Happy Festivus Everyone! Celebrating Festivus: A Guide to the Holiday Created ‘For the Rest of Us’

[Better Believe It]

Celebrating Festivus: A Guide to the Holiday Created ‘For the Rest of Us’
By Joe Jackson
December 23, 2011

1. Throw out the Christmas tree and instead erect an aluminum Festivus pole
– Not part of the O’Keefe tradition, but disciples of the Seinfeld faith consider the pole paramount. According to Festivusweb: “The pole was chosen apparently in opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees, because it is ‘very low-maintenance,’ and also because the holiday’s patron, Frank Costanza, ‘finds tinsel distracting.’”

2. Forget the pleasantries and air your grievances
– An integral part prior to the main Festivus meal. The O’Keefe order uses a tape recorder – its origins in the Samuel Beckett play Krapp’s Last Tape, whose protagonist tapes himself speaking at different times in his life. Meanwhile disciples of Frank Costanza will know loud remonstrations are the only way. As the Queens, N.Y. patron said: “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it!”

3. Sit down to a Festivus dinner
– Again, essential for followers of both chapters. O’Keefe offered no guidance on food. The Costanza clan adheres to meatloaf and spaghetti in red sauce and no alcohol – although personal hip flasks with uncertain contents permitted.

4. Last but by no means least, the Feats of Strength
– No Festivus is complete without this post-dinner ritual. If you honor O’Keefe, brothers (and on occasion, sisters) wrestle. Observers of the Costanzas will be aware that a chosen guest, preferably a son, must physically pin down the family head – unless they have something better to do instead. Festivus is not over until the host has been pinned!

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[MADem]

1. I have to rec this, as that episode made me laugh! nt

[ixion]

2. Happy Festivus! I got a lotta problems with you people!

[Denninmi]

3. I've got the grievances if you've got the aluminum pole.

Bring it on.

[City Lights]

4. Happy Festivus!

We put up a Festivus pole one year, and took it to my neice's house (as a joke) on Christmas day. She kept it, and we've haven't seen it since. I think I'll bring this up during the airing of grievances.

[FiggyJay]

5. Yay Festivus!

We celebrated Festivus for the first time last year and decided that it was a whole lot better than watching a tree die with a bunch of intolerable relatives. Tonight we will continue the Festivus tradition!

[mdmc]

6. r

[valerief]

7. Y'know, people ask me, "Why don't you decorate for Christmas?" and then a minute later, they ask,

"What's that aluminum pole doing in your living room?"

Sheesh.

[hifiguy]

8. A happy Festivus to everyone at DU.

Grievances have been aired, feats of strength performed, so now it is time for my traditional celebration involving Chinese food and brandy.

Cheers, everyone!!

[underpants]

9. Happy Festivus!!!