I don't understand some people

[ripcord]

My brother in law was telling me today that my wife and I are suckers for spending so much money to send our kids to good schools. Right after we were married I got drunk and blew an entire paycheck gambling and my wife told me she would handle the finances from now on or she was gone, the first thing she did was start saving for education for kids we didn't even have yet. I was fortunate enough to get on with the Teamsters and enjoy my job but I do want something better for my kids, one is a junior at Harvey Mudd the other is about to start at Caltech. I think we have done our job parenting and seeing our kids graduate will be our reward, I just don't understand the idea that you wouldn't sacrifice for your kids.
I'm not saying my brother in law and his wife aren't good parents but his kids are following in his footsteps and welding in Southern California can be miserable, he was been hospitalized several times for severe heat emergencies. It did upset me to hear his opinion of us, yes they have more toys than we do but that isn't how I have chosen to measure my life.
I know I am just rambling but I needed to get this out and at least subjecting all of you to this won't cause a family problem.

[surrealAmerican]

1. Some people just don't value education.

It sounds like your brother in law is one of them. Education is not a guarantee of a better life for your kids, but it helps.
My husband and I are doing the same. Our son has one more year and he'll finish his bachelor's. He'll be taking a year off before going for a master's. We just feel bad that even with our help, he still needs loans.

[ripcord]

4. There is just so much you can do

education is so expensive but you are giving him the chance to really improve himself and his life.

[FSogol]

2. Your wife sounds pretty smart. Saving for education before the kids are born is the best thing you

Last edited Sun Sep 14, 2014, 08:13 PM - Edit history (1)

can do. Plus if the kid decides to be an electrician or truck driver, that money is still available.

I encourage all young parents to save into their State's 529 plan. Info here:
http://www.sec.gov/investor/pubs/intro529.htm

[Lars39]

3. He sounds jealous to me.

You know you're doing the best you can for your children. He's seeing how it could have been, with regrets, maybe.

[Live and Learn]

10. You are probably correct. Whatever his reasoning may be it is wrong.

Without an extremely good education in today's market one is unlikely to land a decent job. The educational requirements for all levels of jobs are going up exponentially as we compete with countries that offer free university level education.

I think the requirements are getting beyond absurd and students are incurring life restricting debts to meet them but there is no way a parent can be faulted for trying to ensure their child will be able to provide for his or herself.

[Liberal_in_LA]

23. agreed. he's envious and it's too late for him to go in another direction. way too late to put kid

On path to cal tech

[Shrike47]

5. Suckers? I'd say you're good parents.

Those are great schools; if my kids got in there, I would try real hard to make it happen.

[etherealtruth]

6. You have provided your children with a wonderful start

Your wife (and you ) should be applauded.

I don't know why some people are not supportive .... perhaps jealousy? .... perhaps a low priority on education?

I can tell you this, I was unable to save when my children were young (a divorce and honestly, I am not that self disciplined) .... I pay their tuition now .... but believe me ... I wish I had saved

[LuvNewcastle]

7. So basically, he'd rather spend money

on himself instead of his kids. Most parents want their children to have a better life than they did, but some of them have such low self esteem that they're intimidated by the thought of their kids succeeding where they themselves have failed. I don't think I care for your brother-in-law.

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

8. Great school choices.

To this day I'm somewhat bitter that I never got a shot at Caltech because the alumni who did my interview (a local big company VP type) forgot to send his report back to them in time.

Just make sure they network. Getting a great education isn't enough these days, you have to get in with the movers and shakers and their kids to get the best jobs.

[leftieNanner]

30. Not just network...

They need to get summer internships and work experience in their field. We have a friend whose son was Magna Cum Laude from a very good school, but he had trouble getting a job because he hadn't pursued any internships. This is especially important in the sciences.

[CK_John]

9. When 50% of college grads are working at mac-jobs, he may be right. Productivity

gains are not producing enough jobs. Starting a business seems to be a better approach.

[ripcord]

12. I never went to college

and I have been able to provide for my family (live union) but I would still like them to do better than me and not have to put in the hours I have.

