



.

[Nay]

55. With all respect, Diabeticman, it is not a serious matter. You may want to

escalate this fight with your new neighbor, but you will never win anything but a title for yourself: "neighborhood jerk." The idiot who wrote on your mail has that title now, and will be happy to transfer that title to you.

Please just back off, treat everyone in your apt house to a vague wave and a smile, and get on with the more important things in life.

Edited to add: I'm an atheist and if I was so silly as to take something like a Christmas doormat seriously, I'd have died of a stroke long ago.

[Turbineguy]

84. The key to winning a "who's a bigger asshole" contest

is to let the other guy win.

[Nay]

90. Yep. But so many people just can't let the other guy win. I think that's the

case here.

[hughee99]

274. I'm not sure. I think the key word is "my wife".

While the OP may be okay with letting things slide, it pisses his wife off, and he has to live with her when she's all pissed off about stuff like this. Some wives (or husbands) have the expectation that their spouse will do something about the problem, and if they don't, then they might be seen as part of the problem too. It's bad enough to have your spouse all angry about something, but even worse when she's angry at you too.

[Warren DeMontague]

70. dude, your thread is about an entry mat that says "Merry Christmas"

and a potentially sharpie-d amazon package.


I'm an Atheist. I know something about the shit actual Atheists sometimes have to put up with. This doesn't really qualify.

I suggest you just buy a new mat. From Amazon!

http://www.amazon.com/Doormat-Welcome-Non-Slip-Washable-Bathroom/dp/B015ZGW3X0

[Kurska]

105. Warren you're not taking this matter seriously

It is very possible these people evaded the condo buzzard. You have no idea what they are capable of.

[yardwork]

220. I am dying laughing.

Tears running down my face laughing. I waited and waited for somebody to bring up the condo buzzard and you did.

[EdwardBernays]

227. bwahahaha

to all of this... hahaha

[Hekate]

306. Condo buzzards get very irritable when people carrion. Those beaks are sharp, too.

[progressoid]

507. But that one only got three stars.

According to the review, it wasn't very durable.


This one looks good!

[womanofthehills]

532. Atheism 2.0

Great Ted Talk by Alain de Bottom - those religious folks should not get all the rituals!!

https://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_atheism_2_0?language=en

[Agschmid]

151. This isn't a serious matter. At all.

[Waldorf]

160. The reason people are making fun of it is because its not a serious matter.

[840high]

173. You call this serious? There are

families planning 14 funerals.

[Marrah_G]

212. It is only a serious matter in your mind

[sprinkleeninow]

621. Would that be boatneck, v-neck, scoop neck, cowl or crewneck?

Asking for a non-friend...

[aikoaiko]

15. I'm curious about how the buzzard feels about being rung for entrance.

Seems kind of harsh.

[pinboy3niner]

18. He just has to get used to it and carrion somehow

[Orrex]

32. Damn you, sir.

Damn you.

[TheBlackAdder]

40. Adding one more comment, continuing to eat a dead horse! nt

[pinboy3niner]

98. You know what they say..."No guts, no glory"

[magical thyme]

154. I think you meant "No guts, no gory"

but yours works too

[Nay]

58. Pinboy, Pinboy, Pinboy. Must I always leave this smilie for you?

[WillowTree]

79. I actually did laugh out loud that time. Thanks!!

[TorchTheWitch]

185. so did I

[TexasProgresive]

82. Wow

That made wadding through this thread worthwhile.

[blackspade]

189. Now I have to get another beer out of the fridge. Dammit.

[SammyWinstonJack]

97. LMAO! I was waiting for someone to ask this.

[raccoon]

108. I think it's neat that they have buzzards working their secured

entrances.

I'm sure they give them table scraps. which should be pretty good this
time of year.

[pinboy3niner]

423. "On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me / A Door Buzzard for the common entery"

[greatauntoftriplets]

141. My front door has a cardinal!

[pinboy3niner]

328. I can wholly see that

Nice to see a college man finding employment.

[greatauntoftriplets]

329. ...

[CreekDog]

342. I hope nobody let the buzzard in

They're vultures!

[kentauros]

540. I suspect it's in that position because the "Door-Buzzard" is not

a protected and sacred bird of Artemis, unlike its cousin, the "Buzzard-Hawk."

VIII) BUZZARD-HAWK (Greek triorkhes?)

Aelian, On Animals 12. 4 (trans. Schofield) (Greek natural history C2nd to 3rd A.D.) :
"There are in fact several species of Hawks . . . They are allotted separately to many gods . . . the ocypterus is a servant of Apollon . . . and the buzzard, as it is called, of Artemis."

[femmocrat]

16. Since others have addressed the postal issue: My two cents.

Why stir up trouble over something as insignificant as a door mat? It's not like a creche at city hall. Ignore it and it will go away in a few weeks. Leaving letters for the neighbors is just stirring up bad feelings all around. You probably pass other Christmas decorations in your condo building or complex every day. This is just one more.

[diabeticman]

23. Let's see:

They decorate a natural deal without our input! THEY HAVE YET TO HOLD A MONTHLY MEETING ONLY PROXY VOTING WHICH CAN BE RIGGED! SO EVEN THOUGH MY WIFE WHO FOLLOWS YULETIDE TRADITIONS AND TRY TO BE RESPECTFUL OF ALL OTHERS BELIEF IS SLAPPED IN THE FACE!

It is one thing if it is directly infront of that condo door it shouldn't be in front of a common door.


Sorry for wanting respect!

[Codeine]

38. If she's that respectful of others' beliefs

then why is she up in arms over a Merry Christmas doormat? This is private property. Let it ride, man.

I'm an atheist, but I don't give two tugs of a dead dog's dick (HEY! GET YOUR DOOR BUZZARD AWAY FROM THAT DEAD DOG!) about a doormat at a condo. That just doesn't rise to the level of my business.

[Cal Carpenter]

171. "(HEY! GET YOUR DOOR BUZZARD AWAY FROM THAT DEAD DOG!)"

You win DU for the day.

[hill2016]

61. is there a homeowners association

you can make a complaint if the neighbors are in breach of the bylaws.

[Fla Dem]

67. If she is that tramuatized by a door mat, goodness, just wipe your feet on it every time

you go in and out. That'll show'em.

[mnhtnbb]

170. Best answer. Really. Choose your battles.

A door mat that says "Merry Christmas" is not worth the trouble.

This afternoon I took a good friend of mine--who happens to be Jewish--to
see The Nutcracker. I told her it was a Hanukkah present--my treat-- and wished her
Happy Hanukkah when we left. We both had a wonderful time and enjoyed the ballet
very much.

[pinboy3niner]

489. But it's a slap in deface to his wife!1!!

[Yo_Mama]

102. Do you understand the meaning of the word "respect"?

It's not coming through that you do.

When someone gives a gift, it is disrespectful to demand that it be consonant with your tradition rather than the giver's.

So it is the season of mud as well as the holidays, and someone got a doormat, and they thought - if I put this in front of the group entrance, it will be nicer for everyone. That is in no way an insult to you or your wife.

If someone puts up a menorah at work, I love it, although it's not my tradition. If someone greets me with "Salaam alaikum", I don't firmly admonish the person to say something else. The person just said something very nice to me (Peace to you) and it has deep meaning and significance within their tradition. I smile happily and say "Thank you. And to you." And my happiness is genuine.

If we have a holiday party at work, I generally expect to see a mix of dishes and traditions, and I like it.

Regarding the package, someone did a nice thing for you, and again, you are taking umbrage. Giving gifts and helping other people is sort of traditional at this time of year.

Be wary. If you can't accept the traditions of other people and show them respect, you may soon be marked down as the building Grinch.

[sweetapogee]

121. how would you feel

if you got a message that read: "Have yourself a very crappy christmas!"

Personally I think that the grinch has got nothing on you.

[Generic Other]

205. Sing Christmas carols off-key

whenever you stand on the offending mat (or put those singing christmas cards under the mat to be engaged when you step on it). Or spray it with woodchuck urine. Behavior modification calls for extreme action!

[Marrah_G]

213. Let it go

This is not in the Spirit of Yule. You are creating hate instead of love.

[Tipperary]

325. Wait. What? They decorate a natural DEAL?

This changes everything!

[Codeine]

20. Your condo has a buzzard?!

That's bad-ass.

On a more serious note, are the two of you ever not completely miserable? Who gives a shit about a mat? It's private property.

[diabeticman]

24. This is a common enterence!

[Codeine]

26. Buzzards aren't common at any entrance. nt

[Orrex]

33. Maybe it's a door buzzard.

Lots of places have those.

[Voice for Peace]

91. lol

Door buzzard!

[snooper2]

242. Buzz Buzzard?

[blackspade]

190. Dude, your killing me.

[TreasonousBastard]

492. OK, that's the one I laughed at. (so far)

[Dorian Gray]

196. so what?

