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Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:41 PM

Just witnessed an act of racism

It is what a friend described as "harmless" and what another stated was just because of "economics."

There's a little convenient store on the corner. Privately owned and the only place within walking distance for about a 3 block radius. The owner is not white and not African American. Everyone that works there is family.

A black man walked in, a guy I have seen in the neighborhood, and in that store, a few times. He simply asked, "do you have any matches?" To my complete surprise, the answer he was given was, "no." The gentleman politely thanked the shopkeeper and left.

When I was done grabbing my few things and went to check out, I asked for a pack of matches. Something I had been given at this store numerous times. I was given a pack of matches. I asked why I could have a pack but that man couldn't. I received a little sheepish grin as an answer. I just simply stated, "shame on you."

When relaying this story to a couple friends, I was told by one that it was harmless. The other friend stated that it was "purely economics since the guy didn't buy anything." Since I have gotten matches there when not purchasing anything, as have others, I know that is a bullshit excuse. It also was not what was stated to the gentleman asking for the matches or what I was given for the reason they supposedly had none for him.

As tiny a thing this may seem to be, it is indicative of the enormous problem we have with racism in this country. Both the excuses by others and the act itself.

My remark, "shame on you," may do absolutely nothing. But if more people spoke up when witnessing a willful act of discrimination, maybe there would be fewer.

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Arrow 174 replies Author Time Post
Reply Just witnessed an act of racism (Original post)
marym625 Aug 2014 OP
YoungDemCA Aug 2014 #1
marym625 Aug 2014 #2
onecaliberal Aug 2014 #6
marym625 Aug 2014 #10
vlyons Aug 2014 #46
marym625 Aug 2014 #54
sufrommich Aug 2014 #3
marym625 Aug 2014 #7
sufrommich Aug 2014 #13
marym625 Aug 2014 #17
Warpy Aug 2014 #81
marym625 Aug 2014 #84
Tuesday Afternoon Aug 2014 #4
marym625 Aug 2014 #8
philosslayer Aug 2014 #5
Name removed Aug 2014 #11
philosslayer Aug 2014 #15
marym625 Aug 2014 #23
Name removed Aug 2014 #31
marym625 Aug 2014 #34
Name removed Aug 2014 #51
Aerows Aug 2014 #59
BainsBane Aug 2014 #19
Nye Bevan Aug 2014 #22
marym625 Aug 2014 #35
gollygee Aug 2014 #40
marym625 Aug 2014 #43
1StrongBlackMan Aug 2014 #88
Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #156
ET Awful Aug 2014 #44
1StrongBlackMan Aug 2014 #89
ET Awful Sep 2014 #132
1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #134
ET Awful Sep 2014 #163
1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #170
1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #174
heaven05 Sep 2014 #149
gollygee Sep 2014 #166
ET Awful Sep 2014 #167
gollygee Sep 2014 #168
MrScorpio Aug 2014 #45
marym625 Aug 2014 #48
Liberal_Stalwart71 Sep 2014 #140
marym625 Sep 2014 #142
Liberal_Stalwart71 Sep 2014 #144
marym625 Sep 2014 #146
sammythecat Sep 2014 #151
marym625 Sep 2014 #153
heaven05 Sep 2014 #150
irisblue Aug 2014 #71
1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #135
1StrongBlackMan Aug 2014 #86
IrishAyes Aug 2014 #100
Unvanguard Sep 2014 #145
heaven05 Sep 2014 #148
BainsBane Aug 2014 #9
Tuesday Afternoon Aug 2014 #12
marym625 Aug 2014 #14
Boreal Aug 2014 #91
marym625 Aug 2014 #92
Liberal_Stalwart71 Sep 2014 #141
marym625 Sep 2014 #152
Divernan Aug 2014 #16
marym625 Aug 2014 #25
Nye Bevan Aug 2014 #18
marym625 Aug 2014 #26
Fred Sanders Aug 2014 #20
sufrommich Aug 2014 #24
marym625 Aug 2014 #27
Fred Sanders Aug 2014 #28
marym625 Aug 2014 #36
Fred Sanders Aug 2014 #21
marym625 Aug 2014 #30
Fred Sanders Aug 2014 #32
marym625 Aug 2014 #37
alphafemale Aug 2014 #29
marym625 Aug 2014 #33
heaven05 Sep 2014 #155
MrScorpio Aug 2014 #38
marym625 Aug 2014 #41
MrScorpio Aug 2014 #47
marym625 Aug 2014 #49
IrishAyes Aug 2014 #105
marym625 Aug 2014 #110
IrishAyes Aug 2014 #117
marym625 Aug 2014 #119
IrishAyes Sep 2014 #126
marym625 Sep 2014 #127
marym625 Sep 2014 #133
1StrongBlackMan Aug 2014 #90
marym625 Aug 2014 #95
nomorenomore08 Aug 2014 #121
Nye Bevan Aug 2014 #39
marym625 Aug 2014 #42
Stellar Aug 2014 #50
marym625 Aug 2014 #52
20score Aug 2014 #53
marym625 Aug 2014 #55
malaise Aug 2014 #56
marym625 Aug 2014 #57
notadmblnd Aug 2014 #58
marym625 Aug 2014 #60
notadmblnd Aug 2014 #61
marym625 Aug 2014 #62
lunatica Aug 2014 #63
marym625 Aug 2014 #64
lunatica Aug 2014 #65
marym625 Aug 2014 #66
Name removed Aug 2014 #67
marym625 Aug 2014 #68
Name removed Aug 2014 #69
Jack Rabbit Aug 2014 #70
marym625 Aug 2014 #72
skippy66 Aug 2014 #73
lunatica Aug 2014 #74
marym625 Aug 2014 #76
marym625 Aug 2014 #75
skippy66 Aug 2014 #77
marym625 Aug 2014 #80
Bette Noir Aug 2014 #93
marym625 Aug 2014 #94
AverageJoe90 Sep 2014 #129
marym625 Sep 2014 #130
heaven05 Sep 2014 #162
marym625 Sep 2014 #164
ScreamingMeemie Sep 2014 #172
marym625 Sep 2014 #173
heaven05 Sep 2014 #158
gollygee Aug 2014 #101
1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #136
heaven05 Sep 2014 #160
Ecumenist Aug 2014 #102
IrishAyes Aug 2014 #104
treestar Sep 2014 #125
heaven05 Sep 2014 #157
AverageJoe90 Aug 2014 #78
marym625 Aug 2014 #79
JustAnotherGen Aug 2014 #82
marym625 Aug 2014 #83
rosesaylavee Aug 2014 #85
marym625 Aug 2014 #87
IrishAyes Aug 2014 #96
marym625 Aug 2014 #97
Enthusiast Aug 2014 #98
raven mad Aug 2014 #99
marym625 Aug 2014 #108
marym625 Aug 2014 #111
mimi85 Aug 2014 #103
marym625 Aug 2014 #112
mimi85 Aug 2014 #113
marym625 Aug 2014 #114
99Forever Aug 2014 #106
marym625 Aug 2014 #109
Name removed Aug 2014 #107
yardwork Aug 2014 #115
marym625 Aug 2014 #116
proReality Aug 2014 #118
marym625 Aug 2014 #120
babylonsister Aug 2014 #122
marym625 Aug 2014 #123
3rdwaydem Sep 2014 #124
marym625 Sep 2014 #128
Niceguy1 Sep 2014 #131
Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #159
heaven05 Sep 2014 #161
marym625 Sep 2014 #165
jimlup Sep 2014 #137
marym625 Sep 2014 #138
Liberal_Stalwart71 Sep 2014 #139
marym625 Sep 2014 #143
gollygee Sep 2014 #169
marym625 Sep 2014 #171
heaven05 Sep 2014 #147
marym625 Sep 2014 #154

Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:42 PM

1. Your last sentence says it all, in a nutshell:

 

But if more people spoke up when witnessing a willful act of discrimination, maybe there would be fewer.


Thanks for having the courage to speak up against what you witnessed.

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Response to YoungDemCA (Reply #1)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:43 PM

2. Thank you

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Response to marym625 (Reply #2)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:47 PM

6. ^^^ That

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Response to onecaliberal (Reply #6)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:50 PM

10. Thank you

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Response to YoungDemCA (Reply #1)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:36 PM

46. That was a teaching opportunity

Thanks for speaking up.

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Response to vlyons (Reply #46)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:52 PM

54. Thank you

I think this is to the OP. If so, thank you

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:45 PM

3. Ugh, imagine how those "harmless" acts of racism would

make one feel day after day after day.

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #3)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:48 PM

7. I can't

It's almost too much to even think about. But we have to

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Response to marym625 (Reply #7)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:53 PM

13. You did a good thing,marym625. A lot of

people wouldn't have let it bother them.

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #13)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:56 PM

17. I couldn't have done any less

Probably could have done more. But thanks again

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #3)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 04:15 PM

81. Probably the way catcalling makes women feel

day after day after day after day....

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Response to Warpy (Reply #81)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 04:53 PM

84. I would imagine

Interesting you should use that example. I just read a piece (A Samuel Warde blog but he didn't write it) about some "women's show" on Fox talking about catcalls. They all agreed it was nice, complimentary. Yick!

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:46 PM

4. Good on you and especially because =

As tiny a thing this may seem to be ...


From the tiny *Acorn of Prejudice* do large *Oak Trees of Racism* grow.

Peace

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Response to Tuesday Afternoon (Reply #4)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:49 PM

8. Thank you

<- my favorite little guy.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:46 PM

5. Not to nit pick...

 

But true racism requires the perpetrator to have institutional power. You said the owner was neither white nor African American. Without more details, its difficult to determine if he truly has the power necessary for racism. More details would likely be necessary.

An act of bigotry? No doubt.

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)


Response to Name removed (Reply #11)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:54 PM

15. I'm not diminishing anything

 

Clearly this is an act of overt bigotry. But words are important.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/101693672

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #15)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:02 PM

23. weird

I just tried to reply to you and it wouldn't let me.

The lack of any other outward thing, such as a religious symbol worn by the man looking for matches, I am hard pressed to think of anything but racism.

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #15)


Response to Name removed (Reply #31)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:17 PM

34. Thank you

For posting that!

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Response to marym625 (Reply #34)


Response to philosslayer (Reply #15)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:35 PM

59. Welcome to DU n/t

 

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:59 PM

19. So when the guys in Texas dragged that African American man from their truck for miles

until he was dead and dismembered, that wasn't real racism?

