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AllenVanAllen

(3,134 posts)
Mon May 12, 2014, 12:46 AM May 2014

DUer 'onestepforward' has passed away.

I'm Terri onestepforward's husband Gabriel Marquez and I wanted to let her DU family know she committed suicide last Thursday and I am utterly devastated. She made DU a daily part of her life and she learned so much and made such wonderful connections here over the past few years. She appreciated how important and wonderful this place really is and it was very special to her. It's hard for me to breathe right now but I did want to let her DU family know she LOVED all of you so, so much and I wanted to to convey my appreciation to you for all you gave her. You all meant so much to her. Thank you.








Here's a link to her final DU post

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018614115

Once again, Thank you.

254 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
DUer 'onestepforward' has passed away. (Original Post) AllenVanAllen May 2014 OP
So sorry to hear that. R.I.P. Electric Monk May 2014 #1
Peace and Love HangOnKids May 2014 #2
i'm so sorry JI7 May 2014 #3
Oh, no... silverweb May 2014 #4
I am very sorry. RIP RGinNJ May 2014 #5
I'm so sorry! Paulie May 2014 #6
I am so very sorry, AVA. Mnemosyne May 2014 #7
sorry for your loss, I so enjoyed that post nilram May 2014 #8
I am very sorry for your loss. Behind the Aegis May 2014 #9
I am so very sorry for your loss. sheshe2 May 2014 #10
I am so very sorry BainsBane May 2014 #11
I'm so very sorry. polly7 May 2014 #12
I'm so sorry, Gabriel DesertRat May 2014 #13
I am sorry for your loss nadinbrzezinski May 2014 #14
I am so sorry. I responded to that post of the beautiful fireflies. Hoyt May 2014 #15
I'm so very sorry. StarryNite May 2014 #16
Please accept our deepest condolences Le Taz Hot May 2014 #17
I'm sorry for your loss .. she will be missed on DU Ichingcarpenter May 2014 #18
I'm so sad to read this news about Terri. TexasTowelie May 2014 #19
I don't know what to say. This is devastating. I hope you find respite from this storm... Gravitycollapse May 2014 #20
+1 nomorenomore08 May 2014 #45
. Fearless May 2014 #21
I am so sorry you have to walk through this... defacto7 May 2014 #22
I am very sorry for your loss. denbot May 2014 #23
I am also so very sorry. Duppers May 2014 #24
RIP Terri... Violet_Crumble May 2014 #25
There's no comfort I can offer except share the weight intaglio May 2014 #26
So very sorry. I hope you will continue to find your way here No Vested Interest May 2014 #27
my deepest condolences RainDog May 2014 #28
What terrible, terrible news villager May 2014 #29
How horrific for you. I rec'd that post--thought the fireflies were quite amazing. MADem May 2014 #30
As did I... awoke_in_2003 May 2014 #161
So sorry about this - may she rest in peace mazzarro May 2014 #31
i am so sorry barbtries May 2014 #32
Sorry that you are going through this eridani May 2014 #33
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for your loss. Solly Mack May 2014 #34
I'm so very sorry for you loss, AVA. May you find peace and healing for your pain... Hekate May 2014 #35
God. I'm sorry. Hold on dear Gabriel. tofuandbeer May 2014 #36
My sympathy to you. spooky3 May 2014 #37
Damn I really am sorry to hear that davidpdx May 2014 #38
I am so very sorry. murielm99 May 2014 #39
I am very saddened by this and hope that LibDemAlways May 2014 #40
Oh my god MissDeeds May 2014 #41
I'm so sorry. area51 May 2014 #42
Oh no - KT2000 May 2014 #43
I am so sorry for your loss. Unknown Beatle May 2014 #44
I am so sorry to hear this Tsiyu May 2014 #46
Aloha oe, Onestepforward. mahina May 2014 #47
I can't imagine the pain of losing her, especially this way. And it both bewilders and frightens me nomorenomore08 May 2014 #48
Thank you for letting us KC May 2014 #49
.. Cha May 2014 #50
We will miss her. :( Jim Lane May 2014 #51
There are no words adequate for this The Traveler May 2014 #52
My sincerest condolences to you, dear AVA. ='( AverageJoe90 May 2014 #53
Oh my. I'm so sorry to hear of this tragedy. Joe Shlabotnik May 2014 #54
I am so very sorry to hear this. mnhtnbb May 2014 #55
I am so sorry. AngryDem001 May 2014 #56
Rest in peace shenmue May 2014 #57
Deepest sympathy to you and yours malaise May 2014 #58
I'm so sorry ... napkinz May 2014 #59
My Condolences for your loss :-( Heather MC May 2014 #60
Oh no, I'm so sorry. Please accept my deepest condolences. MerryBlooms May 2014 #61
My sympathy to you and your family and all who knew and loved Terri. May the good memories that you livetohike May 2014 #62
My condolences to you and to family theHandpuppet May 2014 #63
My condolences. RIP Terri. Scuba May 2014 #64
So sorry to hear this maddezmom May 2014 #65
Arrgh, it is so hard to lose the compassionate and yet Live and Learn May 2014 #66
I am so sorry for your loss. brer cat May 2014 #67
I am so very sorry cate94 May 2014 #68
So sorry. Hoppy May 2014 #69
Her last gift to DU was incredibly beautiful azurnoir May 2014 #70
I am so sorry Dorian Gray May 2014 #71
I am profoundly saddened to hear of this... Cooley Hurd May 2014 #72
So sorry :( Proud Liberal Dem May 2014 #73
So very sorry that she has left you and us. Skidmore May 2014 #74