[Ms. Toad]

616. Buzzard

Buzzer

[PasadenaTrudy]

30. Lol!

Mine has an eagle

[Orrex]

47. My can-do condo has a condor, if you'll forgive my candor

[pinboy3niner]

48. My bldg. management frowns on noise, so I have to make do with a turnkey vulture

[Orrex]

49. I wonder if the wife's package from Amazon was raptor unwrapped.

[pinboy3niner]

51. All things being eagle, I'd guess it was ducked out for the holiday that shall not be named

[Orrex]

52. I hate to admit it...

but I'm not going to top "turnkey vulture."

Again, damn you sir.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

68. It was offal.

[pinboy3niner]

375. Yule regret that!

[pinboy3niner]

92. I was struggling to keep up with you, LOL

You really keep me on my talons!

[blackspade]

191. You are quite talon-ted.

[Arugula Latte]

379. I'd better not get in my carcass I'm laughing so hard I might drive off the road.

[U4ikLefty]

77. I hate wren that happens. It's quite a birden on his shoulders, but

toucan play at that game.

Hope he doesn't get all emutional and resort to violence like Steven Seagull.

[Docreed2003]

159. Serious question...

Raptor as in bird or dinosaur??? Cause I mean, a raptor dinosaur could wreck your shit...

[Quackers]

528. ...

[Docreed2003]

530. Well played...lol

[blackspade]

192. Don't you mean 'unraptored?'

[Hekate]

307. I'm en-raptored waiting to find out!

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

247. Probably raptored with a rib-bone tied in a bow.

[Skittles]

504. TURNKEY vulture

OMG

[KittyWampus]

113. G'ah! I didn't think this thread would get any funnier~

[TeeYiYi]

39. !...

TYY

[TipTok]

226. That top one is permanently associated with the word buzzard for me...

[Warren DeMontague]

65. It's the traditional Christmas Buzzard.

[marble falls]

139. And now, WMMS lays the hard stuff on ya,... Merry Christmas!

[MohRokTah]

21. No trouble, but here's a fun idea...

Next time you see this particular neighbor while you are leaving, smile, say hi, wish them a Merry Christmas, then say, "can't talk now, I'm off for a meeting with the postal inspector. He's starting an investigation into my mail being tampered with. Seeya later!"

[SickOfTheOnePct]

28. Two points

1) IMO, your wife is out of line to ask that the mat be removed.
2) No one should have written on the packaging, but if it was on the outside, and the contents weren't damaged, who cares? No the USPS, that's for sure.

[Throd]

29. Perhaps your wife should stop being a pain in the ass.

I have been an atheist my entire life. I could not possibly care less about something as innocuous as a "Merry Christmas" doormat. I have much more pressing concerns.

I'm more interested in how they trained a buzzard to function as a doorman.

[TheBlackAdder]

36. Exactly, a true atheist doesn't believe and thinks stuff like that is silly. nt

[PasadenaTrudy]

34. Choose your battles carefully...

Don't sweat the small stuff, etc... I think you should just let this go, not worth the extra stress that can affect your and her's health

[narnian60]

42. +1000

[RKP5637]

88. Exactly! I just roll with stuff like this. Life is often frustrating enough without creating more

frustration IMO.

[truedelphi]

132. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ n/t

[moosesong]

176. I agree, choose your battles

I can understand it is very aggravating, but there is little to no chance of victory here. even if the law were clear, the feds would not have the ambition or courage to prosecute.

If you simply can not let it go, get a video camera set up outside your front door, next season put a doormat out on your porch that says something like "Humbug" or 'sappy holidays'. Maybe a traditional santa face but modified to be cross eyed or nearly toothless. that should annoy them plenty.

[Shandris]

37. What a wonderful human being you sound like. n/t

[MowCowWhoHow III]

41. Season Greetings

[treestar]

44. Have to Rec this

For entertainment value

[nadinbrzezinski]

45. No

unless they wrote over any official marking of the package like postal due, or address,s and then it is shaky at best.

My guard writes apartment numbers on packages often... so they can contact the owners and we can pick them up.

Now that is a serious answer.

My recommendation, you live in private property, the person holding the merry christmas mat is doing it on private property... leave it very well alone. This is not a government matter.

[virgogal]

53. Ignore it,for heaven's sake.

If your merchandise was okay why bother about it?

Waste of time.

[Codeine]

78. "For heaven's sake"?

Now you're adding insult to injury!

[kentauros]

541. Or buzzkill to buzzard.

Bzzzzzt!

[IcyPeas]

56. replace the doormat with with this one:

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[steve2470]

115. I vote for this as the solution lol nt

[Le Taz Hot]

244. I used to have that one.

But it succumbed to the cats using it as a cat scratcher. My new one reads: "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Look who's here!"

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

259. I used to have one that said "GO AWAY"

which might also be appropriate, given the OP's personal War on Christmas.

[Quackers]

531. What about this one?

[SammyWinstonJack]

556. Ha!

[rbrnmw]

557. hahaha

[avebury]

623. That is just

too funny!

[Quackers]

625. I can't believe it's been four years since that post.

I’m feeling old.

[unblock]

57. regarding the mat, i would just enjoy stomping and tramping mud on it.

regarding the package, i doubt it is of great concern to the usps as long as the they did not interfere with the delivery (they didn't obscure the addressee) and did not damage it.

"damage" here is open to interpretation. obviously had they put a swastika on it that would be easily recognized as damaging it. but currently shoving "merry christmas" down someone's throat is not widely recognized as being as obnoxious as it really is. it's quite unlikely that any judge or bureaucrat is likely to think it worth their while to intervene. look at the lame defense of "in god we trust" on our currency.

(to those who dispute this point, note that o.p. had made it clear that earlier "merry christmas" messages were not well received. one could argue that the first time was innocent and well-intended, but if someone keeps it up after being notified that it is not taken well, then it is plainly obnoxious to continue.)

in short, you're right, but you're not going to get any joy challenging it.

[Mariana]

81. I agree with you.

I think the best move is to use the doormat for its supposedly intended purpose. Diabeticman, go get a cheap pair of galoshes, go for a walk outside, walk on as much mud, dog shit, bird shit, and anything else nasty you can find, and scrape it all off onto the doormat. Do this over and over again. Try not to be seen, because someone is sure to be offended that you're using this particular doormat as a doormat.

[RKP5637]

93. I would find it rather symbolic and satisfying to have it there wiping my feet on it.

Imagine if it said "Welcome Atheist" and everyone wiped their feet on it. I would leave well enough alone and get enjoyment wiping my feet on it.

[AngryOldDem]

150. Exactly.

If it's that much of an annoyance, track mud, dog crap, whatever, all over it, and take satisfaction from it, however petty it might be.

As for the package, it seems to me that this is clearly a case of somebody realizing just how easily somebody else's goat can be gotten. Not "tampering" in any legal sense of the term.

[unblock]

158. i disagree about the "just how easily" part. this is exactly the problem.

too many are dismissive of other peoples' feelings when it comes to things like this.

as i noted above, there is a difference between the first time someone says something religious or quasi-religious and gets an adverse response and subsequent times.

writing "merry christmas" and underlining it on private mail intended for specifically the one person you already know is offended by that very phrase is deliberately obnoxious. it's not a matter of being easily offended. getting in a big uproar about the very first time someone says that to you, sure. but after you've made your position clear? no, the recipient of such treatment has every right to be completely pissed about such rude behavior.

whether or not anything can effectively be done is the only thing really up for reasonable debate. getting pissed about it is not.

[AngryOldDem]

184. As others have also said...

...you pick your battles. I agree the messages on the mail are obnoxious, but responding will just ratchet up things more. Is it worth it?

ON EDIT: I also wonder just what the letters said that were ripped down. As we've told our kids when they were teased, people who see easily riled targets tend to keep piling on. Best to be the grownup and move on. If there is some concern about packages being defaced, can they make arrangements for a neighbor to take them if they aren't home (provided they are on friendly terms with any of their neighbors), or give the post office instructions not to leave them and they will pick them up at a PO branch?

This time of year you just have to put up with a lot of personally annoying stuff. That's just the way it is.

[Arugula Latte]

384. You mean give it sort of a ... tramp stomp?

[unblock]

421. ROFL!

actually "stamp" works there, as in "stamping grounds" or "to stamp out".

[cheapdate]

59. This is war! Scorched earth! Nail that mat to their damn door!

[Renew Deal]

403. lol

[hill2016]

60. print this poster and hang it on the door

https://about.usps.com/posters/pos311.pdf

[abakan]

62. I have to kick this...

For it's shear entertainment value. Really, what reasonable thinking person spends any time worrying about a door mat?

[Orrex]

64. Did you hear the one about the persecuted atheist bull in Spain?

His neighbor's matador said "Merry Christmas."


Wait. That's doesn't quite work. Hmm...

[Warren DeMontague]

73. so the guy says to the genie, "What the hell am I supposed to do with a sixteen inch PIANIST?"

[Orrex]

111. Sounds like he needs a tiny organ.

[KingCharlemagne]

99. That sounds like papal bull to me! :) - nt

[CreekDog]

343. That's not believable

Why would a Spanish bull speak English?

[Orrex]

349. I didn't want to believe him either, but he seemed to sincere.

[Arugula Latte]

383. Speaking of bulls, I'm bullish on the buzzard thread. It's going places!

That was for you old-timey DUer types.