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:01 PM

22. Sorry, but treating someone differently because of his race is a racist act.

This was true racism, perpetrated by a racist.

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Response to Nye Bevan (Reply #22)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:18 PM

35. If it looks like a duck

Completely agree. Thank you

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:23 PM

40. Racism is discrimination which holds up institutional power

It doesn't mean the perpetrator has to be a member of the group in power, just that the perpetrator has to participate in the oppression of the group that lacks societal power.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #40)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:29 PM

43. That's what I always thought

And believed.
Thank you

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Response to gollygee (Reply #40)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:12 PM

88. +1 ...

 

That is exactly correct ... per 21st century social scientists.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #40)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:21 AM

156. ^^^This^^^n/t

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:30 PM

44. What a load of hogwash.

By your standards, since skinhead gangs have no institutional power, they can not practice racism.

There's a wee flaw in your "logic".

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Response to ET Awful (Reply #44)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:21 PM

89. Skin heads, as well as the most economically disadvantaged white person ...

 

still possesses "institutional power", when his/her acts support the institutional systems that oppress Black/Brown folks.

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #89)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 07:20 AM

132. Bull pucky.

Skinheads do not have "institutional power". Their acts are not supported by "institutional systems".

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Response to ET Awful (Reply #132)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 08:09 AM

134. You do not know what you are talking about. eom.

 

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #134)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:25 PM

163. Way to reply with facts . . .

Please show me which institutions support the skinheads and provide actual facts showing how and when they do so. (Note: a small town sheriff with KKK connections does not count as an "institution".

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Response to ET Awful (Reply #163)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 05:47 PM

170. All institutions in America support skinheads because they

 

tend to be white.

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Response to ET Awful (Reply #163)

Tue Sep 2, 2014, 08:10 AM

174. All of the institutions in America ...

 

From Banking/finance to law enforcement/justice to education ... all had been built and continue to operate to benefit/not disadvantage white people, in general, but straight white males, in particular.

That a segment of that population chooses ignore that benefit/non-disadvantage does not mean it doesn't exist for them.

For skin heads all they have to do to fully benefit is: 1) Let their hair grow; and 2) wear different foot wear ... what they, largely, will not have to do is change their racist views.

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Response to ET Awful (Reply #132)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:35 AM

149. pure BS!!!!!

 

Hogwash and bullpucky back atcha!!!!!!!!!!!

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Response to ET Awful (Reply #132)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:44 PM

166. They are white people raised in white families with all the associated institutional power

and if they grow their hair and cover/remove any tattoos, they are instantly way more easily hired than people of color. White men with criminal records have an easier time getting jobs than black men with clean records. Google it.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #166)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 04:40 PM

167. That doesn't in any way equal institutionalized support for what they do.

In fact, it equals just the opposite.

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Response to ET Awful (Reply #167)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 04:42 PM

168. They don't get institutional support for being skinheads

they get it for being white. I don't get institutional power for liking 80s music, but I get it for being white and wealthy. Being a skinhead is irrelevant.

Edited to add that I'm not personally a skinhead. LOL. I thought it looked ambiguous the way I wrote it. An 80s music-loving skinhead maybe.

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:31 PM

45. There's something called Internalized Racism, which is practiced by people of color

These are people who endorse the process of systemic and institutional racial prejudice and discrimination. Not only is this manifested by self-hatred of one's own non-white existence, but is also reveled in hatred and discrimination against other racial minorities as well. You can see that in acts of racial hostility against blacks, as noted in the OP.

Minority police officers who engage in racial profiling against blacks are another example of this. These are coping mechanisms that are used to follow the path of least resistance. It's easier for people who internalize the self-hatred and endorsement of white privilege, patriarchy and class discrimination to serve these things than it is to take risks by defying it.

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Response to MrScorpio (Reply #45)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:39 PM

48. I used to work in a manufacturing plant

And every person in the plant itself was Hispanic. There were sometimes actual physical fights between those from Puerto Rico and those from Mexico simply because of where they were from.

The owner was a blatant racist.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #48)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 09:35 AM

140. Yes. All people of color are taught to hate themselves; they internalize racism and bigotry just

 

like everyone else. Kenneth Clark's famous Doll Test used to argue against dejure segregation in the courts is a perfect example of this, where black kids were choosing white dolls as the smartest, prettiest, and morally upright in society. Many times, lighter-skinned blacks, other non-blacks (Hispanics, Asians, and other marginalized groups) are told that they are better than dark-skinned people of color/blacks. They, too, internalize self hatred and racism. Hence, the colorism that exists in Hispanic/Latino cultures and in South and East Asian cultures as well.

European colonization has pitted marginalized groups against each other. That's why we will see Hispanics pitted against blacks. But will also see intra-group discrimination as well, with white Cubans distancing themselves from darker-skinned Mexicans or Puerto Ricans, etc.

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Response to Liberal_Stalwart71 (Reply #140)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 09:54 AM

142. Unfortunately, it is everywhere.

Think about all the girls that can't stand girls they perceive as prettier. If not the "can't stand" they feel jealous. The blue eyes against the brown eyes.