I wish I had the words to ease your pain. B Calm May 2014 #75
I am so very sorry for your loss. Peace and comfort. PeaceNikki May 2014 #76
OMG, I am so profoundly sorry! Rhiannon12866 May 2014 #77
May the Universe give you comfort and ease your pain, Gabriel. I didn't know Surya Gayatri May 2014 #78
I wish you the strength to endure this terrible loss. SamKnause May 2014 #79
.. 99Forever May 2014 #80
I am so sorry for your loss! whathehell May 2014 #81
Oh, my. Lefta Dissenter May 2014 #82
I'm so sorry. AllyCat May 2014 #83
. stonecutter357 May 2014 #84
I hope you find the strength you need... Ferretherder May 2014 #85
I cannot adequately express how sorry I am etherealtruth May 2014 #86
My heart aches for you and yours. She will be missed. myrna minx May 2014 #87
I am deeply sorry for your loss. GentryDixon May 2014 #88
I'm so sorry Gabriel - TBF May 2014 #89
OMG.....I'm so sorry..... a kennedy May 2014 #90
Condolences to you. riqster May 2014 #91
Oh no! I am so, so sorry! GreenPartyVoter May 2014 #92
So so very sorry. All condolences. n/t Bossy Monkey May 2014 #93
I am sorry for your loss. :( Demo_Chris May 2014 #94
. meegbear May 2014 #95
(((...))) handmade34 May 2014 #96
.... spanone May 2014 #97
may Peace be with you at this very difficult time. nt xchrom May 2014 #98
Safe passage to Terri. Call Me Wesley May 2014 #99
OMG I posted on her last thread BumRushDaShow May 2014 #100
What a beautiful post. GentryDixon May 2014 #252
I am so very sorry for your loss. MuseRider May 2014 #101
((Terri)) blm May 2014 #102
So sorry ctsnowman May 2014 #103
I'm very saddened to hear this! RKP5637 May 2014 #104
Thank you marions ghost May 2014 #105
May Terri rest in peace lovemydog May 2014 #106
Such tragedy. yellerpup May 2014 #107
Oh no BarbaRosa May 2014 #108
Oh JustAnotherGen May 2014 #109
I'm so very sorry laundry_queen May 2014 #110
May all the fond memories you have of her be a balm in your time of sorrow ... 66 dmhlt May 2014 #111
So very sorry. raouldukelives May 2014 #112
I'm so very sorry for your loss, AllenvanAllen! Sissyk May 2014 #113
she will be greatly missed rurallib May 2014 #114
I'm so very sorry for your loss. City Lights May 2014 #115
<<<<comfort>>>> antiquie May 2014 #116
. warrior1 May 2014 #117
(((((((Gabriel Marquez)))))))... TeeYiYi May 2014 #118
My deepest condolences for your loss. greatauntoftriplets May 2014 #119
Thank you for letting us know. Also, thank you for the link to her post, which was lovely. merrily May 2014 #120
So sorry so sad alfredo May 2014 #121
Condolences matt819 May 2014 #122
thank you so much everyone. i am so very touched by all of you kind words. AllenVanAllen May 2014 #123
Such true and gentle emotions. She was in such good hands… toby jo May 2014 #171
I am so sorry Gabriel. Puglover May 2014 #124
I am so sorry to see this. My condolences to you. May she rest in peace. Tuesday Afternoon May 2014 #125
Such a loss. Evergreen Emerald May 2014 #126
How very difficult for you and her husband. sybylla May 2014 #127
I am so sorry for your loss. hrmjustin May 2014 #128
I am very sorry for your loss. gademocrat7 May 2014 #129
So sorry RIP Terri.... panader0 May 2014 #130
I'm very sorry for your loss Beaverhausen May 2014 #131
So so sorry, Gabriel graywarrior May 2014 #132
So sorry to hear this. William769 May 2014 #133
You have my deepest condolences. sinkingfeeling May 2014 #134
I'd like to leave you with this. Sissyk May 2014 #135
(((((((onestepforward))))))) WillyT May 2014 #136
OMG how tragic! TorchTheWitch May 2014 #137
so sorry riverwalker May 2014 #138
I can't imagine the pain of losing a loved one this way. scarletwoman May 2014 #139
it's not your fault. it doesn't mean she didn't love you. mopinko May 2014 #140
I am so sorry. LoisB May 2014 #141
RIP, Terri. nt valerief May 2014 #142
Very sorry to hear this. cyberswede May 2014 #143
... 2naSalit May 2014 #144
Please accept my condolences. greatlaurel May 2014 #145
sometimes wanting peace is everything Sheepshank May 2014 #146
I am so, so sorry. I hope you find peace. nolabear May 2014 #147
... Greybnk48 May 2014 #148
I am so very, very sorry for your loss... magical thyme May 2014 #149
So sorry for your loss... Tom_Foolery May 2014 #150
I am so sorry for your loss. LiberalLoner May 2014 #151
My condolences armed_and_liberal May 2014 #152
Hugs to you Gabriel, at this difficult time. Coventina May 2014 #153
very sad bigtree May 2014 #154
I am so, so sorry for your loss. MoonRiver May 2014 #155
No words could express how sorry I am to hear this. My condolences to her entire family. kairos12 May 2014 #156
So very, very sorry for your loss. Amaril May 2014 #157
My sympathies to you & your loved ones. CrispyQ May 2014 #158
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. octoberlib May 2014 #159
Horribly sad. I am so sorry. n/t broadcaster75201 May 2014 #160
I am so very sorry MissB May 2014 #162
May she rest in peace Gothmog May 2014 #163
My deep condolences. This is so sad. Eleanors38 May 2014 #164
There are no words. progressoid May 2014 #165
We share your sorrow cp May 2014 #166
so very sorry for your loss, gabriel. may you find peace and comfort. and know that niyad May 2014 #167
Oh my goodness. elleng May 2014 #168
Gabriel, I am so sorry. ScreamingMeemie May 2014 #169