[pinboy3niner]

386. Kudzu BE any more obvious?

[Arugula Latte]

406. Vine, next time I'll be more subtle.

[kentauros]

542. You'll find olive us in the garden,

both the corny ones and the flakes.

[Nay]

74. Well, exactly. It's much ado about nothing, and reminds us all, hopefully, to not

become that person who's always hollering, "Get off my lawn!!!!" I often notice that folks like that are elderly men who just have no one to yell at/order around anymore, so everyone who passes by becomes a target.

[AngryAmish]

95. This is I don't drink with you level awesome.

[artislife]

183. hee...someone pointed out that thread.

Very funny.

[Cal Carpenter]

200. Hey, you owe that guy beer money

I'm pretty sure.

And travel money too.

[Nay]

295. O, Jesus, not that guy. I almost left DU over that idiot. nt

[cherokeeprogressive]

347. and many experiences. nt

[Politicalboi]

63. Your only hope would be if the package had

Some kind of Islam or Allah reference. Then you could call the post office and say Muslims desecrated your package, and I'm sure they would look into it. Otherwise, don't mind others throwing their christian religion in your face. We all have to put up with it. Someday, I hope we celebrate Winter Solstice instead of Christmas.

[Warren DeMontague]

66. ever hear the phrase 'don't sweat the small stuff'?

[tammywammy]

110. Have you ever read his previous threads about his condo neighbors?

It's clear he's never heard of "don't sweat the small stuff".

[Warren DeMontague]

133. I CLEARLY have not been paying enough attention!

[tammywammy]

135. It's been quite a few months since I've read an installment of Condo Neighbors from Hell

[Texasgal]

174. I seem to recall that the "wife"

put protest posters in the windows about the pets issue... So, I guess that's okay but a Christmas Mat in a COMMON area isn't?

They sound crazy to me!

[EX500rider]

69. best thread ever (well, after "blowing up the moon!!)

[Orrex]

71. Blowing up the moon was probably the neighbor's idea, too

[Codeine]

76. IT IS A COMMON LUNAR ENTERENCE!! nt

[pinboy3niner]

85. Whoa, there. No need to go...POSTAL.

[Tipperary]

106. Y'all are cracking me up!

This thread is comedy gold

[Arugula Latte]

368. Hey, what is DU for if not to PUSH THE ENVELOPE?!

[Warren DeMontague]

100. MOON BUZZARDS

GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!

[Enrique]

136. Buzz Ardrin

[Codeine]

140. ...

[progressoid]

509. Buzz Aldrin knows how to deal with these kind of situations...

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

353. This will swing the proxy vote!

[EX500rider]

83. Well sure, who know what kind of incendiary mat the moon had out?!

[Docreed2003]

163. EVAR!!!!!!!!

[Marrah_G]

215. ahhhhh the memories

[Skittles]

505. what will be the name of this classic

The Buzzard Thread?

[pinboy3niner]

513. The Door Buzzard thread, of course

"The thread of the mat of The Holiday That Shall Not Be Named" is a bit unwieldy, don't you think?

[Hekate]

543. The Door Buzzard Thread has a nice ring to it

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

609. News from the future: This now is a classic Lounge thread!

[Matariki]

75. omg this thread!

not laughing at your OP Diabeticman, but the Door Condors!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

80. There are a lot of things in this life that are worth worrying about.

But this is not one of them. I would say it ranks well below the question of why socks go missing in the dryer and whether the light in the refrigerator goes out when you close the door.

Don't sweat the small shit. You'll be much happier.

[SheilaT]

278. Have you noticed that not only

do socks go missing in the dryer, but the wire hangers multiply?

My son, the physicist, once explained to me that socks are the larval form of hangars.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

282. But if socks are the larval form of hangars,

how come you don't find hangars in the dryer? Or do they go somewhere else to pupate? A conundrum, indeed.

[SheilaT]

284. They are very, very sneaky.

I suppose I could ask physicist son for elaboration on this, but my guess is that it's going to involved quantum mechanics and string theory and I'd got lost after the third or fourth equation.

The son really is a physicist, heading for a PhD is astrophysics, and isn't remotely into anything that even vaguely smacks of woo, so when he told me the socks as larval forms of hangars, I almost fell over. He does have an excellent sense of humor.

[PasadenaTrudy]

285. I wish my hangers would multiply...

I have to buy them!

[SheilaT]

287. It's only the wire hangars that multiply.

I suspect you don't lose socks in the dryer, either.

Ever since I switched over to plastic hangars, I don't lose socks and my hangar population hasn't increased.

[CreekDog]

344. No, that's wrong

When you lose a sock, the universe returns a penny.

[SheilaT]

354. Not to me it doesn't. I never get a penny.

On a slightly more serious note, I have had things show up in the dryer that weren't mine, to wit one green towel (this was about 1991) and one pair of men's slacks (in 2008).

I have a friend who has had a pair of shoes and two sweaters materialize at different times in his closet.

[HubertHeaver]

500. Sneak in to his house and leave one new shoe in his closet.

He'll go nuts waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[SheilaT]

533. LOL! Since the one time he got a pair of shoes,

that would actually be funny. Alas, he lives in Pittsburgh, I'm in Santa Fe. No good opportunity to sneak into his house.

[pinboy3niner]

506. Sorry about the green towel and my socks

Sometimes I just feel impish.

[kentauros]

544. You lost your towel?

Some hitchhiker you are!

[Ms. Yertle]

86. My advice: Pick your battles

In the scheme of things, this is sooooo not worth it.

[zigby]

87. LOL All I gotta say is be thankful these are your problems

Wake up every day kissing your wife that these are the small demons that plague you every day, because a lot of us got real shit going on and would love a life where picking out the right drapes would be a cause for anxiety LOL

[icymist]

290. Welcome to the DU!

[jmg257]

94. IF they were open to getting in trouble, would you/your wife get them in trouble??

If so, glad you are not my neighbors.

Apparently they are busting your chops for being annoying, but federal charges?!?

Yeesh.

[Sissyk]

96. I know they are not cute, colorful, or attractive,

but Buzzards do have a purpose. Especially out here in the Country.

So, you need to stop "buzzard needs rung" before I report you to the Humane Society. Does your wife support this Bird of Prey abuse, too? Maybe I will just call your local Wildlife Resource Agency for a rescue.

Let him free!

[iranianguy]

103. You are being skepticial

Occurence like this happens but you are getting too skeptical in that matter. I see young couple getting sick/worried,.... about rediculous things.

[Adrahil]

112. Wait.... you got upset about a DOOR MAT!?

Dude... pick your battles.

[Warren DeMontague]

125. "You guys wanna stick around for an oven mitt?"

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-TEDRb2m44hYJb/the_jerk_1979_the_stolen_credit_card_part_3/

[truedelphi]

168. Plus if the issue is door mats, for anyone who hates Christams -

You now get to wipe your feet over the offensive words!

[CrispyQ]

114. Go walk in the mud. Problem solved. --nt

[tammywammy]

116. No, they can't be in trouble.

I'm amazed that in the year since you moved in you and your wife have still not learned how to get along with your neighbors. But then again, you're taking very very minor "issues" and are creating an all out war. I'm so thankful that I don't live next to crappy neighbors.

You and your wife both need a hobby. Or sell the fucking condo.

[CreekDog]

346. Not in trouble, far from it. I heard they're being considered for sainthood

I mean all of diabeticman's neighbors.

[KittyWampus]

117. Did Your Wife Ever Open The Door?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026652265

I gotta think this is creative writing.

[Fla Dem]

193. I thought this as well. When you take this with other OP's Dman has written

You have to wonder if we are all being taken for a roller coaster ride of fictional events.

[Nay]

298. We certainly could be getting gamed, but damn, I haven't laughed so hard

in a loooooong time. The buzzard? All the puns? Holy shit, they keep on coming. What a funny thread.

[SammyWinstonJack]

361. His poor wife....always dropped in the grease by him. I wonder what her

version of these stories is.

[Hekate]

308. I think it's all going to end up in a book on Amazon.

If he's smart he'll include all the puns -- they are a gift.

[TreasonousBastard]

495. I think you got it.

[WillowTree]

120. Based on what you're saying, it sounds as if.......

Last edited Sun Dec 6, 2015, 10:55 PM - Edit history (1)

.......the residents in three out of the four condos in your building or segment, which is private property, don't object to the Merry Christmas door mat. You're in the minority. In addition, try to understand that it's only a door mat. Why is this even worth noticing, let alone making an issue over? Really. Why? Are you actively trying to find fault with everything in your life?

Sort of the same thing with the package. You do realize that if you (or your wife.......or both) hadn't make a stink about the stupid door mat chances are that no one would have written on the box, don't you? In the condo building where I live, if a package is left outside the security door, someone who lives here almost always picks it up and either sets it down just inside that door or even carries it to the recipient's door, so that it's not left in an unsecured area. Sounds as if one of your neighbors made that your package was inside where it would be safer. And then that person or one of he others wrote the greeting on the box. Childish? Well, yeah, I guess. Illegal.......are you kidding? And when you get down to it, whomever did it didn't write "Go To Hell" or "Eat Shit and Die" on it. They wrote "Merry Christmas" which, last I heard, hasn't been designated as hate speech. LET.......IT.......GO.