If we don't all acknowledge that we have a problem, talk about it, fight against it, we're doomed to continually repeat it.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #142)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:02 AM

144. True, but more pronounced with skin color because it's a beauty standard that can never be attained.

 

I get what you're saying, but the further one is from the beauty standard, the more pronounced the self-hatred/internalized bigotry is. So for instance, in some East Asian countries, girls having "animae" surgery done to their eyes to remove the hood and make the eyes larger has become incredibly popular. Wearing blue contacts and dying the hair lighter and blonder gets closer to the European beauty standard. For many in the African diaspora, skin lightening or bleaching is very popular because there is hatred for dark skin, which is viewed as ugly. Hair straightening to remove the "kink" texture has been achieved already, so getting to the lighter skin is now the ideal. Denying anything black heritage has been the trend, especially in countries like Brazil where people deliberately marry people as light-skinned or white as possible so that their offspring won't be dark-skinned and/or have kinky hair. In this country, West Indies, as well as blacks who live in Europe, colorism is still an issue with skin bleaching and hair relaxers.

Again, while I understand that whites have their issues, it is not the same as people of color. Very different, since people of color, especially darker-skinned or people of African descent are most affected by European standards of beauty because they are furthest away from achieving that aesthetic. And most hated and vilified for it.

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Response to Liberal_Stalwart71 (Reply #144)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:26 AM

146. I didn't mean to minimize anything

Absolutely no question that there's no comparison to racism. I didn't mean to minimize it.

The study just brought all that to mind. Sorry, I went off topic

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Response to marym625 (Reply #48)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:39 AM

151. In my own uneducated opinion

the two greatest evils afflicting the human race are racism and misogyny. They've been with us since the first humans and have retarded the advance of civilization immeasurably. We have been making progress as of late, but the fact that we're still struggling with these two behaviors tells me that we're still a primitive species. Monkeys and lions are racist and misogynistic and so are we. We have a very long way to go 'til we rid ourselves of these utterly stupid and self-destructive traits and become a truly modern civilization. "We have become very clever, but not yet wise." Explorers from another world would find much to learn about us, but little, to nothing, to learn from us.

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Response to sammythecat (Reply #151)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:45 AM

153. Well said

Although I think we have taken many steps backwards lately

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Response to MrScorpio (Reply #45)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:37 AM

150. thank for

 

some intellectual intelligence.

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:32 PM

71. philo, gotta ask

what is the difference between "true" racism and false racism? and this is being asked in a neutral please tell me tone.

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Response to irisblue (Reply #71)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 08:31 AM

135. I suspect the difference is ...

 

"True racism" allows liberals to exclude liberals and allows for whites to be victims; whereas, "false racism" is anything that might include the practices/belief of white liberals (see: Privilege).

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:06 PM

86. Not true ...

 

All that is required is that the actor's act be in support of, or supported by, that institutional power.

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 06:55 PM

100. Why do you say, "Not to nit pick..." and then do exactly that?

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:03 AM

145. Institutional power is not an individual characteristic. It's not about the owner's power.

The owner's acts are racist because they reflect anti-black prejudice, which is an institutionalized, systematic phenomenon.

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Response to philosslayer (Reply #5)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:32 AM

148. there you are!

 

I knew it was just a matter of time before I stumbled over you.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:49 PM

9. It ran counter to the owner's economic interests

He alienated the customer. He might have said, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't give out matches without a purchase," if that were indeed the store's policy. It is clear that is not what was going on.

As for harmless, imagine that man subject to that sort of thing repeatedly over his lifetime. It most certainly does harm, and it is racism.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #9)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:53 PM

12. excellent post and I was thinking the same thing ... very short sighted of the clerk/owner

especially if the man has been a customer previously.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #9)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:53 PM

14. exactly

I almost ran after the guy to tell him they did have matches and give him mine. But then I thought what would that accomplish? Maybe I should have. I didn't see him anywhere when I came out anyway.

Thanks for your response

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Response to marym625 (Reply #14)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:34 PM

91. I think you handled it perfectly

 

To run after the other man might have instigated something you wouldn't have intended. You did the right thing by calling attention to the behavior of the one exhibiting it. I don't see how he could have felt good about himself after you doing so and hopefully next time he will remember your words and act differently.

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Response to Boreal (Reply #91)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:38 PM

92. That's my hope

And you're right about letting the guy know.

Thanks for your kind words

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #9)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 09:40 AM

141. And this is what we are trying to convey to white people who deny that white privilege exists.

 

We are simply trying to get them to see that they don't even have to think about these things by virtue of their skin color. These events do not even cross their consciousness because they are not routinely affected by the constant reminder of their skin color or race. That's why the constant pleas to black folk to "get over it," and "stop being so sensitive" and "move on, it's not that bad," are really irritating and offensive. They are not black and are not subjected to the humiliation of having to go through these things day in and day out. If blacks are angry; if there is any truth to the stereotype of the "angry black male" or the "angry black female," should we not have very good reason to be?

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Response to Liberal_Stalwart71 (Reply #141)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:43 AM

152. I am angry and I don't have to deal with

being discriminated against because the color of my skin. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to deal with that

The people that are so blatantly racist but still pretend it's got nothing to do with race are the most despicable.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:54 PM

16. Good for you; you reacted appropriately in the moment.

A few times I've seen unkind or racist acts and thought later what I could have/should have said. With age and maturity I've gotten to the point where I do react "in the moment" and it's always a good feeling. Here's a poem from childhood - corny, but true.

Little drops of water,
little grains of sand,
make the mighty ocean
and the beauteous land.