So sorry to hear this mokawanis May 2014 #170
Condolences Gabriel PumpkinAle May 2014 #172
Am sorry for your loss, Gabriel. She glinda May 2014 #173
Terri!!!!! Iggo May 2014 #174
my sincerest condolences to you and your family nt steve2470 May 2014 #175
Very sad. Feral Child May 2014 #176
I loved the great pictures of fireflies locks May 2014 #177
We are so very sorry for your loss.. Tikki May 2014 #178
I am so very sorry... CherokeeDem May 2014 #179
I'm so very sorry for your loss. nclib May 2014 #180
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved wife... virgdem May 2014 #181
My sympathies to you Lifelong Protester May 2014 #182
I am so sorry Marrah_G May 2014 #183
So very sorry to hear this...I hope she's at peace joeybee12 May 2014 #184
My sincere condolences. Blue_In_AK May 2014 #185
Speechless......deepest sympathy to you and all who love her. joanbarnes May 2014 #186
She was a beautiful person ..inside and out..she will be missed SoCalDem May 2014 #187
My deepest condolences to you and your family LiberalEsto May 2014 #188
Oh no. I am so sorry, loved that firefly post and am just so sorry. uppityperson May 2014 #189
Oh my, Gabriel... I am so, so sorry for your loss... ChisolmTrailDem May 2014 #190
I'm deeply sorry for your loss herding cats May 2014 #191
I am very sorry for your loss Worried senior May 2014 #192
no words angel823 May 2014 #193
Such a beautiful last post Fumesucker May 2014 #194
Deepest sympathies. Damansarajaya May 2014 #195
omg. so sad. Liberal_in_LA May 2014 #196
So sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself during this difficult time and remember to breathe. louslobbs May 2014 #197
So sad. MannyGoldstein May 2014 #198
Oh, Gabriel... so VERY sorry... TygrBright May 2014 #199
My condolences to you and everyone else who knew and loved her. aikoaiko May 2014 #200
I am so sorry get the red out May 2014 #201
So sorry to hear this. No words I can say will be enough. Sorry is all I have. freshwest May 2014 #202
I am so sorry. Squinch May 2014 #203
i am so incredibly sorry for your loss nashville_brook May 2014 #204
My condolences to you and your family TxDemChem May 2014 #205
my god, once again thank all of you so much. AllenVanAllen May 2014 #206
My deepest condolences Rider3 May 2014 #207
and the wheel turns WheelWalker May 2014 #208
. struggle4progress May 2014 #209
My thoughts and prayers for you and the family KBlagburn May 2014 #210
My condolences. nm rhett o rick May 2014 #211
(((hugs))) Starry Messenger May 2014 #212
I am so truly sorry for your loss. As a suicide survivor myself, I urge you to reach out silvershadow May 2014 #213
my condolences Ohio Joe May 2014 #214
I have no words...except she was a beautiful woman angstlessk May 2014 #215
I`m so very sorry. democrank May 2014 #216
*hug* So Sorry for your loss n/t JesterCS May 2014 #217
All of my sympathies to you, Gabriel countryjake May 2014 #218
She was so lovely. My condolences to your family. nt Ilsa May 2014 #219
I'm so, so sorry... pacalo May 2014 #220
Words cannot convey our sense of mourning for Terri Boomerproud May 2014 #221
Deepest condolences to alsame May 2014 #222
I didn't personally know her or you, but I am so very sorry.... Lisa0825 May 2014 #223
I'm so sorry, Gabriel. Thank you, for letting us know. AAO May 2014 #224
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and calm. nt msanthrope May 2014 #225
Never see fireflies again without thinking of her, and I dont know her, new here...so sorry randys1 May 2014 #226
Hugs to you... snacker May 2014 #227
Message auto-removed Name removed May 2014 #228
How tragic! I am so sorry for your loss. Curmudgeoness May 2014 #229
OMG! I just saw this. DAMN. calimary May 2014 #230
The pain that exists in the mind dwarfs physical pain. xfundy May 2014 #231
Your beautiful wife, I am so sorry. n/t Jefferson23 May 2014 #232
Condolences to you, Gabriel. appal_jack May 2014 #233
. NRaleighLiberal May 2014 #234
How sad Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin May 2014 #235
sorry for your loss. Terra Alta May 2014 #236
My sincere condolences.... go west young man May 2014 #237
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. ClusterFreak May 2014 #238
This is just too sad. I am so sorry for your loss Gabriel... FourScore May 2014 #239
That is so sad, and I am so very sorry renate May 2014 #240
I am so very, very sorry. cordelia May 2014 #241
I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful soul she was. Autumn May 2014 #242
I wish we could heal your pain.... BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #243
I am glad that you reached out to DU senseandsensibility May 2014 #244
From now on, whenever I see fireflies, I'll think of onestepforward. Kaleva May 2014 #245
I'm so sorry for your loss. She was lovely. LeftyMom May 2014 #246
OMG. I am so sorry AVA. Triana May 2014 #247
my deepest sympathies noiretextatique May 2014 #248
I'm so sorry. My thoughts with you and your family. ladyVet May 2014 #249
all of you are wonderful AllenVanAllen May 2014 #250
Farewell onestepforward warrprayer May 2014 #251
She was magic, she will be missed <3 yaddle May 2014 #253
You speak so eloquently of the many ways your wife... 3catwoman3 May 2014 #254
. meegbear May 2014 #255