And here's a thought.......why not take some of the effort that you routinely expend in finding things to be upset/offended/outraged about and channel it into trying to get along with people and finding things to be happy about? It'll be good for your blood pressure and your general well being and you might find out that your neighbors are actually nice people. It would make everyone's life more peaceful, most of all yours.

[Vinca]

123. If a door mat is this upsetting to you, you must lead a very charmed life.

[LeftyMom]

126. Y'all need a hobby. Maybe you could make yourselves some nice scarves this winter.

Here's a tutorial to get you started.

[Hekate]

309. Both Dman and his wife seem to be plenty crotchety already. Maybe knitting would fill the bill.

So far their interest in hobbies seems to be only sew-sew.

[nadine_mn]

517. some excellent purls of wisdom

needle I say more?

[littlemissmartypants]

640. Definitely on the fringe. ❤ nt

[dgibby]

127. I eagerly await your appearance on the Jerry Springer show. n/t

[DesertRat]

128. In my humble opinion,

[Egnever]

129. WTF?

you have a problem with Merry Christmas and think you get to tell your neighbors what their door mat would say?

You have the issues not your neighbor.

[truedelphi]

131. You live in the USA. Last time I Looked, Christians were the majority.

If your neighbor wants her mat to read, "Happy Hanukah!" or "Merry Christmas," or any other holiday greeting (Kwanza, etc) it is her right to do so.

My opinion: You tried to clamp down on her right to express herself on her mat, so if she is the person who put Merry christmas on your package, I see it as retaliation for your interference with her, that you began.

I confess I have no idea if Fed law says she violated something relating to package and mail distribution, but I do say this:

Find a way to keep busy. Many people are deciding between meds and food, or utilities and food. My Northern Calif county was devastated by the wildfires, with about ten thousand people out of their homes. The fires' effects were absolutely catastrophic to most, even those who got checks for their homeowners insurance. And for the poorer person who rents, they are now living on someone's couch on in their car!

So please learn to count yr blessings and put yr energy into something more constructive.

[Warren DeMontague]

134. you mean this opera involves handcuffs?

[Enrique]

137. yes, call in Obama's anti Christmas batallion

[H2O Man]

138. no

[cwydro]

142. Your wife writes letters to complain about a Merry Christmas doormat?

All I can say is that you must lead charmed lives.

Talk about the small stuff.

[linuxman]

143. Merry Christmas

[ileus]

144. poutrageous...

You have video of them writing Merry Christmas?

Don't like the mat then throw it in the dumpster.

[Travis_0004]

145. I think the feds have better things to worry about

I hope you are not going to waste somebody's time on this. If you take issue with it, go ask your neighbor.

[WillowTree]

199. The GIRL SCOUTS have better things to worry about than an oh-so-offensive Christmas door mat!

[SheilaT]

147. Your wife is offended by a mat that says Merry Christmas?

I take it she doesn't get out much, or she'd be subject to live humans saying that to her, especially for the next three weeks or so.

You guys really, really need to get a life.


Oh, and consider proof reading your posts, and using spellcheck. It would make some of your posts comprehensible.

[AngryOldDem]

148. MYOB. Seriously.

Why spend one NANOSECOND of your life stressing about this? It's a MAT. It will be gone in roughly three WEEKS.

And if you take the package complaint to the Postal Service, you will be the one who looks silly.

Stop looking for trouble. With all due respect, this seems to be all you ever do.

[Agschmid]

149. No.

[randys1]

152. Be happy the neighbor doesnt have this on their doorstep

Someone I loved very dearly had one and it always made me very sad.

[REP]

157. Get down on your knees and be thankful these are your worst problems.

Not only that, they're problems you've made for yourself.

I'm not of any of the Big Three Religions, and a "Merry Christmas" door mat in the common area of a private building rates in negative numbers on my Give-a-Fuckometer. Did you have to pay for it, or do you merely have to walk on it? You realize you can not look at it as you walk on it, right?

Complaining about the mat - after all your other numerous futile battles with the Board - is not winning you any sympathy. Be happy that the "retaliation" was that someone wished you a happy one of the numerous winter holidays.

Maybe try to accept that you have to follow the rules you agreed to when you bought a condo, and special exceptions won't be made just because you feel you deserve them. Perhaps try mending bridges, making friends, being part of the community and see if that works better for you. Just a suggestion.

And then suggest getting rid of the buzzard. They're majestic birds, but don't belong confined in a building.

[Warren DeMontague]

161. "THIS IS J. EDGAR HOOVER OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS

COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP"

[pinboy3niner]

166. Forget it, Jake. He's untouchable.

[alphafemale]

162. Your wife is the worst Atheist ever. And from prior postings?

Your wife is possibly the worst human ever.

But I do also realize this is a joke so carry on.

[DrDan]

164. You want to use fed resources because someone wrote Merry Christmas on a package

Does that seem a bit ott?

[Texasgal]

165. I am so thankful.

So....so.. thankful I don't have you two as neighbors.

[Docreed2003]

167. Let...it...go....

I say that as an agnostic recovering Catholic married to an atheist who is also a recovering Catholic. It's the "holiday season". I could give two shits if someone says "Happy Holiday" or Merry Xmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, or Happy Festivus. Any way you slice it, it IS the holiday season. We have small kids and yeah we're probably sell outs for focusing on the secular side of the holiday, but I'd wager you are too. That package from Amazon, was it just a random order or a gift order?? At the end of the day, there's a lot worse in this world than buildings decorating for a holiday or someone wishing you "Merry Christmas" on a freaking package.

[Throckmorton]

217. Round these parts it is a Tolerable Festivus.

No on says merry festivals.

[1939]

433. I often say

Keep a cool tool this Yule.

[rollin74]

169. somehow I think the feds have more important things to deal with

than someone writing "Merry Christmas"

[840high]

172. Merry Xmas. Wish my problems were

all about a mat.

[NCTraveler]

175. If you own a condo,...

And the problem you have with your neighbors is that they are wishing you a Merry Christmas,.......

[Orrex]

235. He was born in Arizona, got a condo made of stone-a

[NCTraveler]

237. He coulda won a Grammy,

Buried in his jammies.







Sticking with Grammy worthy on this one.

[Dr Hobbitstein]

428. He ate a crocodile. nt

[onecaliberal]

177. With everything going on in the world, this is just wow....

[Kaleva]

178. This thread will be inducted into the DU Hall of Fame

[nadinbrzezinski]

182. Will, I think it already has

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

351. I CALL FOR AN EPOXY VOTE AT ONCE!!!!

WE'LL ALL BE BONDED TOGETHER ON THIS ISSUE!!!!!

[Arugula Latte]

377. I don't know if that's a good idea. That procedure can get a bit sticky.

[Android3.14]

179. I am completely unimpressed with this problem

Really? You are contributing to the effing War on Christmas bullshit meme?
We have real problems, thank you very much.

[LiberalElite]

180. I have two comments:

1) regarding whether or not someone defaced personal property - I suggest taking it up with the USPS; HOWEVER,
2) I think you should choose your battles, IOW, let it go.

[madville]

186. I would think about what the

common denominator is in all these problems.

[panader0]

187. get a life---unrec.

[darkangel218]

229. Lol!!

[Nye Bevan]

188. K&R for "buzzard needs rung".

Classic stuff.

[bluedigger]

194. You could have just picked it up and tossed it in a dumpster.

But, noooo, you gotta make it a Thing for everybody.

[Reter]

195. This is why we lose elections and why there is intolerance against atheists and Jews

Please stop it, you're giving Republicans ammo by being so extreme. Christmas is a federal holiday, what do you think about that?

[BKH70041]

197. Is the mat reading Merry Christmas to itself?

Because if the mat is reading Merry Christmas out loud, I can see how that could be annoying. But if it's reading Merry Christmas silently, to itself, then it's not really bothering anyone. So in keeping with the season, I'd let it keep reading. Silently.

And good luck with the "buzzard" at your "apatment".

[yeoman6987]

202. Why can't the neighbors put out a mat that says merry Christmas?

It's their door too. You don't dictate what they have been doing for years cuz you just moved in.

[truedelphi]

208. Maybe diabeticman knows that he owns the world -

And the neighbors don't realize that pertinent fact yet?

[Kali]

204. sounds like the whole place is full of assholes

imagine, a condo version of the internet

[REP]

271. Given the stories told here about fights with the condo board

I'm siding with the other neighbors. The OP and his wife have spent a great deal of time perfecting alienating themselves from their neighbors with entitled behavior.

[Kali]

272. oh yeah

I was including everybody!

Hey! I now have a 6 foot tall loquat tree on my front porch. I had two seeds actually come up and sprout, had two nice plants when I put them out doors last spring. one was in a shadier location and really took off. the one that was in the sun was in too much sun and didn't survive one very hot couple of days when no one was around to water. but I am tickled that the survivor is doing so well considering how out of its proper environment it must be!

I was thinking it might be trying to flower but now the buds are looking like they are just new leaf growth after all. maybe next year!