[JI7]

35. most businesses fail , and based on the OP they can afford to send their kids to the schools

so the kids are not going to be stuck with loans and worrying about paying them off.

[mathematic]

52. 50% of Harvey Mudd and Caltech grads are not working "mac-jobs"

Pretty much the only way you're not getting a good job if you have a degree from one of those places is if you hate the field you got a degree in or if you have a severe personality disorder.

[Tikki]

11. Tell your brother-in-law that the next generation will develop things that will make people's

lives safer, more comfortable or pleasant.

Everyone can get behind that...

Tikki

[pnwmom]

13. A neighbor asked me once why I had chosen to send my oldest

to a private school, once I saw the public school wasn't working out for her.

She happened to be the wife of a real estate agent.

I said that I'd rather spend the money on her education than on a kitchen remodel. (My house at the time definitely could have used one. Actually, it could have used a total remodel.) She looked shocked. Just couldn't imagine.

Everybody's different. But having my daughter happy and productive in high school was more important to me than my kitchen, and since then she's gone on to become an engineer with a PhD. So I'm pretty sure I was right.

Good luck with your kids!

[DamnYankeeInHouston]

14. He might be jealous.

[ballyhoo]

15. Just keep your eye on the dot. You are right and

your brother-in-law is wrong. But you will have to keep your eye on the dot for many things going forward besides education for your kids. Some of these positions will NOT be popular.

[Old Crow]

16. Sounds like you're looking for some affirmation and maybe a pat on the back.

Well, nothing wrong with that--and you've certainly earned it.

I think you and your wife have made some awesome choices. Your children will appreciate the sacrifices you've made more and more the longer they live and reflect on them. This nation as a whole would be better off if more people approached parenting the way you and your wife have. Much respect. Carry on.

[mountain grammy]

20. I'll second that! Carry on!

[defacto7]

17. You have some very lucky children!

and they will probably pass on your care, forward thinking, and support to your grandchildren.

[DawgHouse]

18. You and your wife are good parents. Don't let anyone make you question your parenting choices.

I'm sure your BIL are good parents too. Welding is hard work, but I have a relative who would owns his own welding shop and there is nothing he would rather do! It's all about finding fulfillment in life.

[WinkyDink]

19. You and your wife did a great job, it seems. Enjoy!

[Skittles]

21. tell your BIL to STFU

how exactly is it his business?

[No Vested Interest]

22. I've never regretted a dollar we spent on the education of

our four children. In fact, I've never counted - or added up- the amount, but wouldn't be surprised if the total was more than I could have imagined.

Two were National Merit Scholars, with scholarships to good colleges, one private, one public.
The other two children didn't have those academic talents, but still benefitted from the training as well as the education they received in their parochial and private schools.

This is not to say that I don't respect public schools. My first two went to kindergarten and first grade in our good, local public schools.
Having our religion integrated into their daily was important to spouse and me, and I do believe the kids appreciate the schooling they were provided.

I do vote for local public school levies because I want our urban public schools to be able to offer strong education to all our children.

[PosterChild]

24. You Rock Brother! And you've got one HELL of a GOOD Wife!

Harvey Mudd and Caltech! Totally GREAT! All the best to you, your great wife and your very fourtunate kids.

(PS, If they don't now, some day they will appreciate it!)

[ripcord]

29. We made a bargin with our kids

if they could get into good schools we would pay for them, they did the work and now we are living up to our end.

[1monster]

25. Tell him that he has done what has made him happy and you are doing what makes you happy...

If everyone in the world had the same likes, dislikes, and desires, life would be exceedinly boring and there wouldn't be anyone to do the welding, the teaching, the exploring, the writing, the plumbing, the engineering, etc.

If you are happy with your choices, his criticism shouldn't bother you. And if he were happy with his choices, I'm not sure that he would be critical of yours.....

[demigoddess]

26. college education will pay off in

more ways than one. Your kids know you care about their futures, that you believed they were smart enough to go to college, and that they could be anything they wanted to be. Plus if one or two turned out to be geniuses, you were prepared!! You and your wife should get a medal, if you ask me.