And the little moments,
humble though they may be,
make the mighty ages
of eternity.

Little deeds of kindness,
little words of love,
make our earth an Eden,
like the heaven above.

Little seeds of mercy
sown by youthful hands,
grow to bless the nations
far in heathen lands

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Response to Divernan (Reply #16)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:04 PM

25. Thanks for that

I like it

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:58 PM

18. You were right to speak up.

"I don't do business with racists" is another possible response.

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Response to Nye Bevan (Reply #18)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:06 PM

26. I wish I had that kind of commitment

But with no vehicle, it would be a real hardship to never patronize that store. I know. Shame on me.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:59 PM

20. Native Americans and aboriginals can tell you the same tales, but they are not complaining folk as

a whole, whereas the society that surrounds them and to whom they surrendered their land plays the victim.

Victimization is a disease with some folk.

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Response to Fred Sanders (Reply #20)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:04 PM

24. "Victimization is a disease with some folk."

What does that even mean in regard to the OP?

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Response to sufrommich (Reply #24)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:07 PM

27. was wondering the same thing n/t

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Response to marym625 (Reply #27)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:08 PM

28. It was in relation to my post, not the OP.....cheers.

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Response to Fred Sanders (Reply #28)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:20 PM

36. Cheers

I liked your post

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:01 PM

21. As an aside, since you got no explanation from the store clerk who was familiar with the man,

perhaps there was another reason not to give the man matches?........

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Response to Fred Sanders (Reply #21)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:11 PM

30. There is always that possibility

But with the grin and lack of response to my comment, I highly doubt it. These are people I see almost daily. It's a predominantly white neighborhood. And usually, I am the only one in the store.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #30)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:13 PM

32. There is a cynical, questioning side of me I can get rid of. Apologies.

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Response to Fred Sanders (Reply #32)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:21 PM

37. none needed

I appreciate the response

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:08 PM

29. It sounds racist. Certainly deceitful. No doubt in that.

But the man may have a history of taking matches and not making a purchase.

It may have become a habit with several people.

A more honest answer would have been that they were free with purchase or charge a nominal free like five or ten cents otherwise.

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Response to alphafemale (Reply #29)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:15 PM

33. yes

But as I said, I have seen that man buy stuff before, at least once. And I have gotten matches without a purchase.

Point is taken. I don't disagree that there is the very slight possibility that it wasn't a racist act. Without a different or further response from the owner, don't believe it was anything else.

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Response to alphafemale (Reply #29)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:18 AM

155. yeah, it stinks of racism

 

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:22 PM

38. The thing about living as a black person in America...

Is that you'll never really know if the things are happening to you are happening because of your own race, and those thoughts can never leave your mind.

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Response to MrScorpio (Reply #38)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:26 PM

41. I can't imagine

I have a tiny little idea being female and bisexual. Have been told I shouldn't be allowed around children. But I can never come close to even imagining what it must be like to be a person of color.

Thanks for your response.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #41)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:38 PM

47. You do have some idea

Only because the process of privilege is complex and multi-varied. One can retain certain privileges in one way but not in another.

Frankly, as a male, I can't conceive of all of the amelioration of conditions required by women, in order that they can get through a day without having to worry about being sexually assaulted, verbally or even physically harassed and potentially discriminated because of the fact that we all live in a patriarchal society.

As a male, I don't have to worry about it, or think about that stuff at all.

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Response to MrScorpio (Reply #47)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:42 PM

49. No doubt

We all have our stuff. But I have never seen or heard such blatant, horrible things in regard to bigotry as I do against African Americans. Usually with women, it subtle and hushed.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #41)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:18 PM

105. Fact: the majority of Short Eyes are hetero.

No, I'm not going to the trouble of citing a particular source as it's well established knowledge and easy for any doubters to google for themselves if they doubt me. Although I do confess to the nerdy love of statistics. Even though I know what Mark Twain said: There are 3 kinds of lies: plain lies, damned lies, and statistics.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #105)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:45 PM

110. I'm sorry

I don't know what that means. Short eyes?

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Response to marym625 (Reply #110)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:24 PM

117. No need to apologize.

It's not a familiar term in most 'polite' circles. My range of acquaintances has been rather far flung, and I was told it's a prison term for pedophiles. Self explanatory once you know the context.

That's my other nickname for Pig Boy, who's infamous for his Dominican Republic child abuse vacations.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #117)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:39 PM

119. Learn something new every day

Thanks for the explanation

Not gonna lie, though I understand what that means, I am a little lost as to the rest. But It's hard to follow the responses and what they're to on my phone.

Since I have agreed with and like everything else you have said, I probably agree now.

By the way, thanks for defending me. I appreciate that.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #119)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:45 AM

126. Pig Boy, aka Short Eyes, is the infamous radio host

currently flaming out due to boycott pressure on sponsors. I'm unwilling to repeat his vile given name - not doing so gives me some sense of obliterating the POS - but I am willing to say one of his other monikers, Limpball.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #126)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 01:22 AM

127. Ah! Thank you

Don't know how I know nothing about him but I don't. Thanks for taking the time to let me know.

Now I understand your reply.

Thanks again.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #126)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 07:37 AM

133. I think I was too tired

Last night. I woke up thinking about this and my one thought was, "DUH! I'm an idiot."