[REP]

273. That's fantastic!!

And fast! At that size, I'd think it start blooming/fruiting next year. We (usually) get heavy rain Nov - Jan, but whatever you're doing is working great. Here they bloom in the early spring, though mine flowers earlier than the one a few houses down.

I finally got a basket harvester, so next year might be the year I make an ocean of loquat jam.

[avebury]

624. It makes you wonder if the OP and his

wife are secretly Republicans. I am thankful that I have never had neighbors like them.

[actslikeacarrot]

206. Don't listen to these other posters, they are all idiots.

This is a delicate situation, so you need to act fast and establish DOMINANCE early. I suggest peeing on the door mat, never mind how well it ties the entry way together. This will show that you claim it as your territory. If you can do it in front of the neighbor, even better, but you must NEVER break eye contact while micturating on said doormat. This is a well established rule of "manhood 101". The first to break eye contact loses. Your welcome.

[Docreed2003]

230. Walter??? Is that you????

[Bonx]

207. This thread is a special Xmas gift. God bless us everyone.

[eShirl]

209. Do you guys have any hobbies?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

320. Pestering other condo residents IS their hobby.

[jmowreader]

210. You'd be better off buying her a present

Seven bucks at Amazon.

If you'd like to splurge...



This statue of Baphomet is only $34.



This Satan statue is a real beauty at a mere $71.



Anton LaVey's Satanic Bible is a real steal at $9.95!

You can also get "The Satanic Children's Big Book of Activities" - which is adorable - for $9.95, but you have to go to the Satanic Temple's website to get it.

[darkangel218]

228. I like the Baphomet statue.

Didn't know I could get those on Amazon.. Mhmm I know what my Xmas presents will be!

Thanks!

[jmowreader]

267. That's the cheap one

If you're willing to throw a couple hundred bucks into it, you can get a REALLY nice Baphomet statue.

[Orrex]

268. Instead of a Baphomet, how about a bath mat?

You can even get one that says Merry Christmas.

[jmowreader]

270. She would consider that a victory

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

260. Do they have a HAIL SATAN doormat?

That would be perfect.

[jmowreader]

265. No, but you can get one custom printed

http://www.personalizationmall.com/Doormats-c90.lp?fitemid=41240&did=306407&wordid=41240&utm_source=GoogleBase&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=Cj0KEQiA-ZSzBRDp3ITHm5KO_JYBEiQA1JjHHDEAuAslr8p1XMsbuL5d4xHjWKV3tXaGd8lE1nzl888aAumh8P8HAQ

[bluedigger]

323. I found a nice Cthulhu door mat.

I would bust a gut if I walked up to someone's house and saw this at their door.

http://oldglory.com/lp/Cthulhu-Greater-God-Tentacles-All-Over-Outdoor-Mat/p/112011?gclid=CNmQh_n9zMkCFYqGfgodzP4OtA

[Arugula Latte]

369. Well, it was supposed to say HAIL SANTA, but there was a typo.

The good news is they got it at a discount!

[Marrah_G]

211. I am not a Christian and here is my advice

Just let it go. let it go!

There are so many other things to be upset about. All that will come from this is more problems with your neighbors. Life is too short to freak out over every single thing.

[struggle4progress]

214. Everyday People

[MowCowWhoHow III]

216. Could be worse

[Vinca]

222. LOL - that's hysterical.

[progressoid]

510. Let its now?

Oh....wait...

[kentauros]

546. As a neighbor to that,

I wouldn't be complaining!

[Jesus Malverde]

225. lulz of the day

thank you all

[DemocratSinceBirth]

239. There is a general lack of empathy for diabeticman in this thread./nt

[cwydro]

246. But there's certainly gratitude lol;

this is one of the best threads ever.

[Nye Bevan]

256. I know, right? More empathy is being directed towards the buzzard than the OP. (nt)

[DemocratSinceBirth]

257. I have empathy for anybody who to share a dwelling with a buzzard. (nt)

[Pisces]

240. This post is only here for troll bait!

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

249. It's certainly some effective "droll bait". nt

[PersonNumber503602]

301. I think most people realize that, but they mostly enjoy these mostly harmless troll bait threads.

[Le Taz Hot]

245. There are homeless people, families,

who are hungry and cold and won't be having a Christmas and this is what you choose to be concerned over?

Dude, perspective is everything.

[Orrex]

250. Those homeless people don't have to deal with jerk neighbors wishing them Merry Christmas

[Le Taz Hot]

254. See? There's always a silver lining if we just look for it.

[alcibiades_mystery]

251. Ahahahahahaha....Top Quality Performance Art

You got 250 responses to this. This is really high level performance art, sir.

You're one of the best to ever post on this board.

I especially love "the buzzard needs rung," which has the air of indifference to autocorrect, but also captures the west-central Pennsylvania-ism "needs rung" which would be consistent with the persona. You're a true craftsman!

Outstanding work.

[PasadenaTrudy]

262. Seriously? n/t

[blue neen]

289. Indeed.

I'm surprised there aren't jagger bushes next to the buzzard that needs rung!

Always fascinating.

[clarice]

252. I coined the phrase COS (constantly offended syndrome) for exactly this scenario !!!......

the mind boggles.

[deutsey]

255. .

[randys1]

276. ...

[deutsey]

291. One of the funniest bits from that movie...

[olddots]

263. your OPs are always thought provoking

[kentauros]

547. And filled with punspirations!

[JudyM]

269. 10 second google: a link to report tampering with your mail.

https://postalinspectors.uspis.gov/raddocs/tipvandl.htm

Let us know how that works out for you.

[KansDem]

279. Look at it this way...it's a doormat...you wipe your feet on it...

So you take a little longer wiping you feet! Maybe walk through some mud before you do! Maybe some wet grass trimmings? Get it?

[bettyellen]

281. Da fuq? Didn't you just move because you didn't get along with neighbors? If you are serious,

I'd suggest some counseling or self help books. Because both your priorities and expectations are completely out of whack.

[TeamPooka]

283. Am I the only one who feels sorry for the other two apartment dwellers in this building? The

ones not involved in the anecdote above.
How about you ignore them and walk by their apartment without giving a shit?
If you have a real problem with an apartment dwelling neighbor never go directly to them yourself.
If it's big call the cops.
If it's little go to your landlord.

[pinboy3niner]

286. They must cringe every time they hear the door buzzard rung. :( nt

[kentauros]

548. "Another rung on the buzzard."

That must be one funny-looking ladder.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

352. Shhhhh

I heard one is a Federal Agent. His name is Mike. But don't tell anyone I told you.

[Ligyron]

292. No matter what magic I find under the Festivus Pole this year

absolutely no present will bring me more mirth and merryment than you, Diabeticman, have given me this Wintertide.

Merry Christmas, and may the joy of the season burn bright in your world both now and throughout the year!

(I just HAD to get in on this classic)!!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

293. Epic, isn't it?

May the Christmas Door Buzzard deliver a Christmas doormat to the OP this year and every year.

[Nay]

294. Ain't it the truth? With all the teeth-grinding shit being flung our way in

this way-too-long-already election season, this thread made me belly laugh 20 times already. The buzzard, PinBoy's ever-sharp wit, Orrex's comebacks and everyone's else's punny contributions, what's not to love? It's brightened my week, for sure.

[840high]

297. I had a long day - came back to

re-read this. Feel so much better now - LMAO

[JI7]

302. we haven't had one of these for a while

[Hekate]

310. My husband is asleep and I am here reading this thread and trying to be silent while busting a gut.

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!

(No, it's not really my religion any more either, and in our household we just have to make do with Solstice, Hanukkah, and Christmas all rolled into one. Lucky us.)

[pinboy3niner]

311. Busting a gut? The door buzzard needs rung!

[cwydro]

313. Thank you for making me laugh so many times today.

This thread is hilarious. It should be enshrined in the DU hall of fame, and if there is no such thing - there should be.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

315. To make the hall of fame, the door buzzard ...

... will need to be slow-roostered after coating with corn flakes.

[cwydro]

316. STOP it!!

These kind of threads on DU are the best!

[kentauros]

549. Also, circumcized, and:

"One of these days...to the Moon, buzzard!" BOOM!

[SammyWinstonJack]

560. Oh gawd, the door buzzard...........

[Ligyron]

317. Me too Hekate!

Only I was unable to maintain and just burst out laughing several times eventually awaking my GF and the three dogs.

Try and explain to a sleep befogged person in the middle of the night? I didn't even try...

[Godhumor]

319. In posting just to say I posted in this thread

Because, wow, I want my name associated with it when someone posts a link to it in a few years.

[summerschild]

321. Funniest forum comments I have ever read ANYWHERE!

Lordy mercy - - THANK YOU ALL!

I read it yesterday and bookmarked it. Came back today and read it again (of course it's grown -- er - groan).

I have laughed and laughed!

Merry buzzard everyone!

[PasadenaTrudy]

322. I keep giggling to myself

My boyfriend asks, "what's so funny?"...oh just the buzzard thing!

[Nye Bevan]

324. In these troubled times threads such as this one are truly a gift. (nt)

[HassleCat]

326. Probably not

If they tampered with your mail in a way that materially harmed you, USPS inspectors might look into it, but they're not going to insert themselves in the middle of a feud between tenants.