silverweb

(16,402 posts)
4. Oh, no...
Mon May 12, 2014, 12:53 AM
May 2014

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]I'm so very sorry for your loss -- and sorry that I didn't really know her.

Thank you for letting us know.

nilram

(2,862 posts)
8. sorry for your loss, I so enjoyed that post
Mon May 12, 2014, 12:57 AM
May 2014

Last edited Tue May 13, 2014, 11:55 PM - Edit history (2)

So sad for whatever onestepforward could not bear any longer and for your loss.

 

nadinbrzezinski

(154,021 posts)
14. I am sorry for your loss
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:03 AM
May 2014

And if there is anything I can do, even if it is just moral support, do not hesitate to call for it. I am sure most people will not hesitate.

 

Hoyt

(54,770 posts)
15. I am so sorry. I responded to that post of the beautiful fireflies.
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:05 AM
May 2014

I even sent the link to others.

My wife passed away unexpectedly a little over 5 years ago. Please let us know how you are doing.

Le Taz Hot

(22,271 posts)
17. Please accept our deepest condolences
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:07 AM
May 2014

to you and your family for this terrible loss. Please let us know if there is any way in which we can help ease your pain, even if just a little.

Ichingcarpenter

(36,988 posts)
18. I'm sorry for your loss .. she will be missed on DU
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:10 AM
May 2014

You can see what she recommended and what she stood for....
I will miss her. RIP

TexasTowelie

(110,320 posts)
19. I'm so sad to read this news about Terri.
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:11 AM
May 2014

I'm also going through a tough period in my life and overdosed. She contacted me via DUmail at the end of last month and we exchanged a couple of messages that provided encouragement to me. She regularly posted on some of my OPs and I admired her as a kindred spirit.

I'm not very far away from your location and would be interested to attend a memorial service for her if any are being held.

Please accept my deepest condolences and pass it along to her family also. I will miss seeing her posts on DU.


I am going to cross-post this in the Texas Group since she was an active participant in that group so that others will see it.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
20. I don't know what to say. This is devastating. I hope you find respite from this storm...
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:16 AM
May 2014

in knowing that love never dies. It lives within us forever for as long as we give it residence.

defacto7

(13,485 posts)
22. I am so sorry you have to walk through this...
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:22 AM
May 2014

What a terrible tragedy and a shock. Please be well. There is so little I can say but as a member of this community and the planet I wish you comfort, strength and the peace to move forward. Look to those fireflies.. follow the beauty of that moment.

denbot

(9,894 posts)
23. I am very sorry for your loss.
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:26 AM
May 2014

No words can help. Her last post was passed to my wife, and she saved all the images and now are her wallpaper for both her work and private machines.

Again sorry for your loss.
Peace

Duppers

(28,074 posts)
24. I am also so very sorry.
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:28 AM
May 2014

I know your pain is almost too much to bear right now, so keep reaching out when you can.

As someone else said, please be kind to yourself. You're what we, here, have left of Terri.

{{{HUGS}}}

intaglio

(8,170 posts)
26. There's no comfort I can offer except share the weight
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:32 AM
May 2014

She loved you and us but the hellish illness of depression overcame her. Remember, you shared many good times and that you gave her the greatest gift - extended happiness.

No Vested Interest

(5,150 posts)
27. So very sorry. I hope you will continue to find your way here
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:36 AM
May 2014

to DU, where solace is freely given to one's heartache.

I did not know Terri, but clearly she was special, and she will be missed.

 

villager

(26,001 posts)
29. What terrible, terrible news
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:39 AM
May 2014

Thank you for posting it here, as hard as that was to do.

Condolences, and please take care of yourself in this tough, tough time

MADem

(135,425 posts)
30. How horrific for you. I rec'd that post--thought the fireflies were quite amazing.
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:39 AM
May 2014

Can't imagine what you are feeling or how you're coping; suicide is something that the people left behind often have tremendous difficulty resolving in their minds. It's just not well understood, and it is terribly painful for family and friends. I am so sorry for your loss.

mazzarro

(3,450 posts)
31. So sorry about this - may she rest in peace
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:48 AM
May 2014

It is a tragedy that her DU family was not able to help her in her time of distress. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of the family and friends.

Hekate

(89,645 posts)
35. I'm so very sorry for you loss, AVA. May you find peace and healing for your pain...
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:02 AM
May 2014

... and may Terri rest in peace.

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
38. Damn I really am sorry to hear that
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:16 AM
May 2014

I didn't know her unfortunately. We seem to be having a lot of deaths on DU lately.

I know how she feels and have been there on the edge way too many times. It makes me sad to hear about her passing.

I hope someone will at the end of the year put together a photo montage of all the people we lost so we can be reminded. I always don't catch these types of notices and I'm sure many other's don't either unless they are here a lot.

murielm99

(30,561 posts)
39. I am so very sorry.
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:24 AM
May 2014

Please stay in touch with us. I don't know what else to say. Maybe we can be of some comfort to you.

LibDemAlways

(15,139 posts)
40. I am very saddened by this and hope that
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:29 AM
May 2014

memories of better days will help to sustain you and bring you comfort during this sad time and in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Sending sincere condolences and wishing you strength and peace.