[Lost In America]

27. I think that a 4 year college education should be 'free'.

Our taxes already pay for k-12. They should pay for k-16.

Beyond that is up to you.

Our kids deserve that at the very least.

[abelenkpe]

31. Agree

Kids who work hard in school getting great grades, developing talent and passing tests to gain admittance to college should be rewarded with a free education for their hard work and preserverence not burdened with debt. We should invest in their future not weigh them down Wish more thought the same...

[Lost In America]

37. Even those who don't "work hard" according to someone's guidelines should be afforded college educat

education, that is.

When I grew up, a high school education allowed you a basic living.

Now that requires a college degree. Not that I agree with that, but it is what it is.

Why should be burden our kids today with hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt just to qualify for a job?

[SomethingFishy]

43. Actually that's not really true...

While I think everyone that wants one, should have a college education, paid for with tax dollars, (it's an investment in the future), it's possible to make decent money by learning on the job. It takes longer because you have to work up the experience, but in my field I would get hired before a college grad, because of my experience.

It all depends on the job. I started out doing Audio/Visual work. Setting up flip charts and overhead projectors for conferences. I moved on to video systems. Cameras switchers, video walls, projection. Now I do video for live concerts, if I work all year I can make 6 figures. And that is with just a GED.

However, I would have loved to have gone to college, my family just couldn't afford it. I dropped out of high school so I could make my own living. You have to work harder, but there is opportunity for those who can't afford school.

[abelenkpe]

45. Yeah I agree

We shouldn't be burdening anyone.

[Louisiana1976]

33. Agree wholeheartedly. America needs a socialist government. Under socialism, education in

colleges and universities would be free.

[leftieNanner]

28. We have made the same choice that you did

Our two cars (one was a hand-me-down from my late father) are 24 and 19 years old. We don't live fancy lives, but our older daughter just graduated from Wellesley College and she is getting her PhD in Chemistry at MIT. The younger child is a junior at Tufts studying Applied Mathematics and Computer Science.

We don't have the toys that other people have, but we don't regret ONE PENNY that has gone to fund our kids' education. I want them to have more opportunities than I had.

You are right on, ripcord!

[abelenkpe]

32. You're doing the right thing.

You are an excellent parent. Don't evere doubt that.

[JI7]

34. your kids got into those schools through hard work , i think he is jealous

based on what you say i'm thinking you and your brother may have been more similar but because of your wife who was more responsbile when it came to finances and the future you were able to save and afford to send your kids to the schools they worked hard to get into.

[tooeyeten]

36. Only an opinion

And not more important than your own.

[YoungDemCA]

38. For some people, education is part of becoming a more fully developed human being

For others, a career or vocation is more important-preferably, one that has good financial benefits and rewards. For a lot of us, the ideal would be the best of both worlds. Having a comfortable standard of living would be awesome, too.

Nothing inherently "wrong' with either approach, but the skyrocketing costs of higher education in this country in recent decades, along with the growing economic and social inequality between the highly educated and the less educated, has meant that a lot of people-particularly families from those of less means-have decided that its not worth it for them.

Think of how many Americans have to support themselves and their families on low-wage, low-benefit jobs-often multiple jobs per person, too. Paycheck-to-paycheck, with little to no time to plan for the future. Some people don't value education, because they aren't educated themselves, and/or they don't have the time to educate their children (particularly true of the working poor).

Added to all that the aforementioned high costs of higher education, and the (let's be honest here) class-based elitism of all too many of the highly educated population, and you get a recipe for "working class and poor people not valuing education." A more egalitarian society would not have these issues to the same degree.

Anyway, to the OP: kudos to you for doing all you could to help and support your children.

[customerserviceguy]

39. It's all about what a person values

I put myself through college with some loans, grants, and work-study, but my folks did make sure that they saved enough to have a house in a good neighborhood with good schools. I wondered why we seemed to be the poorest folks in the two neighborhoods we lived in, but later on I knew that nobody who made what my father did and wasted money on crap would be able to live in those places.