[pinboy3niner]

330. 3 Days of the Door Buzzard

Thread started Sunday morning, still going strong on Tuesday. Heading toward 10,000 views.

Dman may have started The Thread That Will Never Die.

[GoneOffShore]

336. California Peggy will be so jealous.

I started reading this on my iPad and couldn't respond because I couldn't remember my password.

This is comedy gold.

Almost "Kudzudian".

[betsuni]

338. I'm sad because I just saw this thread today.

I missed the party. Didn't notice it because "my Wife" wasn't in the title. Will now enjoy "My Wife's War On Christmas (Mat)" from the beginning.

[HubertHeaver]

559. 3 weeks of the Door Buzzard

And still clunking along.

I have to go back and read it again. Much more has been added.

[myrna minx]

331. Does your condo board allow mixed animals?

[betsuni]

335. NO PETS ESPECIALLY MIXED ANIMALS!!! This is what the door buzzard is for.

Only the mat remains.

[KatyMan]

614. Oscar would be ok though, right?

Oscar

[treestar]

341. lol

[Hekate]

366. NOOOOOO!!!!1! Not that again!

[Hekate]

367. Only as Door Buzzard food

Buzzards need to eat, too

[kentauros]

550. Hay!

I resemble that remark

[bklyncowgirl]

332. Thanks for this thread. I needed a laugh today.

Seriously what kind of person wigs out over a Merry Christmas doormat? Smile and wish the neighbors happy holidays if you want to be IV passive aggressive jerk.

[gollygee]

334. No. n/t

[GoneOffShore]

337. No. This is beyond a 'first world problem'.

It's like arguing over who is paying for the mustard on the pretzel.

[CreekDog]

340. That depends. Who is going to write up the complaint?

You or her?

[GusBob]

348. Merry Christmas to you and your family!!!

Happy new year as well

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

350. I think you should start a new Christmas (or holiday, if you like) custom

involving a buzzard who sets out a Christmas mat on the doorsteps of apartment complexes that don't have chimneys so Santa Claus knows to bring presents to the children who live there. When Santa arrives and sees the doormat, the Door Buzzard lets him in.

[betsuni]

355. And ON the presents Santa writes Merry Christmas and Christmas underline.

As the mat reads Merry Christmas.

[kentauros]

551. Hmmm, that's good!

Add it to The Door-Buzzard Club in the Lounge

[PasadenaTrudy]

357. K & r

for the buzzards.

[summerschild]

358. I'm not sure where to send it, but I think

this thread should be nominated for a pulletzer prize.

[PasadenaTrudy]

359. Some kind of prize

at least!

[pinboy3niner]

362. I'm putting it in for a Better Homes & Gardens Award: Best Condorminium

[betsuni]

363. Hawkertectural Digest might be a good place to try for Best Condorminium, too.

[pinboy3niner]

364. Thanks! I've had some interest from Hortivulture Magazine, too.

Somebody may soon be thrilled to receive a Major Award!

[Arugula Latte]

370. The editor of Cosmowlpolitan might swoop on this as well.

[PasadenaTrudy]

365. Lol! n/t

[Hekate]

371. Ah yes, the famous Pullet Surprize

Now upgraded to Buzzard.

[Coventina]

373. This thread is a thing of beauty. Long may it live!!

[DrDan]

400. agree - love this thread - another kick to keep it alive

[steve2470]

382. with all due respect....

after reading all your posts about your condo community, I'd sell and move elsewhere. I'm assuming they're serious, which might not be accurate. I also live in a condo, and I do my level best to tolerate and get along with my neighbors. Something to think about, if you're serious and not laughing your ass off.

[pinboy3niner]

385. Lighten up, Steve. It's Christmas, when every condo needs a Little Bummer Boy.

[betsuni]

388. You said the word! It is one of the words the Wife of diabeticman cannot hear!

[steve2470]

389. especially one who uses Door Buzzards!

[Arugula Latte]

408. Come, they told me, pa rum pa pa buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[pinboy3niner]

390. The postal investigations will continue until the merriment subsides!!1!

IT'S A COMMON ENTERENCE!!1!

[steve2470]

391. and someone's Christmas mat is interfering with the ENTERENCE! nt

[pinboy3niner]

392. There's only one solution: Matricide

[steve2470]

393. I think that solution could wipe his and her soles clean! nt

[pinboy3niner]

394. Their souls, on the other hand, may be a lost cause

[steve2470]

395. hopefully not to get entangled with the Lost Cause of the Confederacy :p

Then they would have something to ring that buzzard about!

[pinboy3niner]

396. On the plus side, at least they have someone to prey for them

[steve2470]

397. maybe they can get the condo to install a falcon doorknocker ?

They can pray for the right bird of prey.

[pinboy3niner]

398. A door buzzard in the hand...

[giftedgirl77]

399. Ahhh the struggle is real...

I can hear the complaint call now.

Yes, my package was tampered with.

Ok sir, & how do you know it was tampered with? Was it opened, resealed, or contents missing?

No, no, some evil person wrote Merry Christmas on the package.

I'm sorry, did you say someone wrote Merry Christmas on the outside of your package? On the portion you are going to rip open & throw away?

Yes, they wrote on it.

Ummm, ok. But did you get your package?

Yes.

Was, everything in your package?

Yes.

So how did this effect you?

Well, I had to listen to my wife bitch for an hour about how it ruin the outside of the package. The garbage was ruined.

[DrDan]

401. not sure why, but I get the feeling that this poutrage was discussed over dinner at the Olive Garden

Last edited Fri Dec 11, 2015, 11:20 AM - Edit history (1)

[darkangel218]

419. You see, thats where the OP was wrong.

If he only had a few pitt bulls in his condo, everything would've been just fine.

[kentauros]

552. But only if

the pit bulls were circumscribed in cornflake-encrusted kudzu-breasts.

[Renew Deal]

402. You need to find something better to do

And stop harassing people

[pinboy3niner]

404. Gives 'Casablanca' a whole new meaning for the neigthbors

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

[kentauros]

554. Those djinn joints must be fun places.

[Nye Bevan]

405. Thank you for not editing out the Buzzard (nt)

[MohRokTah]

409. Are door buzzards and federal trouble over Christmas scribblings the newest EPIC THREAD on DU? eom

[pinboy3niner]

442. DU's new sentimental Christmas classic: 'It's a Wonderful Wife'

[pinboy3niner]

415. Official response from U.S. Postal Service...

[countryjake]

499. ...

I've now been reading this whole thing aloud (with a pronounced lisp) for more than two hours and it's the best laughter either of us have shared for years. Thanks so much for the heads-up or I would have missed it entirely.

Loving DU tonight!

"Keep calm and carrion" bwahahahahaha!

[uppityperson]

416. CALL CONGRESS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!!

[AngryOldDem]

418. Wow...

It's been almost a week, and this is still going strong. Truly a thread for the ages. Must be the buzzard.

[Kilgore]

420. You made my day!!!

[Maynar]

422. Best Thread Evar!!

[stevenleser]

424. No, they are not in federal trouble. At all.

And I have no idea why you would want to start trouble with your neighbors over something so trivial and petty.

Sounds to me you need to pick up a book titled:

"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"

[Mnemosyne]

427. This makes my worry over losing my home to property taxes in July seem so petty now, I feel so

ashamed.

[Kalidurga]

429. You know what I think?

I think that we’re all in our private traps, clamped in them, and none of us can ever get out. We scratch and we claw, but only at the air, only at each other, and for all of it, we never budge an inch.

[Rex]

430. Clearly you need to piss on the mat to establish your dominance and territory

gosh guy, where have you been? And while you are doing the deed...force the neighbors to watch and shout, "merry fucking christmas!"

[pinboy3niner]

436. That's obviously the Number One solution

Number Two is just the backup plan.

[Rex]

437. You are baaaaa-aaadd!

Well Number One does show forward thinking. Lmao @ backup plan! Well done!

[TexasBushwhacker]

435. No, but your wife needs to chill the fuck out

Seriously. It's bad enough when Fox News created the WAR ON CHRISTMAS, encouraging people to be offended when there is no reason to be. It's your neighbor's doormat. It's for them and their guests. If you're going to live in a condo and share a hallway with others, you're going to have to live with their decor. Their doormat didn't say "ATHEISTS SUCK!" although they may be shopping for one tgat does now.

[betsuni]

438. Yule trees are okay, maybe the wife's religion is Wicca.

I think Wiccan assume it's some sort of belief like that.

[pinboy3niner]

439. Yule tree is okay, but our'll tree is better

[betsuni]

440. I'll take your word fir it.

[pinboy3niner]

441. Oh, your tree is fine. I was just being a tiny bit wicca'd.

I don't know what possessed me.

[pinboy3niner]

443. Why is President Obama remaining silent on this?

OMG, he must be in on it!1!!

[PasadenaTrudy]

444. Oh, I've missed this thread!

It cannot die.