 

MissDeeds

(7,499 posts)
41. Oh my god
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:30 AM
May 2014

This breaks my heart. I am so sorry for you and your loss, and for the pain that dear "onestepforward" could not overcome. You both will be in my thoughts in the coming days.

Tsiyu

(18,186 posts)
46. I am so sorry to hear this
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:56 AM
May 2014


My oldest sons' dad did this as well. I spent a lot of years feeling guilty, thinking I could have done something.

His own dad - who found him - helped me come to terms with that guilt.

It's funny, I was just talking about her firefly thread a few hours ago. My daughter called today and was talking about friends from California being amazed by fireflies. I was telling my daughter about onestepforward's thread and how cool it was, and how from that thread I learned there aren't fireflies everywhere in the US. I could SEE the images she posted so clearly in my head as I was describing them to her.

Then I click on that link to her last post and....just.......wow.

Thank you for telling us about this horrible loss. Please reach out to DU if and when you need someone to lean on. DU is a very supportive place.

We have lost a dear one. I can see that in her eyes.





RIP Terri Lea...

May you find peace


nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
48. I can't imagine the pain of losing her, especially this way. And it both bewilders and frightens me
Mon May 12, 2014, 03:00 AM
May 2014

that someone could take her own life so suddenly and (seemingly) without warning.

Depression is an awful, awful thing. For some it's as deadly as cancer.

KC

(1,995 posts)
49. Thank you for letting us
Mon May 12, 2014, 03:00 AM
May 2014

know about Terri. This must be so hard for you. She will be missed here on DU!
RIP Terri

 

Jim Lane

(11,175 posts)
51. We will miss her. :(
Mon May 12, 2014, 03:05 AM
May 2014

I liked the fireflies but I see she was also the one who posted the baby meerkats last month: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018602980

I sent that link to a couple people.

Best to you as you try to cope with your loss.

 

The Traveler

(5,632 posts)
52. There are no words adequate for this
Mon May 12, 2014, 03:09 AM
May 2014

I am so sorry to hear this news. I wish I had words that were helpful at times like these but I don't. I know this hurts like hell, and it is going to take awhile for that to ease. Keep your friends close. Know you will find lots of support here, too. Take care, bud.

Trav

Joe Shlabotnik

(5,604 posts)
54. Oh my. I'm so sorry to hear of this tragedy.
Mon May 12, 2014, 03:45 AM
May 2014

What a loss for all. I sincerely hope that your family finds strength and peace and understanding as you work forward through this incredibly difficult time. (and her final post was so beautiful too)



mnhtnbb

(31,258 posts)
55. I am so very sorry to hear this.
Mon May 12, 2014, 03:51 AM
May 2014

I saw the thread she posted about the fireflies and just loved it!
Such magical photos.

While I didn't know Terri, I am so saddened to know that she was dealing
with so much pain that she could only find one way to make it stop. It must
be just utterly devastating for you. Please come here to DU to share your
grief. Sending cyberhugs.

livetohike

(21,998 posts)
62. My sympathy to you and your family and all who knew and loved Terri. May the good memories that you
Mon May 12, 2014, 05:20 AM
May 2014

have help to ease the sadness of her loss. Please stay with us on DU - our family will miss Terri's posts and are here for you. Rest in peace Terri

Live and Learn

(12,769 posts)
66. Arrgh, it is so hard to lose the compassionate and yet
Mon May 12, 2014, 05:50 AM
May 2014

so hard for them to accept and live in this utterly imperfect place.

Thank you for letting us now and my sincerest condolences to you.

On the rare occasion that I am fortunate to see a firefly, I will be definitely think of Terri and be reminded that good souls do exist.

Surviving a spouse, is always hard and losing one to suicide is nearly unbearable. But there is very little one can do to protect these sensitive souls from the world that they cannot bear.

I think DU is a refuge for many perceptive and sensitive individuals. It is extremely unfortunate that even those of like mind and those closest to an individual can't always be enough to shelter one from the sometimes unbearable realities of this life.

Again, my sincerest condolences upon your (and our) great loss.

brer cat

(24,062 posts)
67. I am so sorry for your loss.
Mon May 12, 2014, 05:51 AM
May 2014

I will never see a firefly again without thinking of Terri. I hope that you find comfort in the memories she left behind.

azurnoir

(45,850 posts)
70. Her last gift to DU was incredibly beautiful
Mon May 12, 2014, 05:58 AM
May 2014

may you find the strength and healing to get you through this

Rhiannon12866

(200,568 posts)
77. OMG, I am so profoundly sorry!
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:20 AM
May 2014

Last edited Mon May 12, 2014, 07:07 AM - Edit history (1)

And I remember that post, recommended it early on, thought it was beautiful, as was she. Words fail me, thank you for letting us know and my heart goes out to you...

 

Surya Gayatri

(15,445 posts)
78. May the Universe give you comfort and ease your pain, Gabriel. I didn't know
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:22 AM
May 2014

Terri here, but the wish is no less sincere. Be sure to take good care of yourself . You are fragile and vulnerable right now.

P.S. Terri appears to be a wise soul. This life is but one step in a much greater journey and she has moved on.

whathehell

(28,871 posts)
81. I am so sorry for your loss!
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:27 AM
May 2014

How good of you to think of us...Please take care of yourself, it must be so hard for you now.

Lefta Dissenter

(6,608 posts)
82. Oh, my.
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:28 AM
May 2014

Words just can't express how sorry I am. I hope you are surrounded with loving people who can support you in this terribly difficult time.

I am so, so sorry.