Major brain farther on my part. Thanks for your patience

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Response to MrScorpio (Reply #38)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:31 PM

90. And the thing about that ...

 

is because of that doubt, Black folks will make any and every explanation for the things happening to us, before we label it racism/discrimination.

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #90)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:56 PM

95. and unfortunately

Racists will take advantage of that benefit of the doubt.

OK, not just unfortunately. It just plain sucks.

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #90)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 11:47 PM

121. So much for "always playing the race card." Classic case of projection right there

on the part of the clueless white folks.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:22 PM

39. By the way, great thread.

You witnessed a racist act, posted about it in a non-hectoring manner, and essentially all of DU joined in to condemn what you saw and consider how to respond. This OP could be a model for constructive anti-racism threads.

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Response to Nye Bevan (Reply #39)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:27 PM

42. WOW

Thank you!!

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:49 PM

50. Thanks for sharing!

It made me cry. The things some have to put up with because the color of your skin.

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Response to Stellar (Reply #50)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:51 PM

52. Thank you

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 01:52 PM

53. Very well done! We need more people standing up agianst this type of bullshit.

Overt bigotry and racism have gotten worse over the past decade as Fox News and right-wing radio have made it more acceptable to voice those types of beliefs. At the same time as it's gotten more overt and worse, those making it worse have become more vocal about racism no longer existing; and they state the real problem is reverse-racism. That allows for the problem to get worse, because denying a problem's existence, doesn't allow for it to be addressed.

The only way to put the country back on the right track, is to confront the bigots/racists wherever they are encountered. Good job.

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Response to 20score (Reply #53)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:04 PM

55. completely agree

Thank you!

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:06 PM

56. Very well said

Rec

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Response to malaise (Reply #56)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:09 PM

57. Thank you

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:31 PM

58. Do you think it was enough? Saying shame on you.

I think there's rarely anything one can say to a bigot that will change their thinking.

I think you have to hurt people like that in their pocketbooks. Perhaps giving their matches back and leaving the store without a purchase would have sent a bigger message than just shame on you?

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Response to notadmblnd (Reply #58)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:36 PM

60. Absolutely no doubt you are right

I could have and should have done more.

I am not proud of the fact I don't have the commitment, or funds, to have made a bigger stance. But without a vehicle not shopping there would be more of a hardship than I can handle at the moment.

I also had it in my mind I would leave and give the guy the matches. But I couldn't find him.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #60)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:37 PM

61. I understand.

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Response to notadmblnd (Reply #61)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:38 PM

62. Thank you

But you're right. :-/

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:49 PM

63. Your friends might benefit from a lesson on racism

the small little incident is like a wife getting pushed around a little by her husband. It only becomes a big incident when he beats the living daylights out of her later. It all starts with the small little insignificant actions. Which is when people should be taught that this tiny little insignificant action is only hiding a world of putrid racism.

Ask your friends when do they think an action is actually racist. How far are they willing to allow racists go before they think it's unacceptable. And ask them if they would think it's so trivial if it happened to them and they found out about it.

You don't even have to be confrontational about it. draw them into a conversation. Tell them what you think is racist. Start a great conversation. This is what we all need to do. Engage your friends and family and go from there.

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Response to lunatica (Reply #63)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:53 PM

64. They got one

I am not one to shy away from letting my feelings be known with friends. I do wish I had thought of the spousal abuse comparison. I will use that the next time we speak.

Thanks for your response. I completely agree

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Response to marym625 (Reply #64)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:55 PM

65. I'm sure they heard you too

I added a little more to my comment above. The part about having the beneficial conversations with the people you know.

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Response to lunatica (Reply #65)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 02:57 PM

66. Great add

And exactly what needs to be done. Thanks!

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Response to marym625 (Original post)


Response to Name removed (Reply #67)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:08 PM

68. Welcome to DU

I hope you enjoy

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Response to marym625 (Reply #68)


Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:25 PM

70. Well done

If the man were a hardcore racist, you couldn't have beaten any sense into him. The fact that he responded with a sheepish grin showed that he has shame. If that had not been the case, he might have responded by citing the wisdom of Rush Limbaugh. You gave him something to consider.

Yes, it was racism. Still, there is no reason to think the shopkeeper would don a white hood, seek out the man who wanted matches and lynch him. The problem with too many white people is that they think of racism as the mayhem visited on people of color by night riders, but not as those little, quiet acts discrimination like the one in this story.

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Response to Jack Rabbit (Reply #70)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:48 PM

72. Thank you

It's true, what you said. Which is why so many people get away with it.

Nice comments. Thank you

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:51 PM

73. Just witnessed an act of hypocritical bigotry.

 

A person relayed an edited story that details a shop keeper denying another person something of value that they wanted for free. I did not ask if there was a history of this person asking or taking things of value for free, I did not stop to think of why a person running a business should have to give something for free to others that he paid for, I only saw the color of each of these persons skin and made my mind up about the character of the shopkeeper.
I was so incensed by my quick assessment that lacked any basis of critical thinking that I told him "shame on you". I couldn't be bothered to cancel my purchase or even take the time to ask the shopkeeper a few simple questions to clarify my one dimensional thinking. But I could run to DU and tell everyone about my good deed.
SHAME ON YOU.

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #73)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:54 PM

74. Good grief!

take a breath.

And take a look in the mirror if you want to find someone jumping to ridiculous conclusions.