[pinboy3niner]

445. Just like 'It's a Wonderful Life' it brings tears to your eyes

[KittyWampus]

446. Everytime this thread get bumped a door buzzard gets to ring!

Last edited Mon Dec 21, 2015, 12:27 PM - Edit history (2)

[pinboy3niner]

447. BREAKING: ASPCA Launches Major Investigation; Concerned Over Reports of Door Buzzard Being Wrung

[kentauros]

555. Well, of course!

Don't you remember, we did elect Satin into office

[pinboy3niner]

448. .

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

450. STOP tuching the door buzzard!

And, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, including atheists and agnostics everywhere!

[pinboy3niner]

457. Shhh! Don't be talon on me!

And Happy Holiday That Shall Not Be Named!

[Arugula Latte]

460. If you go blind from touching the door buzzard, yule rue the day you ever started

that filthy habit.

[pinboy3niner]

461. You should write that on somebody's package

[Arugula Latte]

476. Maybe on his parcel post, too.

[underpants]

518. LOL

[steve2470]

449. I just gotta ask, how is that buzzard faring ????

It must be tough getting your brains knocked on periodically.....

[pinboy3niner]

459. He's peeing on his legs and throwing up a lot. In other words, he seems perfectly normal.

[Squinch]

453. D-Man, I want to wish you and your wife a Happy Solstice, a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannuka and

a Happy New Year.

Now go feed the buzzard before he eats the cat.

And buy your wife some pants so she can get out of that sheet.

And to all the rest who made this thread such a thing of beauty,

[Hekate]

454. Gotta give this a Christmas Eve kick. Hope no one's holiday was Recc'd by the Buzzard.

[Squinch]

455. Hey, when you guys fry up your door buzzards, do you use corn flakes in the recipe?

[Hekate]

475. They're kind of tough and gamey after having been knocked about for so long.

Might want to tenderize it and then stew it for a very long time, instead of frying.

[Squinch]

479. .

[Zo Zig]

456. Hire an attorney, named Sue

Best Xmas thread ever.

[pinboy3niner]

458. "Gentlemen, you can't hire a vulture in here. This is a condorminium!"

[Rex]

463. Please do not stir the buzzards.

[Rex]

462. While other epic threads fizzled, the door buzzard sizzled.

Seasons greetings and pass the chocolate covered bacon reindeers.

[Arugula Latte]

464. This calls for a limerick:

An epic thread? Yes it was.
It went down in history because
While other threads fizzled
"Door Buzzard" sizzled
And kept The DU all a-buzz.

[pinboy3niner]

465. Whew, thanks!

For a second I was afraid this was going to be the one about the old door buzzard from Nantucket.

[Arugula Latte]

467. Oh, you mean the one whose tail was so long you could pluck it?

[truegrit44]

474. I had to have laughed the most at this! nt

[pinboy3niner]

478. I was thinking of the one about his postal trial being the only one on the ducket

But yours works, too.

[Arugula Latte]

485. Pffffft!

to you, Sir.

[akbacchus_BC]

466. Oh No, who is playing with fire to reinstate this Op?

It would be hilarious but nothing compared to a hilarious Op of years ago - the animal that a DUer inherited!

[KentuckyWoman]

469. I mashed the door buzzard and this answered

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=624815

[akbacchus_BC]

470. Lol, too funny, that was the joke I was referring to!

Hats off to you and have a Happy New Year.

[Hekate]

471. Has the Door Buzzard feasted on the dead horse the DUers have beaten for it? This thread ...

Will. Not. Die. Bwahahaha.

[pinboy3niner]

472. People are still having fun with it, so what the hay?

This may be around a bit longer but not furlong, I expect. At least it behooved us to keep it alive through Christmas, Ho, Ho, Ho.

[Hekate]

473. Ho Ho Ho -- or is that Whoa Whoa Whoa?

Happy New Year

[Arugula Latte]

477. The mane thing is that we post on and ignore the neighsayers.

[Squinch]

480. Is someone trying to rein on this parade? They better not be trying to stirrup trouble.

[pinboy3niner]

488. Roundup the usual foul suspects!

[Squinch]

520. LOL! True confession:

I've stolen that gif and used it elsewhere.

[Squinch]

521. But to continue with the discussion at hand, I'd take a different tack and try and harness that

energy. I thought her Whoa whoa whoa was pretty good!

[Orrex]

482. Another limerick, if yule permit me:

We thought it was done, but it wasn't;
Weeks later, we're still in discussion!
Let's take as our mission,
This new yule tradition:
A dozen door buzzards a-buzzin'!

[Phentex]

483. The horse has been beaten, the buzzard has rung. All Santa left us was...

This pile of dung.

Ring in the New Year, buy a new mat
Thumb condo owners, adopt a new cat

[Arugula Latte]

490. ...

[LiberalEsto]

563. does the buzzard go "ding dung?" nt

[pinboy3niner]

487. Instead...

Instead of leaving the door buzzard thread
And putting this sucker to bed
A vote should be put to the quorum
Should it be punned to the top of the forum?

[Initech]

498. No but the door buzzards are circling the carcass!

[Lil Missy]

484. Drop it. It's not worth the trouble or effort. Bigger fish to fry, I'm sure.

[pinboy3niner]

486. When the buzzard topic was wrung out, we added the horse pun topic. Now fish? This is inseine!

[KentuckyWoman]

494. I'll be off the DU for the next hoof hour thanks to you.

Laughed so hard I had a little accident.

[Squinch]

522. We all know you are fabulous at this, but now you're just fishing for compliments!

[pinboy3niner]

524. Careful--don't be creel. Remember, Luca Brasi sleeps with the...well, you know.

[Squinch]

525. Are you threadfinning me??????????? That's just crappie of you!

[pinboy3niner]

526. I'll have you know I am considered a rod among my piers

Reely!

[Squinch]

529. I would tackle the issue of your threats, but I won't abass myself to that level. And anyway,

I need to go walk my condor.

You have made me laugh a dozen times in this thread!
Thank you!

[Skittles]

497. yes, some, er, bullfish

[Whiskeytide]

491. Posting to Bookmark. I have to...

... spend some serious time on this one.

[NRaleighLiberal]

493. How did I miss this? An instant classic!

Last thing I read - now off to bed. Happily about to dream of rung buzzards!

[Skittles]

496. the term "overplaying your hand" comes to mind

[pinboy3niner]

501. No masturbation posts in GD!!!

I know, I know. I'm already bending over.

[Skittles]

503. STOP IT PINBOY2NINER

YER KILLING ME

and wtf, that's a saying, not a TERM......what is wrong with me

[Squinch]

523. Uh oh. This could become a self-fulfilling prophecy

[TreasonousBastard]

502. Oh, are they ever in trouble...

But you're in worse shape.

Door buzzards in PA are covered under SectionII-3Abbbc107 of the state Constitution which specifically says that in the absence of peepholes, the vultures are free to open doors when requested by local police.

This is becawse the rules were written for condors long before condos existed and when wives were chattel property.

Talong and the sort of it, though, is that your neighbors have also violated the entire Chapter 7 of the Constitution by exhibiting a mat that had a little gloss, and not properly matte. A little gloss, as in this tale of woe.

Now, all of this is moot if the Pennsylvania Imaginary Wife Act of 1823 is invoked. This is the last act of the Quaker legacy which says the invention of a wife for gain is forbidden, and punishable by expulsion from the community. It does say "cooperative" community, though, which is not a condo, so you may have a chance. There were forms of co-ops back then that had nothing to do with modern ones, so you may yet have another argument.

So, imagining this little guy with thick glasses living alone with three cats and a decent imagination, let me be the first to wish you

A HAPPY EASTER!

[betsuni]

508. But what about cats? Still no cats?

This whole saga began with the condo not allowing pets. I guess the buzzard technically isn't a pet. I want to know about the cats.

[trillion]

511. Are you joking? I mean do you really have a wife who is so anal that she would complain

about a door mat? And, repeatedly?


I thought the whole war on Christmas was republicans being infantile because they couldn't handle "Happy Holidays" for some crazy rw nutcase religious reason.

Dems being equally weird about a word is just as bad. I hope you're joking.

[pinboy3niner]

514. She "FOLLOWS YULETIDE TRADITIONS AND TRY TO BE RESPECTFUL OF ALL OTHERS BELIEF" (#23)

Yet hits the ceiling over a Christmas doormat because it's at the common entrance.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

515. Soon the buzzard will let in a blizzard

which will freeze its gizzard and turn the mat into a hazard.

Is it Spring yet?

[pinboy3niner]

516. Ask the Wizard

[darkangel218]

527. Or the Lizard!

Will the Buzzard eat the Lizard?

[kentauros]

586. I asked Izzard:

[betsuni]

519. AND IS SLAPPED IN THE FACE! IT IS A COMMON DOOR.

Sorry for wanting respect. WHAT ABOUT THE CATS?

[Hekate]

536. Won't somebody think of the cats?! That buzzard is a hazard to the cat on the mat. nt

[rbrnmw]

537. we can't talk about the cats

beakause the door buzzard is taking up a lion's share of this thread

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

545. Also, in the mane, it's written into the cats clause. nt

[kentauros]

558. That's "enterence"!

Get your utterance correct

[Hekate]

574. Is that like enteric? Just ... another passageway as we go through this life.

[kentauros]

580. Just like a movement,

in B-flat.