Ferretherder

(1,445 posts)
85. I hope you find the strength you need...
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:36 AM
May 2014

...to carry on without her. I will send all the positive vibes I can muster your way.

So sorry for your loss.

TBF

(31,870 posts)
89. I'm so sorry Gabriel -
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:56 AM
May 2014


Thanks for letting us know what happened and I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

BumRushDaShow

(125,558 posts)
100. OMG I posted on her last thread
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:24 AM
May 2014


I am not a lounge lizard but her thread bubbled up on the front page showing a photographer's long-exposure pics of fireflies.

I hope her pain is gone now and she has joined the little lightning bugs in the glow of the universe.

MuseRider

(34,018 posts)
101. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:26 AM
May 2014

Keep breathing no matter how hard it is.

Sending wishes for peace for both you and Terri.

marions ghost

(19,841 posts)
105. Thank you
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:47 AM
May 2014

for sharing her story and yours. So sorry to hear. Glad that DU meant something important to Terri. We all need connections and affinity groups can be found.

It's obvious how much you cared AVA. We feel your grief and shock. Sometimes we don't have loved ones as long as we imagine we will and there's no fault or blame. This is the condition of life as we know it. It is fragile and fleeting. Beautiful and magical, and harsh as jagged rocks.

But now she flies with the fireflies in limitless freedom and joy.

May you find peace and wisdom through this.
Love is all,
marion

lovemydog

(11,833 posts)
106. May Terri rest in peace
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:48 AM
May 2014

and may you, Gabriel, honor her by living with a joyous spirit. Thank you for your post.

merrily

(45,251 posts)
120. Thank you for letting us know. Also, thank you for the link to her post, which was lovely.
Mon May 12, 2014, 08:27 AM
May 2014

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I don't know what else to say. I wish I did.

AllenVanAllen

(3,134 posts)
123. thank you so much everyone. i am so very touched by all of you kind words.
Mon May 12, 2014, 08:36 AM
May 2014


my heart is broken. this world has lost one the most beautiful, kind and caring souls i've ever met. she showed me how to use my wings. she told my how to reach the stars. she inspired me to be brave and open my heart to let in healing light and chase away darkness. she was my greatest teacher and my best friend. she was miraculous, she was magic. she was true depth. she made me a better man. this beautiful girl, i still feel her now. she moves inside me. she will live within me for all of my days. yes, my heart is broken and i'll never be the same but i am so grateful for every moment i had with her. i was so lucky to have shared part of her journey with her. and in my heart i feel her journey is far from over.

i love you my darling wife. i will carry you in my heart forever

this was her favorite song. she adored this version and to me it feels like her theme. it describes her heart. yes, it does so well.




i'll let everyone know information about the visitation on saturday the 17th here in houston texas later on today. thank you guys.

Evergreen Emerald

(13,067 posts)
126. Such a loss.
Mon May 12, 2014, 08:41 AM
May 2014

I enjoyed reading her posts. I am so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking. My best to you.

Emmy

sybylla

(8,391 posts)
127. How very difficult for you and her husband.
Mon May 12, 2014, 08:43 AM
May 2014

I had a brother-in-law commit suicide. It's a completely different kind of death to mourn, with different obstacles to overcome. There's still a lot of stigma in our society for suicide. And a ridiculous amount of blaming family and friends who didn't (and couldn't possibly) find a way to stop it.

There are organizations out there to help you and onestepforward's husband and family deal with it all. My local org is called Survivors Of Suicide (SOS) because that's exactly what you need to do - find a way to survive the suicide of a loved one.

If you need someone to talk to who understands and won't judge, message me and I will give you my contact info.

I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in knowing you were a friend to someone who truly needed one.

Sissyk

(12,665 posts)
135. I'd like to leave you with this.
Mon May 12, 2014, 08:56 AM
May 2014

The Dragonfly Story
Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water
under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle
in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple
and comfortable life in the pond with few
disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community
when one of their fellow beetles would climb
the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again.
They knew when this happened; their friend was dead,
gone forever.

Then, one day, one little water beetle felt
an irresistible urge to climb up that stem.
However, he was determined that he would not leave forever.
He would come back and tell his friends
what he had found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water
onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired,
and the sun felt so warm, that he decided he must take a nap.

As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up,
he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly
with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying.

So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty
of a whole new world and a far superior way of life
to what he had never known existed.
Then he remembered his beetle friends
and how they were thinking by now he was dead.
He wanted to go back to tell them,
and explain to them that he was now more alive
than he had ever been before.
His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.

But, his new body would not go down into the water.
He could not get back to tell his friends the good news.
Then he understood that their time would come,
when they, too, would know what he now knew.
So, he raised his wings and flew off
into his joyous new life!

~Author Unknown~
from MountainWings.com

It helped my young nephews through the hard time of the loss of their mother. Then, me through the loss of my younger brother even though it was meant, I think, for kids.

Since Terri liked fireflies I figure she would like dragonflies. And you will start noticing them all around you; their beauty, grace, and poise.

Peace to you, AllenVanAllen!

TorchTheWitch

(11,065 posts)
137. OMG how tragic!
Mon May 12, 2014, 08:58 AM
May 2014

I'm so very sorry! I never seem to know the right thing to say in times like these, but both you and her are in my thoughts and prayers.





mopinko

(69,554 posts)
140. it's not your fault. it doesn't mean she didn't love you.
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:15 AM
May 2014

i think a lot of women depressives love so hard it is like an undertow.
and tho this was perhaps a preventable tragedy, that doesnt mean that the tools were in the right hands at the right time with just the right thing to say. nobody knows what that would have been for her.

to you and yours. she was a lovely woman. embrace your broken heart. it is the only one you have.

xoxoxoxoxooxo

greatlaurel

(2,004 posts)
145. Please accept my condolences.
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:30 AM
May 2014

Thank you for letting us know. Be extra gentle with yourself and take care during this difficult time.

