Why domestic violence victims can’t ‘just leave’

[RandySF]

Brady says one of the biggest misconceptions about domestic violence is that it is easy to leave and escape the abuse.

Leaving is actually the hardest thing to do, partly because it is the most dangerous time for the victim. Brady says this is because when a victim leaves, the abuser loses control over them.

Domestic violence is not about anger management issues, Brady explains, as some people may commonly believe.

Instead, domestic violence is about the batterer having power and control over their victim.

Brady says that domestic violence is very controlled and methodical conduct done to exert control over the victim.


http://myfox8.com/2014/09/09/why-domestic-violence-victims-cant-just-leave/

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

1. Actually, I think it can be either or both

Not all domestic abuse is about control, although I'd venture to say that the majority is - some is about anger issues. My mother was the abusive one in our family (to my father and us children), and she had severe anger issues. I see no reason why some men don't have the same anger issues.

[JanetLovesObama]

2. Bullshit

I was one and I left. Yes, it was difficult but I did it. Any woman can.

[justabob]

4. just because you were able to, doesn't mean another is

I get what you are saying, but people have their own issues and their own weaknesses etc. I got out too, but it was very very difficult and I still have not fully recovered from that period in my life.

[LeftyMom]

5. Mine broke into my house, killed my pet and made two attempts on my life after I left.

My mother had a boyfriend who, when she left, intentionally crashed his car into hers, doused her car with gasoline while she was trapped, and was fumbling with a lighter when people tackled him.

So I think you're understating the case just a bit. "Difficult"

[840high]

6. Good. My daughter

was one and left. With 2 kids.

[Are_grits_groceries]

8. No. Any woman can't.

Your attitude is a major part of the problem because so many have it. Many women can't leave for a variety of factors.
I'm glad you were able to leave. It has left you with a big misconception though. Every woman isn't like you or in your particular situation.
BULLSHIT right back.

[pecwae]

9. Gotta hand your bullshit

right back to you. I got out, too, but dismissing those who aren't as strong, determined or able is a heaping helping of blame the victim mentality. You're making an extremely difficult, sometimes life threatening, situation into a 'pull your self up by your bootstraps' moment. You did it, I did it, everyone can't simply because we did.

[raven mad]

10. Want to bet, Janet?

Try when he's so in with the local cops/politicians/moneybags in the area and you have no one left to help, even though you've begged for it?

I'll call your bullshit and raise you a fuckin' grizzly bears worth of wrath.

I finally got out - at a loss of everything, literally, everything. And wound up (because I needed my contact lenses and glasses) getting kicked down a set of stairs on my way out.

[gollygee]

11. You know, it would be just as easy for me to say

no woman would ever have to enter into an abusive realtionship. I never have, and if I never have, than no woman ever has to.

But that doesn't make sense, does it? Life is complicated and relationships can go places you don't expect. Women can be afraid to leave children alone with an abusive spouse, and know the abusive spouse will get visitation if they leave. Women can be threatened that their abuser will kill himself, or kill her, or kill someone else if she leaves. She might have been raised in an environment where she thinks abusive relationships are normal. The abuse might have left her sense of self-worth damaged and she might mistakenly feel like she deserves it and if she'd just do things differently and behave differently and say different things, everything would be fine.

There could be a million reasons why women don't leave or have trouble leaving or are afraid to leave, and you are not in a position to make assumptions about someone else's situation.

[Behind the Aegis]

7. More people need to read this!

Your bolded statement could be its own post!