[font size="3"](ent. eric. ... "Eric the Ent&quot [/font]

[teach1st]

534. A mat in a condo

A mat in a condo, "Merry Christmas" it said,
The little door buzzard got rung on its head.
My neighbors got pissed in very bad way,
And defaced my Amazon package that day.

[Quackers]

535. Look on the bright side

Your thread has almost the same amount of views as Skinner's thread at the top!

[LWolf]

553. Maybe, if you really want to go there and you can provide

evidence for the perpetrator of the holiday greeting.

It seems like you either need to cut your losses and move, or find a way to get along with your neighbors.

If a Christmas mat is enough to spark a building war with your neighbors, you might go with option one.

[3catwoman3]

561. This thread is truly...

...a masterpiece of drollery.

[countryjake]

565. Does the mailman ring that buzzard twice?

You'd think that after the first time thru, the bird's beak would bust the wringer...



(diabeticman, I'd like to heartily thank you for this thread. However inadvertent it was, you've provided much fun for all over these long troubled holidays when times are truly bad for so many these days. Stay happy!)

[Warren DeMontague]

567. FREE THE BUZZARDS!

BUZZARD RIGHTS NOW, RIGHT NOW!

[Hekate]

570. If the Duct-taped Duck could be freed, so can the Buzzard. Buzzard Rights!

Call PETA right effing NOW!

[Warren DeMontague]

571. My friend Gus broke a spare rib and now he has cast asparagus

[Hekate]

572. The Epoxy vote can probably fix that rib, but I don't know what to do about his asparagus problem.

[kentauros]

585. If the asparagus is dead, it can be braised back to tasteful life.

[steve2470]

568. to hell with the postal property, do PETA and the SPCA know about that poor BUZZARD ?

When was the last time that buzzard went to the vet for its shots ? Huh ? Does anyone on that condo board know ?!

[rbrnmw]

569. How does one rung a buzzard?

Does this involve Chutes and Ladders?

[kentauros]

582. I'll let the half-wits answer that question:

[rbrnmw]

587. classic

[pinboy3niner]

575. Rut-roh! HuffPo: Vultures Tend To Eat Their Meals Butt-First...

WARNING: Video at link is GRAPHIC (vultures eating dead animals)

Vultures Tend To Eat Their Meals Butt-First, And Here's Why

Apparently, the scavenging birds go after the softer parts of the body first.

12/28/2015 01:39 pm ET

Jacqueline Howard
Associate Science Editor, The Huffington Post

Vultures are pretty gross animals, scavenging and feeding on carcasses and rotten meat. But it's even worse than you may be aware.

...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/vultures-eat-animals-butt-first_568175bbe4b014efe0d8c960

[Warren DeMontague]

577. Indeed.

[rbrnmw]

578. hahaha

[countryjake]

583. Thank the stars!

"The Backdoor Approach"!!!

Pinboy, I think you've stumbled onto the solution to this whole thing!

Whoever defaced that package probably slipped by the offal welcome mat enteritisly and never even wrung the door buzzard, at all. They've gone around and snuck in the back door, brimming with the spirit of the seasonings, just to spread their hollandaise message!

Thanks for posting the link to that vid...I think it explains everything.

[kentauros]

584. They must have some pretty nimble sphincters to eat with their butts first.

[pinboy3niner]

589. Bottom feeding is their specialty. nt

[kentauros]

590. Flying catfish!

(know text)

[Stuart G]

579. I am not sure I understand this thread.

that that is ok..who needs to understand ???

[sprinkleeninow]

622. Yer not casting asparagus, are ye?

😁 💛

[mgmaggiemg]

581. you know you can put

an agnostic or atheist holiday symbol up since it's a common area

[pugetres]

588. They could but

since it is private property, it could just as easily be removed by the owner/manager. The OP doesn't get to decide.

[eridani]

591. This thread needs to be pinned

Didn't know what I was missing until recently.

[kentauros]

596. That's pinboy's job!

He's been unceremoniously crowned as the Chief Door-Buzzard for the Door-Buzzard Club in the Lounge

[KentuckyWoman]

592. too early to ring the door buzzard into the new year?

[PasadenaTrudy]

593. K&R

Because this cannot die.

[lonestarnot]

594. Damn. I missed all the fun again!

[kentauros]

597. Where's graywarrior when you need her?

[Separation]

595. I have an idea

Find yourself a huge mound of dog shart, place it into a brown paper bag. Light it on fire, then drop it onto the offending door mat. Knock on door and run!

Its a win-win scenario! You have literally and figuratively shit on his Christmas cheer. Now that I think about it, its way past for Christmas decorations to have come down, so if its still there DEFINITELY do it!!

[LWolf]

600. Congratulations.

If this is one of the big issues you are concerned about, you're living a charmed life.

[Kilgore]

602. The ginormous thread is back!

Cue the Buzzard!!

[yeoman6987]

603. Good grief

We had this story word for word last year. Silly.

[CentralMass]

604. I can only Imagine the controversy that the Happy Esster mat is going to cause

[Autumn]

610. This thread is one of the best Christmas traditions on DU.

[Hekate]

617. I hope Yule all have a happy holiday with this classic, DUers

[Demonaut]

618. much ado about nothing, sorry man, no sympathy here

[Dem2theMax]

619. We have to kick this one into the next decade!

DU'ers not even born yet must see this some day.

Classic DU.

Merry Christmas everyone.

[Loki Liesmith]

628. This is amazing

How did I miss it?

[tblue37]

626. Another classic DU thread! nt

[Hav]

627. Oh wow, I missed this epic thread all these years

As an atheist, merry Christmas and a happy holidy season to all and see you next year.

[dewsgirl]

630. I assumed it was satire, and then scrolled through all the comments.😳

[tazkcmo]

631. You must have a wonderful life.

You are so lucky to have a serious problem that most others would find trivial. Congratulations on having a life devoid of any serious problems like poverty, death in the family, homelessness or any other of a thousand life-threatening issues. Congratulations and Merry Christmas

[Squinch]

633. I LOVE it! It's back for the holidays!!!! Remembering Pinboy right now, and hoping he's somewhere

very happy.

[Hekate]

635. 🎶. There's no place like home for the holidays 🎶

[Squinch]

638. So glad we are all here to share the season and the fabulous memories!

[LeftInTX]

636. Man...I have a life to live...this thread is tooooo lonnngggg.........

I will spend all night reading it...

I need to get some Christmas shopping done.....Or is it holiday shopping...don't care...

I don't want to get eaten by buzzards, but I might if I starve and die if I am at the internet 24/7...

[Squinch]

637. I love this Christmas tradition. I make a point of defacing postal property every year

now, and every time I do I am just sure that an angel gets his wings.

[Polybius]

639. This must be from a time when the "War On Christmas" wasn't won yet

Merry Christmas and enjoy my avatar.

[sarge43]

641. Posting so I can put this in my journal n/t

[KS Toronado]

642. Your journal have an alarm Buzzard?

Happy Vultures Day

[sarge43]

644. A DefCon buzzard

Thanks

[Tree-Hugger]

643. Replying so...

....I can post in my journal. I'm gonna read this along with "The Night Before Christmas" as part of a new tradition.

Epic thread.

[FSogol]

645. LOL, Happy 6th Anniversary, Door Buzzard!

[SYFROYH]

646. It brings me a sense of stability that you're still fuckin with us.

[Polybius]

647. A true classic!

Merry Christmas!

[akbacchus_BC]

648. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your wife.

Is this the only problem in your lives? If so, you two are very privileged. Once again, Merry Christmas.

[Hav]

650. We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas to you and your wife!

[AllaN01Bear]

651. imitates bousons pipe . now hear this !!!!!! seasons greetings and happy hollidays

have been around for decades !!!!!!!!! anyone who gets unglued by this is stoopid. seriously, they both cover new years and xmas.
yes xmas!!!! before they were called christians they were called xians and before that simply the way!!!!. i am fed up to here with this nonsense . that is all !!!!!!.

[BWdem4life]

652. Happy Hollandaise

Lot of sauce in this thread.

[old as dirt]

653. Feliz Navidad

[NewHendoLib]

654. So happy this link was shared! Such memories!

🎄

[Donkees]

655. 🚪📦 🎄Rejoice! The Door Buzzard Returns 🎄📦🚪

[Scrivener7]

657. This fine art is truly a beautiful and important addition to the Door Buzzard lexicon.

I bow to you with reverence.

Happy, happy holidays to all of us!!!

And Diabeticman and Mrs. Diabeticman, wherever you are, Merry Merry Christmas!!!

[Hekate]

659. Awesome & timely portrait of The Buzzard Who Guards the Gates to the Underworld...

Last edited Tue Dec 26, 2023, 05:44 AM - Edit history (1)

…which is not an ordinary or common enterance

Blessed be Donkees who bears him to us.

[yellowdogintexas]

658. Happy ChrismaHanaKwanzicah to all!

My gratitude never stops for that wonderful covers everything phrase!
Thank You, Stephanie Miller