 

Sheepshank

(12,504 posts)
146. sometimes wanting peace is everything
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:35 AM
May 2014

I am so sorry for such devastating news. Gentle hugs to you and the rest of the family dealing with such tragedy.

nolabear

(41,825 posts)
147. I am so, so sorry. I hope you find peace.
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:36 AM
May 2014

She was lovely, as were the bits of herself shared here. I hope you'll know your sorrow is echoed by those of us who knew her even a little.

LiberalLoner

(9,756 posts)
151. I am so sorry for your loss.
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:40 AM
May 2014

Not many posts on DU make me cry. This one did.

I am so sorry. May the angels comfort you during this time of grieving.

Coventina

(26,734 posts)
153. Hugs to you Gabriel, at this difficult time.
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:42 AM
May 2014

{{{Gabriel}}}

Please let us know how you are doing.

I remember, from my own losses, how long the process of grieving can be.

This community will be here for you, every step of the way.

octoberlib

(14,971 posts)
159. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:49 AM
May 2014
I will forever think of onestepforward whenever I see a firefly.

"What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us." -Helen Keller


cp

(6,440 posts)
166. We share your sorrow
Mon May 12, 2014, 10:43 AM
May 2014

Dear Gabriel,
Three of our friends have lost loved ones to suicide. It's a terrible loss.
When you are ready, this is an excellent book:
Suicide survivors : a guide for those left behind, by Adina Wrobleski, Minneapolis, Minn. : Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, 2002. (at most public libraries or http://www.save.org)
Please be kind to yourself and let others give you kindness. We care about you.
cp family


niyad

(110,955 posts)
167. so very sorry for your loss, gabriel. may you find peace and comfort. and know that
Mon May 12, 2014, 10:50 AM
May 2014

DU is a family, and your family is here for you.

ScreamingMeemie

(68,918 posts)
169. Gabriel, I am so sorry.
Mon May 12, 2014, 11:00 AM
May 2014

I will keep you in my thoughts.

It is hard. So very, very hard. Know that you are not alone.

glinda

(14,807 posts)
173. Am sorry for your loss, Gabriel. She
Mon May 12, 2014, 11:24 AM
May 2014

looked and seemed to be an amazing human. So sorry she was sad and could not stay with you or us. This is deeply and sincerely heartbreaking news. What a gentle, lovely and thoughtful soul she seemed to be.

locks

(2,012 posts)
177. I loved the great pictures of fireflies
Mon May 12, 2014, 11:41 AM
May 2014

as I don't get to see them in the west. She will be sorely missed, I'm sure. Thank you for the post and we will all be thinking of you.

 

LiberalEsto

(22,845 posts)
188. My deepest condolences to you and your family
Mon May 12, 2014, 12:29 PM
May 2014

and remember, we are here for YOU if you need to vent, or need good vibes, or cyberhugs, or just to hang around.



 

ChisolmTrailDem

(9,463 posts)
190. Oh my, Gabriel... I am so, so sorry for your loss...
Mon May 12, 2014, 12:38 PM
May 2014

We lost my stepson to suicide last September. Even so, I can't imagine what you must be feeling. All my best to you and your family. Hang in there, Gabriel, and please let us know if you need anything or just want to talk.

angel823

(409 posts)
193. no words
Mon May 12, 2014, 01:23 PM
May 2014

Nothing we can say will help much, probably, but know we are here.

Gabriel, if your profile is up to date, I am close by. If you or your family need anything, please pm me.

Angel in Texas

louslobbs

(3,224 posts)
197. So sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself during this difficult time and remember to breathe.
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:33 PM
May 2014

This is just so sad.
Lou

TygrBright

(20,696 posts)
199. Oh, Gabriel... so VERY sorry...
Mon May 12, 2014, 02:34 PM
May 2014

Some things you need to know, if you don't know already:

It was her decision. Whatever the specific brain disorder that made life so unbearable for her, it wasn't your "fault" or ANYONE's. It's a complex disease, and sometimes, like now, that fucker wins.

There are people who want to help you: Let them. Even though the pain is still raw and fresh and awful and you may want distance and only the most familiar loved ones, it's BECAUSE that pain is so awful that you and Terri's other dear ones need some help from professionals experienced with this situation. Please seek it out, and accept it.

Be with friends, be with loved ones all you can. Grieve. Do not let the shame and doubt and anger and all the other baggage that goes with suicide derail the process. No matter HOW she died, Terri has died, and you have the loss to deal with.

You have friends here. Terri's friends, your friends. Yeah, it's only an "online community," but you know what? The cool thing about online communities is that we're here, 24/7. A few keystrokes away. We're here during the sleepless nights, the empty times. Use us.

Finally-- this is a bit of wisdom passed on from a family member after her brother (a cousin of mine) killed himself: "It hurt too much for him to be himself here. It hurt too much for my love to reach him, maybe. Now that he's not here, I still have that love, it's all still here, and it's here because of him. He'd want me to do something positive with that love, since he couldn't. It's the best thing I can do for him."

Live.

Grieve.