And oh! Welcome to DU and enjoy your stay

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Response to lunatica (Reply #74)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:57 PM

76. Nice

I like that

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #73)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:56 PM

75. You're entitled to your opinion

I am going to have to take some time to answer all your questions about my relationship with the store owner and anything else I may have happened to have seen there.

Hope you understand

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Response to marym625 (Reply #75)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 04:02 PM

77. I can understand ...

 

You may have truly witnessed disturbing acts in the past and have plenty of reason to suspect the owner is a racist. I have been lurking for many years here because I love the links to articles. In the past I have seen a limited set of facts be extrapolated into conclusions that have no basis in fact. A lot of people will jump on the bandwagon to support the story because it fits there perceived view of the world. Please forgive my reaction that is not directed at you, but at the lack of details/critical thinking that is sometimes encouraged here.

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #77)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 04:06 PM

80. I truly appreciate

That you came back to say that. Thank you.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #80)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:42 PM

93. I'm with Skippy.

You wouldn't expect McDonald's to give out ketchup packets to someone who hadn't bought something. Why should the shopkeeper give matches to someone who hadn't bought anything? Maybe that guy asks for matches every day. Maybe he's a nuisance who hangs around the shop all the time, without buying anything. Maybe he's asked for money in the past. There could be a hundred reasons to cut the guy off that have nothing to do with race.

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Response to Bette Noir (Reply #93)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:50 PM

94. There could be

But as I stated previously, with the response I received, I doubt it.

Nothing about that the guy indicated he was bothersome.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #94)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 03:03 AM

129. What clicked it for me, TBH, was the fact that.....

 

you'd mentioned that you, yourself, could get matches without buying them, no problem, while he turned away the other person. That did it for me, personally.

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Response to AverageJoe90 (Reply #129)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 07:09 AM

130. Yeah, that's why I

Asked for matches. I thought maybe they're out. But they weren't

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Response to Bette Noir (Reply #93)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:04 PM

162. sure could be a "hundred reasons"

 

I bet there was only one.

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Response to heaven05 (Reply #162)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:31 PM

164. exactly

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Response to Bette Noir (Reply #93)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 06:57 PM

172. As one who used to work in a store much like the one mary describes here...

A simple "that guy asks for matches every day..." would have done a bit better than the sheepish grin she received.

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Response to ScreamingMeemie (Reply #172)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:18 PM

173. and I have known the guy long

Enough, if that were the case, that's what he would have said.

<-tired of doing this

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #77)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:38 AM

158. your 'critical' thinking skills ..............

 

you have no clue, "lurker". Your facts are leading me to your 'victim' door. Yeah, enjoy your stay.

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #73)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:06 PM

101. Bullshit

Something for free that shop owners often give out, and in fact did immediately afterward give out to a white person.

One kind of racism is doing mental gymnastics every time you hear about an instance of racism to try to explain it away as something else.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #101)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 08:45 AM

136. AHHH ...

 

One kind of racism is doing mental gymnastics every time you hear about an instance of racism to try to explain it away as something else.


That old "act that supports institutionalized oppression" thing.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #101)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:44 AM

160. lot of 'mental gymnastics' pop up

 

in answer to OP's/threads such as this. They have no clue and aren't looking for truth. They call themselves 'critical thinkers'............I say otherwise.

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #73)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:11 PM

102. Spoken as someone who has NEVER been treated like a pariah SIMPLY because they

have beautiful PERMANENT & NATURAL brown skin... I have experienced this FIRST HAND COUNTLESS times. I will bet my left kidnbey that if this happened to you, if you were followed in stores, IN SPITE of the fact that you had enough money to buy most of what of the stock in the stores BUT saw TIME AND TIME AGAIN that your European mate is NEVER followed, the WHITE members of your family are NEVER followed.....You would have a DIFFERENT mindset. Oh yeah, welcome to DU and enjoy your stay, however long it may be.

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #73)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:13 PM

104. Unless you can do better than that,

feel free to just keep lurking. That was a jerky thing to say at best, despite your back-scratching later on. You owe Mary an UNdiluted full-bore apology.

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #73)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:35 AM

125. It was explained in the story of the OP

That the person always gave out the matches to anyone, purchase or not.

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Response to skippy66 (Reply #73)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:28 AM

157. lame BS!!!!!

 

I knew a 'victim' would show up sooner or later. You are a cynical person denying the realities of american life, racially speaking. You're entitled to stay in that pigeon hole you're digging for yourself. Good luck in life.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 04:02 PM

78. Stupid dumbass storeowner.

 

Poor fellow shouldn't have had to put up with that. I'm glad you said something, at least. (Sorry your friends were so damn clueless, btw.)

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Response to AverageJoe90 (Reply #78)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 04:04 PM

79. Thank you

They're not so clueless anymore.

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #82)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 04:24 PM

83. Awesome!

Thank you! That was my favorite movie growing up.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:03 PM

85. K&R for Speaking Up. eom

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Response to rosesaylavee (Reply #85)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:06 PM

87. Thank you n/t

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 05:59 PM

96. Bravo for you.

Sad to say, the gentleman who was refused probably knew the truth. It must be hard to take the high road sometimes when you're somebody's favorite target.