Here's another question: Do your kids value their educations? Are they pursuing courses of study that will most likely lead to good jobs? I can see someone calling an in-law a sucker if the kid is playing musical majors and taking a long time to graduate, finally majoring in something with low career potential. My lady's sister and brother in law have two kids, the oldest has a masters in bio-mechanical engineering and has landed a great job soon after graduation, while the other one took six years to get an associate degree in hospitality, which qualifies him to be a chain restaurant cook. If I were a little more honest, I'd say to him that financing the younger one's extended adolescence has not been a good deal, but it's not my money, and not my kid.

[ripcord]

41. My son is doing a dual major

chemistry and biology while my daughter is majoring in applied mathematics.

[customerserviceguy]

42. Given that

then I'd just agree with most of the posters above and say that he's jealous. Some people need to slam others' life choices in order to validate their own.

[cheapdate]

40. My wife and I are 100% on your side.

My son is a sophomore at Tufts University, my daughter is junior in high school. Instead of the jubilation that I expected the rest of my family to share that our son had been accepted to Tufts, there were hesitations, and, "yes but...the in-state public university is..."

Forget them. We're proud and thrilled for our son. We've told both of our kids to enjoy college and study whatever your heart is interested in.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

44. Education will prove itself more important to bettering all of our future

as we progress. Learning as much as possible when young is always worth the expense if the student knows its value.

I hope your kids know how wise you are being on their behalf.

[saidsimplesimon]

46. ripcord, sometimes our family members "sell US down the river".

They are still family. However, I draw the line.

[joeglow3]

47. Good for you. We make the same sacrifices

I have three boys that I will be spending $10,000 a year to send to a college prep school and then intend to pay for college. We started saving $2,000 a year for each kid in an education saving account and put $200 a month per kid into a 529 plan. We did this by driving shit cars and not spending money on toys.

I listen to people at work tell me how stupid I am, between stories of how little money they have. It is all about priorities.

[StoneCarver]

48. I support this thread... follow your dream.

I worked with a guy. He was a high school graduate. He sent his two daughters to Yale and Northwestern (Chicago). It was before 9/11. His oldest daughter (at Yale) was studying Arabic and Middle Eastern -something. At the time I thought -what a waste of an opportunity -who cares about that. I thought, I'd kill my kids if they majored in that. Then 9/11 hit.
The CIA couldn't get enough Arabic and Middle Eastern study graduates. (The CIA recruits heavily out of Yale.) Now she works for the "State Department" -like all CIA ops - who need a cover story. The moral is follow your passion. It may turn out to be an opportunity. As parents we need to guide but support our kids dreams and passions so long as their heart's in it.
Stonecarver

[ripcord]

49. I want to thank everyone who posted

I was feeling a bit down and was just venting, hearing that others don't think we are crazy does help.

[IdaBriggs]

50. I didn't respond to your original post, so let me say it here.

I think you made the correct decision. We are also putting money away for our kids education (have been since they were babies), and they are only seven.

You are doing the right thing!!!

Thank you for posting - this made *me* feel validated!

[TBF]

51. College is not for everyone -

but I don't know why he'd look down on your choices if he were happy with his own. Seems insecure.

[Prophet 451]

53. I saw this all the time in my hometown

A lot of people are satisfied to have a hometown life, a life of low ambitions where you just keep trudging through, a small life. I grew up in a small poverty-stricken town like that and it sucked me in, took until my early Twenties to escape from it. The fact is, for those at the lower end of teh social structure, they're working so hard for so little money that they don't have the energy to think of something better. It's easier just to plonk themselves down in front of American Idol and switch off.

Saving for your kid's education is a great investment in their future happiness (albeit, unnecessary here in the UK) and if they decide not to go to college, you've probably got enough stored away for a new car.

[aikoaiko]

54. I think youre doing a fine job for your kids. Those are two good STEM schools and ....

....they'll most likely do well if they learn and take advantage of the opportunities those schools offer.

Your kids are smart if they are in those schools and hopefully they will enjoy a STEM education and career.