Love.

respectfully,
Bright

AllenVanAllen

(3,134 posts)
206. my god, once again thank all of you so much.
Mon May 12, 2014, 03:48 PM
May 2014


the outpouring of love and support has touched me so deeply and made it possible for me to start to make it through this terrible loss. i can't thank all of you enough. i wanted to let everyone know we're going to have a visitation for Terri on Saturday the 17th from 2:00 pm to 5:00 pm at Santana Funeral Directors located at 401 Ssgt. Macario Garcia Drive, Houston TX 77011 ph. (713) 921-3000






everyone is welcome. thank you so much.
 

silvershadow

(10,336 posts)
213. I am so truly sorry for your loss. As a suicide survivor myself, I urge you to reach out
Mon May 12, 2014, 04:44 PM
May 2014

for support wherever you can. There are survivors groups all over the country, hopefully you can find one close. My thoughts are with you.

Boomerproud

(7,834 posts)
221. Words cannot convey our sense of mourning for Terri
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:07 PM
May 2014

Gabriel, your two posts have already had a healing effect and you are a remarkable man for even posting in your time of loss. Please let all of DU help you.

Lisa0825

(14,486 posts)
223. I didn't personally know her or you, but I am so very sorry....
Mon May 12, 2014, 06:19 PM
May 2014

So sorry she was hurting, whatever the reason, and so sorry for the pain you are enduring now. I wish I could give you a hug for real.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

I wish there were something I could say that could help, but I know it's impossible. I hope that knowing so many people care is at least some small comfort to you.

Response to AllenVanAllen (Original post)

calimary

(80,155 posts)
230. OMG! I just saw this. DAMN.
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:08 PM
May 2014

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear this. I'm so sorry! Thank you for posting this so we know. After awhile when one doesn't see a post from them, one does start wondering. I'm so sorry. Be at peace, at last, Terri Lea. And Gabriel - you have all our prayers and sympathies. You do not mourn alone.

xfundy

(5,105 posts)
231. The pain that exists in the mind dwarfs physical pain.
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:18 PM
May 2014

I've been there. I'm so sorry she couldn't go on and be there for you.

 

appal_jack

(3,813 posts)
233. Condolences to you, Gabriel.
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:46 PM
May 2014

Condolences to you, Gabriel. I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful last post onestepforward gave us all.

As Mary Mother Jones said long ago, "Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living."

-app

 

go west young man

(4,856 posts)
237. My sincere condolences....
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:51 PM
May 2014

her photography is amazing. A little dedication to an artful spirit who has flown to the sky. Peace to you.

ClusterFreak

(3,112 posts)
238. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
Mon May 12, 2014, 07:52 PM
May 2014

Your tribute to your late wife is very moving and inspirational.

I hope you find peace in the days, months and years ahead.

renate

(13,776 posts)
240. That is so sad, and I am so very sorry
Mon May 12, 2014, 09:48 PM
May 2014

What a terrible loss, and I am so sorry for your pain as well as for hers.

BlancheSplanchnik

(20,219 posts)
243. I wish we could heal your pain....
Mon May 12, 2014, 10:02 PM
May 2014

Please seek out support and compassion. You need that now and for the long haul. I am so so sorry.

senseandsensibility

(16,261 posts)
244. I am glad that you reached out to DU
Mon May 12, 2014, 10:05 PM
May 2014

There are many words of wisdom and comfort on this thread, most much more eloquent than anything I can add. I know that you are experiencing enormous, unimaginable pain. Please don't blame yourself. It's good that you are sharing your pain, and I hope that you find peace.

Kaleva

(36,025 posts)
245. From now on, whenever I see fireflies, I'll think of onestepforward.
Mon May 12, 2014, 10:08 PM
May 2014

So very sorry for your loss.

RIP Terri.

LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)
246. I'm so sorry for your loss. She was lovely.
Mon May 12, 2014, 10:14 PM
May 2014

If she had a cause she supported where you'd like donations sent in her honor, can you please let us know?

 

Triana

(22,666 posts)
247. OMG. I am so sorry AVA.
Mon May 12, 2014, 11:21 PM
May 2014

She was beautiful. That long-exposure firefly post was one of my favorites! I shared it outside of DU because it was beautiful and fascinating.

My heart goes out to you.



AllenVanAllen

(3,134 posts)
250. all of you are wonderful
Tue May 13, 2014, 05:00 PM
May 2014


this is why terri loved her DU family so much. i am more moved and touched than my words can convey. thank you. thank you so much.






"You thinking of me a year before we met"

i have this pic on my work table in my studio and it always ticked the shit out of me.

yaddle

(2 posts)
253. She was magic, she will be missed <3
Tue May 13, 2014, 08:27 PM
May 2014

<3

“I learned about the sacred art of self decoration with the monarch butterflies perched atop my head, lightning bugs as my night jewelry, and emerald-green frogs as bracelets.”

― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

3catwoman3

(23,658 posts)
254. You speak so eloquently of the many ways your wife...
Tue May 13, 2014, 09:11 PM
May 2014

...touched your life, and what a special person you found her to be. To be able to do this at such a stressful time tells me that you must be an equally remarkable person. I hope you find the strength you need, both within yourself, and from those around you.

You may find people speaking of closure, and making suggestions about how to achieve it. Many of us who have adjusted to life after the loss of a beloved person feel that closure is an elusive and probably non-existent state. We do not "get over" such losses. Rather, you learn to adjust to a new existence. There will still be reasons to cherish your own life and to take joy in things, but perspective will be forever altered.

People will want to help, and will want to know how they can. Tell them not to be afraid to share their memories. People often hesitate to do this for fear of making you sad. Knowing the affection with which your wife is remembered by others who loved her can be helpful.

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