From Reddit: The most popular presidential candidate is blatantly the Anti-Christ.
Some levity is badly needed!!!
[WP] The most popular presidential candidate is blatantly the Anti-Christ. You're the only one who seems to notice
"His name is Lucifer!"
"It's Lou C. Pher. His family is Irish!"
I sigh. "Pher is not an Irish name. Pher is not even a name!"
"I think you're being a bit crazy, Alpaca."
I shake my head at my girlfriend, turning my eyes to the TV. Lou has just been announced to come on stage. He smiles, waving at everyone as he takes the stand.
"Good evening, America," Lou says, in a friendly tone.
"For God's sake, Jenny, he's red! The man is red!"
"He was in Hawaii for the campaign, stop being so paranoid!"
"He has a tail!"
Onscreen, Lou looks around at the crowd. "Hello. I am Lucifer."
"THERE! HE JUST SAID LUCIFER!"
"Shut up! I wanna hear it."
Lou waits for the cheering to stop, then smiles again. "America… needs to take a stand. America needs a leader -- a man of the people. Unemployment has been through the roof, and something must be done. I have been in the situation many Americans live now. I too was fired from a job I dearly needed."
I glance at Jenny, but she keeps her eyes on the screen.
"I too know what it's like to be cast aside. To fall. But I promise, if I'm elected, America will see better days. I bid you, people of this great land, on Election Day, vote six, six, six!"
A flag unfolds behind him with the number 666 framed by fire and tortured souls. People cheer.
"OH COME ON!" I yell, pointing at the screen.
"Why do you hate republicans, Alpaca?" Jenny asks me. "What's with this prejudice? Give the man a chance!"
"THE MAN IS NOT A MAN! HE IS THE ANTICHRIST!"
"He is not the Antichrist!"
"On a lighter note," Lou continues, "I would like you to meet my pet snake."
Lou produces a snake from behind the stand. The snake has an apple in its mouth.
I have my eyes fixed on Jenny.
"Aww… He cares about animals."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"Also, I am the devil," Lou says. "The Antichrist. I came from the underworld to take over the land of men and have my revenge against God."
Again I turn to look at Jenny. She's messing around with her phone.
"Ok, he just said he is the Antichrist. He literally said he is the devil, Jenny."
"Shut up, Alpaca."
Onscreen, Lou is hovering a couple of inches from the ground now, his whole body on fire. He speaks in a voice both high and low pitched at the same time.
"An age of darkness will befall the Earth on the morning of January first after my election," he says. Then he lands back on the ground and the fire dies away. "So, please vote for me."
"There," I say, as Lou steps out of the stage with no cheer, walking away to the sound of heavy silence and wide- eyed stares. "Are you convinced now?"
Jenny has her eyes on the screen, her mouth open, staring at the TV in shock. "Oh my God... He really is the devil…"
"That's what I've been saying!"
A couple more seconds go by. Then Jenny goes back to her phone, shrugging. "Still voting for him. Can't be worse than the shit we have so far."
Onscreen, Lou kills a puppy. Some people cheer.
https://www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3kmzf7/wp_the_most_popular_presidential_candidate_is/