Please tell your friends there is no such thing as an act of 'harmless racism'. Even if the snubbed customer didn't have a clue as to why he was refused, every bit of poison spewed into the universe hurts us all.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #96)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 06:06 PM

97. Probably

On your first point, reminds me of what Jon Stewart said the other night. If I had a clue how to paste something within a message I would have the exact quote. Something like, "It's about people of color, regardless of socioeconomic standing, face obstacles in this country with surprising grace."

My friends will be reading this thread by tomorrow. I am sure they'll get it by the time they're done. Thanks to you and others.

Thank you

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 06:35 PM

98. Kicked and recommended!

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 06:54 PM

99. I tend to get really angry when I witness something like this.

A lot of our Alaska Natives experience it daily, as well. I have to hold the rage in; confrontation can be dangerous when so many shop owners, clerks and such are armed.

So I seethe. I do the "shame on you" as well, but want to do it with a lot of loud angry words instead!

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Response to raven mad (Reply #99)


Response to raven mad (Reply #99)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:54 PM

111. Good for you

For saying something and for keeping yourself safe.

Probably keep yourself calmer too by not allowing that anger to take control.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:12 PM

103. OT, but

our stores don't even have matchbooks anymore.

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Response to mimi85 (Reply #103)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:56 PM

112. I don't know what

OT means..Can you tell me please?

Not easy to find places that do anymore. Don't know why.

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Response to marym625 (Reply #112)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:02 PM

113. I'm sorry Miss Mary

it means "off-topic." I completely empathize with your story. My grandson is biracial AND gay (can you even imagine??) and finally had to move to somewhere way more tolerant. I miss him.

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Response to mimi85 (Reply #113)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:13 PM

114. No need for apology

I'm so sorry. It's hard to believe that people actually have to move because of intolerance. Well, not surprised but hard to believe we're still so backward in this country.

I am glad your grandson is in a family that supports him. It will make life a little easier for him.

Thanks for sharing that.
<- not sure what that's supposed to be but I am using it as a hug.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:19 PM

106. Good on you.

It may or may not have a significant impact on the bigot, but it just might. And as we all know, staying silent isn't going to do anything.

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Response to 99Forever (Reply #106)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 07:40 PM

109. so true

And thank you

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Response to marym625 (Original post)


Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:16 PM

115. Good for you for speaking up.

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Response to yardwork (Reply #115)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:17 PM

116. Thank you n/t

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:38 PM

118. You're absolutely correct and

good on you!

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Response to proReality (Reply #118)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 10:42 PM

120. Thank you

I appreciate that

I am flabbergasted at the response to this thread. Really didn't expect it. My thanks are very sincere

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 11:56 PM

122. Thank you for speaking out; you made a difference. nt

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Response to babylonsister (Reply #122)

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 11:58 PM

123. Thank you Nice to hear n/t

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:32 AM

124. Makes me sick. Thanks for sharing.

 

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Response to 3rdwaydem (Reply #124)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 01:24 AM

128. Thank you n/t

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 07:17 AM

131. you were a paying customer

The other guy was not. Our local store has to keep all of the free stuff put away as it gets used up very fast by non paying customers. If a guy walked in and asked for matches without bothering to buy anything I would refuse , too, unless he was a frequent customer.

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Response to Niceguy1 (Reply #131)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:41 AM

159. The OP stated that she received matches without purchase on other occasions

and that she has witnesses the black man buying in that store at least once.

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Response to Niceguy1 (Reply #131)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 11:53 AM

161. the OP

 

said that others had been given matches when not buying anything, and so has the poster. What's with all this excusing racism BS? Geez!!!!!! It's what keeps bigotry and racism in our daily lives, excusing it!!!!!!!!!! No clue. on edit: Poster also said she had seen the person denied matches buying things in that store before. What are you looking for???? To let people know you..............?

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Response to heaven05 (Reply #161)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:33 PM

165. If they deny it

They don't have to address it

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 09:01 AM

137. I think of all the times in my life when I have had to rely on the "kindness of strangers"

And notice that I might not have gotten those acts were I black. Simple things like the incident you describe here. And more important things like "my car's broken down by the side of the road and I can't get the tire off."

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Response to jimlup (Reply #137)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 09:10 AM

138. What a sad reality

Perfectly said. Thank you for the comment.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 09:28 AM

139. Deny and deflect. That's what people who cannot come to terms with racism do.

 

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Response to Liberal_Stalwart71 (Reply #139)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 09:55 AM

143. yep.

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Response to Liberal_Stalwart71 (Reply #139)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 04:46 PM

169. +1

Look for logical reasons why it might have happened other than racism. Search high and low, and no matter how unlikely a reason they find, they can pretend like the world is beautiful and everyone is kind to everyone and there's no such thing as white privilege.

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Response to gollygee (Reply #169)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 06:48 PM

171. It would be nice if it didn't do so much harm

Unfortunately, it does.

I believe there are people who do this because they want to see everyone in the best possible light. But the vast majority just want to deny racism exists.

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Response to marym625 (Original post)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:28 AM

147. It's not a tiny incident

 

it speaks volumes. Thank you for your humanity and showing it. The excuses are...................BS!!!!!! Denial of racial hate and all types of bigotry is what keeps racism and bigotry perpetuated. Sad, sad state of affairs.

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Response to heaven05 (Reply #147)

Mon Sep 1, 2014, 10:48 AM

154. so true

And well said.
Thank you

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