Just how evil is Dick Cheney? . . . a blast from the past!

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\Several years ago, DU’er arbusto_baboso posted a list explaining how evil Dick Cheney is. In that tradition, I offer this.

Dick Cheney ate the school girl's heart for a start.
Dick Cheney never heard a good lie he didn't wish he had written.
Dick Cheney's penis is as big as his conscience.
Dick Cheney sleeps to the howls of babes.
Dick Cheney prowls in the back alleys of your nightmares.
Dick Cheney put the delirium in fever dreams.
Dick Cheney was nursed on serial axe murder.
Dick Cheney's wet dreams rival Jeffrey Dahlmer's.
Dick Cheney writes laugh tracks for snuff flicks.
Dick Cheney checks in weekly with Charles Manson for psychological "tempering."
Dick Cheney sticks pins in a person and the doll dies.
Dick Cheney has the Merdus touch.
Dick Cheney once felt the beat of his heart and had it "corrected" immediately.
Dick Cheney is a serial murderer in his fondest dreams.
Dick Cheney stole the Grinch's Christmas and shoved it up his ass.
Dick Cheney dreams like sewer pipes running in spate.
Dick Cheney defines horrific death as a normal state.
Dick Cheney died when he was 8.
Dick Cheney once had compassion for another schoolboy and couldn't sleep for weeks.
Dick Cheney carries a gat in his back pocket in case he want to "make a point."
Dick Cheney meditates with tapes of waterboarding on his earphones.
Dick Cheney slaps himself every day of his life because he once gave a beggar a dime.
Dick Cheney thinks "If it's good for me, it's good for The Legion below."
Dick Cheney thinks, "Hell, it's better to reign down here than even get a blowjob in heaven."
Dick Cheney abhors peace like nature abhors a vacuum.
Dick Cheney is all for animal rights as long as he’s the animal.
Dick Cheney thinks Jack the Ripper was a wanker.
For Dick Cheney, Satan makes house calls.
Dick Cheney never let a disaster go unappreciated. (Not as good as the Spanish Inquisition of which he admired the artistic loveliness of thumbscrews.)
Dick Cheney gave blood. The patient died.
Dick Cheney got lost in a mirror and hasn't been scene since.
Dick Cheney can only make his nut when populations are suffering on the screen.
Dick Cheney thinks Mein Kampf the scribblings of a provincial adolescent.
Dick Cheney can only find his pecker when he thinks of severed body parts.
Dick Cheney is what you get when brothers and sisters don't practice safe sex.
Dick Cheney thinks Ann Coulter is a do-gooder.
Dick Cheney likes jalapeno high colonics . . . they keep him "regular."
Small animals keep dying around Dick Cheney.
Dick Cheney dines out with cape and fangs.
Dick Cheney ties his pecker in a knot . . . says it makes him feel "wanted."
Dick Cheney's fan club is armed to the teeth.
Dick Cheney thinks if anybody got a raw deal it was Judas.
Dick Cheney stays up nights imagining the end of days.
Dick Cheney's poison is another man's light.
Dick Cheney has the four horsemen on retainer.
Dick Cheney has VIP reservations for the ninth circle.
Dick Cheney invented the flamethrower.
Dick Cheney makes Faustus look like a schoolboy dabbling in the occult.
For Dick Cheney "penis enlargement" means another invasion.
Dick Cheney's notion of compassion is as large as his endowment.
Dick Cheney's favorite hero is Iago, his favorite sidekick Judas.
Dick Cheney thinks water-boarding, no matter what else you say about it, has a "super entertainment factor."
Dick Cheney thinks war is the natural state of things. (Actually, that was Ambrose Bierce . . . I'm stealing here.)
Dick Cheney strokes the panther and smashes the dove.
Dick Cheney likes children because "you don't have to tenderize them."
Dick Cheney has notches on his memo pad.
Dick Cheney thinks water-boarding, no matter what else you say about it, has a "super entertainment factor."
Dick Cheney thinks war is the natural state of things. (Actually, that was Ambrose Bierce . . . I'm stealing here.)
The devil blanches. Dick Cheney is coming.
Dick Cheney is all for animal rights as long as he’s the animal.
Dick Cheney puts broken glass in both shoes to help him “calm down.”
Dick Cheney put the furious bit on the edge.
Dick Cheney strokes the panther and smashes the dove.
Dick Cheney likes children because "you don't have to tenderize them."
Dick Cheney judges his movies by their body counts.
Dick Cheney applauded the final solution even though he thought it didn't go far enough.
Dick Cheney thought Marquis de Sade was a writer of instructional manuals.
Dick Cheney thought Hansel and Gretel almost upset the balance of the universe.
Dick Cheney's tapeworm lived on stomach acid and knew Machiavelli by heart (a heart that exceeded his host's by leagues and leagues). Now he must find a new home. He's considering Rove.
Dick Cheney leaves an indelible stain as a legacy.
Dick Cheney looks best in the past tense.
Dick Cheney, R.I.P. (I.e., rest in a percent, say one-tenth, . . . of the torment you brought to others.)

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1. Dick Cheney is so evil . . .

Dick Cheney is so evil, the dictionary runs away when it sees him coming.
Dick Cheney is so evil he sends Satan a condolence card every Christmas.
Dick Cheney is so evil he thinks Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a flop because the body count was so low.
Dick Cheney is so evil, he flosses with barbed-wired to get the fragments of human bone out of his teeth.
Dick Cheney is so evil, he named his cats after concentration camps.
Dick Cheney is so evil, he thinks Dante's Inferno is a comedy.
Dick Cheney thinks woman was invented to make man's life a hell on earth and that war was invented to give him some respite.


please add . . .

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2. "Dick Cheney is so evil even the devil repents."